House of Cards - Chapter 8 By Jennifer T. Brooks E-Mail: Jenntou@excite.com ****************************************** Office of Dr. Susan Lowenstein Washington DC January 6, 1999 8:00 am Scull sat on the couch of Dr. Susan Lowenstein waiting for her to finish a phone call. Through she had been seeing Susan on a regular basis for the past 10 years, this was one part of her life that she never wanted anyone to find about. Once she joined the bureau she had been ordered to seek counseling several times. Karen Kosoff was nice enough; she just didn't feel comfortable talking to her as she did with Susan. She had managed to keep her visits to Susan a secret from Mulder but now that he knew that she was seeing a Doctor named Susan Lowenstein it wouldn't take him long to figure out that the doctor was a psychiatrist. She was sure that he would have the gunmen hack into the office data base and get all her confidential information. She would have to talk with Susan and get her assurance that no personal information was to be kept in the computer. There were some things about her that Mulder never could know. "He has made me so paranoid," she said matter of factly to Susan Lowenstein as she sat in the leather high back chair across from her. "Who has made you paranoid?" Susan asked. Susan was an attractive woman roughly 40 years of age, with shoulder length blond hair and a thin frame. People often said that she looked a little like Barbra Streisand. "Mulder" "Oh. How has he made you paranoid Dana?" "Just the usual things. I always check out the credit report, motor vehicle, criminal record, and social security records of everyone I ever come across. I'm paranoid that someone is always following me and conspiring to cover up things that I should know about. Just the usual. Just now I was contemplating asking you where you kept my records. He knows about you Susan. When you called the hotel in Indianapolis, he got the message from the front desk. It is only going to be a matter of time before he finds out your occupation and has his little computer trolls hack into your system for my personal information." "Dana, those are hardly normal fears as you should be well aware. No one wants to see your personal files." "I know that they aren't normal fears. Fear and terror has become so commonplace to me that sometimes I must stop and remember that this life that was chosen for me isn't a normal one, to say the least." "This life chosen for you? Those are an interesting choice of words." "It is how I feel sometime. As if I'm a pawn somehow." "Do you view Fox as someone who is controlling your destiny?" "Yes," Dana whispered looking away from Susan. "Dana I have been seeing you for the past ten years. I feel I know you very well. Although you've overcome a lot of obstacles I continue to see a pattern of self destruction." "What do you mean?" "You look horrible as if you aren't eating properly or enough. Your preoccupation with Fox Mulder - what he must be thinking about, his effect on you - is evident and sometimes frightening. In all the years I have known you, you've worked hard to overcome your co-dependant tendencies and I see you falling into the same old pattern. I want to prescribe a medication for you, to regulate some of these erratic mood swings I have been seeing as of late." "You think I'm crazy?" She asked as she leaned toward Susan's desk. "No Dana, I don't." "You are lying. You do think that I'm crazy. Have you been talking to my mother? She told you I was crazy, didn't she?" "Dana, I don't know what you are talking about. I have never spoken with your mother, although I would like to. I think it would help me better understand what you are going through. Why you act the way you do?" "Is there something wrong with the way I act?" "No Dana. You just don't make some of the wisest decisions." "Like what, Susan?" "Dana, as your doctor I don't think it's wise, or helpful to engage any further in this discussion," Susan said as she closed her notebook and took a sip from her cup of coffee. She hated when Dana got argumentative in sessions. Normally she was easy going, although hard to pull information from, but sometimes her refusal to see what was wrong with her behavior was down right annoying. "That's Bullshit Susan. I want to know why you say the things you do about me." "I'm sorry Dana, perhaps I should not have said anything. It was unprofessional and I apologize. I want to help you Dana, not make things worse for you. Perhaps we should end this session on that note and start again tomorrow with a clean slate." "Fine." Dana said as she got up from the chair. "I'll make an appointment with Lois." Susan was still mystified as to why Dana Scully had demanded an immediate appointment today upon her return from Indianapolis. She recalled Dana crying from the airport telling her that everything was wrong. Dana never did tell her what went on there. ******************************************* Cape Fear, North Carolina Blake Maxwell's Beach House January 8, 1999 "Dana honey. Cry, scream, yell. I don't care. Please show me some emotion. For the past two days you've barely said 5 sentences to me. Please tell me what is wrong," Blake Maxwell pleaded with Dana Scully. She had been sitting on the couch of the beach house for the past few days staring out at the ocean. "I'm sorry Blake, I just have a lot on my mind." "Inquiring minds want to know." "Okay fine. I turned in my resignation." "You quit?" "I tried to quit. Diana gave my two weeks to think about it." "Why did you quit?" "Mulder had me reassigned. I did something really stupid and will be reprimanded for it anyway. I had nothing to lose." "Oh honey," Blake said as he gathered her in his arms, "What did you do." "Walter told me that I was being reassigned and taken off the case in Indianapolis." "Ouch." "Mulder or Diana could have at least told me about it. The news coming from Walter was the worst. He just sat there impassively and told me. Absolutely no emotion on his face. I couldn't be in the same room much less the same city with the two of them. I got the hell out of there on the first plane." "Maybe you will get a better partner with your new assignment." "I don't want a new partner. What Mulder and I had worked." "Until Natasha came into the picture." "Ruin the bad mood I'm already in. I don't want to hear the names Natasha, Mulder or Walter Skinner ever again. I just want to go away where nobody knows who I'm and start over." "You know what Susan says about running away from your problems Dana." "I know, they are always going to follow me no matter where I go," Dana said imitating Susan Lowenstein. "Maybe it is for the best that you no longer work with Fox Mulder. The past six years with him has not been good to your physical or mental health. The man seems nice enough, even though you won't let me talk to him, but the mental mind games you two play with each other are bad." "I don't play mind games with him," Dana said emphatically. "What do you call, if he doesn't want me I'm going to act like a cold aloof bitch? Or how you told me your wore that slutty dress in front of him, which I'm proud of you for doing, to try to get him to want you and when he didn't you closed yourself off from him. Your need to punish him is only causing yourself pain. He has Natasha. He doesn't want you Dana. Face it and get over it." "It is easier said than done Blake. How can I ignore six years of feelings for him." "Dana, it wasn't like you were lusting after him for all those six years. You told me hundreds of times that although you cared for him, hell even loved him, that nothing could ever come out of it because not only was it unprofessional, it would ruin the friendship and partnership. I think that you've proven that yourself. You haven't even slept with the man and you've destroyed the partnership." "I know and now I'm being reassigned. How more fucked up can my life get. I barely see my mother or brothers and my partner hates me. You are Claire are the only friends I have. I do not know what I would have done without you guys in my life. Thank you for being there for me," Dana said as she hugged him. "No problem. Now lets work on a plan to get you back in the good graces of Fox Mulder if you truly want to go back to the X-Files." "No, I think I want the reassignment. Let him get paired with a horrid green agent. Then you'll see him come crawling back to me." "Listen to yourself Dana. You need to let go of this need for revenge. You need to either kiss and makeup with him or make a clean break. I think the clean break is the best idea. Work on trying to be his friend again if you truly feel that you need for him to be in your life. You are also going to have to be nicer to Diana. She seems like a nice woman from what you've said about her even if she and Mulder did have a clandestine past. Use a relationship with her to get to Mulder. I don't even know why I tell you these things. They always come back to haunt me when you go off on one of your doomsday moods." "I don't have doomsday moods Blake." "You do too. What do you call 'Blake they all hate me, why are they all out to get me, I wish I was never born'." "Okay I admit that I have said those words but I have never used that tone of voice." "Sure. Fine. Whatever," Blake Maxwell responded. ********************************** FBI Headquarters Washington, DC January 17, 1999 8:05 am "Agent Fowley, can I speak with you for a minute?" Scully asked as she entered Diana's office. "Sure Dana. Come on in." "I have decided to accept the transfer and stay with the bureau." "I'm glad Dana. You are too much of an asset for the bureau to lose. I'll call your new AD and supervisor and let them know of your decision. For the rest of the day you can work on the X-Files and I assume you can start your new position with VCS tomorrow." "Thank you Agent Fowley," Dana Scully said cheerfully as she went to the office that she and Fox Mulder shared. As she entered the office she noticed that Mulder was already there working and appeared to have been there for hours. He looked up when she entered the office and sat down behind her desk. "Good morning Mulder," She said to him after several minutes of silence. She figured that if he wasn't going to say anything to her she would break the silence. "Morning Scully. You look well," He said. The last time he had seen her was in Indianapolis. "A little vacation does wonders. How are things going here with the X-Files?" She asked. "Same old stuff. A couple of new cases but nothing really interesting," He said not really knowing what to say to her. "Mulder, just so you know. I know that you were the one that requested my transfer. I'm not mad at you and don't blame you. I enjoyed the time that I was assigned to work with you and wish you all the best with your new partner," She said sincerely. Blake had told her that this was the way to win back Mulder's trust. "Are you sure you are okay with this Scully." "I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm looking forward to my new assignment down the hall. If you ever get bored you can stop on by and visit." "Great. I think I might do that. Do you need any help moving your stuff over there?" "I don't have much stuff here Mulder. I didn't get a desk until last summer so I never really had the opportunity to accumulate personal items," She said not trying to sound bitter about the desk situation. "Sorry about that. Listen do you want to go to lunch today?" He asked. He still felt guilty about having her transferred but knew that it was for the best. Besides, he wanted to tell her the news about his engagement to Natasha. "Sure," Scully replied. They spent the rest of the morning working on paperwork. It was if the last 7 months had never occurred. The old skeptical Scully was back, but Mulder wasn't sure how long it would last. He kept on waiting for her to switch back into her aloof bitchy self. ******************************************* Subway Fast Food Restaurant Washington DC January 17, 1999 11:30 am Mulder and Scully sat eating in Subway enjoying their respective sandwiches. Scully had the vegetarian delight while Mulder was enjoying a foot long meatball sub with extra cheese. He was really surprised to see her in such a good mood. He decided that now would be the time to tell her that he was engaged. "Scully, I need to tell you something." Mulder said nervously. "What, the gunmen finally have evidence that UFO's do indeed exist?" "No, I'm getting married." There he said it. It was out. Now all he had to do was wait for her response. "Congratulations," She said as she got up from her seat and leaned over to hug him. "I'm so happy for you. When is the wedding?" She asked as she was secretly dying inside. She knew that one day he would find someone and settle down, she just didn't expect it to be so soon. "We've set the wedding date for June 12th. Natasha wanted to have a summer wedding. Can you believe that I'm finally getting married? I never thought that this would happen," Mulder said. Scully thought. "I'm happy for you Mulder. If anyone deserves the chance at happiness it is you. Natasha is a wonderful woman and I'm sure the two of you will be very happy," She said sincerely. "It means a lot to me Scully that you are okay with this." "Why wouldn't I be okay with it Mulder. I want you to be happy." "I know. You sure that you are okay with this?" "I'm pretty sure unless there's something you are keeping from me." "No, just that the wedding is June 12th. I think that Natasha is going to ask you and Diana to be bridesmaids." Scully cringed. It was one things for Mulder to be marrying someone other than her, but that didn't mean that she had to be a bridesmaid right along Diana Fowley. "Doesn't she have sisters or cousins who could be in the wedding party?" Dana asked. "No, she doesn't. Her parents died when she was a child and due to her having no living relatives she was raised as a ward of the state in foster homes," Mulder confided to her. Scully thought. "Well if she has no one else, I would be happy to be a bridesmaid. But you had better tell her that I'm not going to wear pink or lavender. I barely know the girl Mulder." "I know, I said the same thing, but Natasha pointed out that you are one of the few women in the agency that have been nice to her. She deals with a pretty tough lot over in VCS. She's an outcast over there not only because she's a woman, but because she's dating me. They are going to have a field day when they find out that we're engaged." "I wish you the best of luck Mulder." "Do you really mean that Scully?" "Oh course I do. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't." "Scully, what happened to us this past year?" "I don't know Mulder. I wish that I could explain it to you but I can't." "Can't because you don't know what happened or because you do not want to talk about it?" Mulder asked her frankly. "A little of both. It's all very complicated and hard to explain." "Was it something I did?" Mulder asked. "No, Mulder it was never about you. Okay maybe it was partially about you. After we came back from Antarctica I saw us becoming closer as friends. Although I wanted to be good friends with you, I didn't want it to affect the partnership." "So you pushed me away?" "I didn't mean to push you way Mulder, it just sort of happened before I realized it too much had been said and done at that time to correct it." "It is never too late Scully." "It is too late. I have been reassigned Mulder." "I'm sorry about that Scully." "It's over and done with, no use in bringing it up Mulder." "Are you okay with it?" "At first I was hurt but now I have come to see that you probably didn't have many options available." "Is that why you left Indianapolis?" "It is part of the reason. Can we not talk about this now?" She asked. "Sure. I just want to say one more thing and then I will drop the topic, alright?" "Fine." "I have a lot of regrets over what happened to our friendship and partnership. If I could change the past I would. I miss having you as a friend, talking to you on the phone at night, seeing you cheering at my basketball games, and eating pizza and watching bad movies with you. I can't change the fact that you are no longer my partner but I can change the part about you no longer being my friend. I guess what I'm saying Dana is that I would like the chance to be your friend again," Mulder said as he waited for her response. "I would like that Mulder." Scully said as she smiled at him. ******************************************* Office of Dr. Susan Lowenstein Washington DC February 3, 1999 11:30 am "What is on your mind today Dana?" Susan Lowenstein asked the petite agent sitting across from her. "Everything. Nothing. He's so goddamn frustrating." "I assume we're talking about Fox Mulder." "Who else would we be talking about?" "I was hoping that someday you will come in to me tell me that you've found the man of your dreams. I have been hearing about Fox Mulder for five years. I want to hear about a new man." "I'm sorry Susan, but my life doesn't involve just Mulder." "Name three other men actively involved in your life?" "Skinner, Blake, and uh, Grant and Paul." "You boss and ex-lover doesn't count and neither does Blake. Grant and Paul? Who are they?" Susan said suddenly intrigued that she was finally going to get to hear about some new men in Dana's life. "Some men that I know," Dana said while trying to avert her gaze. "How well do you know them Dana? Are they casual acquaintances?" "I know them well." "How well Dana?" "Well enough." "Stop avoiding the question and answer it. Where did you meet Grant?" "I plead the fifth." "Dana, where did you meet him?" "I met him in a bar a couple of months ago." "I see. What is your relationship with him?" "Casual friendship. I don't know how I would classify it. He's someone that I know." "How well do you know him?" "I know what you are alluding to Susan, and it is none of your business who I sleep with," "Very defensive, Dana. Does Mulder know about Grant and Paul." "Of course not." "That's interesting. Normally co-workers talk about who they are dating. At least that's what my experience over the last 30 years has been. Normally when people keep personal information from co-workers it is for a reason. What is your reason? I thought you are Mulder were close." "We're close, Susan. It is just too hard to explain. He wouldn't understand if I told him." "Why wouldn't he understand. From how you've described your relationship with him, you two are nothing more than close friends. Would you say that this would be a safe assumption?" "Yes, no. I don't know" "Which is it going to be?" "Our relationship borders on something more than friendship, but can never be more." "Why do you say that? Why can't you be more than friends?" "To be more than friends would complicate everything." "Life is complicated Dana. I have yet to meet someone who leads a simple existence. " "Well I do. So much of what I see everyday, the monsters I chase down, the people who I determine the cause of death for, is complicated. I don't need my personal life to be the same way. I want simplicity. I want peace." "To let yourself not feel love is tragic Dana. Admitting feelings for someone complicates things. Do you think that this little game you play with Mulder, and he's probably playing with you, is simple and uncomplicated? You probably spend a lot more time and energy in complicating your relationship with him than if you would just admit that you care for him more than friends, and get on with your life." "I hear what you are saying Susan, I'm just not sure that I can take the next step." "You are one of the strongest woman I know, It should not be a problem. Are you afraid of rejection?" "Yes. I know that he cares for me, but is it because he pities me?" "The only way you are ever going to know is if you ask him." "I can't ask him Susan." "Why not?" "He's getting married in six months," Dana said neglecting to tell her in their previous sessions of Fox Mulder's pending nuptials. "I see. How do you feel about it." "At first I was shocked and then hurt. Now I guess I'm just mad." "Mad at him or yourself." "A little of both. I'm mad of him for him not wanting me. It should have been me that he's marrying, not Natasha. I'm also mad at myself for not acting on my feelings and letting him know how I feel." "It isn't too late Dana. Regret is a hard thing to live with, I for one should know. It is better to know than to live with what if's. Do you like this woman he's marrying?" She was expecting Dana to go off on a tangent about what a bitch the woman was. "That's the hard part. I really like Natasha. What is there not to like about her? She's beautiful, intelligent and extremely nice. Diana and I are bridesmaids in the wedding." "Are you sure you are up to standing in front of a church watching Fox Mulder declare his love for another woman?" Susan asked astounded that Dana had even agreed to have been a bridesmaid. "I have no choice. I couldn't have said no. Natasha is an orphan, she has no family. I can't be mean to her." "There's no law that says just because a person was raised without parents that they are any more deserving of sympathy and understanding than anyone else." "I know that Susan. I can handle this. I just have to accept that Fox Mulder loved Natasha and not me," Scully said listlessly while looking out the window. End of Chapter 8