You are cordially invited
to read about the funeral
held in honor of 25 years
of family togetherness
The Cherepon Family
June 30, 1973
I performed a little ritual that I wanted to share with you :o) I had spoken to a few people about it, and they all thought it seemed like a neat idea. It was very healing.
I laid my family to rest, if you will. I spent a few weeks gathering up little artifacts that no one is going to miss and putting them in a tin. Wednesday afternoon June 16, in preparation of the event, I dug a hole out in our backyard, under a tree that my grandfather discovered some years ago, and nursed back to life, after finding it struggling and strangling in weeds and bushes.
I got a large tin, and put in such items as my dad's old coffee cup, which broke a couple of years ago, my sister's name tag from her summer job last year, the top piece from my parents' wedding cake (which I found broken and "decaying" in our basement last year), and a picture of our family. I wrote a little note and included that, and then sealed up the container.
The afternoon of June 17 was the day I chose to perform the "ceremony" which I made up as I went along. It was exactly one month that my parents divorce was final.
I got home from work and went outside, where I had set up a stereo/cd player. I put in a recording of Aaron Neville singing "The Lord's Prayer" and knelt down on the porch, holding the tin and praying along silently with Aaron. Then I played "Until I Fall Away" by the Gin Blossoms just because the lyrics say how I feel about so much any more. When the song finished, I put in Frederic Chopin's "Funeral March" and turned it on full blast. I took the tin and walked quietly and slowly around the perimeter of our house, really looking at it for what almost seemed to be the first time.
I came back around the back and shut the cd player off. I walked over to the hole and put the tin inside. I started talking to God and the trees and myself and the dogs and cats and the house, and anyone who wanted to listen, as I filled in the hole with dirt. When I was finished, I picked some daisies and laid them on top of the "grave." Then I played "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word" by Elton John and then went in. The next morning I went back out and put some more flowers on the grave which my dad gave me when I took him out for Father's Day. He bought me a dozen pink roses, but the florist put these crazy purple things in with them. I didn't like them with the roses, but they looked good out there.
I felt a sense of closure. Something concrete was done to kind of symbolize the end for my family. I was glad I was alone and I was glad to have picked such poignant music at the last minute. I would really recommend this for anyone who is still in a lot of pain, like I am and I know a lot of us are. It really helped and it was something active, it made me feel less like a victim of this whole thing.
Whatever ritual you choose, be it plain or fancy, quiet or loud, rituals are very helpful... They make you deal with things, and they help you understand better what you are going through... Consider your family's burial and make it meaninful to you, even if you only do it in a symbolic way.
All my best to you...
Email me any time you need an ear!
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