Jonathan Storm: "Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of the prophecy, and keep the things that are written in it, for the time is at hand." That's Revelation Chapter One, Verse Three, for those of you who didn't know. Sounds like something I've heard recently from one of the NEWF's big stars, The Main Event. He really wants to be larger than Jesus, eh? Well, only four guys did that, and one of them happens to be dead. Well, three really, if you count their careers. The powers that be didn't really bless John, George, and Ringo...well maybe Ringo. He got that gig on Shining Time Station. The point is that God's Special Little People get shined on. Ned Flanders....Mother Theresa...and me, Jonathan Storm. I think the reason he shines on me is because I don't believe in him. He wants to try to prove to me he exists, but I know better. So what he calls love, I call skill. If you think that was him watching me against Marcus Hailey on Monday, you and I were watching two different matches. Let's move on, shall we?

"I saw a mighty angel proclaiming with a loud voice, 'Who is worthy to open the book, and to break its seals?'" Chapter Five, Verse Two. This is all a metaphor, if you get where I'm coming from. Who is worthy to move on in this tournament, and who's going to be strong enough to win the whole damn thing. You and I both know you're looking at him. They're billing this thing as "The Gateway to Glory". I've been basking in glory since I first started wrestling in the states, over a year ago. The name's changed, the face has changed, but the skill remains the same. That's not what I can say for you. Spencer hit it right on the head, Main Event. He knew that time and age were passing you by, and he called your bluff on it. You got lucky and defeated the rookie, but what you see here is no rookie. What you see here is Jonathan Storm. Born in the USA, trained by Canada's finest, and ready to prove to you that you're just a dimestore prophet trying to be a god of a world that couldn't give to s*its about you. Do you see where I'm going? Does it piss you off? Good. Get angry. Get so blind with the emotion that you can't see. I want you angrier than a starving King Kong. It's going to get you to your final destination a lot faster than I could do it on my own. You think you're TME Bible is going to save you from a beatdown? Hell, if you're the god of your religion, then you're screwed. There'll be no one left to save you when you're gone.

"Then out of the smoke came forth locusts on the earth, and power was given to them, as the scorpions of the earth have power." Chapter Nine, Verse Three. Do you know the saying "Absolute power corrupts absolutely."? Do you know why I'm bringing it up? It's because it's false...in your sense at least. Do you have absolute power? Hardly. You can't strike me down...you can't turn me to stone...hell, you probably couldn't even pay me to do the Macarena for you. What power do you have? The ability to bore me with fire and brimstone preaching that makes any televangelist look like Barney? The ability to make any match go from a classic to a snoozefest. Damn, only one other person cand do that...SO YOU'RE GRADY'S NEW BITCH! I've been there, and I've done that...and I have NO intention of going back to it. It's the same old routine from you week after week. Whine, whine, whine...bitch, bitch, bitch. You remind me of little Jan Brady! You want it all handed on a platter to you. Well, I can promise you one thing. This platter is going to have to be earned.

Storm: First off, that was the worst $29.95 I've ever spent in my life...I'm never buying crap off of TME's website EVER again. It would be like spending my money on complete and utter crap. Like anything with the name Haywood Jublome. You need someone to market you better, especially since you're into this whole religion thing. Someone better teach you how to, because you can get a whole tax-exempt thing. Maybe Evan Douglas knows something about it. Anyways..."Therefore rejoice, heavens, and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and to the sea, because the devil has gone down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has but a short time." Chapter Twelve, Verse Twelve. From where I stand, I can rejoice, Main Event. I dwell in the heavens known as credibility and victory. Woe to you, Main Event, because you know you have but a short time. Monday's rolling around, and the sooner it gets here is the sooner you lose. Two matches, two straight wins against people who were supposedly "the best" the NEWF had to offer. If I can beat them, what does that make me? What do I have that you don't? Oh yeah, that's right...a personality, good looks, and a sane mind. It's ticking away slowly, the time, that is. Eventually all things will come to pass, and you will find yourself stuck against "The Impact". A man few people have beaten. You will also learn one thing. You're no God. Would you like to hear my take on the whole God thing? I'll subsititute you into my theory. It makes more sense that way. The Main Event is like Santa Claus. As we are young, we are taught to believe in both of them. As time grows on, we eventually realize that Santa is, well...fake. We realize that Santa was created to keep us behaving during the holidays. The Main Event is just like that too, but we don't realize that until we sit down and listen to that s*it he speaks every week. I figured I'll just say f*ck it now, and don't believe in him in the first place. After all, I AM agnostic. "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints...the sinners are much more fun." Billy Joel, "Only The Good Die Young". Ha! Thought I'd toss in another quote from Revelation, didn't ya? Well, I will...and I'll use it to wrap things up.

"Behold, I come quickly. Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book." Chapter Twenty-Two, Verse Seven. Behold, Shockwave is around the corner. Blessed is he who remembers just how far I've come to get to this point, and how far I'm going to go to beat your ass to the point of no return, pin your ass to the ground, and hit the pay window, ready for the New England Title Finals. Another thought to leave you with. There's a saying that tells people that if it's not in front of your eyes, it doesn't exist. You don't stand in front of me, showing me some otherworldly powers. You don't show me that you're a god. You show me that you're a two-bit wrestler with less talent than Marcus Hailey or Zero. That phrase is "out of sight, out of mind". You, my wannabe-Christ friend, is more accurate than ever. After all...

Sorry, I thought the adjustment to the catchphrase was worth it. Out of sight, out of mind, chumply...out of sight, out of mind. So if you have the undeniable proof that you're bigger than Jesus, or that you have the moral authority to destroy us sinners, bring it on Shockwave, but I doubt that'll be enough to save your soul.