Tai was eating Walkers Crisps
He looked down and saw the rips
In his small brown wrinkled pants
Which Matt had filled with killer ants
The javelin was thrown at Tai
Who bent down to do up his fly
The javelin missed, bit hit Izzy
And made his head go awful dizzy
He went insane and spoiled the plot
Mimi kissed Matt, he went all hot
Before performing on the bars
Tai was run over by racing cars
He staggered about and fell in the pool
Looked at Sora and started to drool
She was clad in just a swimsuit
Tai's expression was just like a brute
His jaw dropped and it went 'Splash'!
His brain burst and turned to mash
Izzy used his laptop (to cheat at chess)
Joe had allergies to excess
But it didn't help lower the high jump bar
He tried to jump but didn't get far
Insted he smacked upon the ground
It made a funny squelching sound
Matt's fencing foil went through Tai's ears
He collapsed on the ground and burst into tears
Sora attcked Matt with a boxing glove
And declared for Tai her undying love
They fell in a puddle and then David Gower
Bombed Gary Lineker (he had the power)
They grouped around to feel the sportsman
Rory McGrath was being a porno fan
He grouped around and felt Tai's arse
Matt fell back and had a laugh
At the puny and rather pathetic size
Matt put a hand over Mimi's shocked eyes
"Get real Joe!" Izzy yelled as he saw
The pole-vaulting pole attack Tai on the floor
Matt couldn't contain himself any longer
- for Mimi's desires were just getting stronger
When they saw his chest in the swimming pool
They had to stop her (she was starting to drool)
Izzy said his 'top couldn't work underwater
And the steamroller made him get a bit shorter
(if that was possible) then on the ground
He (whimpering) made a squealching sound
As his laptop was flattened he cried out to Joe
"I'm not the Brain of Britain you know!"
The football hit Beckham and Tai sweetly smiled
But then he realised, he hadn't gone in a while
To the toilet across the track
Matt tied Tai down to the rack
And gave the handles a couple of twists
Tai screamed and let out piss
Matt, he stared in horror and
Was hit in the face with a rubber band
Thrown by Tai, who was then strangled
Until his little body was mangled
It fell in a heap in a pile of crud
Izzy tried to pick it up but fell over. *THUD*
"Hey," cried Mimi, "that wasn't fair!"
"So? Does it look like I really care?"
Said Joe, "I do! Poor Izzy's crying."
Matt added sarkily, "And Tai is dying."
"We wish!" Joe replied. "Damn and blast!"
"Holy sh it, look! He's coing round fast!"
Izzy complained 'bout the headache he was getting
Tai had a puppy that he was petting
But the dog was a bomb and it exploded
Tai ate a bit and then imploded
His whole intestine all unwound
It made a frightful squealching sound
As it hit the floor, it was dead funny
Izzy had some bites with honey
He looked at Joe but suddenly ants
Multiplied into his pink fluffy pants
"You wear Y-fronts?!" Matt declared
"Aww!" Joe got Izzy's bottom bared
"Are you two gay, or is it just me?"
"Don't tell him Joe" worried Izzy
In vain, for Matt laughed and teased the two
"Hey this crud here looks like poo!"
Tai cried out in pure delight
He'd never seen such a funny sight
Matt gave him a party hat and he giggled
Into the small puddle, Tai had piddled
"Hey we have to wash in that!"
Cried Matt, whose hair had gone all flat
When Izzy got out a mallet and
Whacked Tai (who'd fallen in some sand)
"Hey pull me out you stupid twerps!"
As he watched it gave a jerk
Steve Redgrave started to row
Tai was at tac ked by a bloody long pole
That had been thrown by Matt (he won't deny)
It got stuck in his trouser fly
And besides all that they got pissed
Joe and Izzy behind a bush kissed
Until their fun was broken into
By a ferret. Tai did a poo
And lo! The knickers became all brown
They made a sickly sqeaulching sound
Matt handed out the washing line pegs
And threw at Tai some rotten eggs
The smell made everyone groan in pain
Gary Linekar came round again
But lo! What's this? It looks like James
But no! It's David Gower, what a shame
Carlisle won the FA Cup
Tai had bought an ickle pup
It rebelled and peed up his leg
Matt compromised and grabbed a peg
Because the wee wee was bloody smelly
The pong hit Sora in her belly
And Tai's all peeled off, hair by hair
Now he's bald and Matt takes the pee
"Hey, don't take the pee out of me!"
"Well done Tai, you actually rhymed"
"It wasn't very good though" Sora pined
"What's that mess there on the floor?"
The monster shit crawled out the door
"Hey, get out the way!" "Quickly?" "Yup!"
Matt looked at Tai and said "Whasssssssssssssup!"
Joe let the dogs out and it bloody hurt
"Hey, stop that Izzy, you are such a flirt!"
Izzy said "I'd be happy if you kiss me right here
"What?" Tai's bottom had blocked up Matt's ear
Well, his farts did wonders to propel the boat
But all in all, Tai couldn't float
In the murky waters deep
He saw a pair of smelly feet
They were his own and it bloody hurt
Matt stood on them and crushed them to dirt
Tai yeled "Ow! That's just not fair!"
"Hey! Come on dude, now watch the hair!"
But Tai was blind and walked into it
Fell over backwards and into a pit
Matt burst into giggles but then Mimi came
(Preceding her by miles was her fashion fame)
It tripped Tai up who screamed and fell over
Izzy was looking at a bunch of nova
Pretty stars up in the sky
But Joe had undone his trouser fly
And woe betide the Tai who saw
The foul thing upon the floor
Tai didn't see it (guess what happens next)
He fell over it and broke his neck
That was funny. What wasn't was
Izzy said "prodigious!" because
Joe had kissed his on the nose
It was quite funny. Steve Redgrave rowed
Down the garden where Matt mowed
Right over Tai who was sliced and diced
Into pieces that were nicely striped
They shoved Tai in the deep-fat fryer
And cooked him 'til his arse was on fire
"Well that was sure enlightening!" Matt cried out
"No time for puns Matt," Mimi was in doubt
That puns were useful when the kitchen was alight
But Matt was persistent and got in a fight
With TK had nicked his piece of fluff
But Matt was drinking cans of Duff
"Doh!" he cried after sixty nine
"Hey that's mine if you don't mind!"
Joe had just pulled Izzy's pants off
Tai looked down and gave a cough
"That's not very nice Joe," Tai replied
"Yes it is I think you'll find!"
"Joe! You're making me feel dead horny."
"Izzy, now you're getting corny,"
Matt replied in pure disdain
(The psyco pants came round again)
And attached themselves to Taichi's leg
"Are you making up words again?" "Spleg!"
Through the crowd was Izzy darting
He was until he heard Tai farting
Covering his nose he evacuated the room
That spelled for the gang a smelly doom
Tai's thing got stuck in a charcoal fire
He yelped as the flames rose even higher
Up his leg and down again
Izzy was talking in German, the pain
It hurt when the javelin was thrown at Tai
It embedded itself in his small fly
Westlife arrived and so the shit
Was smelly and Bryan trod in it
It soon came off because he smelt a lot worse
Matt and Joe began to curse
Izzy cried because his laptop had crashed
Over the border Bryan dashed
His passport was fake and he sold some E
He shit himself and cried, "Why me?"
"Why do I get all the crappy lines?"
"Because you don't actually have a mind,"
Replied Matt, sarcastic as ever, and sneered
"Oh yes I do!" It was just as they feared
"Bryan with a brain? I don't believe it!"
"No, all that's in his head is shit,"
Denied Matt with a laugh. "This is really funny!"
Cried TK, "I know but I want my mommy!
That Bryan is scary, don't you think?"
"Yes. In fact he's the Weakest Link.
Goodbye," sniffed Matt, and Bryan died
(He had no brain as his name implied).
Tai burst into tears at the sorry sight
Got hit round the head and went out like a light
It was a sorry state that greeted the end
When Tai got stuck down the blocked U- bend.