Erase/Rewind, Then Start Over
"Hey, what did you hear me say
you know the difference it makes
what did you hear me say
Yes, I said it's fine before
I don't think so no more
I said it's fine before
I've changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind
'cause I've been changing my mind
I've changed my mind"
The Cardigans- "Erase/Rewind"
*She stares at him out on the ocean, surfing. His long blond hair shines in the sunlight on this December morning. It's been 9 weeks since she realized this, but she's in love again. Not with Kyle Pallas, not with someone else, but with Jonathan Collins. The man that she loved in high school has recaptured her heart. The same reasons as before too. The friendly smile, the way he kisses her, the blond hair. She's rediscovered him, and she couldn't be happier.*
Why has he been so distant? What happened that night that changed him so? I can only be blamed for so much...oh Jonathan, what's happened to you?
*Her name is Ashlee Reeves-Collins...and this is her story. She continues to watch Jonathan surf in the sunny sky from behind shaded lens', and she grabs her pen. She finds the old journal that had been sitting for months, and she picks it up, studying some old passages.*
March 26, 1995. I finally told him. I know that I should've been straight with Pru, but I told him. Jonathan and I are finally together! It took me so long to get through to him...but I've never been happier. I so want to marry him! I can see it now, Ashlee Reeves-Collins. Wow...
"Pictures of a happy bride and groom
Ferry rides around the harbor on our honeymoon
Wedding gifts of pots and pans
Sleeping while were holding hands
As gracie lays upon us as we spoon"
*She grins, seeing the picture taped down to that page. Her and Jonathan, his arms wrapped around her. Her hair was so much longer then. Far from the shorter cut she's chosen recently. She grins and turns a couple more pages down the way.*
December 8, 1995. Atlanta wants us to go to Tokyo, just to get some more experience under our belts. Jonathan is going, but Owen is staying behind. They're going to release him, but Robbie's going to be there! It's the summer all over again! Jonathan is going to be huge over here, I just know it. Jonathan made me a promise today. He said that soon we're gonna get married...and he's going to give us the best wedding possible. Robbie, Corey, Pru...even Owen will be there. I'm so happy!
"Look what I've done
This picture I've painted
It looks like my heart, or what still remains
Convinced of the weight, you interpretations
Are not what I see, I wish they could be
But I remember it much redder."
*She got hope from these passages, remembering the days when Jonathan and her had everything. She moved even farther back, and read the one moment...that last journal entry for a while...and that's when this all began.*
July 26, 2000. Kyle visited this evening. Jonathan had just caught a flight out for NYSWF tapings. He's been on the road so much, and with Corey, his cousin, not wanting me on air for a while, that hurt. We'd all grown up together, and now he'd reject me??! Pru didn't even stand up for me. Maybe Serena is still mad. Anyways, to make this long story short...I betrayed him...I slept with Kyle, and when he cuddled up next to me, I picked up this book. He's asleep now, and he's still here. He's going to spend the night, and I feel safe with him....safer than I have in a long time.
August 16, 2000. Jonathan handed me divorce papers. I took them and walked off, wishing I knew what to say. I love him, and the mistake I made was so wrong. If only I could fix this...if only I could right my wrong. I love you, Jonathan Daniel.
"How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky"
*In a quick moment, hundreds of seconds from old memories flash back to her. The death of Robbie she saw on video, Jonathan crying at his funeral, the looks she got from Corey and Serena. Everything. Like a giant tidal wave, it bum rushes her. She cries, and almost instantaneously, Jonathan wipes out, off his surfboard. She screams, but stops when Jonathan floats back up, smiling to her and giving her a thumb's up. She takes a pen with a shaky hand, and begins to write in the next blank page of the journal.*
December 2, 2000. I got my wish, and we're together again. I saw how cold and blank he was when he was released from the hospital...not even saying a word to Serena. His eyes gave him away. Was he all there though? Will he ever be? I'm so afraid. I know only one guy who can help him.
*She places the journal down, picking up the cordless phone. She opts not to let Jonathan see her do this, so she slides into the kitchen. Dialing the number, she waits for a response.*
???: Hello?
Ashlee: Matt, this is Ashlee. I need you to talk to Jonathan for me...
"But I hope you know
That it won't let go
It sticks around with you until the day you die
And I hope you know
That it's touch and go
I hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
Where did it all go wrong?"