At the age of 17 I found that I could no longer tolerate life in the environment that I was being raised in, so I asked my parents to sign for me to go into the Military Service. I spent 1 yr. in Germany and did 2 tours in Viet Nam.
I returned to the States and was stationed at Ft. Carson, Colorado, where I met my wife of 31 Yrs.(so far !!). My alcohol and "some" drug abuse began overseas and progressed even more when I returned home. My wife drank with me in the beginning but after a few years she gave it up. I had no idea about how progressive it had become in my life and I kept right on drinking. There came a time in my life where I found that I needed something to subsidise my drinking and I began experimenting with different sorts of drugs, and found a drug of choice. Amphetamines !!
At the time I didn't understand about the unmanageability in my life. I had alway's just attributed it to "Bad Luck". I couldn't hold a steady job for any amount of time,I was fighting a lot in the bars,my family was unhappy, and my wife began taking the children and leaving, not telling me where they were going. I was filled with "Rage", pitted with spells of overwhelming anger, thoughts of suicide and a total hatred for people and society. My life was falling apart around me, and I couldn't understand why ? I knew about Alcoholics Anonymous, but also knew that my problem wasn't so serious that a turn of luck wouldn't straighten it out.
When I was 42 Yrs. old, my wife bought me a bus ticket back to Indiana to go stay with my parents.(For a while)! Upon my return to Indiana I was informed (several times) that I could not drink at my parents home. So I went immediately to the local Liquor Store to stock up before they got to watching me too closely. I spent about a month (drunk) with my parents before they had enough of my behavior. At which time my father (never an enabler) bought me a bus ticket "back" to Colorado to be with my wife and children. He also was kind enough to give me $100.00 to help get me home. Which was spent immediately on booze and speed. I recall going into a black out somewhere on the West side of St.Louis and not waking until I arrived in Colorado.
Needless to say, I was met with a very cold reception when I returned home. People in Alcoholics Anonymous talk of a moment of clarity. If I had one of those, it must have been the minute I stepped in the door of my daughters apartment. (My wife and I didn't have a place of our own). I was left alone with one daughter while my wife and our other 2 daughters went to an Al-Anon meeting. I recall sitting in the living room watching T.V. and wondering how I was going to get a drink or some speed. I was broke. There on the living room coffee table lay a pamphlet. I picked it up to see what it was all about. It was about something called Al-Anon. I read about a paragraph and then threw it back on the table. After a few minutes I picked it back up, and this time read the whole thing. It was right after reading this pamphlet that I got the phone book and looked up the number for Alcoholics Anonymous. I called the local club and found that there was a meeting there that very night at 8:00 P.M., I'll never forget walking into that club house on October 27,1990, coming off a thirty year drunk and ten years of amphetamine abuse. I had absolutely no idea that there were recovery centers and I spent the next few weeks going into D.T.'s and Withdrawing from 10 Yrs. of Amphetamine abuse. I was told later that I could very well have died without treatment.
Thank God that I fell in with a bunch of Recovering Alcoholics that knew all about things like, unconditional love, Sympathy, and Tough Love. They were the most tolerant group of individuals that I have ever known. Yes, there were rumors going around that I would never make it in sobriety. But there were also those choice few that were always there with a hand shake and a hug.... I would be amiss in my story if I didn't mention one gentleman by name (staying anonymous of course) but there was one certain fella in our group that had that something that I wanted so desperately. His name was Fritz. Fritz is still there. He still shares his experience, strength and hope, and Fritz is "STILL" my friend !!
I set about on a course of rigerous action. Did a lot of things wrong, and still do. I found that living life on "Life's" terms is not alway's so easy, but is always the way to recovery. Both of my parents have passed away since I got sober, and I had one Grand Son that was murdered by his father. Several near and dear friends have departed this earth since this Alcoholic got sober. A Sister-In-Law that had 25 Yrs. sober when she passed away. My last sponsor passed away this past summer. But life still goes on. I found out years ago that I suffer from a thing called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. No. Life is not easy sometimes. Nor should it be. Without these trials and tribulations I would have never known what a beautiful Fellowship I belong too. They have "Always" been there for me. In the good times and the bad.
I am a disabled Veteran. Have been declared Unemployable. But they didn't say that my life was of no worth. My life today is all about the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, for without this program I would not have a life. I have dedicated myself to long hours of Service Work, and Twelfth Step work with other Recovering Alcoholics. A Power much Greater than myself has been directing my show for a number of years now. And it is with deep Gratitude and Appreciation that I thank the people of Alcoholics Anonymous for giving to me what was so freely given to them. As I trudge this road of "Happy Destiny" may I never forget those that went before me. The Legacy of Alcoholics Anonymous will stand firm. Can I ?? Only with God's Grace and this program do I stand a chance. A great BIG THANK YOU to the Alano Club in Pueblo, Colorado for opening your doors and your hearts to this suffering alcoholic. May God send his Grace to you all !!
That is why The Serenity Corner all came about. This Recovering Alcoholic hasn't got much to offer the world. Maybe a smile, a word of encouragement, or a hug. The Serenity Corner came into existence through a "Need" to share with another suffering Alcoholic or Drug Addict. I understand well about the Singleness of Purpose spoken about in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I respect it. But this is NOT Alcoholics Anonymous, this is simply an attempt to reach out to "Anyone" suffering, and to give them a place to come and maybe find some answers to their problems, or maybe a friend, or if nothing else, bide some time reading about this great program and others like it. Please come here often, and tell a friend about it. One of the highlights of my day is reading some of the beautiful posts written in the Guest Book at The Serenity Corner. God Bless You All !!! And PLEASE stay "Clean & Sober" One Day At A Time !!!
Steve C.
