*Phones are ringing off the hook at Camel Publishing, Ltd... OK, that's not entirely true. The one phone they have at the moment hasn't actually rang in a few minutes, but it seems like people haven't stopped calling. Ryan Cuddihy sits at his desk, just reading the sheet of paper in his hand, over and over. He shakes his head every now and then, before going right back into reading it. He finally picks up the phone and dials a familiar number. As the phone rings in this vacant bedroom, a closet door slides open. As numerous Mountain Dew bottles fall out, along with the occasional sports jersey, a hand creeps out of this mess, and finally, an ear to place the reciever next to.*

Jonathan Collins: Hello?

Camel: Yo Jon. Did I wake you up?

Jonathan Collins: *groggily* Yeah, I was up all night.

Camel: Um... OK. I got a press release from a Miss Ashlee Reeves here, Jon. Kinda freakin' me out... you wanna tell me whether or not I can put this up?

Jonathan Collins: Post it...it's all true. I've been living in the beach house alone since the beginning of August.

Camel: And you didn't say word one to any of us about this? What happened, guy?

Jonathan Collins: We just grew apart, Ryan. She wanted more than I could possibly give...and the love just wasn't there anymore.

Camel: I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole, but when were ya gonna tell us? You know, the guys who spend every day with you?

Jonathan Collins: I dunno...maybe when her contract in the NYSWF ran up? She's finished at the end of September.

Camel: So instead of letting us know personally, you were gonna wait until we noticed that she wasn't hanging around backstage? That's real classy.

Jonathan Collins: I don't know how to take this...I've been with her since I was seventeen, Camel.

Camel: All the more reason to tell us, Jon. Nobody expects you to go through this alone. And frankly, it was kind of disturbing to get this from a publicist and not a guy I'd consider a friend.

Jonathan Collins: Sorry Camel...I was going to call, but Ashlee told me she was going to call you. So I spent the night on a binge of Dew, Doritos, and Playstation.

Camel: Ash didn't call. No, she faxed me the release. And still, man... It still wouldn't have been right even if she did.

Jonathan Collins: Well, now you know...can I hang myself after this shitty month of August?

Camel: Absolutely not. I've got a better idea. We're gonna get you piss fuckin' drunk tonight. CJ and Jared do have the right idea sometimes.

*Collins immediately springs up from the clothes and cans, and gets a worried look on his face.*

Camel: I hear you rustling... what's the deal?

Jonathan Collins: Abso-freakin'-lutely NOT. Do you know what happened last time CJ and Jared came over? I had to remove cottage cheese from my sink pipes. Do you even remember how many times the cops were called in?

Camel: Seven, one for each "For Sale" sign they went out and stole from the houses out there. And who said we were coming over? You're coming with us. The whole gang.

Jonathan Collins: Did they give you more of that sticky weed, Camel?

Camel: Not in the last 18 hours, no.

Jonathan Collins: Ah, right...so you want to meet me after the show? I DO have to wrestle a certain Alexander Haven tonight.

Camel: Sure, sure... just be ready, cuz I know there's a couple of guys who are gonna be pissed that you didn't tell them.

Jonathan Collins: Lemme guess, Spyke and Iley?

Camel: And Boden, and Kage, and everybody and their mother that has ever worked for an alphabet-soup wrestling promotion.

Jonathan Collins: You never stop trying, do you Camel? You really want to see me get blasted silly, don't you?

Camel: Hey, everybody's gotta have a hobby.

Jonathan Collins: Alright...but if I have to pay for one more piece of furniture CJ and Jared break, I'm never drinking with all of you ever again.

Camel: And that's why we're not coming to your house. Besides, Kage is the one ya really gotta worry about.

Jonathan Collins: Are you kidding me? I've seen CJ and Jared go...they'll drink rubbing alcohol if they ran out of beer.

Camel: Jared almost went blind once doing that. But seriously? You ever seen Kage drink?

Jonathan Collins: No...should I have?

Camel: He puts the moron twins to shame, man.

Jonathan Collins: I'll bet five bucks they out drink him.

Camel: You're that eager to part with your money? Fine by me. I'll see you after the show, I gotta get going. I have some business with International Widget Corp. about some broken parts they sent me for these computers.

Jonathan Collins: Take care, Camel. I'll see you tonight after the show. I s'pose I should bring the ATM card?

Camel: It's on Boden. But he doesn't know it yet.

Jonathan Collins: I'll play it safe...now if you excuse me, there's a twenty-four pack calling my name.

Camel: That better be Dew. We don't want you half in the bag when you show up.

Jonathan Collins: Nah, it's Pepsi. Anymore Mountain Dew, and there won't be any little Jon's running around the circuit if I ever get married again.

Camel: Ain't that the truth. I'm out.

Jonathan Collins: Take care.

*And as Collins hangs up the phone and climbs back into the mixture of aluminum and clothing, we fade to black.*