TITLE: The Color of Midnight - Chapter Six
AUTHOR: K.Daniels	
FEEDBACK TO:krdaniels@earthlink.net (public discussion okay)
ARCHIVING: Fine, please tell me where
SPOILERS: The Blessing Way, Paper Clip, Christmas Carol, Emily, Beyond
The Sea (barely)
KEYWORDS: Scully/Other; ScullySlash
RATING: R
SUMMARY: Scully's past catches up to her, and turns out to be
dangerously tangled with an X File.
DISCLAIMER: Scully, Mulder, Skinner, etc. etc. all belong to Chris
Carter and 1013, except for Jane, she belongs to me. Please do not sue
me, I am making no financial profit from the unauthorized use of these
characters.

SPECIAL THANKS: To shadow for her interest, inspiration and feedback.

The Color of Midnight

CHAPTER SIX

*Saturday, 4:56 p.m., Scully's Apartment*

*She is on me, on top of me. Her full body stretched across mine. I can
feel her pubic hair tickle my thigh, her pelvis melds into my body. She
is kissing my neck, shoulders, lips· She is coaxing me to explore her
nakedness. I am happy, loved, aroused. She kisses me, her tongue moving
deep into my mouth·*

Scully awoke from her dream with a start. The phone was ringing. She
tossed the afghan aside and swung her legs from the sofa. Standing up,
she sighed, her face flushed as she recalled the images in her dream.
Images of Jane making love to her, of a time when she wasn't constantly
looking over her shoulder, a time when she was not mired in the depth of
intrigue and deception. 

"Hello?" Her voice was gravelly from sleep. She glanced at her watch and
then rubbed her eyes. After leaving the FBI lab she had gone directly
home to get some shuteye. That was four hours ago, and Scully was
surprised she had slept for so long.

"Hi·Dana? Are you okay? Did I catch you at a bad time?" It was Jane.

"Oh," Scully muttered, still feeling the effects of her erotic dream,
"hi, no I'm fine."

"Were you asleep?"

"Yeah, Mulder had me at work all night so I've been napping. I'm glad
you called though because I shouldn't have slept for so long." Scully
walked with the phone back to the sofa and wrapped herself up in the
afghan. "What's up?"

"Well, I wanted to apologize for last night. I'm afraid I may have
pushed you when I promised I wouldn't."

"No, Janie, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I've been thinking
about what happened·and why it happened," Scully paused,  "I don't know
if I'm ready to really deal with it yet, Jane."

"That's okay, look, can I at least see you tonight? To talk about it?"

Scully sighed, "I don't know."

"Kate, I just·I just want a chance. Can't we at least have dinner? We
can go to a restaurant so there's little chance for, um, for any
physical stuff."

Pinching the bridge of her nose. "Okay, let's meet at The Front Page.
Seven thirty?"

"Good, perfect, I'll see you there."

Scully hung up the phone and stared out the window. She knew what was
wrong. She knew why she had frozen up last night, but she wasn't sure
she could handle sharing that with Janie. She had committed herself long
ago to forgetting about it, especially forgetting the feelings because
they produced such shame. But God dammit, she was an adult now, she
didn't need to feel that shame. It wasn't hers. It was·.

Tears started flowing down Scully's face as she tried to fight them
back. She hated feeling this way.

If only it hadn't been for that fucking movie.

*Saturday, 6:30 p.m., Mulder's Apartment*

Mulder popped another sunflower seed in his mouth and stared at the
recent bunch of photographs that Langley had dropped off. These were
clearer than the others, and it was now fairly obvious that Jane was
somehow involved with Krycek. She had met with him this morning, this
time outside the Secret Service office complex. They had a heated
argument that Langely said he could not hear. But it was quite animated.
Mulder didn't like this, and he felt he would need to tell Scully soon.
But not yet, not until he could show her more proof, until he could be
sure that this was the link that would ultimately spell their demise. He
hoped he was wrong, he'd liked Jane. And it was obvious that Scully
liked her too, that they'd been close once. He didn't want to take
anything away from Scully, especially since the X Files had already cost
her Melissa·and Emily.

*Saturday, 7:45 p.m., The Front Page*

Scully was running late, she had almost backed out, but decided it was
time to confront this issue once and for all. She had allowed herself to
bury all of the feelings she had for Jane, or any feelings she could
have for anyone. Yet she carried around feelings that didn't even belong
to her. It was time to put an end to that.

"Hi," Scully breathed, sitting down across from her raven-haired friend.
Jane looked stunning in a simple white silk T-shirt, and a snug ankle
length dusty blue skirt. Scully had chosen to wear her newest Evan
Picone cream colored pantsuit, which she'd been told brought out the
blue in her eyes. "Have you been here long?"

"No, about ten minutes. I hope you don't mind, I ordered you a glass of
white wine."

"Sounds good," Scully replied, settling into her seat while she removed
the napkin from her plate and spread it across her lap. She brushed her
hair out of her face and looked at Jane. She smiled.

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. In fact, I'm actually feeling better tonight than
I have in a long time," Scully replied. 

"Oh?" 

The waiter came by with their drinks and took their food order. After a
few minutes of silence, Scully looked at Jane and tilted her head. How
could she have allowed herself to carry this guilt all these years?  

"I've made a decision tonight," Scully declared, sipping her wine.

"Tell me," Jane asked, her eyebrows raised with curiosity.

 "I don't want to close myself off to you, Jane. I don't want to run
away."

Jane couldn't believe what she was hearing. "That's good." Not too fast,
Jane didn't want to scare her off. "So, how do we start?"

"With the truth," Dana replied.

The two women talked about their lives. About their time together in
college, about their classmates and families.  Scully told Jane all
about Mulder, about the X Files, about Samantha and Melissa·and Emily.
They talked all through dinner and dessert and by the time the coffee
arrived Scully was sure that she had made the right decision. Jane was
the person of her dreams. The only other person on this world that she
could trust, and love, besides Mulder. She wasn't going to let her
father ruin this. Not this time.
 
"Tell me why you couldn't do this last night?" Jane asked.

Scully mulled over her answer before saying anything. "Because I have
been hanging on to shame ever since we split up. I wasn't prepared to
recognize this last night. You took me off guard. You brought up all
kinds of conflicting emotions. I couldn't sift through them. Until you
mentioned·"

"The Color of Midnight," Jane finished.

Scully nodded. 

"And what about it?" 

Scully had thought she was prepared for this, but as she felt the tears
build up, she realized that she wasn't.

"That movie, Jane·" Scully choked.

Jane leaned across the table and placed her hand atop Dana's. "What
happened, Kate?" 

Scully shook her head. She didn't want to hold back, but she didn't want
to make a public spectacle of herself either. "The film, I wasn't
ashamed of making it. I, at the time I thought it was a kick. Of course
now, I'd be kicked out of the FBI for it. But we made that when I
thought I was going to be a doctor."

Jane simply nodded her head, not wanting to interrupt.

"I took it with me," Scully started. God this was hard, the memory of
that day, the disappointment. Scully's face contorted as she tried to
prevent herself from crying. She held tighter to Jane's hand. "My
father·"

"Oh God." Jane gasped, placing her hand over her mouth.

"Yeah, he saw it. I stayed with my parents for a week before I had to
leave for Med school. I don't know·" Scully stopped, this was not easy,
"I don't know how he found it."

"Dana," Jane whispered.

"But he did," Scully wiped a tear from her face "And he told me that it
was the most disgusting, disappointing thing he'd ever seen." 

"Oh, God, Dana I'm so sorry."

"He told me that if I ever saw you again, not only would he withdraw his
support of my education, but I would be banned from his home." Scully
took a deep breath and looked squarely at Jane. "You have to understand
that I worshiped my father."

"I know you did, honey," Jane reassured. 

"Leaving you was so hard," Scully choked, "but I didn't think I had a
choice at the time. If you could have seen the look on his face," Scully
cringed at the memory, "I internalized all of that Jane, I convinced
myself that he was right. And I allowed myself to accept his shame as my
own." Scully drank her coffee, her thoughts far away. The two women sat
in silence for a few minutes.

"And what about now?" Jane asked, squeezing Scully's hand.

"I'm all grown up. I don't have to accept my fathers limitations on
love," Scully declared.

"Then why the tears, why now?" 

"Because I loved him, Jane," Scully whispered, "And now that he's gone,
I will never know if he would have eventually been able to accept me as
I am, because I chose to deny myself from experiencing the truth while
he was still alive."

Jane took a deep breath. "Wow."

Scully let go of Jane's hand and used the napkin to wipe away the
mascara that had pooled under her eyes. "Fucking liars, this is supposed
to be waterproof."

They looked at each other and giggled.

"Let's get out of here," Jane suggested.

Jane paid for the dinner and left a healthy tip for the waiter, who'd
had the good sense to pretty much leave them alone.

They walked out into the brisk night air. Scully slipped her hand into
Jane's and smiled at her. She could still feel the pain that her father
had given her, but it no longer held her captive, she knew that she
would now be able to let it go. And she could now move forward with her
life.

"Would you like to come over?" Scully asked, "for a nightcap?"

Jane looked sideways at her friend, "You sure?"

Scully nodded, "I'm sure."

End Chapter Six