*slowly the cast of the musical CATS file into the theater*
Jenny: That sure was nice of the Typist....Letting us out to get our nerves together after that terrifying shock.
Jemima: Yeah, and it was a scary surprise, too.
Munk: Eh, she needed the long break anyway, you know, to rebuild the set.
Misto: Good point, I mean, Blazord did destroy about half the stage.
*the cats take their seats and Minifire walk on stage in front of the closed curtains*
Minifire: Okay, welcome back everyone. Now, I know that last time, we had a bit of a, uh....problem. A big, purple, and officially extinct problem. Well, worry no more, because not only is Barney dead, but we can also give you a %100 guarantee that there will be no more dinosaurs in this parody!
*everyone cheers*
Tantomile: Wait, what happened to Barney's body?
Minifire: We fed it to Crosis.
Coricopat: That was a pretty good idea.
Minifire: Not really, it gave the poor dragon indigestion. Now then, on with the show!!! Yet again...
*Minifire walks off stage and the curtain rises. We see on that on half of the stage, our heroes are digging what looks like under ground, while on the other side the Americans and company are digging around what looks to be a statue of Anubis. Lights are on Rick, Evelyn, and Jonathan*
Anaconda: I can't believe it, we've been off all this time and now we gotta come back and finish it?!
Wing: This is an outrage! I want to speak with my agent!
Chloe: Wing, I think your Typist is your agent.
Wing: But...my Typist is the Tomlette's boyfriend...
Wolverine: Sounds like your screwed, bub.
Wing: Most defiantly.
*anyway, O'Connell and Jonathan are beating against the ceiling with sledge hammers and gently chisels away at the rock*
Chloe: According to my calculations, we should be right underneath the statue of Anubis...
Anubis: What about me?
Typist: Not you, the Anubis in the story. *points to the statue*
Anubis: *looks at the statue* Hey, that's a pretty good likeness! How much will I have to pay to take that after the show's over? Do you except Visa?
Typist: I thought you people didn't care about money...!!
Dais: We don't, but Anubis is a god/warlord/cat. He used to use money all the time.
Typist: You know, I think I'm going to agree with Conda....I don't know why I'm putting myself through this again!
Chloe: We should be right under the statue of Anubis. We should be coming up right between his legs.
*a few toms out in the audience whistle, Tugger especially*
Chloe: Oh, shut up, you dirty minded jerks!
*she hits Tugger with a dart of energy, causing him to collapse in pain*
Stoffie: Hmm...Lets not ever reeeeaaalllyyy make this queen mad.
Wing: And when those dirty Yanks go to sleep...No offence.
Conda: None taken.
Wing: We'll sneak up and steal that book right from under them!
Conda: Are you sure you can find that secret compartment?
Chloe: If their Egyptologist hasn't already found it.
Wing: Say...what's our smelly little friend gotten himself into?
*the lights dim on them, and then come up in the front part of the stage, where the Warden is examining and amethyst scarab. He smiles fondly at it, then tries to drop it in his bag, but misses without realizing, and pulls out a bottle of old liquor. As he takes a swig and puts the bottle back, the amethyst breaks open and a real scarab climbs out, then climbs up onto to Warden's leg and then INTO the Warden's leg. His eyes widen, he screams and starts clawing at it as it makes it's way up in the form of a lump under his skin until in vanishes into his head. He screams some more and runs off stage*
Grizzly: That...was just...gross.
Andreaste: I could've gone all day with out that.
Tommi: Try all week....yuck.
*the lights dim in front stage and then light up on the right of the stage, where the Americans are digging. Suddenly everyone hovers around the Egyptologist as three workers pull out a chest from a secret compartment in the statue's base*
Conda: Oops, they found it, too bad, now there's no more show and everybody goes home. *starts to leave* Typist: Hold it right there, buddy, you know as well as I do it's not over. Conda: Crap! Well...it was worth the try...
Gizzly: Seti was no fool. Let one of the workers open it.
*Three of the workers walk forward with crowbars, and start to pry at the seams. As they pull, a liquid spray squirts out and melts the skin of the diggers, all the other workers scream along with Benny and run out, as they 'die' horrible deaths, but the chest is open. Daniels peers into the chest and smiles at the contents: Anck-Su-Namun's organ jars*
Grizzly: Gentlemen, this is your treasure.
Azriel: Somebody's got a very messed up idea of 'treasure'. Yuck!
Typist: I'm pretty sure they were talking about the fact that they were made out of gold, not that they had the organs of an ancient Egyptian woman.
Azriel: Oh....that makes more sense.
Tommi: Not really. Once again, what can we use....?
Typist: Would you just drop it? The sooner we get this thing over, the sooner you can all leave!
*everyone's eyes widen, and even those who are members of CATA suddenly jump Tommi and gag her so that the show may continue*
*the lights come up on our three heroes, where they are still pounding on the ceiling*
Conda: Lemme get this straight, they stuck a sharp, red hot poker up your nose, cut your brain into small pieces, and then ripped it all out through your nostrils?
Wing: OUCH! That's gotta hurt!
Grizzly: Your telling US!
Expermalin: Can you say 'disgusting'?
Jag: I'm starting to think that this movie was pretty gross....
Chloe: It's called mummification. Your dead when they do this.
Grizzly: We take it all back.
Exper: Every word of it.
Jag: I don't, I still think it must've been a vivid movie.
Wing: Still...
Conda: Jonathan, when I die, don't put me down for mummification.
Wing: Same here.
*suddenly a giant stone casing falls from the ceiling. O'Connell pulls Evelyn clear and Jonathan dives out of the way. After the dust clears, it become appear that it's a sa..sar...sarco...grave thingy*
Tito: The word is 'sarcophagus'.
Chloe: It looks like...it looks like a sa...sar...grave thingy.
Tito: Sarcophagus!
Conda: Why would they bury somebody in the ceiling?
Chloe: They didn't. He was buried at the foot of Anubis.
Anubis: *looking at the bottom of his paws* I don't see anything...
Typist: Somebody, get me some Advil...Please...
Chloe: He was either someone very important....or he did something very naughty.
*they dust the top of the sar...grave thingy--*
Tito: SARCOPHAGUS!!!
*--and Evelyn looks at some hieroglyphs puzzled*
Wing: Well...? Who is it?
Chloe: *reading and translating* 'He who shall not be named'.
Azriel: DUN! DUN! DUUUN!
Typist: Moomie.
Azriel: What?
Typist: Ask Leah.
Nova: Well, that was pointless.
Sparrow: We now return to our regularly scheduled parody.
*our heroes are now eyeing those behind the stage worriedly as they continue with the scene*
Conda: There's some kind of lock on this thing...
Chloe: Key....KEY! That's what he was talking about!
Conda: Who was talking about what?
*Evelyn starts going through Jonathan's pack*
Chloe: The man on the barge. The one with the hook, he was looking for a key.
*she pulls out the box thingy that had the map/water park pass*
Wing: Hey! That's mine!
Chloe: Just wait!
*Evelyn unfolds the box and sets it into the keyhole thingy--a perfect fit. Suddenly, the Warden screams are heard and he runs onto their part of the stage, screaming*
Tito: I think that's a given.
Typist: Quiet, you!
*The Warden yells out in pain as the trio stares at him. Jonathan and O'Connell reach forward to make him calm down, but he pushes them away and runs head first into a wall. The set collapses and buries him*
Typist: Not again! DAIS!!!
Dais: It isn't my fault! I just make them look real, I don't build the things! Don't blame me!
Typist: I blame you!! Now we gotta take another early break to fix the set...and dig up Sandman.
Minifire: Boy, by the time this parody is over, I'll have all kinds of stage time.
Sweap: Do we have to dig him up? I think it'd be amusing to let him rot...
Nova: Down boy...Somebody untie Tommi, we're gonna need help.
Will Dais get annoyed with the Typist and go postal on her? Will this parody EVER be finished? Why does everyone fire at Will? Find out in the next Part of "The Kitty!" And stop calling my Roger!
To Be Continued....Or forgotten about, the jury's still out on that one.
