I will Remember You~~Proluge~~
"No, no no!! You can't leave me...I won't let you leave me!!" Rachel sat cross-legged on her floor insanely rummaging through a small keepsake box at her feet. She ran her fingers through every picture inside hurriedly, and ripped every picture of him in two. She couldn't handle this. Why had he left? He wasn't supposed to leave. They were going to live together forever and be 100 years old and die together. He wasn't allowed to leave first. She wiped away the smeared mascara running down her cheeks in an effort to calm herself and jumped off the floor, walking briskly over to her vanity where the rest of her pictures sat. For a moment, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror, and then thought better of it. She grabbed the silver picture frame and threw it at the mirror, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. Slowly she fell to the floor, her body overwhelmed by sobs of grief escaping from deep inside of her. "I can't do this...I can't be here without him...no no no..." She ran into her bathroom and rifled through the cabinets until she found what she was looking for. She grabbed her mother's old bottle of Prozac and a razor and headed back into her bedroom. Walking over to her nightstand, she picked up the Evian water bottle that was always conviently placed there and poured the remaining 20 or so pills contained in the prescription bottle into her mouth, washing them down with the water in her hand. She had almost started to calm down when she saw the teddy bear laying on her bed that he had given her so many years ago. "NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed out in anguish and pulled at her hair, wishing that something would take away the pain she was feeling. All she could think about was dying. She would die to be with him now. Realizing that death was her ticket to freedom from the consistent grief that was to lie ahead in her future, she grabbed the razor. She pulled off the plastic protective covering, exposing the sharp edge of the razor. At first, she gently placed the razor above the vein located on her left wrist. She winced at her first taste of pain, but soon all was numb as she slashed her wrist over and over again. She fell off of the bed, razor in hand, and crawled over to the picture of him. She felt herself growing faint and collapsed onto the floor, gazing at the blood oozing from her wrist and onto the picture. "Wait for me...I'm coming to you..." Her voice was a barely audible whisper. She faintly heard the door open and a voice scream out as she passed out into a world of complete darkness.
I Will Remember You~~Chapter 1
The light was blinding as she walked towards it. The closer it got, the more she felt the need to wince to shield her sensitive eyes from the beckoning and illuminating brightness. She could hear very quiet voices but couldn't make out people or words as she continued her journey. She turned as she heard a familiar voice call to her.
"Go back..."
She recognized the voice and cried out.
"Joey? Is that you?"
"Yes it is me, Rachel."
"Where are you? Come to me...please come to me." She franctically searched for any sign of him, but all she could hear was his sweet voice talking to her.
"I can't come to you...and you can't see me right now. It isn't your time...you have to go back..."
"But Joe...I can't live without you...I have to be here with you..."
"Rach, NO...your parents need you...your friends need you...MY family needs you...don't desert the ones who love you so much."
"Joey...I can't go on without seeing you every day...you have to let me be with you."
"You can't Rachel...you can't...please...if you ever loved me, you will go back where you belong...we'll meet again...I promise you..."
"But Joe--"
"I never break promises..."
"I know, Joe, I know..."
"Good..now go back...I love you..." His voice faded away and she felt her heart grow empty again. She knew what she had to do, and slowly turned away from the light. She walked slowly at first, but then picked up her speed as she ran back into the blackness and back into life.
Lauren sat by her best friend's bed, gripping tightly to her hand and praying that she would wake up. She had called her mother and father back home in Tennessee to tell them what had happened, and they would be there shortly. She had not left her side once since she had found her on her bedroom floor the previous night. Joey's mother had already been there, but found it too painful to stay. She couldn't bear to see her in the shape she was. Before leaving, she left a small silver ring and put it on her finger. It was a simple band that had hearts engraved into it and it read "Joe-Joe and Rach...Together Forever". She had found it in her son's bedroom a few days after the funeral and knew she had to give it to Rachel. She had lost so much blood the night she had tried to kill herself. The doctors were certain she had a minimal amount of brain damage and she had been comatose for the past twelve hours. She remembered how strong the bond was between the two of them and was sure that if anything could rally Rachel, it would be a piece of Joey.
**FLASHBACK**
"Come on, Sport...don't give up!" Joey helped Rachel up off of the ground and was trying to encourage her to try again. Rachel was only five years old, and Joey was five years her senior, but he loved her just like she was his own kid sister.
"But Joe...I am tired of falling..."
"Look, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...now come on, try again."
Rachel grudgingly looked towards her bicycle and climbed on top. Joey held onto the bike and started her at a good pace.
"Now come on...peddle...see...there ya go..."
He ran alongside her holding onto the bike and then gradually let go. Rachel didn't even realize that she was riding the bike all by herself.
"Woo hoo!!! See, look! There ya go! You are doing it!"
Rachel looked back and saw that Joey wasn't holding her anymore and smiled happily. She couldn't believe that she was finally riding by herself. No more training wheels...and it also meant that she could ride with Joey then. She slowly turned the bike around and headed back to where Joey was standing in the grass. She slowed it to a stop and jumped off, tackling him to the ground.
"I DID IT! JOE! I REALLY DID IT!"
He laughed and hit her playfully.
"See? Didn't I tell you? All you had to do was try."
Phyllis looked out the kitchen window of the Fatone house and smiled happily at the kids. Despite their obvious age difference, they still acted as though they were as close as siblings possibly could be. They had formed it from the day Rachel was born. Joey had instantly become a big brother to her. She remembered how excited he was to go and see the new baby across the street. From the moment he first got to hold her, he had formed a special bond with the girl. Five years later, it was still going strong. Nothing could get in the way of their relationship.
**END FLASHBACK**
Phyllis snapped out of her memory when she heard the phone ringing. She ran inside to answer it. It was Lauren.
"Hey sweetie...what's going on? Is everything okay?" "Phyllis you have got to get here quick. Rachel is waking up and calling for you..."
"Ok I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and grabbed her keys and ran for her car.
I Will Remember You~~ Chapter 2~~
"Phyllis....please...Phyllis..." Rachel was calling out from her sleep for Phyllis. Slowly a solitary tear fell from her eyes. Lauren looked at her friend through a pair of teary eyes and gently wiped the tear off of her cheek. She wished that her friend weren't going through the pain that she was. They had been best friends for so long and if there was one thing to be remembered about Rachel, it was her love for life. She never let anyone or anything get her down. She was strong and determined, but at the same time sensitive and in tune to her feminine side. She was funny and loved to do fun creative things to keep the spice in life. She absolutely hated lying around acting lazy and feeling bored. Seeing her lying in a hospital bed in such a vulnerable state ripped Lauren's heart out. This wasn't the Rachel she had grown to love over the past six years. Her deep thoughts were interrupted when the machines started to go crazy. Lauren looked up at the heart monitor and saw that it the lines would reach a peak and then flat line. She frantically screamed for the nurse and held onto Rachel's hand. She started shaking and Lauren knew she was having a seizure. The nurses ran into the room and brushed Lauren aside so they could stabilize her best friend as fast as they possibly could. One nurse grabbed a tongue depressor and inserted it into her mouth to keep her from swallowing her tongue and three other nurses held onto Rachel tightly. A fourth nurse came in with a syringe in hand and quickly injected it into Rachel's arm. Slowly, the seizure passed and Rachel lay in her bed motionless and pale once again.
Lauren clung to the wall during the whole episode, scared by what was happening to her. She didn't understand any of the medical procedures, but prayed to God that the doctors knew how to help her friend. She sank to the floor in sobs and wept in her hands until Phyllis ran into the room.
"Oh Lauren...honey....." Phyllis dropped to the floor by Lauren and took her into her arms. Lauren let all of her pent-up emotions out...screaming at God for taking Joey away and letting this happen to her friend...angry at the world for it's near loss of an exceptional person. All Phyllis could do was gently rock her in her arms and run her fingers through her hair in an attempt to calm Lauren down. "Phyll....why did this happen...why??!!" Lauren looked up at her with pleading eyes, looking for answers.
"Sshhh...God has his reasons. You remember what Joey always used to say, don't you?" The blank look on her face told Phyllis that those few words had slipped her mind, but she was quick to refresh them. "Remember....what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Lauren let a little smile form at her lips remembering how many times Joey had said that...it was his motto on life. It helped him get through so many trials in his life, and now even after his death, those words were trying to bleed through the pain and comfort his family and friends. Gradually the tears stopped flowing and Lauren began to calm down.
"See? It's ok..." Phyllis placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and then got up and walked over to Rachel's bed. She placed her hand in Rachel's limp and fragile one and felt more memories rushing back into her mind.
**FLASHBACK**
Rachel sat crying on the front porch swing. She couldn't believe what Joey was telling her. He had to move? What was she supposed to do? Who was she supposed to play with?
"But Joe...I don't want you to leave..."
"Rach I don't want to either, but I have to..."
"But Florida is so far away..."
"I know." He took her hand in his and gingerly held it. Rachel was trying to act mature for her eight years and not cry too much, but Joey knew her better than that. He heard her let out a small sob that she tried to conceal, and took her into his arms. His touch made the tears flow freely and all she could do was sob and let it all out. "Joe..I..don't..want...you..to...to...leave...me..." She cried into his shoulder and he held her tighter.
"I know, Rach...I know...but I have to. Whoever said we can't still be best buddies?"
"You..will...be..so...so...far...away..."
"Never far enough to keep from getting to you...you know that don't you?"
"Yes..."
"Ok then...you have nothing to worry about...I'll be there for you, ok?"
Rachel looked up at him then with a small smirk on her mouth.
"Even..even when Mike tries to beat me up? Will you be there then?"
"Sure...I will come back and beat him up for you..how's that? Not like you couldn't take him on your own!"
Rachel let out a laugh and Joey gave her another hug and then got up and ran into the yard to get her spirits rallied up again with a game of kickball.
Phyllis was watching out the front door and smiled to herself. Even distance wasn't going to keep those two apart.
**END FLASHBACK**
she broke herself away from her thoughts and gazed down at Rachel's small frame lying still in the bed. She ran her hand over the features of her angelic face and bent down to give her a small kiss. She turned and walked towards Lauren and took her down to the hospital's cafeteria. She was sure Lauren hadn't eaten anything since Rachel had been admitted, and her maternal instincts took control and she persuaded Lauren to go eat something, even if it was just a piece of fruit.
"I don't know, sweetie...I just don't know..."
I Will Remember You ~~ Chapter 3~~
A week passed by with no change in Rachel's condition. Her coma was still present, but it had not worsened and that was the one small hope that everyone was clinging to. Her parents had arrived in Orlando the day after the accident and were staying in a guest bedroom of Phyllis and Joe's house. There was really nothing else to do but wait for Rachel to pull through. Phyllis knew that she eventually would wake up...she was a strong girl and she knew deep inside of her heart that she wasn't ready to give up just yet. Something had pulled her back and she already had a strong conviction as to what it was. The Sunday following the accident marked the one month anniversary of Joey's death and Phyllis paid a visit to the cemetary. She slowly walked up to the plot where he was laid to rest and sat down gingerly. She fingered the new grass sprouting up from the dirt for a few minutes and reading his tombstone.
Joseph Anthony Fatone, Junior.
B. January 28, 1977 D. March 16, 2002
"God Definitely Spent A Little More Time On You...our Angel."
She smiled at the engraving. She knew that God had his reasons for taking her baby away from her and she found comfort in that. She straigtened the flowers remaining at the tombstone and then arranged her new daisies in the ground beneath the stone. She felt tears enter her eyes and at last let them go.
"Joey I love you so much....you will always be my angel..."
She patted the ground beneath her and continued her conversation with him.
"Joe...Rachel needs you so much right now. I know that you can't be with her physically and that you can no longer hold her or touch her...but please...just be with her. Somehow, someway..."
She let a tear fall to the ground and watched as it dissolved into the dirt. She laughed as another memory came to her mind.
"Do you remember when you finally convinced Rachel to wear a dress to that church dance? Everyone had all but given up hope on her. There was no way she was giving up jeans and a T-shirt for some girlish dress. But you tried your hand at her, and what do you know? She walked down the stairs with that dress on...Joe, you always had a way with talking her into things. Please do that now..bring our Rachel back to us....talk her into coming back...to finding strength...give her that encouragement..."
As she talked she felt a presence with her. She didn't see anything, but deep down she knew that Joey was with her then. She felt an overwhelming sense of peace and reassurance wash over her and felt comforted that everything was going to work out.
"I need to go back to Rachel now...but I love you, Joe. I always will. You are my baby."
She kissed her fingers and then placed them on the ground, giving "Joey" a kiss.
**In The Hospital**
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..."
A voice echoed in Rachel's mind. She couldn't place it and couldn't open her eyes to see where it was coming from. The voice seemed to know her thoughts and responded.
"Remember me, Rachel..."
"Joey?"
"Yes, it's me darlin'.."
"Where are you?"
She wanted so desperately to open up her eyes so that she could see him.
"Rachel you can't see me...I am in your heart...where I have always been and always will be..."
"Joey--"
"Rach...go back...fight with all of your might...get better...for the family, for your friends...for yourself, and for me. Fight, little girl..I know you can..."
"But it's so hard..."
"I know....but sweetie...what have I always said?"
"I know...what doesn't kill me makes me stronger..."
"See? Now go back..I promised you we would meet again one day and we will..but right now you need to go and live your life. Make me happy, Rachel. Remember me always and we will never be apart..."
His voice started fading out into an emptiness again and she slowly whispered.
"I will remember you..."
Lauren was sitting in the chair flipping through a magazine when she thought she heard something. She looked towards Rachel and saw her eyes flinching like she was trying to open them. She lurched towards the bed watching intently at the movements her friend was making. She heard a barely audible "I will remember you" escape from her lips. Slowly her eyes started opening. They were heavy at first and gradually adjusted to the light.
"Rachel?" She watched as Rachel's eyes followed her voice and placed themselves on her.
"Oh my God...Rachel..." She ran out into the hallway calling to Phyllis and the doctors.
"She is waking up....get in here!"
Lauren ran back to her former place by her friend's bedside and let tears escape from her eyes.
"Rach...it's me Lauren.."
Rachel slowly nodded her head, letting her know that she knew who she was. She tried to speak but Lauren stopped her.
"Ssshhh...save your strength."
Phyllis and a doctor ran into the room. A sparkle lit up in Rachel's eyes as she caught sight of Phyllis standing by her.
"Oh sweetie..." Phyllis gently stroked her face with all of the love and compassion of a mother's touch. "Welcome back..."
Rachel's eyes roamed around the room, taking in her surroundings. Lauren noticed the look of confusion that fleeted through her friend's facial and expressions.
"Sweetie, you are in the hospital. You had an accident, but you are back with us now...you are going to be ok..." She bent down and placed a small kiss on her cheek. The doctor asked them to step out of the room for a few moments while he checked her condition to make sure she wasn't suffering from any severe complications. After a few minutes he exited the room, saying that she was sleeping again, but that she was definitely stable and out of her coma. He told Phyllis and Lauren that it would still be a few days before they could determine the extent of any damage done to her body and that right now, what she really needed was rest. Lauren was so happy that her friend had returned to her and cried tears of joy. She embraced Phyllis in an emotional hug and sobbed.
"I was so scared...I didn't know if I would ever see those eyes again..."
"I know honey....I know...but you know what?"
"What?" Lauren pulled away to listen to what Phyllis had to say.
"I am sure that someone had a hand in it..." She smiled thinking of the talk that she had with Joey earlier that week.
"I am sure I know who....Joey..."
"Yes...he always had a way with her..."
"Looks like he always will." She smiled one of her first smiles in the past week and a half since the incident had occurred and held onto Phyllis, both of them emersed in happiness at Rachel's long but certain recovery.
Chapter 4 ~~i Will Remember You~~
The next week went by slowly, as it was filled with tests and tight watches on Rachel’s condition. Every day she
gained strength and it looked like she would be out of the hospital within the next week. Everyone was scared to
mention what had happened to Rachel, afraid that her mental state was too fragile to be messed with at such a
critical point in her recovery. A few days passed and when the doctors felt sure that she was going to be okay,
Phyllis decided to finally talk to her about that night.
“Rachel?” she said, slowly opening the door. Rachel wiped a tear away from her cheek and put a magazine she had
been looking at on the nightstand beside her bed before looking up and answering to her name.
“Oh, hey Phyllis...” she managed to say, trying hard to smile.
“Hey honey...how are you doing?”
“Ummm...as okay as I can be I guess.”
“Rach...can we talk?”
“About what?” She tried to act as naive as she possibly could, but it didn’t work with Phyllis.
“You know exactly what it is that I want to talk about. Don’t try to cover it up.”
“I don’t want to talk about him...I don’t want to talk about anything associated with him...so I guess that means I
don’t want to talk to you.”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to talk to me, Rachel. You aren’t going to push me away that easily. I have
practically raised you. Say all of the harsh words you want to say, but I am staying.”
“Why does everyone want to be in MY business?”
“Honey--”
“Don’t call me honey.”
“Rachel. It is my business. I love you...you are like my own daughter. I am making your business my business.”
“You know,” she said, turning her head towards Phyllis. “I can handle all of this on my own.”
“Can you? Can you really handle the fact that Joey is gone?”
“Stop it!” She tried to cover her ears with her hands, but Phyllis pulled them away.
“Can you really handle the fact that you don’t think you are strong without Joey here with you?”
“Phyllis I said stop it!!!!!!”
“Rachel...can you deal with the fact that you aren’t in the same place that Joey is??”
“I SAID STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Rachel...listen to me--”
“No! I told you I can handle it on my own!!! I can do this!!!”
“Obviously you can’t....why would you try to take your own life? Do you have any idea how badly you scared all of
us?”
“Don’t try the guilt trip thing on me,” she warned.
“I am not trying anything but trying to reach out to you. First I lost my son and then I turn right back around and
almost lose you. I almost lost my mind, Rachel!” She started to cry and that is when Rachel finally took her barrier
down. Phyllis had always been like Joey...strong and determined, able to get through almost anything. Seeing Phyllis
cry and in a vulnerable position, tore Rachel’s heart apart.
“Phyll--” She reached out a hand and stroked her hair. “I’m sorry...”
“I know you are, honey. Just please promise me that you will be strong for me? Please?”
Rachel slowly nodded her head.
“Thank you. And you do know that if you need to talk about anything in this world, you can talk to me?”
Once
again Rachel nodded her head in agreement.
“Ok...sweetie, please get your rest. It’s been a long day for you.”
She helped Rachel get comfortable in her bed and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.
“I love you.” She smiled at Rachel and she returned those three precious words to Phyllis.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 5 ~~I Will Remember You~~
