Happy Birthday, handsome! Yeah, I know that you've already used this idea--twice--but it was a good idea, so I'm hijacking it. :-P So, as I recall, today is your 23 birthday. You've graced this Earth for 23 years now, huh? I should thank you, then, because by allowing those such as myself to continue to know and love you, you've helped me to cope with many things in my life, including falling in love.

A few days after my birthday last year, September 26th to be precise, I wrote an e-mail to you that I thought at the time was so incredibly...girly that I was to embarrested to actually send it. It's been sitting in my Draft folder since then, with a big subject line that says "DO NOT SEND!" I've revamped it a little bit since then, and though that if I really wanted to give you something from my heart, showing you at least most of this e-mail would probably be the best thing I could do. It's still got plenty of misspelled words and typos in it, but after reading my typing for about six years, I though you could probably handle it. :-P

"I have no intentions of ever sending this. So, if you ever read it, I either got up the courage to send it, or you some how found out my password and went browsing through my e-mail account. :-P Since the first is unlikely, and the second more or less unconvicable when refering to you, I reckon I've got nothing to fear. So, hear goes my "pouring out my heart to no one in particular and then chickening out because it sounds rather childish and embarressing to my ears". *lol* Long title, huh?

Charles...I've known several people and...things with that name and variations of it. One of them was a cowboy, about the best kind of cowboy there is to find. Another is the name of the spirit that lives in Mom's quige board (go figure....and I don't really trust that guy, either, Civil War vet or not). I knew a girl named Charla once, used to be my best friend until I found out she hated my guts and only pretended to be my friend out of pity. And then there was you. I still remember the first time I met you in Rummy's RPG--I got mad because everyone thought I was Malie. *lol* Over the years you've been very supportive of me. I remember one year you sent me a Valentine card. Not entirely sure why even yet, but it was sweet and it was the only one anyone sent me that year, and the fact that you'd taken time just to send it was touching. It always amazed me how much you'd go out of your way for people, especially your friends... You always have had so much love to pass around, and that's a real special gift, hun. Not just anybody can do that. And those who can won't always do it. You've always seemed so sure about yourself...In fact, when I first met you, I was almost positive that you always were. And I don't mean that in a bossy way, of course...You just always came off as so...confident. It actually came as a small shock when I found out you were human just like the rest of us, with fears and worries and the whole nine yards.

You said on that page you made for my birthday that I pulled you out of a rut. Well, I don't see how I could've done that. Your so strong willed, any problem you may have been having I know you could beat off on your own. You're just that remarkable. Still, if the day should come anything you can't handle comes your way, I'll be here. And I'll help in anyway I can, though that's kinda of like Cura offering to heal Nightstalker before the darkness was purged from him--it's the thought that counts, right? Since I'd probably be mowed down by such a catastrophy. *lol* You also said on that page that there probably aren't any words to describe what I am...And everytime I try to tell you the same thing, you usual reply with "You do a good job." or turn it back arounf on me. Actually...No, I don't. I can't do a good job in that respect. A writer I may be but when conserning everything you are and everything you mean to me. I find there really aren't the words in the English language and probably any other that can equal what I feel for you. You put up with so much bs out of me, I'm sure since everyone does. But you never complain, you never get upset. You never even mention it to me if/when I do. (as, I might add, I probably would and have to you, since I like to complain about everything). You show you care for me each and every time we have ever talked. I don't just mean since we've been together, either. I mean since we have been friends you've gone out of your way for me and for everyone else around you. Like I said before, you just have so much love to give, it is honestly breath taking and awe inspiring...

You have been these past several years a light that shines even during the darkest of times for me. You've been my friend, my idle, and now my lover as well. You've taken care of me with your kind words and sweet voice when I wouldn't even take care of myself. You are my inspiration, my love, my everything. Well, almost everything...I'm still in love with the ranch and probably always will be, and that is a very painful experience too. I'll be so happy when you finally come to visit me--then my heart will be whole again, at least for a little while.

This is starting to get pretty long, so I'll go ahead and say my goodbyes and sincerlys now before I get off on another subject. I love you always, my dearest Chuck, and I hope that love lasts. You'll always be my prince charming or my knight in shining armor, come what may. Please take care of yourself. I know you always do, but I worry about you anyway.

As I said, most of that was writen in September of last year, and that was seven months ago. And now, not only does all of those wonderful things about you still hold true, but I find that everyday I admire and love you more. Like you say about me all the time, there are no words to decribe who you are and what you mean to me. I'm also now convineced that I will always love you, and that I always want to be there for you.