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Heavy Ordnance Lite
David Masad

Adapted from
Heavy Ordnance by Christopher Blankley
and from
Risus: The Anything RPG by S. John Ross

 In the fourth grade, Mrs. Watkins gave me a D in Mathematics.
 I was not a happy camper.
 Now she's a bloodthirsty demon from the seventh plane of hell,
 And I have a Mini gun with 2000 rounds of HESH ammo.
 Mrs. Watkins,
 Class is back in session.


    You had always known that School was hell, but now-a-days your sure of it. A runaway nuclear reaction in the cafeteria meat loaf had blasted portions of your Elementary School into the nether regions of hell; and all of your teachers have been
possessed by brain hungry demons. Now there's just you, the stockpile of armaments from the local National Guard base, and
two years of DOOM experience between the safety of home, and eternal oblivion. Good thing your mother packed you a
lunch, you're going to need it.


    Welcome to Heavy Ordnance Lite. Heavy Ordnance is a satirical Roleplaying Game where the players play prepubescent school children with large military surplus weaponry. A nasty accident, involving some weapons grade plutonium and the cafeteria meat loaf, has blasted portions of your hometown into the many levels of hell; and all citizens the elder side of puberty have been turned into brain sucking monsters. Luckily, your Elementary School was built next door to the local National Guard base, and you and the rest of your fifth grade class have armed themselves. Now all you have to do is figure out which end of the bazooka is the business end, before the Principle smashes down the door and snacks on your entrails.

    Heavy Ordnance Lite is a simplification of the original Heavy Ordnance rules. Heavy Ordnance was powered by the Reflex Roleplaying System, which is a great system, though a bit complex for the humorous atmosphere of Heavy Ordnance. Heavy Ordnance Lite is powered by Risus: The Anything RPG by S. John Ross, a freeware roleplaying game designed for humorous and comic games. The Risus rules are explained here in terms of the Heavy Ordnance setting. To use Risus with other settings, you should read the Risus Core Rules, available on the Risus Homepage.

    Sorry I have to stick this in, but it's neccessary:
Despite the fact that my name is stuck on top of this document, I actually wrote very little of it. The rules are taken word-for-word the original Risus rules (with Bully replacing Barbarian, and other changes to bring them into the Heavy Ordnance context), and the setting section and sample adventure are taken word-for-word from the original Heavy Ordnance game (with some typos and grammar errors corrected). All I've done is mesh the two systems together.


"Work hard, rock hard, eat hard, sleep hard, grow big, wear glasses if you need 'em"
                                      - the Webb Wilder Credo

     Like in any roleplaying game, the most important parts of Heavy Ordnance Lite are the characters.
Characters are defined by Clichés (sometimes several of them). Clichés are a shorthand which describe what a character
knows how to do. The "character classes'' of the Neolithic Period of RPGs were Clichés: Fighter and Magic-User, Space
Marine and Star Merchant. As the characters of Heavy Ordnance are children - children with military-grade weapons, but children nonetheless - you should choose your Clichés appropriately . Which Clichés are permitted are up
to the GM.

Clichés are defined in terms of Dice (by which we mean the ordinary six-sided kind you can scavenge from your old Yahtzee
set). This is the number of dice that you roll whenever your skill as a Bully, Young Model, or William Shatner Impersonator (for instance) is challenged. See "Game System,'' below. Three dice is professional. Six dice is mastery. One die is a putz.

Characters are created by naming and describing them, and listing their Clichés. When designing your character, you have 10
dice with which to define his Clichés (a Normal Schmoe would be built on anywhere from 3 to 5 dice). A character may have any number or combination of Clichés, but more than 10 different Clichés would be odd, considering the number of dice you get. Characters shouldn't begin their career with more than 4 dice in anything, but just because you're creating a character today doesn't mean that he's beginning his career! The GM will tell you if he's requiring "beginners'' for the game. It's not our business.
  • Gun Fetishist - You've always loved firearms. Lots of firearms. You own a complete run of Guns&Ammo, and have memorized the statistics of weapons you've only dreamed of owning. Now that you have them, you want to use them. Saving the world is only an excuse to shoot stuff. Demons, cars, walls, thin air - doesn't matter.
  • Bully Fodder - You were always the smallest kid on the block, and got beaten up more times than you can count. But now you have a LAW launcher, so everyone else better watch out. Your turn of speed and knowledge of hiding places gained running from bullies is more important now than ever.
  • Nerd - Never the most popular kid in the class, you were nevertheless a straight A student. Its hard for you to take a bazooka to the teachers who used to be your allies, but it's either them or you. Your hours of playing Doom and Shadowrun have given you a knowledge of strategy and tactics that is coming in handy now.
  • Young Gadgeteer - The neighbors always complained about the noise your lab in the garage caused. They went first. Then the science teacher who didn't accept your flamethrower as a valid submission to the science fair. Your knowledge of science allows you to build your own weapons, as well as improve those of others, and your list of which chemicals NOT to mix has a whole new use...
  • Eagle Scout - Nature has always been a second home to you, and now with your parents as slobbering demons it's the only home you have left. Your skills in tracking and survival make you the perfect covert operative of this war, and your talent with a knife has a whole new calling.
  • Juvenile Delinquent - Always in trouble, you know you can't get into much more. Your daring has given you experience in Breaking & Entering, carjacking, and other fields that other kids only dream of. Now there's nobody to stop you, and you can do whatever you want. What you want, however, is to get away from the brain-eating thing your social worker has become (you always thought she was a bit weird).
  • These are just examples to get you started - players should feel free to make up their own Clichés (subject to GM approval). In particular, Note that the GM will require the "fine tuning" of any Cliché that he considers too broad.

    The last important thing to do when creating a Heavy Ordnance character, is to determine his age. This is important since none
    of the characters will be over 13. You are free to choose whatever age you wish. It's good to be older, 'cause you're bigger, and you can pick on character's who are smaller than you. But remember: The older your character is, the closer to puberty he is; and the close to puberty one is, the close to being a brain sucking demon one is. If you plan to use a character for very long, A nice comfortable single digit age may be more your style.

    Sample Character:
    Daniel "Nose" Rosen

    Age: 11

    Wannabe Survivalist (4)
    Card Shark (3)
    Kickball Player (2)
    Poet (1)

    Daniel "Nose" Rosen knows what he wants to be when he grows up - he's going to have a big, self-supporting farm, with a nuclear fallout shelter, and lots of guns. Especially guns. Lots of those. In order to finance his dream, Nose has begun teaching his classmates poker, and then cheating horribly to win their lunch money. He spends his spare time playing kickball, and while he isn't very good at it he still plays every day. He is also trying to learn to write love poems, so that he can impress Veronica, an 11th grader from the high school  who he is sure he is in love with.


        Adult characters are built the same as children, but with appropriate Clichés. The Demons themselves have no statistics, as they have no body. However, Demons can possess adults - their only method of influencing the physical world. A Demon-poessesed adult gains +1 die in all Clichés, plus the Cliché Demon Possessed which can be used in combat (claws, etc.). The higher a character's Demon Possessed is, the bigger, badder, Demon they are. Alternatively, GM's may wish to have them only as Demon Possessed Adult.


        Whenever anybody wants to do something, and nobody is actively trying to stop him, AND the GM doesn't think that success would be automatic, the player rolls dice. If the total rolled beats (equals or exceeds) the Target Number the GM sets, success! If not, failure!
    Target numbers follow this scale:
    5: A cinch. A snap. A challenge for a Schmuck. Routine for a pro.
    10: A challenge for a Professional.
    15: An Heroic challenge. For really inventive or tricky stunts.
    20: A challenge for a Master. Nearly superhuman difficulty.
    30: You've GOT to be Kidding. Actual superhuman difficulty.


    "So Tick, can you destroy the earth with your super powers?"
    "E-Gad! I hope not! That's where I keep all my stuff!"
                                        -Tick & Interviewer, The Tick.

    Every character is assumed to be equipped with the Tools of His Trade (at least the portable ones). In Heavy Ordnance, this means that all characters are assumed to have a pistol or rifle, a Young Gadgeteer has his chemistry set, etc.

    If, through the course of an adventure, a character LOSES any of these vital totems, his Cliché operates on half the normal
    number of dice (or not at all, if the GM rules that the equipment was REQUIRED) until they are replaced.

    An Action Hero (5) , for instance, can fight without his sword as an Action Hero (3), but a Young Gadgeteer  can't make bombs (well... big one anyway) without his chemistry set. If the Young Gadgeteer  manages to find another set to play with besides the kind he's used to, he can operate at half-dice.


     As the name suggests, heavy weapons play a large part in a Heavy Ordnance game. All characters are armed with surplus military weapons stolen from the nearby Nation Guard base, and a rifle or pistol (at least) are assumed to be Tools of the Trade. However, certain weapons may add significantly to the characters' basic firepower. These weapons will either give a bonus to the character's Cliche, or else they will have Cliches of their own.
     Many weapons will have very limited ammunition, which  should be kept track of. While assault rifles, pistols, etc. are assumed to have practically unlimited ammunition, grenade launchers, LAW's, and similar will probably have no more than a handful of shots. The GM should make sure to carefully record the amount the players have left.
     Finally, many weapons may be unfamiliar to the characters - while they all know what a bazooka looks like, when they actually get one they may discover that they have no idea how to shoot it. If the GM decides that there is a significant chance of the characters not knowing how to use a weapon, a Familiarity Roll may be required - a player rolls their appropriate Cliche (Gun Fetishist or the like) against a target number the GM decides. If they succeed, they can use the weapon. If not, not. A character may attempt another familiarity roll once per hour, until they succeed.
    Sample Weapons

    LAW - The Light Antitank Weapon is a one-use disposable rocket launcher that adds 3 dice to the character's Cliche.

    Frag Grenade - The fragmentation grenade is an extremely deadly weapon. During combat, a character may declare that they are using a grenade. They then make a roll against a target number set by the GM. If they succeed, all human sized enemies involved in the fight are immediately defeated. Frag grenades shouldn't have much influence on Tankbots, Great Cthulhu, and other such powerful foes.

    Explosive Ammunition - A magazine of explosive ammunition allows characters to double-pump their Cliche for one round of combat. If their Cliche is already double-pumpable, it allows them to quadruple-pump it - raise it by 4 for every point spent.

    Smart Gun - The Smart Gun replaces the character's Cliche during combat - i.e. they temporarily gain the Cliche Smart Gun (with an amount of dice determined by the GM). However, when Smart gun is worn down to zero the character may still use other appropriate Cliches.  Smart Gun does not replenish - once its dice are lost, they are gone for good. 

    Heavy Machinegun - The heavy machinegun is a fixed weapon that characters may find as part of a defensive array, mounted on a vehicle, or on its own. While fighting in its vicinity, characters may declare that they are using it. When used, the heavy machinegun Teams Up with the character using it. The heavy machinegun's rating is decided by the GM, and it can be the Team Leader. 


        Throughout Hometown, many vehicles have been left unattended - vehicles that the characters can comandeer and drive. Characters should be able to drive most vehicles without much of a problem. If the GM believes the characters may not be able to drive a given vehicle (especially true with tanks, helicopters and other exotic vehicles) a Familiarity Roll (see above) may be required. For most difficult maneuvers, characters will roll their appropriate vehicle-operation Cliche. Some vehicles, however, may either add or subtract dice from the roll. For example, a pickup truck will be curbersome to drive (-1d on every roll), while a sports car is built for difficult maneuvers (+1d on every roll). Players in vehicles may use them in combat, attempting to run over or crash into the enemies. Vehicles may also have weapons mounted on them. A character may not drive and use a weapon at the same time


    "This sucks, lets go kill something."
    "Ha, yeah. Killing is cool."
                                     -Bevis & Butthead, Bevis & Butthead.

    ``Combat'' in this game is defined as any contest in which opponents jockey for position, utilize attacks, bring defenses to bear,
    and try to wear down their foes to achieve victory. Either literally or metaphorically! Some examples of combat include:

    ARGUMENTS: People using whatever verbal weapons they have at hand to make their points. Truth is the first casualty.
    HORSE-RACING: People on horses running around and around a dirty track, trying to get nowhere first.
    DOGFIGHTS: People in airplanes or spaceships flying around and trying to blow each other out of the sky.
    ASTRAL/PSYCHIC DUELS: Mystics/psionics looking bored or asleep, but trying to rip one another's egos apart in the
    WIZARD'S DUELS: Sorcerers using strange magics and trying to outdo the other.
    DUELING BANJOS: Banjo players using strange melodies and trying to outdo the other.
    SEDUCTION ATTEMPTS: One (or more) characters trying to score with one (or more) other character(s) who is(are)
    trying to resist.
    COURTROOM ANTICS: Prosecution vs. Defense. The goal is victory. Justice is incidental.
    ACTUAL PHYSICAL COMBAT: People trying to injure or kill each other.

    In Heavy Ordnance, physical combat will probably be the most common form of combat by far.

    The GM decides when a combat has begun. At that point, go around the table in rounds, and let each combatant make an
    attack in turn. What constitutes an ``attack'' depends on the sort of combat, but it should ALWAYS be roleplayed (if dialogue
    is involved) or described in entertaining detail (if it's physical and/or dangerous and/or normally requires contraceptives).

    Attacks require rolls against character Clichés. The GM must, at the outset of combat, determine what TYPE of Clichés are
    appropriate for the fight. In a physical fight, Clichés like Bully, Gun Fetishist, and Karate Kid, are appropriate. Clichés like Hairdresser and Latin Lover are not (but may still be used; see next section).

    An attack must be directed at a foe. Both parties in the attack (attacker and defender) roll against their chosen Cliché. Low roll loses. Specifically, the low roller loses one of his Cliché dice for the remainder of the fight - he's been weakened, worn down,
    or otherwise pushed one step towards defeat. In future rounds, he'll be rolling lower numbers.

    Eventually, one side will be left standing, and another will be left without dice. At this point, the winners usually decide the fate
    of the losers. In a physical fight, the losers might be killed (or mercifully spared). In an argument, the loser is left grumbling, unable to find a reply. In a race, the loser gets a faceful of the winner's dust.

    You needn't use the same Cliché every round. If a Bully/Kid Superhero wants to lop heads one round, and swing on
    chandeliers the next, that's groovy, too. However, anytime a character has a Cliché worn down to zero dice in combat, he has
    lost, even if he has other appropriate Clichés left to play with.

    Dice lost in combat are regained when the combat ends, at a "healing" rate determined by the GM. If the combat was in
    vehicles (cars, pickups, giant robots) then the vehicles themselves are likely damaged, too, and must be


    As stated above, the GM determines what sort of Clichés are appropriate for any given combat. An INAPPROPRIATE
    Cliché is anything that's left . . . In a physical fight, Hairdresser is inappropriate. In a Wizard's duel, Barbarian is inappropriate.

    Inappropriate Clichés may be used to make attacks, PROVIDED THE PLAYER ROLEPLAYS OR DESCRIBES IT
    IN A REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ENTERTAINING MANNER. Furthermore, the ``attack'' must be plausible within
    the context of the combat, and the genre and tone that the GM has set for the game. This option is more valuable in silly games
    than in dead-serious ones.

    All combat rules apply normally, with one exception: If an inappropriate Cliché wins a combat round versus an appropriate
    one, the ``appropriate'' player loses THREE dice, rather than one, from his Cliché! The ``inappropriate'' player takes no such
    risk, and loses only the normal one die if he loses the round.

    Thus, a skilled hairdresser is dangerous when cornered and attacked unfairly. Beware.


    Two or more characters may decide to form a TEAM in combat. For the duration of the team (usually the entire combat), they
    fight as a single unit, and are attacked as a single foe. There are two kinds of teams: Player-Character teams and NPC teams
    ("Grunt Squads.")

    Grunt-Squads: This is just special effects. When you want the heroes to be attacked by a horde of 700 rat-skeletons inside
    the lair of the Wicked Demon Necromancer (5), but don't feel like keeping track of 700 little skeletal sets of dice, just declare that they're a team, fighting as Skeletal Rat-Horde(7). Mechanically, the Rat-Horde is the same as any other single foe - except it has more dice! Grunt-Squads can have any level of cliché the GM feels is appropriate. Grunt-Squads stick together as a team until they're defeated, at which point many survivors will scatter (though at least one will always remain to suffer whatever fate the victor decides).

    Player-Character Teams: When PCs (or PCs and their NPC allies) form a team, the "Team Leader" is the defined by the
    highest-ranking Cliché in the team (a title that must be designated if there is a tie). Everybody rolls dice, but the Team Leader's
    dice all count. Other Team Members contribute only their sixes (if the Funky Dice option is used, Team Members may
    contribute their single highest die-roll above six, or their sixes, their choice). Team members who roll nothing above five don't
    contribute anything to the Team Leader's total for that roll.

    Clichés joined in a team need not be identical, but they all must be equally appropriate or inappropriate. This means fiveMartial Artists could band together in physical fight with no problem. It also means that a Hairdresser, a Parakeet Trainer, and a
    Career Counselor could team up in a physical fight if they have a REALLY good description of how they'll use their skills in
    concert to take out the Vikings!

    Whenever a team loses a round of combat, a single team-member's dice is reduced by one (or three!) as per the normal
    combat rules. Any team member may "step forward" and voluntarily take this personal "damage" to his dice. If this happens, the
    noble volunteer is reduced by twice the normal amount (either two dice or six!), and the team leader gets to roll twice as
    many dice on his next attack, a temporary boost as the team avenges their heroic comrade. If no volunteer steps forward, then
    each member must roll against the Cliché they're using as part of the team: Low-roll takes the (undoubled) hit, and there is no
    "vengeance" bonus.

    Disbanding: A team may voluntarily disband at any time between die-rolls. This reduces the Cliché each team-member was
    using in the team by one, instantly (not a permanent reduction - treat it just like "damage" taken from losing a round of combat).
    Disbanded team-members may freely form new teams, provided the disbanding "damage" doesn't take them out of the fight.
    Individuals may also "drop out" of a team, but this reduces them to zero dice immediately as they scamper for the rear. Their
    fates rest on the mercy of whoever wins the fight!

    Lost Leader: If the team leader ever leaves the team for any reason (either by dropping out or by having his personal dice
    reduced to zero), every member of the team immediately takes one die of "damage" as if the team had disbanded (since,
    without a leader, they've done exactly that). They may immediately opt to reform as a new team (with a new leader) however,
    and if the old leader was removed by volunteering for personal damage, the new team leader gets the double-roll vengeance
    bonus to avenge his predecessor!


    Many conflicts that arise in the game cannot be defined as ``combat;'' they're over too quickly, defined by a single action. A
    classic pistol-duel isn't combat - the two duelists simply turn and fire, and then it's all over. Two characters diving to grab the
    same gun from the floor isn't combat. Two cooks preparing chili for a cookoff isn't combat; there's no ``wearing down of the
    foe'' and no jockeying for position.

    Such ``single-action conflicts'' are settled with a single roll against appropriate Clichés (or inappropriate Clichés, with good
    roleplaying). High roll wins.


    It will often occur that characters will find themselves involved in a Combat or quicker conflict where they simply have no
    applicable Clichés, even by stretching the imagination. Or maybe ONE character will have an appropriate Cliché, while the
    others feel left out. An example might be a pie-eating contest. One character was wise (or foolish) enough to take ``Disgusting
    Glutton(2)'' as a Cliché. The other characters are astronauts or accountants, neither of which traditionally engorge themselves
    on pie.

    In situations like this, give everybody two free dice to play with, for the duration of the conflict. This INCLUDES characters
    who already HAVE appropriate Clichés. In the example above, the astronauts and accountants would get Pie-Eating(2), while
    the Disgusting Glutton would be temporarily increased to Disgusting Glutton(4). The Glutton, naturally, still has the winning
    edge, but anyone can TRY to eat lots of pie. This ``temporary promotion'' applies only in opposed conflicts, not in challenges
    based on Target Numbers.


    "Conjugate?! But I've never even kissed a girl!"
                          -Yacko, Animaniacs.

    At the end of each adventure, each player should roll against every Cliché that was used significantly during the game (using
    their current number of dice). If the dice land showing only even numbers, this indicates an increase by one die for that Cliché.
    Thus, advancement slows down as you go. No Cliché may go higher than Cliché(6), although if Pumping is allowed (see
    below), they can be pumped past (6).

    Anytime you do something really, really, really spectacularly entertaining that wows the whole table, the GM may rule that you
    may roll instantly (in the middle of the game!) for possible improvement, in addition to the roll at the end of the adventure.

    Adding New Clichés: There may come a time when a character has grown and matured enough to justify adding an entirely
    new Cliché to his character sheet. If the player and GM agree this is the case, and agree on what the new Cliché is, the player
    rolls for Character Advancement as usual, but any of the new dice earned may be put toward the new Cliché instead of the
    ones that earned them. This can also be applied to "in-game" improvements, if the situation warrants it!


    Normally, a character is created using 10 dice. With this Advanced Option, players can bargain for extra beginning dice by
    giving their character a Hook and/or a Tale.

    A Hook is some signifigant character flaw - an obsession, a weakness, a sworn vow, a permanently crippling injury - that the
    GM agrees is so juicy that he can use it to make the characters life more interesting (which usually means less pleasant). A
    character with a Hook gets an extra die to play with.

    A Tale is a written "biography" of the character describing his life before the events of the game begin. The Tale needn't be long
    (two or three pages is usually just fine); it just needs to tell the reader where the character is coming from, what he likes and
    dislikes, how he became who he is, what his motives are. Some Tales are best written from the player's omniscient perspective;
    others are more fun if written as excerpts from the character's own diary. A character with a Tale provided before gameplay
    begins gets an extra die to play with.


    In an emergency, any character may pump his Clichés. If the Ninja(3) comes face to face with a Monster(6), it might be

    When a Cliché is pumped, it receives a temporary boost in dice. This boost lasts for a single round of combat, or a single
    significant roll otherwise. However, after that round or roll is resolved, the character loses a number of dice equal to the number
    he gave himself in the pump. This is treated like "injury" to the Clichés sustained in combat, and must "heal" in the same fashion.

                Example:Rudolph the Ninja has come face to face with a Monster, who attacks him. Rudy
                 doesn't have much of a chance against such a powerful foe, so he opts for a tricky tactic:
                 Since the Monster is attacking physically, Rudolph decides his first-round response will use his
                 skills as as a Cajun Chef(3) - a decidedly Inappropriate choice! He also opts to pump it by
                 two dice up to five . . . He's REALLY putting his all into his cooking for this fight.

                 So, the first round happens. The Monster rolls six dice, and the Ninja (quickly whipping up a
                 tempting Gumbo spiked with Ninja sleeping drug and offering it to the monster) rolls five dice.

                 If the Ninja loses, then he is instantly defeated. His Cajun Chef Clichés drops by two to Cajun
                 Chef(1) just for the pump, plus another die for losing the round. The Monster decides to eat
                 Rudolph instead of the Gumbo.

                 If the Ninja WINS, however, the Monster(6) is dropped to Monster(3), and his Cajun
                 Chef(3) drops to Cajun Chef(1). In Rudolph's responding attack, he'll will switch back to
                 ordinary Ninja tactics - and be on equal footing with the sleepy Monster!

    A risky maneuver, but worth it.

    Pumped Clichés are legal in any situation except single-action conflicts.


    If this option is used, characters may be created with double-pump Clichés. These Clichés, when pumped, give you TWO dice in the pumped roll for every die you'll lose at the end of it. Thus, a Sorcerer(5) could be a Sorcerer(11) for a single combat
    round, at a cost of three dice. This option is appropriate for any Clichés based on supernatural powers, such as wizards,
    telepaths, and humanoid-torch style superheroes. They're also appropriate for any other Clichés the GM approves them for.
    Double-pump Clichés cost twice as many starting dice to buy.  Hard [square brackets] indicate a double-pump Clichés.
    If the GM considers any clichés to be too universally powerful, he may REQUIRE that it be purchased in this way, to insure
    some sort of balance. Overall, double-pump dice are less useful than ordinary dice at the beginning, but since they improve at
    the same rate as ordinary dice, they are a good "investment." Double-pump clichés must be purchased at character creation.


    Okay, this is the LAST advanced option.

    This option is for people who have lots of polyhedral dice and want to use them. Funky dice represent a character's raw ability (rather than skill). Thus, with this option, adults are built with 10d8, as they are stronger and more experienced. Adults possessed by Demons simply have their Clichés bumped up one level, from d8's to d10's so the Teacher (3d8) becomes Teacher (3d10). Possessed adults still gain the Demon Possessed Clichés. GM's who want a more lethal game
    may give the Demons d12's, d20's, or even (evil snicker) d30's.

    The World of Heavy Ordnance

    Note on Setting: Heavy Ordnance is a game of satire. The idea is for a group of people who went (or go) to the same school, to base their Heavy Ordnance game around that school, and those teachers. Of course, if you are all adults and from different spots on the globe, then your not going to have much of a common reference. Heavy Ordnance can be still played however, just with a little less cutting wit. So in a effort to give everyone a common reference, let me propose: Hometown Elementary School. A school in everyone's hometown. We've all been there, we can all see it in the back of our mind. All discussions in this text will refer to Hometown Elementary. If you wish to run this game in reference to a particular school in your past, all the better.


    (Report by C.B. Peewadle of Hometown Elementary School, to all the nations of the world.)

    To: All the leaders of the Free World.

    From: All those fighting the combined forces of evil.


    Some kind of inter-dimensional phenomena triggered by a small nuclear explosion has occurred in Hometown. Large portions of our town have been overlapped by the inter- dimensional space commonly referred to as Hell. All citizens of the town over the age of 13 have been possessed by evil brain-eating demons. The remaining populace has armed itself, but our numbers are few. We are in desperate need of reinforcements and weapons. To whoever receives this message, please send help quickly!

    My friends, and myself were in class when the accident happened. There was a bright flash, as the cafeteria building was engulfed in a mushroom cloud. While this occurrence is neither unusual nor worrisome at our school, the sight of our teacher, Mr. Rank, sprouting claws and fangs is. We were fortunate enough to be able to bludgeon Mr. Rank into unconsciousness with a National Geographic Globe before he was able to crack open our skulls, and dine on our gray matter. Many other students were not so lucky, falling prey to their various instructors.

    My class and myself escaped the school via the playground, and took shelter in the wood that lay behind the school's property. We were very fortunate to find the nearby National Guard base entirely abandoned. The soldiers were probably out on the town looking for brains to eat. We armed ourselves and quickly mounted an assault on our school building. While this first assault met with limited success (and heavy casualties), further expeditions have resulted in better results.

    We have been unable to determine the source of the demons, or why they have only possessed the adult community. No one has an idea of how our town can be returned to normal, and we have resigned ourselves to simply exterminating the possessed people. Once again, please send all the help that you can. We are in dire need of assistance.


    The first few games of any Heavy Ordnance campaign that you play will probably go the same way: After everyone have made a character, and familiarized themselves with the rules, The game will begin with the players all sitting in class. There is a bright flash, and an explosion from the direction of the cafeteria building, and all the students will rush to the window. While all the students are staring at the mushroom cloud, the teacher, (enter name here), will begin to transform. The GM will give the players a graphic description of the teacher's newly possessed form, and the teacher will start munching on the nearest NPC student. This is where play will begin, with the players having to subdue their teacher with only the classroom as a weapon.

     After this is achieved, one way or another, the players will make their escape. After a little roleplaying, they will discover that the National Guard base, that was conveniently built next to the Elementary School, is strangely uninhabited. The players will arm themselves, and reenter their school building. From here on all games will diverge, as the players deploy their heavy ordnance, and generally blast big holes in school. Oh, what fun and mayhem the players will have!

    The rest of the game will, of course, be up to the GM. As he throws one interesting possessed teacher at the players after another. Either the players will clean out the school, or die trying. But what then? What will the players do next as they stand above the rubble of their old school, victory beaming across their faces? They have a whole town to clean out, all they've done is made themselves a base of operations; and the rest of the town will be more densely populated with brain-sucking demons (after all, there are not a lot of adults at an Elementary School). The players will have to build a strategy. A game of Heavy Ordnance could go on for ever and ever and ever...

     Of course, a game of Heavy Ordnance gets old pretty quick. After you've blown up your third Assistant Principle with a LAW rocket, the thrill subsides. The GM of a Heavy Ordnance game must be sensitive to this, and know when his players are tired of just plain killing. Believe it or not, but there is the opportunity for some kind of plot in Heavy Ordnance. Its not all blood and guns (yeah, sure, right, whatever...). Here's a quick over view of the setting, and some plot ideas. You'll have do some work, but a game of Heavy Ordnance could be quite enriching. (chuckle)


    "I'm pretty cool, but I can't change the future."
    - Butthead, Bevis and Butthead.

    Contrary to the players first impressions (or second impressions for that matter), Hometown has not fallen into the depths hell. This is not something that you should tell the players right off. In fact, this isn't something that you should tell the players at all. Let them believe that their teachers have been possessed by the forces of Satan, not that they can really tell the difference.

     Yes, Hometown has not become inter-dimensionally meshed with the nether world, and the creatures that are possessing the adult population of the town are not demons in the strictest sense of the term. What has actually happen is far more interesting, and far harder to deal with. Let me explain:

     The nuclear accident in the cafeteria not only ripped a hole in space, but also in time. In fact, the rip spread so far that it expanded passed the history of mankind. While this had no effect in the past (dinosaurs can't quite wrap their heads around temporal mechanics), it had grave implications in the future.

     In the distant future, mankind has suffered through a terrible nuclear/biogenic war. Virtually all of mankind had been obliterated, and the survivors of the war found that they had to adapt to a world very different from the one they had lived in before. New environmental forces came to bare on the human race, and a evolutionary race for dominance began. The eventual victor in this race was a creature perfectly suited to a world left by a nuclear/biogenic war, something that you or I could only describe as a demon.

     These `demons' were a totally new form of life. They existed without a body, possessing other life forms to pursue their goals. They did not reproduce, but consumed the genetic data of other life forms and applied it to their own. Once one host died, the demon took the genetic data that it had consumed with that host, and moved to another. This next host would transform into a copy of the former host, and go about stealing more genetic data. Once this host died, the cycle would continue. And continue, and continue.

     This combination of predator/parasite was perfectly matched to the hostle environment of the war torn world, and the demons made short work of the remaining human population (who had reverted to hunting and gathering). But once they had consum all of the remaining life on earth, they found themselves without hosts. They became trapped in their transfer states of nothingness, unable to continue their vile mission of destruction. For centuries they remained this way, floating. That is, until the tear in space/time.

     Apart from being blood thirsty murderers, the demons were also highly intelligent. They realized that this space/time fissure was their opportunity to find an unlimited source of new hosts. All of time was within their grasp, and all they had to do was enter the rip in time. As they went through, they found that they could only travel to the nexus of the fissure (Hometown USA) but this was enough for starters: Thousands of victims, all within a small area.

    They set the brighter members of their numbers onto the task of navigating the time rift to any place in space and time, while the rest began to feast. They quickly either possessed or dispatched most of the adult population of Hometown, but for some reason, unknown to any of the demons, they're unable to possess any of the pre-adolescents in the town. They were able to destroy most of the individuals in the early hours of the invasion, but some grouped together and formed a resistance. While this is little more than and annoyance to the demons, it is worrisome that they are unable to use their powers on a section of the population. But after they have learned to navigate the temporal rift, they plan to look into it thoroughly. That you can be sure of.


     So what does this temporal rift mean for the players? And what about these `demons'. Well, basically it means that the players have two roads they can follow when they finally get around to wanting to get rid of the invasion (if they ever get around to it). They can either try and plug the space/time fissure, or they can find out what makes them immune to the demons possession. Neither will assure them victory over the demons (after all, if you close the rift won't the demons still be in our time), but it will give the players something to do other than blast the crap out of innocent walls.

     I won't even pretend to suggest how the players will achieve either of the above, but I will say that it better not be easy. Something like closing the time rift should be the culmination of an entire campaign. Don't let the players have anything for free. After all, the whole town is out to eat their brains...

     And just in case you missed it: When the players blast one of the possessed adults, they are not destroying the demon. The demon can simply move to another host if the one he is in dies. Even though big guns are pretty much the corner stone of the game, they aren't going to do they players any good in the long run. Eventually one of the demons will take the players by surprise, or sneak though overlapping arcs of fire. Eventually they will have to do something else other than shoot, even if its just rolling over dead.


    "The only solution to a zany scheme, is an even zanier scheme!"
    "Why does it have to be Zany?"
    -Homer & The Nerds, The Simpsons.

    Of course, a torrent of roleplaying ideas has washed over you while you've been reading this. All you have to do is sit down with your players and let it all go...right? Well, if this isn't true, here's a few ideas that you're welcome to build off:

    What if these demons can possess other things beside humans (No, not a dog you idiot. Watch out! That poodle's got six inch fangs!)? Maybe one of the demons has taken control of a computer, and found it advantageous for its purposes. Maybe its become some kind of super brain killing machine that can control other machines over a distance (Maximum Overdrive anyone?). Yeah, and maybe its learned how to make organic computers that it can be implanted into people's brains and it takes control of the one... Well, you get the idea.

    What if the demons have learned how to bring thing through the temporal rift? What if, during their early experiments, they bring dinosaurs through into the city. If nothing else, it would be interesting for the players to shoot at something different for awhile. This might be a good way for the players to learn that they are dealing with a time/space rift, and not simply an incursion of Satan. Maybe the demons bring through some marauding Pirates, or some space age killer droid. The possibilities are endless.

    What if the army figures out what's going on and sends in a task force? You know, tanks, helicopters, marines, etc. Of course, all the soldiers would become possessed by the demons, but wouldn't it be fun to have the players fighting heavily armed bad guys for awhile? Maybe the players can get their hands on some of the cool hardware. (Picture it: 11 year olds in a Commanche... "Don't worry man, I've been playing Maximum Overkill since it came out!")

    There are probably an infinite number of clever plots you could create around the temporal rift. For instance: Why was the National Guard base built next door to an Elementary School? Maybe one of the players goes back in time and convinces the National Guard to build it there, knowing its future usefulness. Maybe the players will go back in time to try and stop the nuclear explosion in the cafeteria, only to learn that it was caused by a time traveling demon. Things could get very complicated, and great fun. Don't over do it though. The point where one of the players turns out to be the other gunman at the grassy knoll, things have gone a little too far.

    One thing to keep in mind when creating plots for Heavy Ordnance is that it is, all in all, a game of satire. If you can use the game to take a poke at some one or some institution, go for it. Though if you can't work it in, don't feel too bad. There should be plenty going on to keep your players busy.

    One fault of Heavy Ordnance is that there is very little opportunity for any kind of actual Roleplaying. Virtually all characters that the players encounter (other than the other players) will be out to eat their brains. If you're like me, this will probably come as a great relief; but if you are an actual Roleplayer, this might not be the game for you. If your clever, you could probably whip something up, but don't count on it. There's very little roleplaying involved in a demon ripping off your head and drooling down your neck.


    What does a demon look like? How tall are they? Do they have arms? Faces? Well, when it comes to the physical appearance of demons, there are no hard and fast rules. Demons, by their very nature, modify their physical appearance every time they jump into a new body. Characteristics of the old human will always show through after then transformation. The extent of mutation also varies per case. Some demons become almost totally bestial when they transform, other might almost pass for human on a rough day.


     Here are some options for expansion of your Heavy Ordnance campaign


        The images taken by spy satellite of prepubescent kids doing battle with otherworldly abominations was enough to convince the Top Brass that something needed to be done. A combined task force composed of the Marine Corps, the Air Force and the Army advanced into Hometown one early morning, with orders to discover the source of the infestation and remove it, as well as to cover up all evidence of the events. Within hours, the entire Task Force has been possessed by Demons, and the surviving kids are left facing an enemy that's well-trained, heavily-armed, and out for blood.
     Fortunately, the CIA has realized what is going on, and has begun dropping cratefulls of weapons to the freedom fighters of Hometown, in hopes that they will be able to defeat the mysterious incursion.


        The Demons have not ravaged all of their world - a few pockets of resistance still remain, composed of groups of individuals who have figured out how to block the Demons from possessing them. When these groups discover the Rift, they send their best fighters to explore. How will these warriors from the future react to their brethren from the past? What new weapons and knowledge will they bring with them? Will they even join the children, or will they be a side on their own, fighting Demon and human alike?


        The Dimensional Rift has been closed, but the Demons remain in our world. They have learned much, and they no longer visibly modify their hosts' bodies. Spreading throughout the nation, the Demons hope to take control of the world through covert machinations rather than outright violence, and they must be stopped! The government has established the secret Section 23 to counter them. As the Demons have the ability to possess any adult, Section 23's field agents must all be children. Led by the veterans of the Battle Of Hometown, the brave boys and girls of Section 23 hunt the down the Demons wherever they are and do their best to destroy them, using advanced and unstable experimental weapons.
     Alternatively, Section 23 may not be officially sanctioned. It might be a loose organization of children who survived the Hometown Massacre working on their own to convert others to their cause and stop the Demons, secretly backed by government and military officials who know the truth


    "Ooo, floor pie!"
    -Homer, The Simpsons.

    Stupid is as Stupid Does... is an short, low level adventure for the Heavy Ordnance Roleplaying Game. This adventure will serve as a good break for a Heavy Ordnance group that has shot one to many demons for it to be fun anymore. Of course, the players will have to shoot plenty of demons in Stupid is as Stupid Does..., but hopefully they will have a reason for do it.

    The Story So Far...

    The meat loaf has hit the fan. The world has ended, at least in the vicinity of Hometown USA, and the players are among the few people still to be in their right mind. The players have guns, big ones, and have used them to clear out their school of everyone of the demonic persuasion. Hometown Elementary has become an island in a sea of destruction. A haven for anyone who is still human. But this is not enough; the hordes of evil are pounding in the doors. The players must take the battle to the enemy, or drown under the tide of destruction.

     Reports from children that have managed to make it all the way from downtown Hometown indicate that demonic activity is far greater there. The leaders of the Hometown Liberation Front and Bake Sale Society (HLFBSS) has decided that an expeditionary force must be sent downtown to evaluate the threat, and create as much havoc as possible. As always, the players have been nominated for the job.

     The players, dubbed the Downtown Expeditionary Force (DEF), are to take the newly equipped Urban Assault Vehicle (UAV) downtown, scope out the demonic forces there, and return with as few casualties as possible. If the players succeed, there will be medals and danishes all round. If they fail, this will look grave for the noble HLFBSS.

    The Briefing.

    A few days before the actually expedition, all the member of the DEF (the players) are collected in Hometown Elementary's Gym to receive their briefing from Colonel Chalky While. The Colonel is of the ripe old age of 13, and commands the respect of everyone at Hometown Elementary. Once everyone has seated themselves quietly upon the bleachers, the Colonel steps up onto the platform beside the school band.

    "My fellow humans," He begins. The band suddenly erupts in a few rousing seconds of Tequila before the Colonel waves them to be quiet. "Not yet you idiots!"

     "Sorry," First Kazoo replies. "we thought you were done..." The Colonel looks angrily at the band, then continues his speech.

     "My fellow humans, It is my great honor to send you forth upon this your most glorious of missions." Once again, the band starts up with Tequila. The Colonel quiets them with and angry look.

     "Sorry, we thought you were..." The Kazoo man says softly. The Colonel, trying to look dignified, returns his attention to the players.

     "Though what you are about to do is dangerous. Though what you are about to do will almost certainly get you killed. Do no look upon it as suicide. No sir. For what you do, you do for the greater good of humanity, and the betterment to all. So when that evil demon is sucking out your brain, you can say to yourself: Sure, it hurts, but its a good kind of hurt." Tequila erupts once again from the band, this time as if they mean to continue. The Colonel loses his cool, and throws his notes at the first Kazoo.

     "What, what?" The Kazoo man says as the band grinds to a halt.

     "Stop! That!" The Colonel says as if he is having an embolism. The Colonel tries to regain his composure, and turns back to the players. The first seven notes of Tequila burst from the band in rapid succession. The Colonel looks like he's going to feed first Kazoo his instrument.

     "Sorry. Slipped." First Kazoo tries to look at something else. The Colonel buries his face in his hands. His will broken.

    "Oh, just go kick some ass..." He says to the players, and steps off the platform. The Colonel makes it halfway across the gym before he turns around and yells: "Now you idiots! You can play now!" The look at each other with surprise and start up playing.

     The players are played out of the gymnasium with a rousing chorus of... Yes, you guessed it: Tequila. Bam dududuu-dududa.

    This, this is my BOOM stick!!!

    Those players who have brought their characters over from a different Heavy Ordnance game will already have some equipment; but for brand new characters, a trip to the armory will be in order.

     The Armoror is a little hesitant to give the players any quality equipment (not expecting the player to come back), so the stuff below is all he will part with:

    2 LAW's.
    5 fragmentation grenades.
    4 M16's. w/ 12 clips
    2 .45 Autos. w/4 clips
    1 Ingram M10 w/5 clips
    3 3 point bullet proof vests (altered to fit a 10 year old).

    The players will have to pester the Armoror to get any more equipment out of him. Unless the players are very persuasive, the Armoror will not budge.

    A visit to the Bus Barn.

    On the day of the expedition, the players report bright and early (at least 10ish) to the Bus Barn behind the school, where the UAV is stored. The UAV, as you might have guessed, is a big yellow school bus with a few optional extras. The windows have been covered with steel plates, a hole has been cut in the roof and a M60 has been mounted by it, a plate of spikes has been added to the front of the bus, and the letters DEF and the HLFBSS emblem (a muffin with a sword through it) has been painted on the side. The players will meet Q-Ball, the HLFBSS local technical genius. He will give them the tour of the UAV, pointing out the useful bits, and asks them to please bring the thing back in one piece. The players can load their equipment aboard, and get under way.

     Players who look around the bus will find a milk crate of molitov cocktails under one of the benches. There are gun slits cut into the steel covering the windows that will allow the players to shoot out.

    Bye-bye Boys, Have Fun Storming the Castle!

    As the players drive the UAV out of the Bus Barn and by the front of the school, they will see that everyone has come out to wish them on their way. The band is there playing, of course, Tequila, and everyone else is weaving happily. (Any player that can land a stun grenade in the band at this point get a hero point on the spot.) The bookies have the players odds of survival at even odds...

    As the UAV rounds the corner, the happy waving crowd turns in to a weepy mourning one. The bookies move their decimal place on their tally boards, and turn the odds of the players survival to 1000 to 1.

    Hi Ho, Hi Ho, its off to war we go...

    Its a ten minute drive to downtown Hometown, down a twisting badly kept road. The bus is equipped with an 8-track player to help the trip go quickly. Unfortunately, the only cassette on the bus is The Greatest Hits of the BeeGees. So as the players jive on down to When the Lights Went Out in Massachusetts the UAV works it's way down to the downtown.

     The players are almost halfway to downtown Hometown when they run into and obstacle. As the players round a corner, they see that a tree has fallen across the road, blocking their path. Whoever is driving the UAV will have to make a quick decision: Will they try and ram the tree, or will they stop the bus. As you have probably guessed (and hopefully, so have the players), this is an ambush. Sitting in the branches of the trees lining the road are four demons, just waiting for the bus to roll by.

    If the driver is smart enough to ram the tree, he must make a Dex-Drive roll versus 7. Any successes will mean that the UAV has broken through the tree. The demons will try to drop down upon the moving bus, and each demon will have to make a Agil-Gym roll versus 6 plus the number of successes the driver got on his drive roll (So if the driver got 3 success on his drive roll, the demons would have to roll against 9). The stats for the average demon are given above.

     If the driver stops the bus, the demons will drop down almost immediately. They don't have to make any roll to drop down onto a stopped bus. They will start tearing at the UAV to try and get at the players inside. The UAV doesn't have enough momentum to break through the tree from a sitting start, so the players will be sitting ducks inside the bus.

     If the players stopped the bus or not, hopefully they will be able to deal with the demons and move on to the next part of the adventure.

    Downtown, Where the Cabs don't stop...

    "Slow Down!"
    "Why? Everybody else is Russian around here!"
    -Yacko & Rasputin, Animanics.

    If the players manage to make it through the ambush, the UAV will roll onto the streets of downtown Hometown. The town doesn't seem to be the site of the end of the world. The houses seem in perfect condition. The lawns are all mowed, and the streets are free of burning wrecks. In fact, the city seems just like it always did, except for the fact that no one is around.

    Downtown is totally quiet. Nothing seems to be moving. No pets, no birds, no people. If it wasn't for the players, the city would be dead. The players can drive around for as long as they want, marveling at the peace. They can even get out and check out the houses if they want. Everything seems normal. The houses are tidy, and their doors are locked. It seems like everyone has just gotten up and gone on vacation. Everyone, at the same time...

     Eventually the players will roll the UAV down Main Street. As they pass the city hall they will encounter their first sign of life. In the loosest sense of the word:

     As the players roll down Man Street, a vehicle will make a left onto Main from Pine. The vehicle, which seems to be some futuristic sort of tank, will head straight for the UAV. Coming towards them at about 10 mph. If the players stop and reverse, the tank will speed up to try and catch them. Once the tank gets within twenty yards to the UAV it will suddenly stop.

     At first the players might think that the tank has thrown its track, as the tank leans uncomfortably to one side. But as the tracks disappear into tank, and the whole things begins to transform, the players may thing twice.

    The Tank quickly transforms into a giant Robot. The tank barrel mounted on its right forearm. The Tankbot stands up, and levels the barrel at the UAV. Any intelligent player will be pissing themselves at this point; but luckily for the players , the Tankbot is having a little trouble adjusting to the Midwestern climate, and couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. The shell will explode a good 20 feet away from the UAV, incinerating a perfectly innocent park bench.

     What the players do from here is totally up to them. The Tankbot is unable to hit the UAV with its cannon, but if it can get hold of it, it will try and punch the UAV into oblivion. The players can easily run from the Tankbot, but while they're in the UAV they won't be able to shake it. Weapons will have little effect against the Tankbot, and a LAW rocket will only knock it on its ass. Eventually they players will have to abandon the UAV and let the Tankbot have its fun with it. The Tankbot will proceed to smash the UAV into a pile of twisted metal, then wander off down the streets of downtown.

     Players may quickly conclude that they are in way over their heads, and have more than enough information already to deliver a concise report back to the Colonel (They've got really really BIG robots! What else do you want to know?"). The only question will become: How to get home?

     If the players don't conclude this, and want to wander around for a bit longer, let them go right ahead. Throw in the occasional demon, and bring back Tankbot now and again. They'll sooner or later run out of ammo and want to go home.

    Getting home, of course, is going to be tough. There are plenty of cars around, but there's one problem: No gas. Really, every gas tank in every car in town is totally dry. None of the cars will go. The players may think of draining the fuel out of the UAV, but their are two problems with this: 1. The UAV uses diesel. 2. The players will have to siphon the diesel out. Whatever the players conclude, they are going to have to go searching for something. Be it gas, a truck that uses diesel, siphoning equipment, or a ray of hope.

    One of the players may realize (and feel free to point this out if they don't) that there may still be some pockets of human resistance left downtown. If there is, they may have what they players are looking for, and they might help the players get back to Hometown Elementary. Unless the players have a better idea, this may be their best bet for survival.

     Of course, the most intelligent place to start looking for survivors will be at the nearest school. Just like the players, if any children survived, they are probably holding up there. There are a few schools downtown, but the nearest to the players (wherever they are) is the Arnold Buckweed Junior High.

    If the players decided to go looking for what they need in the downtown stores, they will come up empty. All gas, everywhere, is dry. Siphoning equipment and a diesel powered truck won't be to hard to find, but as soon as the players return to the UAV, they will find that its tanks have already been drained. There are no signs of how this happened or who did this. The fuel just seems to have vanished.

    Arnold Buckweed Junior High.

    "Now I know hell."
    -Author, First day of Junior High.

    Eventually they players will end up at the Junior High. There only hope will be in finding other human resistors to the demon invasion. On approaching the school, they players will see no signs of life.

    The inside of the school looks like a battlefield. Corridors have been blockaded with desks and chairs, claw marks can be seen in the walls and floors, and classroom doors have been ripped clean of their hinges. Still, there are no signs of life, and the only mark of human habitation is the occasional bloodstain. As they players wander around the destruction, any hope of finding a pocket of human resistance will drain from them.

    Unfortunately, the first life the players will encounter will not be human. In the library the players will encounter a rather runtish demon that seems to be shelving books. The demon has glasses perched over its bug-like eyes, and moves about the shelves of books in a busy fashion. The demon is the twisted remains of the old librarian, and some regressive gene has kept it in the library even after the mutation. The librarian is very protective of his books, and will attack the players as soon as they enter the library. Even though he is a runtish demon, he may still be a handful for unsuspecting players:
    Librarian Demon
    Fanatically Protective Librarian (4)
    Demon Possessed (3)

    The Librarian will fight to the death, and will try with all his might to protect his books. The players should be able to quickly dispatch this demon, but the sound of any gunfire will bring three more demons running from down the hall. These three demons are of the full grown 'average' type, and will dispatch the players with extreme prejudice. They players will have a few moment to prepare for this assault, and dig themselves in behind the book shelves. The demons will have to come down the hall and cross the open reading area before they hit the players. With a few overlapping arcs of fire, the players should be able to cut the demons down like corn.

    If the players take down the demons, they will probably venture down the corridor from which the demons emerged. At the end of the corridor they will find the science labs for the Junior High. Going inside, the players will see what the demons were working on:

    The laboratory seems to be in full operation. Bunsen burners are burning, beakers are bubbling, and computers are computing. On the lab benches are about dozen large specimen jars, each containing a human baby. The babies are in the various stages of gestation. Anywhere from 3 to 9 months along. Anyone who takes a closer look at the babies will see that they are in fact alive inside the jars, breathing and growing.

    What is going on here? Though the players may never know the whole story, they can probably guess most of it. The demons are doing experiments into the reasons why prepubescent children are not effected by their powers of possession. Even though they do not yet know the reason why this is the case, they have managed to genetically engineer a human child that is not immune to their power. The babies in the jars are the product of this experiment. Human children that can be possessed by demons.

    Any player who has ever seen Aliens probably won't go anywhere near the jars, no less disturb them. But in this case, it doesn't really matter. Once the players have had plenty of time to look around the lab, and have jumped to some conclusions to the origins of the babies, a couple of the babies in the jars will start to kick and shake. After a few moments of this, their jars will crack and then explode. Smart players will quickly turn their weapons on the rest of the babies in the jars.

    Two of the demons the players slew in the library have jumped into the bodies of the babies. They have broken out of the jars and hidden under the lab benches. They both will quickly mutate into tiny versions of the demons the players killed in the library. Being of such a small size, these mini demons are very, very, fast. They will scamper around the lab floor, moving from bench to bench, probably scaring the players half to death.  Shooting at the mini demons will have little effect other than to destroy the scenery. Players that don't run for their lives from the laboratory will be slowly picked at by the demons. They will charge, strike once, then run for cover. A few tries at this, and the players will be badly injured.

    Those that run, will be chased by the mini demons, out into the library, and into the Gymnasium beyond. In here, the players will be in better shape. The mini demons have nothing to hide under, and it will be harder for them to attack in the open. The players won't be able to hit the demons with their guns, but things will be looking up.

    Just as the players are getting frustrated, the fire exit of the Gym is suddenly smashed in. A ride-on lawnmower, blades down, comes screaming into the gym. It does a wide loop across the floor and catches the mini demons in it blades. A red spray washes from the back of the lawnmower, and it screeches to a halt. The driver, a chubby dull looking man, climbs off the mower and giggles.

    "Only way to get them suckers." He says.

    Bob the Custodian

    The man, the players will find out, is Bob the Custodian. He has been the custodian of Arnold Buckweed Junior High for over ten years. He is happy to seen the players, and willing to answer any questions that they might have.

    Of course, the first question on every players mind will be: "Why the hell aren't you a brain sucking demon?" Well, Bob has no idea, but the players may be able to hazard a guess:

    Bob is, to be politically correct, intellectually challenged. Or, to be more realistic, dumb as a post. The players will quite quickly assume that this is the reason for Bob's freedom from the demon menace. Whatever the reason, Bob is a God send for the players. He not only has gasoline, but he also has a truck around the back of the Junior High; and he is only to happy to drive the players wherever they want to go.

    Bob is genuinely interested in what they players are up to, and is curious about their weaponry. He is not completely aware of what has happened around him, and hasn't made the connection between everyone disappearing and the demonic hordes that he's been fighting. He has survived through a combination of brute force, and good luck; using his gardening implements as weapons.

    If asked about the demons, Bob will have one piece of important information. He will tell the players that after the initial wave of demons destroyed the Junior High, they all seemed to abandon the place and head off to the High School at the center of town. Ever since, Bob has only ever encountered the occasional demon. All the rest seem to be holding up inside the High School building.

    Tankbot Was A Steel Driving Man.

    Of course, a pleasant scene of human interaction, such as that between the players and Bob, has to be broken by violence (action genre motto). And who else can bring such a thing to reality but- Yes you guessed it... The Master of Disaster... The Mean, Green, Fighting Machine... Tankbot!!! (Yeah. Tankbot, Tankbot, He's our man! If he can't kill it, no one can!)

    The wall of the gymnasium is blown in by a blast from Tankbot's cannon. He smashes the rest of the wall down as he swaggers into the gym. Tankbot has gotten a little more used to the Midwestern Climate now, so he's shooting straight once again. He will level his cannon, and incinerate one of the basketball hoops.

    The players will have to be creative in dealing with Tankbot. Their weapons will have little or no effect on him.

    Hiding inside the Junior High will be an ineffective tactic with Tankbot. He will smash down walls and roofs at will to get at the players. It won't take much damage by Tankbot before the Junior High collapses in on itself.

    The players best bet is to stick with Bob, and use his knowledge of the local terrain to their advantage. His lawnmower is fast enough to shake off Tankbot's aim most of the time, so they should be able to move around without getting blasted.

    Though the players may come up with their own plan for defeating Tankbot. Below is what Bob will come up with after a little time (okay, a lot of time):

    Like all sports fields at Junior High Schools, the football field at Arnold Buckweed Junior High is a swamp. One corner of it is more rice paddy than grass field; and no matter what time of the year it is, it is always under water. On top of this, Bob will switch on the field's sprinkler system (proper use of school funds) and drench the rest of the field. He will ask the players to lure Tankbot out into the field, and try and get him into the deep end. When Tankbot is up to his knees in mud, he will use his lawnmower and 100 yards of unbreakable garden hose to trip Tankbot. Once in the mud, Tankbot will be unable to pull himself out, and all of his trying will just dig him deeper.

    Of course, if the players get a better idea, let them go through with it. Tankbot is a tough nut to crack, and brute force won't bring him down.

    Hail the Conquering Heros...

    "I just love it when a plan comes togther."
    -Hannibul, A- Team.

    Once Tankbot is defeated (if Tankbot is defeated), the players will probably want to head back home. Arnold Buckweed Junior High is a pile of rubble by the time Tankbot is finished with it, so Bob will be happy to go with the players. He will drive them home in his pickup, and stay at Hometown Elementary to help the players out.

    The players will return to a warm reception. Just the fact that they're alive will be a cause for rejoicing. The Colonel will be interested to hear their report, and everyone will be fascinated by the existence of Bob. Q-ball will be disappointed about the destruction of the UAV, but will be interested in the existence of Tankbot. He will start right away on a weapon that can be used against it. If asked, Bob will be happy to say with the HLFBSS and help out in any fashion that he can. The HLFBSS scientist, at least would like to take a look at him.

    Is this the end of the DEF? Is it's mission complete? Of course not! This is but the first day in long campaign for freedom. Many question remain to be answered: Why is Bob unaffected by the demons? How can this fact be used to HLFBSS's advantage? What about Tankbot? Where did he come from? Is he a vicious killing machine? Or is he just misunderstood? What of the demon bread babies? What will they grow up to be like? Will the demon scientists find away to leap into the bodies of the players? What's going on at the High School? And what the hell happened to all of the God damn gasoline? Did the demons steal it? What are they using it for? Many questions remain to be answered, and only the players can ask the questions.

    Does this rock? Does it suck?  Do you know how to make it better? Send comments, complaints, flames (well no, not flames please) to
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