Well this is the most true statement about women I have written. Why because women are all of those things. See they made me a misogenic not to take into account my father is one. Maybe I should got to the psychiatrist, a female one i suppose, and see how I fix myself. But I can't hide the anger I have toward myself and toward women for my inability to get a girlfreind. To have a woman that loves me and wants me for herself. Yes I do have a lot of anger inside, it has been there since I was born. Growing little by little by everyones fault and I swallowing it lil by lil holding it in my body not to harm anyone else. Not to harm myself but now It has become part of my body, now I can't get rid of it. Now I don't see the why's or the how's  I am just upset. Dying inside out with an ever living cancer called hate. Friends try to cheer me up, but I still feel the same. I still feel rotten and with grief inside.

    Here I look at all those women in Miss Universe and my anger grows because my frustration is being fed. Seeing all those women remembering every moment that I lack the ability to get one for myself that the only one that I think will ever love me is Eleonor and she doesn't exist. Waiting for a female to save me from this grief to show me the ligh of love, of her kisses, of her morning breath. But I am hopeless why do I wish for something that will never arrive. Why do I wish for something that just hurts me more everytime I think about it? Why I am starting to feel like being depressed is something normal, something that must be. Why do I fear to talk to my Guardian Angel? Maybe he holds the answers to these questions, maybe he can help me out of my pain, but how do I help him, help me? I don't know.

    All I know is that women frustrate me when it comes to love. I am sweet, loving and a gentleman in the best ways I can be but I also fear women. I sometimes fear them to death. This fear is like a demon laughing everytime I grieve. Laughing waiting for my death to laugh at me losing. But I don't see anything to fight it, to get rid of it. I just cry and complain hoping someone would save me. But who will do it? Nobody, nobody seems to can. Nobody wants me, I am just alive so they don't have to miss another human being in 6 billion of them. How pitifull are us humans that we suffer like this. Why I am taking all human kind into this? It is my fault I am like this. I am the pitifull one. After all that is what everyone can do for me, pity me.

    I don't see what I should do. Everyone tells me but I can't hear or they just tell me shit that just makes me more angrier: "You are only 18 you still have time. I don't see why you bother so much about it. The good ones are the ones that are hard, the ones you must fight for.". I am 18 but it feels like my life is going to end soon, I am not living a life. I am not normal, I am not like everyone else. I am just a person who lets the tide flow from outside but hates it. Hates everything that comes with it. Everything that society has decided should be. Lame costumes, lots of parties, dancing, the whole mating proccess all of this I hate and some other things. Society has become a world of the common, and not a world of understanding and helping live the uncommon. I am different, I always have been. I am different from everyone. I do not dance, have joy, go to parties and flirt like other boys do. I am a boy living in my room, trying to understand the world by a comp. Trying to understand myself in the mirror. Trying to understand why I am different and why do I hate so much. And most of all trying to understand how to help myself. Being me may not be the way to feel happier but if I drink a beer or consume drugs I would deny who I am and would turn into a worst monster than what I already am. So here I lie in a dilemma with no exit with no answer.

    I also hate women indirects like: "I only like you as a friend. You don't look so bad.". All signs of that I am the most ugly boy. I am ugly and I do not deserve anyones love. I only deserve grief because they want someone else. They want an ever happy idiot that just cheats on them and hits them to death. Why? Because they are the most handsome and courages guys on the planet. Because they make them princesses in a false reality. I give them what I can, I don't give them lies. I don't give them dreams. I just sell them the reality how I see it. If they want something hard and pleasurous, let them. What can I do? I am just a ugly boy, an ugly monster with no chance to ever love. Someone whos honest, sweet and intelligent, i am nothing like the other boys. I am just an ugly monster, so let them go with their idiotic prince. Let them, after all there is nothing I can do.