With a sigh, she pushed herself off the picnic table that she had been sitting on. She had set her book bag on the deck beside the table. Alex knelt and removed the shoe box inside. Even though it had been a few years since she had put anything in the box, she knew exactly what the box held without even looking: a small framed picture of her and Nathan, the promise ring that he had given her, the birthday card that she had never been able to give, some shells that they had collected on the sandbar, the baseball cap that he had always worn, two dried roses, and a few other memories. The box was dusty from being hidden away in her closet for so long.

These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

She had walked to her car after school and expected him to be waiting by her car as he was every Friday. He wasn't there. She had thought that maybe he hadn't been able to get off base early that day. Of course, that had to happen on the day that she'd had a really bad day. When she went to get in the car, she almost sat on the white rose that occupied her seat. A florist's card hung from the stem- Meet me at the dock. I love you. Nathan.

Alex smiled and started her car. Things were definitely looking up. It wasn't a long drive from the high school to the small marina in her neighborhood. Nathan was leaning against one of the pilings when she go there. He stood with his arms crossed, the unbuttoned white shirt blowing in the breeze, well worn jeans that were ripped at the knee, the ancient khaki-colored UCONN hat he loved, and his little smirk that meant he was planning something stood out in her mind. She would always remember that image. He was so happy that day.

Nathan laughed as he led her down the dock to the skiff tied up at the end. He jumped in, then lifted Alex by her waist and set her in the boat. It took several pulls to get the engine to start. Neither spoke as he expertly steered the craft to an island that they frequented together. He beached the skiff and helped Alex ashore. Then, he took out a red bandana and blindfolded her. "What is this?" She laughed.

"A blindfold."

"Is it really now?" Alex replied sarcastically.

Nathan didn't reply to that. He just put his index finger to her lips. "Hush."

Alex had no choice but to allow him to lead her along. They walked along the beach for a few minutes before he stopped. She had a pretty good idea of where they were, but that was all she knew. "Now wait here for just a minute," Nathan told her. "And no peeking!"

"Yes, sir."

Nathan laughed, then was gone. As Alex waited, she tried to guess what he was up to. Nothing came to mind. He returned a few minutes later. When the blindfold fell away, she was speechless.

She saw that Nathan had re-created the first date he had ever taken her on. A navy blue blanket lay on the sand with a cooler on the far side. He had dug a pit, ringed it with stones, and lit a fire to keep the autumn chill away. A red rose lay on the blanket along with a jewelry box. Nathan walked to the box, picked it up, and opened it. Inside was a silver ring with a heart shaped garnet at it's center. It was beautiful. "I promise my love to you, forever and always."

With those words, he slid the ring onto her ring finger.

When you cried, I wiped away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I've held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.

It was two days before Nathan's birthday and a perfect fall day. She had come flying down their gravel driveway after school so that she could get to the mall and buy his birthday present before he called her after work. She was surprised to see her mom standing on the steps waiting for her. "Alex, I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this," her mother said. "There's been an accident. Honey... Nathan died this morning."

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light,
But now I'm bound by the life that you left behind.
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me.

Finally, much later that evening, someone had been able to break through the walls that she had erected. Alex started when someone knocked softly on her window. She was confused because Nathan was the only person that ever did that. The tapping become more insistent, so Alex looked up. A familiar face was plastered against the glass. It was Nathan's older brother. "Hey! Do you mind letting me in? It's rather chilly out here!" His muffled voice floated into the room.

Alex rose and slid the window open. "Michael, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home or something?"

Michael shrugged. "Mom told me to come visit you. She was worried because your mom said that you weren't talking to anyone or eating. Besides, I thought that you might want to know what happened this morning."

"So why didn't you come through the house like a normal person?" Alex ignored the second part of his statement. She wasn't sure that she really wanted to know.

"I tried that and someone wouldn't answer her door. Besides, I thought it might cheer you up a bit if I snuck around like Nathan," he answered. "I didn't upset you, did I?"

She shook her head. "No, I just thought.... For one second... Maybe Mom was wrong. Maybe there wasn't really an accident. Maybe it was a big misunderstanding. Maybe he was okay...."

Michael wrapped her smaller form in a hug and held onto her. Her body shook as she began to cry. It had finally become real.

These wounds won't seem to heal.
The pain is just too real.
There's just too much that pain cannot heal.
When you cried, I wiped away all of you tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I've held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but I hope that you can. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I miss you. I've been lost since you've been gone. At least, I thought that I was. That changed tonight. Michael proposed to me. I told him that I didn't know if I was ready. I thought that if I accepted, then I would be betraying you. Now I know that you would want me to do what makes me happy. You wouldn't want me to be alone. I still love you, but I love Michael too. He's the only reason I got through all this.

"I'd like to think that you would give me your blessing if you could. This isn't good-bye. I guess I'll see you when I see you. I love you Nathan."

With that, Alex picked up the shoe box and book bag. She turned and walked back down the dock. She smiled when she saw someone leaning against the last piling, waiting for her.

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
And since you're still with me,
I'm not alone,
Not alone.