BY - Choo Wai Wing (choonw@pd.jaring.my) 2001
DO NOT PLAGARIZE THIS OR I WILL PUNISH YOU!!!

One day, Yung Hun was frantically cycling to school for his monthly exams. "OH DAMN I'M LATE!!! Why did I have to play that computer game last night?" As he was crossing the main road, he was oblivious to the fact that a bus was speeding towards him. *SLAM!!!* "OUCH!!!" He was flung high into the troposphere with his mangled bicycle. As he slammed into the hard, unyielding tarmac, he passed out... When he came to, he was lying on his bed. He had no injuries on him. "Eh? I thought I was involved in a horrible accident. Must have been a dream." Then, he realized that he was naked. Surprised, he quickly got up and flung open his wardrobe, looking for clothes. He only found a tight body-hugging leather suit. "Huh? I know my mom told me to go on a diet, but this is ridiculous." He put it on, but not without an immense struggle. As he descended down to the living room, he found his dog, Zack sitting on the couch watching cartoons. "WTF is going on here?? I think I'll go out of my mind soon!!!" "You're not, master." replied his dog in a perfect English accent.

"Okayyyy... I think I took a little too much roti bom last night..."said Yung Hun who was now on the brink of a nervous breakdown. "Damn, do you have to be so stubborn, master?" retorted Zack. "I...I...I..." stammered Yung Hun. "Let me explain. You HAVE been involved in a most terrifying accident, my oh my..." "But why am I still here??" questioned a bewildered Yung Hun. "This is your sub-conscious MIND, master. You are now in a coma, caused by your accident. As you know, coma victims sometimes recover after a week, 1 month, 1 year or never. The ones who complete a certain task in their sub-conscious minds, recover early. The ones who fail in their task, never arise again." explained Zack. "So, tell me HOW do I get out of here? I gotta finish that computer game in 3 more days!!! I made a bet with Yew Fai that I could finish it in the allotted time! By the way, do they have computers in my mind?" asked the unwilling hero.

"Bloody hell, are computer games all there are on your mind? You'll NEVER wake up if you don't get out of your sub-conscious mind!!! NEVER!!!" screamed a now impatient Zack. "Errrr... I think I got it... so what should I do to escape this Matrix-like reality?" "That's up to you to find out, master. The only clue I can give you to point you in the right direction is... Edu-Cen. Now, if you will excuse me, I want to find out what cartoon is on next." after passing on his words, he slowly vanished, along with the TV. After pondering this for a while, "Edu-Cen??? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??? HE TOOK THE TV AS WELL!!! Hmm... maybe, I'll ask Yew Fai..." He picked up the phone, and was greeted with silence. "DAMN! The phone's out! Oh well, I hope he's at home..." Yung Hun walked to the main door and pushed it open to greet a new world...

When he stepped outside, the surrounding area looked exactly the same as the one in the real world. "Nothing special. What kind of 'new world' is this?" remarked Yung Hun. He walked to U5's house and yelled out his name. An old man answered it. "Excuse me, uncle, is Yew Fai in?" asked Yung Hun politely. "Well, I'm Yew Fai!" remarked the old man. "Seriously, gramps. I have no time for practical jokes." hissed Yung Hun. "I told you, I'm Yew Fai!" said the old man again. This went on and on for a while before Yung Hun got fed up and demanded to see the old senile coot's IC. When he examined it, he was astonished. The old geezer WAS Yew Fai! Convinced that no one would pull off such a practical joke like this, he asked U5 about the clue that was just given to him. "Huh? I don't know anything about that. Maybe you should ask Yi Jian. He's DAMN SMART you know?? By the way, do you have any prune juice? I'm suffering from a wee bit of constipation here..." said U5. "Okay, thanks... and here's your prune juice." Yung Hun then gave Yew Fai a crate of prune juice found in his storeroom and followed the black tarmac road to Yi Jian's house, hoping that his friend would not be as aged as Yew Fai.

He soon reached Yi Jian's house and was shocked at the sight. His entire house was now transformed into a military armory. There were many security cameras at the front gate, utterly vicious bloodthirsty rabid guard dogs, a large minefield and laser sentry cannons guarding the doorbell. Apparently, somebody was not to be disturbed. Not deciding to take the risk, he went over to the back door. It was unlocked. After some puzzlement, he pushed it open and entered the kitchen. He saw Yi Jian holding a pot of scalding hot Maggi Mee. "Yi Jian!" shouted Yung Hun. *CLANG!!!* "GAHHH!!!" That was the sound of Yi Jian getting surprised and dropping the pot of scalding hot Maggi Mee on himself. "What??? I pity the foo who dare to enter my domain! Luckily I was wearing Combat Armor MK2 otherwise I would have combusted, foo!" shouted Yi Jian. "Cut the jibba jabba, Yi Jian! I need your help! By the way, is that Chicken Flavor?" said our intrepid hero. "So what foo? Is it against the law for teens to have Chicken Flavored Maggi Mee? You think it's for wussies?" "No no no no," replied Yung Hun. "And how you did you get inside my armory? The front door was so protected, even a tank would be destroyed in a milisecond!" demanded Yi Jian. "Erm, the back door was unlocked," answered Yung Hun. "Oh. I just didn't have enough funding to complete my back door defense system. The lock was also spoilt. So, what do you need? Steyr AUG's? AWP's? MP5 Navy's? Carbines?" replied Yi Jian.

"Err... no thanks. I just wanted to ask you, what does 'Edu-Cen' mean?" asked Yung Hun. "Hmm.... I think it's a short form for Education Centre." answered Yi Jian. He was met with a blank stare. "That means school, Einstein," replied Yi Jian. "Awright! Let's go! Will you follow me, Yi Jian?" "Hmm... why not? Besides, I want to test out my new firearms," said Yi Jian as he hefted out a colossal minigun. "Okayyy... let's walk-" Yi Jian butts in the middle of his proposition. "Walk? Let's take my 1982 GMC Custom Van! It's helluva fast! And on the way, I'm gonna pick up Wai Wing! I'm sure he would want to try out my little baby here..." says Yi Jian as he lovingly strokes his shaf- I mean minigun. They both squeeze into the van after Yi Jian fills it up to the brim with weapons of all kinds. Because it is SO souped-up, they reach Wai Wing's house in 2 seconds. They would have reached there faster if there weren't any traffic. On the way, Yung Hun briefly explained his quest to Yi Jian. He then understood his friend's current situation. Unfortunately, the van has absolutely despicable mileage due to the many extra features and additional carry weight tacked to it. So, they run out of fuel as soon as they arrive at Wai Wing's house.

His house had been changed to a Japanese motif, complete with a sand garden with elaborate patterns. A pond filled with crystal-clear water and inhabited by koi fish is located near the roots of a tree. Well-kept greenery decorates the entire house, completing the tranquil environment. Yung Hun almost fell asleep as a result. He had to be jolted awake by Yi Jian who was also about to nod off. After overcoming their sleepiness, they slid open the front panel and stepped in the house. They spotted Wai Wing, clad in a ninja outfit wolfing down a large pizza with extra cheese and toppings. "Mmmm.... looks yummy.... can we have a slice each?" asked Yi Jian and Yung Hun, who were already drenching the floor with their watering mouths. "NO!" snapped Wai Wing. "I've been meditating *Mrff * for the past few days, and it really *Chomp* takes a toll on your appetite.... *Gulp*" says Wai Wing between huge bites of his pizza. In a few more minutes, he finishes the whole thing and chucks a towel to his friends. "Here, *BURP*.... excuse me.... take this towel and clean up the mess you made," says Wai Wing as he points towards the pool of salvia. Their faces turned crestfallen. "And then, I'll make you both a pizza," Wai Wing said. "ALRIGHT!" both of them shout. They clean up the floor in no time. "Now, gimmie pizza! Gimmie pizza! GIMMIE PIZZA!" they both demand.

"Hey, relax. By the way, did you know that besides being a master ninja, I can also whip up a mean pizza?" said Wai Wing. "Huh? I didn't know that. I thought your cooking skills were crap," answered Yi Jian. "Yeah, you suck so bad, the last time you made a meal, you burnt the cold fruit salad," replied Yung Hun while stifling laughter. "WELL, I'LL SHOW YOU!" shouted Wai Wing, who was now bent on proving his cooking expertise. With lightning-fast speed and exceptional agility that was the trademark of a ninja, he prepared a pizza faster that you could say, 'all your base are belong to us'. A mouthwatering aroma wafted from the well-designed pizza. Despite that, Yi Jian and Yung Hun were still reluctant to try it out. "Are you sure we won't die because of this?" asked Yung Hun. "Just try it. The worst you'll get is stomach cancer," growled Wai Wing. Yung Hun gingerly lifted a slice to his mouth and cautiously took a small bite. A smile broke across his face. "DAMN! This is good! Better than Pizza Hut or Domino's!" exclaimed Yung Hun. "Really? Then I've gotta try it," said Yi Jian. A smile broke across his face too as he sampled the pizza. It was quickly finished between the both of them. "There! Told you it was good!" said Wai Wing.

"*BURP* Man, that was the best pizza I've even had. How did you get so good at cooking all of a sudden?" enquired Yi Jian. "Oh, it's in my ninja training guide. Really!" replied Wai Wing. He then shows them a very thick book entitled "Modern Ninja Training for Dummies (Pizza recipes included)". "Okayyy.... Oh, by the way, Yung Hun has (insert Yung Hun's quest here). Will you help us?" asked Yi Jian. "Oh sure... I've waited for the perfect time to test my ninja skills," answered Wai Wing. Meanwhile, Yung Hun was already outside unloading Yi Jian's weapons. After he wrenched out a Steyr AUG, the whole heap spilled out of the van and buried him alive. Luckily, Yi Jian and Wai Wing were quick to act and pulled him out of the mess. Yi Jian started distributing his weapon cache. He took a few guns and of course, his minigun. He handed it over to Wai Wing for him to admire. Unfortunately, brute force wasn't one of Wai Wing's greatest assets and he dropped it, smashing the heavy arms into smithereens. Yi Jian flew into a rage. Luckily, he had one more spare in the van. He grumbled something about ninjas and foo's. Yung Hun took an AWP and a Desert Eagle. Too much camping in Counter-Strike perhaps. Wai Wing didn't require anything. Why? He's a ninja, that's why. They then set off on foot (the van ran out of fuel, remember?) towards the school.

The merry men soon got ready to cross the main street. To their horror, only a wide and gaping chasm remained. "Who the foo that made this chasm?" remarked Yi Jian. "Hey, there seems to be a bridge over there!" said Yung Hun while pointing at a rickety bridge. "What you waiting for foo? Let's go!" said Yi Jian as he ran towards the bridge. When they reached there, the sight was not pretty. Four aliens (from the Alien© movie series) were blocking the way. Fortunately, they were sleeping. "Egads, looks like we'll have so sneak quietly past them," whispered Wai Wing. "That's easy for you to say, you're a ninja," replied Yung Hun. "True, true. Just do it unless you want to become alien chow," hissed Wai Wing quietly. The trio then tiptoe past the aliens. As they were about to pass the last one, Wai Wing suddenly let out a noisy and stinky fart. Needless to say, this made the aliens get up in no time. The pack charges towards the group, annoyed at the interruption of their siesta. "Aim for the eyes! Aim for the eyes!" screamed Yi Jian while unloading his minigun at the crazed pack. "Eyes? What eyes?" questioned Wai Wing who was using his twin titanium ninja swords to reduce an alien to sushi. Yung Hun keeps them at bay with his sniper rifle. Despite having a reputation as killing machines in the movies, this was a pushoff to the gang. "DAMNIT Wai Wing! Why did you have to fart? We could have been killed!" screamed Yung Hun. "Whoops, I haven't mastered that aspect of my ninja training yet, 'Aero-Suppression, the art of holding in the gas,'" replied Wai Wing. "Well, next time, take a dump before you go anywhere! I almost passed out when I had a whiff of your stinky fart! No wonder the aliens were pissed," rambled Yi Jian. After deciding not to try out any of Wai Wing's alien sushi since the blood was highly corrosive, the three dudes walk to the bridge.

"Aggh, the bridge is all f***ed up! Why do these things happen to me?" shouted Yung Hun. The other two could see what Yung Hun was upset about. The wooden rope bridge despite being rickety, had rotting planks as steps. Some were also missing, creating gaps in the bridge. The rope used to support the bridge was also frayed. This is indeed, a dilemma. Will they be able to get across? Will Yung Hun ever stop his antics? Will this story be ever finished? Find out the answers in my next update!

TO BE CONTINUED