Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
Q: what do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A: The nucleus.
Did you hear about the biologist who had twins?
She baptized one and kept the other as a control.
Q: How do you call a laboratory in which they use rats as test-animals?
A: Lab-rat-ory.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a lion?
I don't know, but when it speaks you better listen.
If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait, Henry IV part II?
What do you get when you cross a potato with a sponge?
I don't know, but it sure holds a lot of gravy.
If it is dry - add moist; if it is moisten - add dryness. Congratulations, now you are a dermatologist.
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"
What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
Did you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?
It was cordless!
An old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
Patient: OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???
Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?
Patient: What pills?
PHYSICAL SCIENCE (Atoms, Elements, and Compounds)
Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.
Q. What do you do when you find a dead chemist?
A. Barium.
Q. What is the purpose of a doctor?
A. Helium.
Q: What happens when electrons lose their energy?
A: They get Bohr'ed.
Definition of "electron".
What the US did in 1980 and 1984 (Ronald Reagan).
The subatomic particle store had a sale last week.
Electrons: $0.10
Protons: A$0.10
Neutrons : free of charge
PHYSICAL SCIENCE (Characteristics of Electricity)
This sign was hung up in a physics / electricity room
"Hangin' With My Ohmies"
Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms
What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
EARTH AND SPACE SCIENCE (Space Exploration)
Why is an astronaut like a football player?
They both want touchdowns!
Pupil: "Please Sir! Did you hear that scientists have found life on another planet?"
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Pupil: "They found fleas on Pluto!"
Jupiter came down to Earth one day and decided to help these two criminals to rob a bank. Anyway, to make a long story short, they got caught and the three of them found themselves in court. The judge sentenced the two earthlings to fifteen years, and Jupiter was a bit shocked when he was sentenced to ten years.
"But your honour" said Jupiter, "I didn't even take part in the robbery!"
"Yes" said the judge. "But you helped them ... Planet!".
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
Q: How far can you see on a clear day?
A: 93 Million miles...From here to the Sun.
How do you know that Saturn is married more than once? Because he has lots of rings.
When do astronauts have lunch? At Launch Time.
How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space? On flying saucers.
After eating his first meal on the moon, the astronaut reported, "The food was good, but the place lacked atmosphere.
When a third-grade student was asked to define the term "vacuum" in class, she answered, "A vacuum is an empty region of space where the Pope lives."
See explanation