Goal:
To perform an organized introspection, and design a plan to achieve increased self love and confidence. To become more aware of your perception of yourself, and it's role in your life.
Supplies:
You will need a notebook, journal or pieces of paper and colored markers thin enough to write legibly with. You may wish to light a candle (pink for self love or white for truth) and/or incense of your choice.
Location/Best Time:
Make sure you have a couple of hours set aside for this exercise. Go to a place where you feel comfortable (inside or out) and where you will not be likely to be interrupted or overly distracted. A good time to perform this would be on a gibbous moon, as part of your winter starting a new year celebration or your Birthday.
Ritual/Procedure:
On the first page of you notebook, fill up the page as much as you feel like with the "bad" things or traits you'd like to change about yourself, or habits and traits you don't like, fears and insecurities you would be rid of, whatever. For this page use a red marker, or the color that feels right to you.
On the next page write the "good" things, your qualities, what makes you unique, your strengths and values, interesting abilities, skills, talents etc. Try to fill up the page. Feel free to take as long as you like. Use a green pen, or whatever feels right to you.
Take some time now to ground and center.
Go back and look at the negative list. This time pretend to belongs to your best friend. Try to look at these qualities form this new, perspective. Are all of these things so terrible? In light of the good things, do some of them really matter? Try to pick out the things that are not that important, are not necessarily negative, or that don't bother you that much. You can release these things first. Draw a line
through these in another color, and say aloud "I accept myself ______". (I accept myself having big thighs, I accept myself talking too much.).
Now go through it again, with another color of pen and underline those things you have the power to change. For example if you think you dont socialize enough, you smoke, you lose your temper too easily, etc. Circle those things you can change (circling them symbolizes your power to change these items), On a new sheet of paper list these things, and a target date. Try not to overload yourself and make all the changes immediately. Changing patterns is hard but rewarding work.
Back to the things that are not marked out or circled. Are there any left? If not, great, skip the remainder of this paragraph. What are these things? Is it possible you really can change them? Sometimes our own limiting thought patterns convince us that we "have no choice" thus making us feel like victims. Reexamine these items if you have any. Acknowledge the choices, even if they are impractical, for example, if you are staying in a job you don't like because you don't think you could make that much money at a different job, acknowledge that you are choosing to stay in the job, and getting paid well to put up with the crap. Positively frame the things you are choosing not to change. It feels empowering just to know you do have a choice, even if you are choosing not to take any of them. Now go back again, are there truly some things you have no choice about? Like your short, etc. If so, can you learn to accept these things? If a loved one was telling you about this shortcoming, how would you counsel them? If need be, underline the items and design a ritual to embrace/accept those things which are unchangeable.
Now go to your positive sheet. If it is not totally full, write on it some nice things people have said about you. Read the list aloud, saying each as an affirmation. For example if you put down that you are a painter say aloud "I am a talented artist," You may want to write these in the form of affirmations on a new sheet of paper. Read them all aloud, and try to consider each. Some of these may be hard to really believe. Add on at the end. "I deserve to be whole and happy." Put this page, and your list of self help goals in a place where you can review them periodically (monthly?) Make sure to read aloud the affirmations regularly until you can truly believe them all. This is most effective if you can memorize a few of them and then look at yourself in the mirror while saying them. Have patience with yourself, we have our while lives to grow into great tree we want to be.
Copyright ) 1997, Zephyr Lioness
