Who am I?(originally written in spanish)

    During 17 years of my life I believe that in most of it I have had an identity crisis. I since little have questioned myself, who am i? Which is my role in this life?

    I have lived from crumbs and the charity of others for not fighthing and remaining secure in my riddle cage.

    This prison I built it myself, using what I learned and the bad experiences I have had as building tools and materials. In this prison I live with remorse that cause wrath against myself. A wrath that is soothen by video games, anime, RPGs and food. Like a drug or addiction I  realize of how really ugly I am inside.

    Like the chameleon I have changed colors, I have lied and I have dumped my esence to please others. I have built walls to my prison because I don't want to have responsibilities and face problems or dissapoint myself. Everytime I open some of the blocks that composes those walls I feel afraid that people see my ugly soul. But who do I decieve? Because of my insecurities I have done much damage and I have lost opportunities and love relationships.

    But I ask myself if a being like myself that never speaks directly, that communicates using puzzles and hates himself can love? I don't have anything to give but illusions. How can I protect others when I even can't protect myself. How can I socialize, how can I trust, if I fear so much myself and others. All of this because I don't want to suffer any damage.

    Maybe I deserve this hell that I have built. Maybe I can escape it but, how? God has been giving me help all these years and I am gratefull but still I live alone in the shadows insecure if I will be an important person or another hitler.

                    Written by George M.D.R.