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[Impossible.] [You will never make one decision to make everyone happy. You will never make everyone happy.] [You will never be Michael Trey. He who can do no wrong. That which is his legacy, is infallable.] [I will never be Michael.] [I will never be perfect in every way.] [Et tu, Michael Trey?] The valley is dry, and the weather is killing me...but still I run. I'm trying to find a strategic location for me. Know thy enemy, I say. He has no face, only a form. I find a place, and this battle begins. It's always the same way. Parry, thrust, parry, thrust. One sharp move, and we both lose our swords. "Why all of this? Why do you keep haunting me?" "Because I'm disappointed in you. You let me down, Jonathan. You betrayed me...everything you and I believed in." And the fight continues...this time the fists are our weapon of choice. My enemy is stronger, this I can feel. I know my enemy...I think. He swings a left, I dodge and sweep him down. He does not stay down long, and I begin to fear for myself. He knocks me off my feet, and the blood trickles down my face. The winds and rain howl and begin to get stronger as this fight becomes more intense. This is my reoccuring dream. This is where it ends. He lunges at me, and knocks me off my feet, and I hit the ground with a sick thud, the life being pushed out of me. "I am very disappointed in you, Jonathan...VERY." "Jonathan? Jonathan? Wake up! Baby, please..." "Huh? Yeah...Hel?" "You were having that nightmare again, honey...you were tossing and turning. I was getting scared." "I'm fine, Hel...just go back to sleep." [My enemy is unknown. It could be anyone...anything.] [...or it could be the one man I loved like a brother. The one man I wished I could've saved.] [Michael Trey drove the spear into my side.] [Michael Trey is not the saint I thought him to be. He's a clever little manipulator.] [Michael Trey is not the Christ figure we worship him to be.] [Michael Trey is no better than Judas Iscariot.] [The man that I trusted to be my friend, lead me astray. He turned his back on me, the one thing I could never do to him. I've always wanted to uphold his legacy...but he did me wrong.] [He is not Michael Trey...he is an impostor.] [And if you want to believe that, then I know you are more gullible than I.] [Michael Trey is back. All hail the hero. Embrace him now, and let him twist the knife in our backs.] [He will kill us, as he did our friendship, our tag team, and me.] [Deliver me from sanity, dear Saint Michael.] The desert is steaming, and the weather is killing me...but still I run. I'm trying to find a strategic location for me. Know thy enemy, I say. He has no face, only a form. I find a place, and this battle begins. It's always the same way. Parry, thrust, parry, thrust. One sharp move, and we both lose our staffs. "Why all of this? Why do you keep haunting me?" "Because I'm disappointed in you. You let me down, Jonathan. You betrayed me...everything you and I believed in." And the fight continues...this time the fists are our weapon of choice. My enemy is stronger, this I can feel. I know my enemy...I think. He swings a left, I dodge and sweep him down. He does not stay down long, and I begin to fear for myself. He knocks me off my feet, and the blood trickles down my face, mixing with sweat to make a thick, disgusting liquid pouring down my face. The winds howl, starting up a sandstorm, and begin to get stronger as this fight becomes more intense. This is my reoccuring dream. This is where it ends. He lunges at me, and knocks me off my feet, and I hit the ground with a sick thud, the life being pushed out of me. "I am very disappointed in you, Jonathan...VERY." "Jonathan? Jonathan? Wake up! Baby, please..." "Huh? Yeah...Hel?" "You were having that nightmare again, honey...you were tossing and turning. I was getting scared." "I'm fine, Hel...just go back to sleep." [It's killing me to watch the two of us, once brothers in arms, across the battlefield from one another. I suppose it's what makes the dream so disturbing for me. I'm fighting with someone who should be on my side, but not anymore.] [Lance called the other night. Several times. He's looking for me, and he has been since Dark Horizon. I haven't picked up the phone. Helena doesn't either, per my request. I screen my phone calls too.] [I don't want to talk to any of them. I hate them all. Except for Johnny. Johnny's the closest friend to me right now - for reasons I don't even know.] [But Lance thinks he's a friend. Lance thinks he knows best.] [Lance Sterling is my ally. My friend.] [Lance Sterling is the last man standing in the group besides me. He is the strength of The Inner Circle.] [Lance Sterling is the one who picked me up from the ashes left of my life and helped me. When I didn't know who I was, he did.] [Deliver me from evil, Lord Sterling.] "Gotta make a list for what is best I've never been this low since my HWF arrival. Even then, I had been in good spirits. Now I've lost sight of who I am, let alone why I'm here. It's difficult. Very difficult. Not knowing the clear line between good and evil has made it worse. The enemy has made it difficult to see who they are. It's the most difficult battle I've ever been in. I don't know my enemy, and I don't know my allies. I stand alone. I know no better alternative. I have to make it better, and reclaim my birthright. Who gives someone the right to rob me of my worth? To rob me...of me? "I am all out of good ideas With all I've been given - all the talent and knowledge, what route took me to this point? Was it your advice, Michael? I'm sure it was. You spoonfed me lies just to take the fall. You led me astray. With all the wisdom and knowledge you'd pass upon me, you never once said "I'd forsake you when I thought you would usurp me in their hearts." How are you feeling now? Can you still taste your betrayal on your lips? The moment the mask came off, and the moment you stared me in the eyes in your true form - in that one moment, you slayed the entity known as The Lost Boys...and you dropped me in the middle of the desert, nothing left to fight for. "Your signs are pointed to nowhere Michael thinks he still knows what's best for me. Always the bigger brother figure. The brother I never wanted. I lived years with an absentee brotherly figure in Robbie, and what did I do to him when he dared show his face back in my life? I broke him, like he did me. How can I follow the man who seems to not care anymore about the frienship we once had? The man who I followed in his path - the one who was most like him? The last disciple of the path of Trey gets burned by the one he cared for. How ironic. You simply gave me lies - ones I blindly believed. "Gotta make the list for what is best I'm not giving anymore. Especially not to you. For my "best friend". For his "truths"...for everything he claimed to be real. There is nothing sacred he will not break. I'm not waiting for him to come around...Michael is as dead to me as he was that night I watched him fall. "For us in general Lance Sterling brought me out of the dark, Michael. When I needed a helping hand, he was there. You know something? He never liked me. He respected me though. He told me the truth, and didn't have to hide behind lies and false lives. He didn't need a mask to tell me he was around. He never put me in a precarious situation. Michael, I never asked for a saviour, only a friend...and you managed to royally fuck that up. Congratulations, pyro...I hope you're happy. "How would you like me? Do you think you really know what's best for me, Michael? That you could bring me out of the very hell you created for me? What is it that you really want from me Michael? What did I do so wrong in your eyes? After the accident...after my ordeals, I finally put you to rest. I laid your memories to rest, and I began to move on. I started to live my life again - I began to breathe. That moment was the sweetest day of my life, and now the honey has been made bitter. Bitter by the one person who couldn't truely give a damn about me. "Michael thinks I should be perfect, so I will try." You've got everyone convinced, but me. So tell me, great leader, where should I be in this great war? Fighting alongside the truth, or fighting with a lie? "And could you make me worry just a little more? You're my friend, you trust me, but then you hate. Everything about you makes me wonder why I even trusted you in the first place. Michael Trey - in retrospect - is a liar. I should've known. I can't stand the fact that I was duped. My very brother, or the closest thing I've ever had to one, is the very thing that I must live in paranoia for. All because I had followed his beliefs. All because I followed his advice. And now I stand in the middle of nowhere... ...because of his signs. "Your signs are pointed to nowhere  |