"So I run and hide and tear myself up
Start again with a brand new name
And eyes that see into infinity."

Second verse, same as the first. You live it once, and it seems familiar ground to you. I've spent a lot of time running from last year's King of Violence. A lot of time running from what I did that night. The blood, the pain...the damage I may have caused to my relationship with Darrin Stearns. That night was bittersweet, as it brought me the woman I'd eventually marry, Helena Angelina Benes. I ran and ran from everything, including her. Now I get a chance to start over. This year, I am not Jonathan Storm, the upstart. I am King Jonathan Storm...and I can see the future. I can see all now. This time around, I have no fears on who I want in the finals...this time, I accept the cards, and I start over again.

"I will disappear
I told you once and I'll say it again
I want my message read clear
I'll show you the way, the way I'm going."

I spent my time preparing for this. No other wrestler could go through what I've gone through and survived. Now I watch as people talk and whisper. "He'll never do it again. He'll never be that good again." "Jonathan Storm...he's just a fluke.". It's time for that to end. It's time to show you exactly where I'm going.

"I was almost there
Just a moment away from becoming unclear
Ever get the feeling you're gone
I'll show you the way, the way I'm going."

Sometimes, the reality of life sucks. I was so close to falling farther and farther from reality, but something keeps me latched in. Suffice to say, it's nice to have that safety, even if you don't know who/what it is. I'd like to think I have a clue, but I'm not sure. I've spent so much of my life thinking, wondering, questioning if I've lost my mind. I've especially spent the last couple of months wondering if the way I've approached this is right and wrong. Then I realized that there isn't a right, and there isn't a wrong. It's just how you interpret the action. He can blame himself on that. He did say it best.

"Believe me, Jonathan - you don't have to worry about your sins. There are no such things."

"So I run, start again
With a brand new name
With a brand new name."

And it's fact. Michael could've saved me that very day. He saw my pain, and he realized my epiphany. Being the person he's become, he decided to continue the facade, and as a result, I continued, at least in his opinion, downward. I continue to run now, not just because my beautiful wife wants it, but because I need to. I need to rub this in his face, and carry it proudly like a torch. I start going in a new direction, carefully rebuilding my dynasty with the people that want to be there, not just the ones who think they need to hang on. If you're not on my side, get out of the way, or get stepped on.

It's time to start again.

I can't seem to sleep much these days. When I do, I have these terrible dreams. When I can't, I keep on wishing I could sleep. What do I decide to do at 9:45 AM this morning? I decided to make a phone call. If you know your time zones, you know that Milwaukee is two hours ahead of Anaheim. I dial the number quickly. It's as if I've known it was my own number."Hel..."

"Shut up, Claire. We need to talk." I knew it'd be her. He won't pick up the phone anymore. No matter - she's to blame too.

I hear her take in a hard breath. "What do you want, Jonathan? What do we need to talk about?"

"I think you know," She should. Why else would I call? It's obviously not social, and I'm certainly not pawning some miracle cure for your lawn care.

She sputters out a lie. There's no other way for her to get anything out unless she could say something that would reaffirm her own stance on the matter. "... Jonathan, you know I didn't do it to-"

"Yeah. I'm sure you did. Can I ask you a question, oh dear friend of mine?" My anger subsides, but at the same time, it grows. I'm as disgusted with this, as I am with myself.

"..."

"Do you remember when I lost it? When I snapped, and actually thought I was your husband? Do you remember seeing that strange look in my eyes when I'd meet you for coffee every week, when we'd grieve and share stories?" The memories pour over my brain like cold oil. The visit to Milwaukee once a week. Claire would meet me at the airport, we'd go visit, and then we'd have coffee, helping each other cope and grieve with the loss. I should make sure she gets an Oscar for the work she's done bullshitting me and everyone else.

"Yes, I DO Jonathan... I WAS grieving. He was dead! Might as well have been dead, being stuck in that coma. I didn't fake the time we shared, Jon. We still needed each other. Whether he was in a coma or dead, he was still gone..." I can hear her tears. She's still faking it, but deep down inside, I think she's beginning to understand. I hope. I just want the problem to end. This was the closest thing I had to a family when I was feuding with mine.

"Did you ever think that showing him would bring me back from wherever my mind was, Claire? Helena was crying every night, because of something I couldn't help, but you possibly could?" She's crying. I know that for sure. She knows that every word I've told is the truth. If she's never realized how wrong she was, she does now.

"... I couldn't, Jon... it would have been a leak. It would have been only a matter of time before everyone knew, and..." She's breaking down. She's going to finally apologize."... and what would that have done? Just made people angry at me and at Michael during the last moments of his life."

I'm tearing now. I wouldn't have been mad if she would've told me the truth all those months ago. It's breaking my heart so much, you wouldn't believe. "But the two of you. You trusted me. You trusted me to live right by him, Claire, and he trusted me with his life every night we'd go out there to wrestle. If you could both trust me to do that, why couldn't you trust me with one secret?" We're both crying. I need to stop, or I'll wake up Helena.

"It was too important to trust to anyone. At the time, I wished that even I didn't know about it."

"You lie...you lie so much..." It's not working. Helena's awake, and now they both hear my tears. "You had your hope, Claire. You knew that there was a chance he'd make it, and it gave you hope. It gave you a slim ray of light. That being said, why couldn't you have done that for someone else?"

She couldn't even spit out a full sentence, truth or fiction. Maybe I've crossed the line. No. I haven't. They hurt me, and now I hurt them. It's only fair to me. If I had to suffer, so should they. "I didn't... I wouldn't have... I..."

"I've tried to rationalize why I shouldn't be angry, Claire...I've tried so hard not to be upset at you both. I just don't think it's working."

"Jonathan, I can't apologize for what I did... it was what seemed best at the ti-"

"Say what you will, Claire, but you're fucking deluding yourself. Look at the pain you caused. Shawn is apathetic at best, Kyle is angrier than I've ever seen him, and me? The man who was like a brother? I can't begin to describe how mad I should be. I called, because I thought in the back of my mind, that maybe you guys gave a shit about me still. That maybe you guys cared enough about our friendship, that we could fix things and make it better. I was so wrong. Goodbye, Claire...I hope you two are fucking proud of yourselves." There. It's all out in the air. But if it's no longer bottled up, why do I feel even worse?

"... but..." It's already too late. I'm hanging up. Helena looks at me, and holds me tight, but I can't help but feel like she's disappointed in me, and what I've just done. We've got more important worries than who I just scolded. I have to take her to the doctor. She's pregnant, and I want the best for my child. I want to give him the perfect world. A world free of the people who have hurt my family. A world free of Michael Trey.