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KELAS MELAYU
Kelas yang tadi bercempera tiada guru,kini
menjadi senyap sunyi. Ini adalah kerana guru yang
paling digeruni telah masuk ke dalam kelas.
Wajahnya garang seperti Jin yang tidak ada
Shamsudin.
Kalau hendak tahu ikutilah pelajaran cikgu
ini.
Nama cikgu ialah ?
| Malay Language Class
The noisy class became quiet. That's because the most feared teacher has just walked into class. He looked like a "Jin" without the "Shamsudin" (Jin in malay is spirit, wherelse Jin Shamsudin is a malay actor). if you want to know, follow what he taught. This teacher's name is ?
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Murid-murid: Selamat pagi, cikgu.
Cikgu: (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi
sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan
saya tak selamat?
Murid-murid: Selamat pagi,petang dan malam
cikgu!
Cikgu: Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat
olehorang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang
dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini
meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid-murid: Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
Cikgu: Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini
baik-baik . Hari ini cikgu nak uji
kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan.
Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya,
kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan
cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan
itu,faham?
Murid-murid: Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu: Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid-murid: (senyap)
Cikgu: Pandai!
Murid-murid: Bodoh!
Cikgu: Tinggi!
Murid-murid: Rendah!
Cikgu: Jauh!
Murid-murid: Dekat!
Cikgu: Berjaya!
Murid-murid: Usno!
Cikgu: Salah!
Murid-murid: Betul!
Cikgu: Bodoh!
Murid-murid: Pandai!
Cikgu: Bukan!
Murid-murid: Ya!
Cikgu: Oh Tuhan!
Murid-murid: Oh Hamba!
Cikgu: Dengar ini!
Murid-murid: Dengar itu!
Cikgu: Diam!
Murid-murid: Bising!
Cikgu: Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu: Mati aku!
Murid-murid: Hidup kami!
Cikgu: Rotan baru tau!
Murid-murid: Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu: Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid-murid: Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
Cikgu: Kamu gila!
Murid-murid: Kami siuman!
Cikgu: Cukup! Cukup!
Murid-murid: Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu: Sudah! Sudah!
Murid-murid: Belum! Belum!
Cikgu: Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid-murid: Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu: Oh! Melawan!
Murid-murid: Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu: Kurang ajar!
Murid-murid: Cukup ajar!
Cikgu: Habis aku!
Murid-murid: Kekal kami!
Cikgu: O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid-murid: K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu: Sudah, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Belum, pandai!
Cikgu: Berdiri!
Murid-murid: Duduk!
Cikgu: Saya kata USNO salah!
Murid-murid: Kami dengar BERJAYA betul!
Cikgu: Bangang kamu ni!
Murid-murid: Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu: Rosak!
Murid-murid: Baik!
Cikgu: Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid-murid: Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu: (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya
keluar.)
| Students: Good morning, teacher.
Teacher: (shouting) Why only good morning? Don't you wish me good at night or in the afternoon?
Students: Good morning, afternoon and night, teacher!
Teacher: Too long! It never has been done. Just say Good day! Easy and full of meaning. Furthermore, it can be used at all times and situations.
Students: Good day, teacher!
Teacher: Same here. Sit down. Listen up closely. Today, I'm going to test you about antonyms. When I say a word, you must quickly say the opposite, understand?
Students: Understood, teacher.
Teacher: I don't want to be interrupted.
Students: (silent)
Teacher: Clever.
Students: Stupid!
Teacher: Tall.
Students: Short!
Teacher: Far.
Students: Near!
Teacher: BERJAYA. (literally, success but it is also a political party)
Students: USNO! (another political party)
Teacher: Hey, that's wrong.
Students: This is right.
Teacher: Stupid!
Students: Clever!
Teacher: No....
Students: Yes!
Teacher: Oh, God...
Students: Oh, slave!
Teacher: Listen to me! (literally, listen to this)
Students: Listen to that!
Teacher: Quiet!
Students: Noisy!
Teacher: That's not a question, stupid!
Students: This is the answer, clever!
Teacher: I'll die...
Students: We'll live!
Teacher: ROTAN BARU TAU.(This line is hard to translate. Rotan is literally cane, baru indicates timeor meaning new, and tau is colloqial for know. It means "I'll have to cane you and then only you will know.")
Students: AKAR LAMA TAK TAU (Akar is root -- the opposite of cane, i suppose, lama is old, and tak tau is don't know. The sentence isn't supposed to make any sense.)
Teacher: I'm too lazy to teach (a class like this)
Students: We're learning diligently
Teacher: You're crazy!
Students: We're sane!
Teacher: Enough!
Students: Less!
Teacher: Stop it! (or, finish! finish!)
Students: Not yet!
Teacher: Why are you so stupid?
Students: Because I am so clever.
Teacher: Oh, you're fighting back?
Students: Oh, we give up.
Teacher: KURANG AJAR! (literally hasn't been taught enough. Means rudeness. Kurang is less, ajar is taught)
Students: CUKUP AJAR! (cukup is enough, and this sentence doesn't make sense either)
Teacher: I'm finished. (Literally, there is no more me.)
Students: We stay on!
Teacher: OK, the lesson is over!
Students: KO, the lesson hasn't started!
Teacher: Finished, stupid!
Students: Started, clever!
Teacher: Stand!
Students: Sit!
Teacher: I said, USNO is wrong!
Students: We heard BERJAYA is right!
Teacher: You're idiots.
Students: We're geniuses.
Teacher: Failed! (literally, spoiled)
Students: Good!
Teacher: You will be held back this afternoon!
Students: Released at midnight!
Teacher: (Keeps quiet, takes his books and walks out of class)
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Sebentar kemudian, loceng pun berdering.
Murid-murid merasa lega kerana guru yang paling
ditakuti oleh mereka telah keluar. Walau
bagaimanapun,
mereka merasa bangga kerana telah dapat menjawab
semua
soalan cikgu tadi,tetapi esok masih ada. Cikgu itu
pasti akan datang lagi.
| A moment later, the bell rang. The students were relieved because the teacher that they feared the most had gone out. However, they also felt proud because the managed to answer all the teacher's questions. But, there still is tomorrow. That teacher will surely come again.
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