From: Erinstone1@aol.com

Shrink - Chapter 18
ErinStone1@AOL.com
Rated: R
Spoilers: none
Category: Scully/Slash
Archive: Yes-please make me aware of any final posts to a site.
Feedback: Any/all is welcome
Disclaimer: Scully and Mulder are not mine. I make no profit from this story.

Summary:  Scully decides she needs to take responsibility for her unhappiness.






'That was all? I just smiled?' Scully's mind worked as she avoided Gail's 
gaze from the other side of the couch.

"Scully?" Gail whispered. "I'm not assuming anything. This is my deal, not 
yours."

Scully looked up at her. She found she couldn't speak.

"I expect nothing. I don't know anything about your preferences and I have 
learned through the years to assume everyone is straight until I'm told 
differently. That's the assumption I've made with you as well. You don't have 
to be worried that I'll do anything inappropriate. As a matter of fact, if 
you are worried about that I'd understand if you needed to leave." Gail 
watched Scully's face carefully but couldn't get any read at all from her 
expression. She kept talking.

"We never talked about your personal relationships in our sessions." Gail 
looked down as Sailboat jumped into her lap and started to rub himself 
against her. She was thinking 'Why did I say anything at all?' She looked 
back up at Scully, "I don't know anything about your history with men. 
Assuming you have a history with men." Gail sighed heavily. This was =so= 
going badly.

Scully continued to look at her. She seemed to be in some kind of shock· or 
something. Gail couldn't tell what was going on with her. She filled the dead 
air between them once more out of sheer nervousness. "It's really none of my 
business. I· Scully·  can we forget I even said anything?"

"I haven't dated in about 3 years." Scully said. 

"What·" Gail was completely confused. 

"My last date was with a guy my sister set me up with. He was a 
proctologist." She reached over and scratched Sailboat on the head. Looking 
up she smiled at Gail, the crooked smile, "I could never get past that. His 
job I mean. It just seemed· ucky." Scully's face showed her distaste. "You'd 
think with my medical background I could cope but· he picked that· ya know? 
He looked at a list of specialties and he picked that." She shook her head. 
"Blick."

Gail laughed as she tried desperately to catch up to the normal conversation 
Scully had started. She was still confused but wanted very much to be able to 
roll with her.

Scully continued her dialogue, "Before that it was another FBI agent. We 
dated for a year or so but I just didn't feel that strongly about him. When 
he left I waited to be devastated. All I ever felt was relieved."

Gail stretched her legs to give Sailboat a lap bed. She didn't say anything. 
She wanted Scully to keep talking.

"Before that·" Scully looked at her and smiled slightly, "more of the same 
really. I don't think anyone has ever been 'the one'. Someone came close once 
I think. It's weird really. There was never even physical closeness but I was 
really emotionally involved." She shook her head slightly at the memory.

The hairs on Gail's neck pricked up a bit. She had a feeling·  "Did 'the one' 
ever know how you felt Scully?" Gail was using her soft voice·

"I don't know. It seemed to be mutual but nothing ever happened. It's 
confusing. Sometimes I wonder if my memories of that relationship are true. I 
wonder if I embellished them in my mind. Like I'm replaying them the way I 
would have liked to see them, reading more into what happened than really 
did·"

"How old were you?"

"I was 24. It happened my last year at Quantico."

Gail nodded but said nothing. Her heart pounded harder in her chest. She knew 
how this story went, it had happened to her as well. 

"It all seemed vague."

"Vague?" Gail asked softly.

"Yeah."

"I think I understand what you mean." Gail said, "Like maybe she was too 
afraid to take the steps that would make your relationship real."

Scully looked at her in surprise. Gail had an instant of terror· 'oh shit, 
I'm wrong'. Scully looked to the coffee table, not meeting her gaze and 
swallowed, then whispered softly, "Yeah. I never knew if she really felt the 
way I did or not. She was too scared, I think."

Gail struggled to maintain her train of thought. "That happened to me too." 
She kept her voice soft, knowing that this was probably the first time Scully 
had ever parted with this information. "I fell in love with my best friend in 
college. She seemed to be so· well· she seemed to fall with me. We kept 
getting closer and then one day she just·" Gail's voice tapered off.

"She just what?" Scully asked softly.

"She just seemed to turn her back. I felt at that point like I had misjudged 
the whole thing. I felt like·" Gail took a breath, "like something was really 
wrong with me I guess."

The phone rang shrilly and Gail laid her palm on her chest, startled. She 
unwound Sailboat from her lap and walked into the kitchen with Scully right 
behind her.

-end-