Origins –Submitted by Josh T.

VENTRUE: Okay, guys, sit down. I suppose you're wondering why
I've called you all here.
TOREADOR: I should think so. I have an engagement in two hours
that I simply MUST attend, and I don't want to be late.
VENTRUE: Yeah, yeah. Order. Well, I don't know about you guys,
but my Progeny have been asking some rather ...embarassing
questions, and I--
MALKAV: Just tell them that when a Mummy and a Daddy love each
other very much--
VENTRUE: Shut up, Malkav. Anyway, they want to know where we
come from, why, how, the whole bit. I think it's time we had an
answer for them.
[silence]
BRUJAH: Well, what are you asking us for? WE don't fucking know.
SAULOT: LANGUAGE!
BRUJAH: Sorry.
VENTRUE: What about you, Ralph? You seem to have your nose in
every- thing.
NOSFERATU: No, I am ... no longer called "Ralph." From this day
forward, you shall call me: "Nosferatu."
[silence]
RAVNOS: I dunno, man. Ralph suits you.
NOSFERATU: No! I REFUSE to be stuck with that name.
VENTRUE: Leave him alone Ravnos.
TOREADOR: Actually, while we're on the subject ...
VENTRUE: What is it now?
TOREADOR: I have taken the pseudonym "Toreador."
[more silence]
HASSAM: You've never even SEEN a bull, let alone fight one,
Norman.
TOREADOR: LEAVE ME ALONE !!!
RAVNOS: I was gonna say something about "full of ..." Oh, never
mind.
VENTRUE: SHALL we get back to business?
LASOMBRA: I think "Nosferatu" sounds cool actually, Ralph.
NOSFERATU: And it's a lot easier to say when you can't retract
your fangs.
VENTRUE: GENTLEMEN!
[silence]
VENTRUE: Okay, any ideas?
TZIMISCE: Uh ...
VENTRUE: Yes, Tzimisce?
TZIMISCE: Yas. Do you think it vaz a disease, perrrhaps?
SAULOT: Nnnnnnno ... I don't think so. I'd know about it by now
if it was.
MALKAV: Ooo! Ooo! I've got an idea!
VENTRUE: [groan] What?
MALKAV: Ooo! Ooo! We're ALL ... aliens! Yeah! From the
planet ... Yuggoth!
BRUJAH: Malkav?
MALKAV: Yeah?
BRUJAH: Drop dead.
[silence]
MALKAV: Ain't it just TOO BAD you don't have Dominate?
BRUJAH: REAL men don't NEED Dominate!
[thud]
MALKAV: Owww!
RAVNOS: Okay, I've got it.
VENTRUE: Yes?
RAVNOS: They're not REALLY vampires, they just THINK they are.
VENTRUE: Hmmm ... not bad ... but then the dumb ones will try to
prove you wrong by taking a sunbake.
LASOMBRA: SO? Weeds out the stupid ones, less of a population
problem, less nosey Progeny asking silly questions.
TOREADOR: Lasombra, you are perverted.
LASOMBRA: Hey, am I my brother's keeper?
TZIMISCE: He has a valid point, frrriend.
TOREADOR: Sickening creatures.
[sniggering]
SAULOT: Brother's keeper ... hey! That reminds me! You know
those guys who wear the funny tea towels on their heads--
HASSAM: WATCH it, three-eyes.
SAULOT: Sorry. Anyway, they have this old story about this one
guy who kills his brother and gets cursed, see ...
SUTEKH: Cursssed, you sssay? Hmmm ... I like it!
NOSFERATU: Yeah, but if YOU say it, no-one will believe it.
TREMERE: I know! We did it by magick!
[silence]
BRUJAH: Who the hell are you?
TREMERE: Oh. Tremere, Arrogant Scheming Mage at your service!
SAULOT: Hang on, you're not supposed to be here until A.D. 1314!
TREMERE: So? I'm an Oracle of Time. I'll be when I want.
VENTRUE: A mortal, eh? Hey, Tremere!
TREMERE: Yeah?
VENTRUE: GET OUT.
TREMERE: Sure. [slam] [muffled] Damn. Must learn how to do that.
VENTRUE: Now, we might be onto something with this "curse"
business. We haven't heard from Gangrel yet, and we need a
female opinion at this juncture. What do you think, Gangrel?
[silence]
VENTRUE: Gangrel?
[more silence]
VENTRUE: Anybody seen Gangrel?
RAVNOS: Errr, actually, we've had a bit of a disagreement ...
MALKAV: Awww, doesn't Mummy wuv you any more?
RAVNOS: Suck off.
MALKAV: DOES she do it doggy-style?
[biff]
RAVNOS: Thank you, Brujah.
BRUJAH: No prob, bro.
VENTRUE: Okay, so what gives with this curse thing?
SAULOT: Well, they say that the first two sons of the first man
had to give offerings to God. The first brother gave plants and
stuff, and the second brother gave animal blood.
ALL: Yeah! Alright! Sounds great! Cool!
SAULOT: So the older one -- Cain, I think -- killed Abel, the
younger one, and was cursed by God for the very first murder.
HASSAM: Innovative man, this Cain.
SUTEKH: Ssso, we're dessscended from a psssychopathic
greengrocccer. How about we're dessscended from the MURDERED
one, ssso that we are the CHOSSSEN of God, the INHERITORSSS of
DIVINE POWER, the--
MALKAV: You REALLY have a God complex, don't you Sutekh? Tell me
about your mother. Did she lock you in a cupboard? Or--
[biff]
BRUJAH: Final warning, kook.
VENTRUE: Sutekh, please, stop standing on your chair.
TREMERE: I like the "cursed by God" thing, actually.
VENTRUE: How did YOU get in here?
TREMERE: Correspondence. Don't you know ANYTHING? Hey, Saulot!
SAULOT: Yeah?
TREMERE: I JUST worked out where I've seen you before. Could I
have a word with you outside? It won't take more than five
minutes. Promise.
SAULOT: Sure. You seem like a decent enough fellow.
[slam]
LASOMBRA: Wonder what he wants ... anyway ...
TOREADOR: I think I prefer the older brother. He's a charming,
regal figure who diligently sacrifices for his Lord, but is
consumed by jealousy into a desperate act -- which he regrets
later, of course -- but TOO LATE to avoid the harsh judgment of
an UNCARING God, and is DOOMED to wander the earth, OUTCAST from
his fellow man! Oh, the horror! Oh, the HUMANITY! Oh, the ANGST!
BRUJAH: What's an "angst"?
SUTEKH: Oh, it'sss a kind of a crossss, but with a loopy bit on
top. My guysss love 'em.
BRUJAH: Oh. [pause] I don't get it ...
TOREADOR: Philistines.
[scream from outside]
TZIMISCE: Vat the hell vas that?
NOSFERATU: Sounded like Saulot. HEY! YOU GUYS SHUT UP OUT THERE!
[door opens]
TREMERE: Oh, sorry, uhhh ... Saulot says to say that, uhhh,
he ... had to leave -- real quick, like ... uhhh, but he was
REAL happy about it, and, uhhh, he was glad he caught up with
you guys again.
NOSFERATU: Is it me, or does he look kinda pale?
VENTRUE: Who cares? Getting back to this curse thing ...
LASOMBRA: So, are we his direct Progeny, then? 'Cos if so, how
come we don't know where he is now?
MALKAV: Errr, he made us, then ran away. Really fast.
RAVNOS: No, no, no, he made some OTHER guys first, and then THEY
made US ...
TOREADOR: And he repented of The Horror He Had Unleashed Upon
The Earth! And banished himself from the sight of ALL!
MALKAV: AND ran away really fast.
TOREADOR: If you must.
VENTRUE: But how come we're all so different?
TOREADOR: The Curse works in Mysterious Ways ...
NOSFERATU: Yeah! I used to be the most handsome man in the
world ...
RAVNOS: Yeah, right.
LASOMBRA: And I had a reflection!
BRUJAH: Can I have been a philosopher?
RAVNOS: And Toreador used to have taste ...
MALKAV: And I used to be insane!
[silence]
VENTRUE: I think we might be pushing our luck here.
SUTEKH: Any BETTER ideasss?
VENTRUE: Well, let's put it to a vote, then. Magick?
TREMERE: Aye.
VENTRUE: That's one.
[silence]
VENTRUE: Okay, aliens from the planet Yuggoth?
MALKAV: Twenty-three.
VENTRUE: Your multiple personalities don't count, Malkav.
MALKAV: Awww ...
VENTRUE: The chosen son of God? ... Sutekh, Lasombra, Tzimisce