"What's your tolerance for weird shit?" -- Chetwin to Shadow denizen
Words you never really want to hear...
"Daddy!" -- Arwen
"You cut down my sign!" -- Chetwin to Zane
"Okay...'fess up. Did any of you trap him inside an olive?" --
Chetwin, about the missing Martin
"Carnegie, what happened to your saddle?" -- Chetwin
"Carnegie gives you an innocent look..." -- GM
"Dorian, give me the spikard!" -- Chetwin
"No." -- Dorian
"Dorian, give me the spikard!" -- Chetwin
"No. I need to go play chess with Dworkin. Bye!" -- Dorian as he
disappears
"Shadow?" -- Arwen
"Oh... We haven't explained that yet." -- Chetwin
"Oh yeah...and we're immortal, too." -- Chetwin
"You didn't mention that either!" -- Arwen
"Carnegie, what the hell?!" -- Chetwin
"Carnegie gives you a dirty look." -- GM
"I put the (VR) helmet on." -- Arwen
"I stop you!" -- Dylana
"I put the helmet on." -- Arwen
"I stop you!" -- Chetwin
Yes, folks, there IS a theme here...
"I put the helmet on." -- Arwen
"I stop you!" -- Dylana AND Chetwin
"If you really need to go, just crap on god's floor." -- Chetwin to Carnegie
and Loutra
"I tried attacking the clouds, but it didn't work." -- Martin
"We could kill the priest." -- Chetwin
Never trap these two in a fluffy VR dungeon...
"I climb the wall (that borders the world)." -- Arwen
"I stop you." -- Dylana
"I climb the wall." -- Arwen
"I stop you." -- Chetwin
"This is Bob. It is an ordinary sword, made of ordinary steel, forged on
an ordinary anvil. So I gave it an ordinary name." --Chetwin
(they escaped by -virtually- killing each other, BTW)
"How does Trumping between
different time streams work?" --Arwen
"Those things will become clear with time." --Chetwin
"You mean you don't know?" --Arwen
"How dare you?" --Chetwin
"Who would know?" --Arwen
"We could ask Dworkin." --Chetwin
"Julian wants to talk to you." --Alice
"Urp." --Chetwin
"You might tell me before you do that." --Alice
"I might." --Chetwin
"I'm gonna level with you - it's not as bad as you think... sorta."
--Chetwin to Julian
"When you chop down my signs..." --Chetwin
"You... put up more signs." --Julian
"Yeah, I did... but anyway - do you keep them or do you just leave them to
rot in Arden?" --Chetwin
Sticking to the subject, Chetwin style...
"That's why I look like some peculiar Anglican Disco." --Chetwin
"Umm... Dustin? My character's Anglican and from 1973." --Danny (Arwen)
"Don't get any ideas." --Julian
"That could be interpreted lots and lots of ways." --Chetwin
"He means them in most of those ways." --Darcie (Dylana)
Damn straight!
"Your father said to find you something more suitable." --Alice
"What counts as more suitable?" --Arwen
"I dunno, but we'll go by my definition." --Alice
Bad omen number one...
"How much is this gonna cost?" --Arwen
"I dunno. Julian told me to take you shopping. We'll assume he's
paying." --Alice
Bad omen number two...
"Victorians give me stomachaches." --Arwen
"Really? Do they give you vapors, too?" --Alice
"But I'm rambling." --Alice
"She does that, doesn't she?" --Darcie
"Yes." --GM
"You can ask Uncle Random." --Alice
"He's the king?" --Arwen
"They (Chetwin and Dylana) did brief you, didn't they?"
--Alice
"I'm assuming not a figurehead?" --Arwen
"I'm not used to wearing boots. They're expensive." --Arwen
"Don't worry. Your dad's paying. Wanna have lunch on him too?"
--Alice
"Okay, sure." --Arwen
Yeah...but there's room to host a banquet on Gerard...
(at BBQ restaurant)
"How will you be paying for this?" --Waiter
"Prince Julian. Just write out the bill and send it to the palace."
--Alice
"Chetwin said you need to talk to Dworkin. Why?" --Alice
"To answer some questions." --Arwen
"Umm..." --Alice
"Why does everyone do that? What's wrong with him?" --Arwen
"You mean, other than the fact that he went crazy for a while? Um,
nothing." --Alice
"Is he dangerous?" --Arwen
"Nobody's sure anymore." --Alice
"Who is Dworkin, anyway?" --Arwen
"That's a loaded question. Dworkin is... is... is... He's kinda like
George Burns in the movie 'Oh, God!'" --Alice
"AAAGH!! WILL YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN?!?" --Darcie, trying to write down
quotes
"Are we going too fast for you?" --GM
"It's good, though." --Arwen
"It should be. It's barbecue in the center of the universe." --Alice
You know, Amber just opened a Dairy Queen, too...
"A man walks into Chaos... What's the first thing he says?" --Danny
"Splat?" --Darcie
"Ouch." --GM
"Any good bars here?" --Dustin
Bad jokes, Amber style...
"I've heard that Dworkin can shapeshift and Oberon can, but... that's...
to be expected." --Alice
"So who was Oberon's mother?" --Arwen
"We're not precisely sure. We think it was the Unicorn." --Alice
"Oh. Okay." --Arwen
"Does it not bother you in the least that you're descended from a white
beast with a thing on its forehead?" --Alice
"The waiter comes with the bill." --GM
"Remember I said Prince Julian'll pay it? Just put it on his tab. He'll
come pay it later." --Alice
"So when do I get to meet Dworkin?" --Arwen
"Later." --Alice
"I'm getting milestones for Arden. They say the sample will be in in a few
days. And I'm going to show it to Julian." --Chetwin
"By placing it in his forest." --Dylana
"No, by placing it in his room." --Chetwin
Does this fall under the category "famous last words"?
"Oh, yeah. Alice has that bad habit of charging things to the elders,
doesn't she?" --Ander
"So what is the Pattern?" --Arwen
"It's a big swirly thing." --Alice
"If we were gutted and hung, would we survive?" --Arwen
"That's debatable." --Alice
"You're math-and-science-y, aren't you? That makes two of them...
ewww!" --Alice
"Speculate? This is Amber." --Dylana
"Exactly, dear." --Flora
"...Odd things." --Dylana
"Odd things? That's your theory?" --Flora
"Little green men." --Dylana
"At least that's something. I still say it's Chaosites... I mean, this is
Merlin, after all, and you know what he's like." --Flora
"All you told me was that he (Chetwin) was odd..." --Dylana
"Don't correct me. I warned you." --Flora
"...Oh... Okay." --Dylana
"So you're saying, Chetwin, that you've been shown up by a horse?"
--Aurana
"Yes. I don't like saying it, but I am." --Chetwin
"Then why are you?" --Aurana
"Well... I just came by to make sure you didn't burn down the
Palace." --Chetwin
How NOT to cover up embarrassment...
"Charge it to Julian." --Danny
"Bob's not up to that." --Dustin
"Tastes kinda buzzy." --Arwen
"Did he say buzzy?" --Darcie
"Buzzy." --Dustin
"Yeah. Whatever." --GM
"It's all my mother's fault. If she'd been here, I'd be just as warped as
the rest of you." --Ander
"Hell, I grew up on an island." --Dylana
"But you're adapting well." --Ander
"What happens when you Trump yourself?" --Arwen
"If you do that too much, you'll go blind." --Dustin
"Ask Dworkin." --Dylana
"Just Trumped in and boy are my arms tired... nope, doesn't work that way."
--Darcie
Bad Amber jokes, part 2...
"Bastion,
Thanks for the DNA. I'll let you know what I find out with it. Oh, by the way,
I'm writing this with your feather.
-Chetwin"
"You found Martin. Thanks. I want you to find the other two now. They're
missing." --Random
"Some family." --Arwen
"Don't question my brother's sexual orientation." --Chetwin
"You know, that horse is going to be worn out going up those stairs. We're
talking Empire-State-sized building." --Chetwin
"I hellride up." --Dylana
"It's so weird!" --Arwen
"Yeah, Falstaff had weird tastes in women." --Chetwin
"No, I mean this whole God thing!" --Arwen
"Do you know the concept
behind Trumps?" --Arwen
"Ask..." --Chetwin and Dylana
"Oh... Dworkin." --Arwen
She seems to be catching on...
"...And spank Kurt next time you see him. I almost did." --Chetwin to
Random
"We should go back to my place." --Chetwin
"You should get a Trump of that place." --Arwen
"I know." --Chetwin
"I intend on perforating her with Bob." *points at sword* --Chetwin
"She's... Jurt get!" --Dylana
"... The strange-looking guy is here... no, not that one... not that
one... he's older than that. Yeah! That one!" --Niobe, describing Random
to Merlin
"I address the wolves." --Arwen
"They bite you when you try to put on the stamps." --GM
Bad Amber jokes, part 3...
"I ask her if she knows anything about... umm... Nyneave." --Arwen
"Niobe. This is NOT the Wheel of Time." --GM
"What's wrong with the succession?" --Arwen
"You're fresh, aren't you?" --Kaylana
"Yeah." --Arwen
"You wanna 'splain to her?" --Kaylana to Dylana
"Yeah. We're not in it." --Dylana
"Well... f*ck!" --Arwen
Realities in the Ladies' Department...
"Damn smug otter-horse." --Dylana, about Loutra
"I walk into the (Chaosite's) camp." --Arwen
"I stop her." --Chetwin
"How many arrows do I have?" --Danny
"Enough to make a Chaosite a pincushion." --Darcie
"We're looking for Jesus." --Chetwin
"Jesus is... oh, he's... he's got a place 'cross town." --Bob, a
random Texorami denizen
"I always thought it was a metaphorical chasm..." --Danny
"It's a big freakin' hole in the ground." --Dustin
Debating the Broken Pattern
"Random said that he said that there are lots of women there." --Alice
"Did you invade Kashfa?" --Chetwin
"Eh, for a little while." --Alice
"Uh, you don't want to know." --Alice
"Yes, we do!" --Chetwin, Arwen, Dylana (in unison, even)
"Ignorance is deadly." --Arwen
"She learns quickly." --Dylana
"How do I know this isn't a trap? They're up here kidnapping Amberites and
they left their back door is unlocked and unguarded. I make sure Bob is
ready..." --Chetwin
"There isn't a trap that I know of." --Conrad
"That you know of?" --Dylana
"Right." --Conrad
"There is a secret passage through the pantry." --Chetwin
"No, this is a normal passage." --Conrad
"He goes to the third tree and turns right." --GM
"Does he go straight on 'till morning?" --Darcie
No, Wendy....
"If they really are this stupid we could vanquish their frontal lobe with
a Rubik's cube." --Chetwin
"How many horses can we fit in here?" --Chetwin
"If you can get them onto the stairs, all four." --GM
"Sir, I'm not sure he can be rehabilitated. I think you broke him."
--Falstaff, about Benny
"It's things flickering here, Chetwin! You look at things
flickering!" --Alice
"Who would be playing chess with Dworkin? When was the last time YOU
played chess with Dworkin? The only person crazy enough to play chess with
Dworkin is Dorian." --Dylana
"Can you play this solitary?" --Arwen
"It's chess!" --Dorian
"Yeah, we're the ones over here playing with ourselves." --Chetwin
Believe it or not, they were telling the truth...
"At least he won't be mad when he finds out I took his skull."
--Chetwin
"I pick up a random Trump and go through it." --Dylana
"You are now knee-deep in a swamp. It is dank and soggy and there are
things swimming around your feet." --GM
"I Trump Chetwin." --Dylana
"I pull her out and hold her off the ground and let her drip."
--Chetwin
"I pick up another Trump and go through." --Dylana
"You are now hip-deep in sand, in a desert." --GM
"Umm... I Trump Chetwin." --Dylana
"I pull her out again." --Chetwin
"I pick up another Trump." --Dylana
"Not again...! I sweep up all the other Trumps and put them in my
pocket." --Chetwin
"I still got one. I go through." --Dylana
"Yes, you did. You are hanging in mid-air above a pond." --GM
"Shit! I Trump Chetwin!!!" --Dylana
"I pull her through... again." --Chetwin
If at first you don't succeed...
"The center of the universe is out of chocolate chip cookies? The center
of the universe can't be out of chocolate chip cookies." --Chetwin
"This is just to let you know that this was done by Amberites. That's
right, Amberites. The ones that aren't stupid enough to leave their strongholds
completely unguarded. The ones that you signed that Patternfall treaty with?
F*ck you, signed Chetwin of Amber."
"Who the f*ck areyou?" --Chetwin
"Delwin. You... must be Chetwin." --Delwin
Ah, the blessings of notoriety...
"Are you aware that Amber's in danger again?" --Chetwin to Delwin
"If you can justify yourself to Random, stamp your hoof twice." --Chetwin to Carnie (who is leading a revolt in the stables of Amber)
"He stamps three times." --GM
"I hellride into Office Depot." --Chetwin
"We called her (Flora) the Madam, and him the Sir." --Denizen
of the Shadow where Bastion's father came from
"Does anyone around here have healthy family relationships?"
--Chetwin
"Huh?" --denizen
"To call your son Sir?!" --Chetwin
"That's his name. The was his nickname. It's an old name, Sir. Goes back
generations in our family." --denizen
"Wow. She turned him into a monk. That's impressive." --Chetwin
"That might be common, post-Flora." --Danny
"Please don't use 'Flora' and 'post' in the same sentence." --Dustin
"What'd she say, she was going out for the paper?" --Chetwin
"Milk, actually." --The Sir, Bastion's father
"Come here." --Chetwin
"Why?" --Bastion
"I have something to show you." --Chetwin
"This is Sir. Sir, meet Mister." --Chetwin to The Sir and Bastion
"Sir here thinks Mom's coming back. I say we bring him to Amber." --Chetwin
"Maybe you and Sir and Ander and Sand can do a group therapy thing." --Chetwin
"Would you mind replacing my wall? My son has grown well. Thank you for
showing him to me. Please replace my wall." --The Sir
"So you've got a sign outside your door that says 'Amber ends here'?" --Darcie
"Have you gang-Trumped him?" --Chetwin
Terms you should not use in polite company, the Amber version...
"I am not a construct. I am a product of the life force." --Chetwin
"Tell that to your mother." --Arwen
"You're going to go play at the primal Pattern." --GM, somewhat
incredulously
"Take me to where Arwen is inside the Hall of Mirrors..." --Chetwin
"You are outside the exit." --GM
"Damn." --Chetwin
"I walk the Pattern and tell it to send me... where it all makes sense."
--Dylana
"You're at the edge of the Abyss. Like, it's about four inches from your
feet." --GM
"I Trump back." --Dylana
Tempting the GM, lesson 1...
"The Hall of Mirrors is normal." --Alice
"No, it's not." --Chetwin
"It's normal for here." --Alice
"I nail the skull (from Dworkin's study) above her bed." --Chetwin
"I take it down and put it on the nightstand and go to sleep." --Dylana
"You hear laughter." --GM
"I laugh back." --Dylana
"I walked the Pattern with the skull. It burned up halfway. 'Alas, poor
Yorick. I knew him, Horatio...'" --Dylana
"Did you?" --Chetwin
"Well, he laughed at me for four hours straight. I assume we can call that
knowing." --Dylana
"...You have but slumbered here/While these visions did appear..."
"You are defending yourself with a wooden door against four corpses."
--GM to Chetwin
"Damn. Can you get me through the wall again?" --Chetwin
"You have a fuzzy, bloody corpse now." --GM to Chetwin
"I was planning on blackmailing you." --Chetwin
"I figured, since I would've done the same in your position." --Medea
"You notice that the 'damnit Dworkin' you carved into the table has vanished." --GM
"Damnit, Dworkin!" --Dylana
"Jedi mind tricks don't work on Dworkin." --Dustin
These are not the Amberites you're looking for...
"We've killed a couple of Chaosites, brought back a few relatives, reunited a couple families... I think that counts as experience." --Darcie
"Are there other planets?" --Arwen
"If gunpowder doesn't work, a rocket won't." --Chetwin
"Wait, doesn't Amber have a moon?" --Arwen
"Secondary quest!" --Chetwin
"Benny's a director now. I promoted him. You'll have to show him the ropes. But not quite yet. He's on vacation... oh! Did I tell you that he's better? I found him... I'd lost him for a while, and somebody fixed him."
--Chetwin
"How come Amberites aren't red and furry?" --Danny
"I shout mentally into the contact, "cryosphinx."" --Arwen
"No you don't." --GM
Not if your character never played AD&D, you don't...
"Polytrumping is considered impolite." --Chetwin
"So "find a kick-ass lodestone" would be a pre-secondary quest?" --Dylana
"Yeah, because the natives always use magnets when they're restless."
--Dylana
"Cannibalism is intraspecies. I defy you to reproduce with that
duck." --Chetwin
"He might be omnivorous. Maybe carnivorous." --Arwen, about Carnie
"He likes plastic trees." --Dylana
"So you're saying the duck has body odor." --Dylana
"We can kill two ducks with one dagger." --Chetwin
"I throw the dead duck at him." --Dylana
"Would you mind if I ask you horribly probing questions about your
father's death?" --Chetwin to Aurana
"Ignore him. Would you mind if I asked you minorly uncomfortable
questions..." --Dylana
"Horribly probing." --Chetwin
"Ignore him." --Dylana
"We could at least be a little sympathetic." --Arwen
"This is Amber." --Chetwin
"I ask her for a list of anyone that might be angry: enemies of the crown,
anarchists, communists, revolutionaries..." --Chetwin
"Chaosites." --Dylana
"I was getting there." --Chetwin
I think that just about covers the list...
"I want bright, festive, red and blue armor." --Chetwin to Martin
"I'm gonna be standing next to him. Earth tones all the way." --Arwen
"Red and blue! You can stand over there." --Chetwin
"They've (the snipers) been missing." --Arwen
"I brandish Bob." --Chetwin
How the son of Flora solves fashion arguments...
"Well, threatening to charge them isn't threatening their lives."
--Chetwin
"You could threaten their families' lives." --Arwen
"Our little baby's growing up!" --Dylana
Finally...
"Primary quest: Not get killed. Secondary quest: Find out who killed Bleys. Tertiary quest: Go to the moon." --Chetwin
Chetwin's list of things to do today...
"Hrm. I find Alice... 'To the moon, Alice!'" --Chetwin
"We taught her how to use a machine gun." --Chetwin
"Are you sure that was wise?" --Arwen
"No." --Chetwin
"Oh. Okay." --Arwen
"'Bowb' would imply something supernormal. It's Bob." --Chetwin
"After all that Dworkin's been doing, you'd think you'd be chess-tised." --Arwen
"This is Amber, not Xanth." --Darcie
Bad Amber jokes, part 4
"I was bored and you were talking about Bastion's dog, and there are pawns
in the hallway, and they come by here." --Alice
"Did you get sniped at today, Chetwin?" --Martin
"Nope. Fortunately." --Chetwin
"Are you sure you want to sign your name to that (the sky in the prison
Shadow)?" --Martin
"They're already trying to kill me! What, are they going to try
harder?" --Chetwin
Tempting the GM, lesson 2
"You can break any religious law now and nothing will happen to you. So if
you guys are celibate, you can give that up now." --Chetwin
"You have set your computer up in heaven." --GM to Chetwin
"Damn. I need a Trump of his dog." --Chetwin
"I go to sleep." --Dylana
"You're going to sleep in heaven?" --GM
"No. I Trump to Amber. I don't trust heaven." --Dylana
Religion is not her strong point...
"I Trump him." --Dylana
"Which him?" --Dustin
"The only him. *points at Danny* HE's a HER." --Darcie
"A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing." --Chetwin
"I don't intend to use it - I'm an Amberite." --Dylana
"Okay, getting off the fish heads and back onto the letters." --GM
This made sense... at the time...
"Have you seen this letter? He's talking about trying to seal his closet
so his mother doesn't change his clothes." --Bill Roth
*Darcie and Danny clap hands and grin*
"What?" --Dustin
"Change his clothes!" --Darcie and Danny, in unison
"Trump her!" --Chetwin
"Who? Dylana?" --Arwen
"Yeah. She won't talk to me ever since I pushed her off a cliff." --Chetwin
Gee, I wonder why?
"You're throwing me. She's throwing things at me. God! Everyone's against
me." --Dylana to Chetwin
"Is it Chaotic?" --Danny, about the Thelbane
"It is also pointy and on the edge of the Abyss." --GM
"I am not going to set up a BROTHEL for the stupid wing dog!" --Chetwin to Dylana
"I just realized that he went from plastic potted plants to potted pot!" --Danny, about Carnegie
In his defense, he was going to feed it to a pony...
