Amor Vincit Omnia - Vendrin - 'If only' and 'what if'

'If only' and 'what if'
By
Vendrin

A Quifer and Squinoa story

PART ONE

“19, long-term relationship, been seeing girlfriend for near on 6 months now – she is gorgeous.”

Quistis closed down the computer, her head silent. Usually after having tormented herself by reading his profile, her mind would be reeling with thoughts about him and their past ‘relationship’, if that’s what it could be called. After all, a few one-offs in a spare dorm room or down on the beach of Balamb didn’t exactly account for much as far as she were concerned.

Now all she could think about was how six months ago they had finally decided to call it quits. They would no longer pay visits to each other’s rooms after curfew. They would no longer meet up at the secret area of the training centre after hours. There would be no more ‘one-offs’ on the beach…

Quistis sighed, taking a brief glance toward her alarm clock. Half past 6 in the morning. The cafeteria would be open now, she thought, and with that in mind she decided it would be her next destination.

Leafing through the stacks of papers that were strewn haphazardly on her beside-table, she pulled out her Save-The-Queen, tucking it away into her belt just in case. Moments later, she abandoned the lifeless dorm room and made her way across the grounds toward the cafeteria.

‘Don’t know why they have to bother with these silly profiles anyhow,’ she thought angrily, tossing her head dramatically in order to move the strands of hair out of her eyes. ‘All it does is cause unhappiness.’ She remembered the day Zell had suggested it to Squall who had been looking for ways to improve the Garden Computer Systems. They had recently been drawing in less and less attention from the students, and Xu had been the one to discover why…

*“There’s nothing more interesting to look at, Sir,” she had told Squall. “A lot of students have been saying the same thing.”

He had frowned at that remark. “Well get out there and discover just what will interest them!” he then virtually yelled, slamming a fist down against the desk.

Xu turned to Quistis at that point, who had been overlooking the entire incident. Her expression was one of shock, but nonetheless she turned back to Squall, gave him the salute and left the room.

Zell had bounded in just as Xu left, a broad smile on his face: like the cat that had caught the cream. Squall glared at him uncertainly.

“About the Systems, Squall! I have an idea – profiles!” he squealed.

Squall sighed, cocking an eyebrow up at Zell sceptically. “Profiles?”

Zell nodded. “Personal ones – like each student designs their own profile with their photograph and every fink as a way of letting other people find out more about ‘em. It will have their age, date of birth, current erm… relationship status…”

“Marital status Zell…” Quistis had corrected him, folding her arms and staring at him with a smirk drawn across her face.

“Yeah! Catch my drift, Squall?”

Squall was leaning up against the desk, his head in his hands. Quistis could tell that he wasn’t enamoured, which was why it came as such a surprise to her once he accepted the proposal.

“Fine. You put your ideas down on paper - draw up a design plan of what it could like and then bring it to me first thing tomorrow, got that Zell?” he had said.

Zell had whooped with joy – Squall was finally giving him space to prove he could be a valuable student. “As you wish – it shall be with you first thing! Oh, I can’t wait to tell the others about this!”

Zell had left the room still mumbling joyously about the task. And thus at exactly seven o clock the following morning, he presented Squall with the idea. Word had been put out about the plan, it had been taken under the wing of many students with delight and so Squall accepted it. It was designed and put up on the Garden’s computer systems almost immediately. Naturally it was a total success – people seemed to like the idea of broadcasting their personal details to all and sundry. Of course, Zell ended up considering himself to be an utter King, even though most students remained clueless as to who had come up with the idea. Quistis could still see his victory dance when Squall had showed him the finished product and smiled with the memory. However, it was to be that very idea which had caused the recent pitfall in her life, though.*

“You’re up early!” someone called to her as she entered the cafeteria.

Quistis turned to see Zell walking toward her, a tray full of hotdogs in his arms. Immediately she felt an element of anger for the boy, knowing full well what the cause of her sudden hatred was; yet at the same time realising he couldn’t be blamed for her flaws…

“Care to share a table with me and tell me all your worries? It’s best to share them rather than bottle it up, you know…”

Quistis shook her head to rid the intruding thoughts and pushed a smile to her face for his sake. “That would be great, Zell. I’ll join you in a moment,” she told him as she wandered toward the counter to order her meal. He merely nodded in reply.

Being alone again, Quistis found her thoughts roaming back to the profiles again. She wondered if things would now be any different for her if they didn’t exist. The only problem she had with them was the fact she kept looking at his…

“Quistis? Are you alright?”

The voice once again jolted her out of the thoughts. She looked up to see the cafeteria assistant peering at her inquisitively. “Same as usual?”

Quistis nodded. The woman placed the plate gently on to her tray, and Quistis left to join Zell at a nearby table.

“So, what s’up?” Zell asked as she sat down opposite him at the table.

She smiled. “Those… your…the profiles,” she said, hesitating momentarily. “They’re great, and everything – don’t get me wrong, here. But, it’s just…”

She paused to look at him. He was taking a bite out of the hotdog, his eyes fixed on her. “What about them?” he asked. “You want them changed? Something to add to them?”

“No, no. That’s not it,” she said with a smile, her eyes facing her lap. “I want them gone, Zell.”

She drew her head up to look at him. His mouth was agape at her words, and she was just grateful that he’d finished chewing the last morsel. “What…?” he whispered, unable to take in what she was saying.

“Nothing against you, or anything. It’s just they’ve been a bugbear on me ever since they were applied to the server’s package. Every time I go on the computer, I just have to go to them. And it’s destroying me!”

Zell let out a sarcastic laugh at her words. “Aren’t you being just a little overdramatic about this?!” he almost yelled. “They’re profiles, for goodness sake! If you can’t find anything new to add to yours, then don’t go there! It’s as simple as that, and I can’t honestly see what’s so destroying about it!”

Quistis almost laughed at him, but at the same time she felt her throat clogging with the urge to cry. “It’s not about adding to them, Zell!” she said. “It’s about looking at them – looking at… his. You know who I’m talking about, so don’t appear all innocent of the knowledge!”

She was almost screaming at him. Zell stood to his feet and moved around to her side of the table. “It’s still getting to you, huh?” he whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder with the aim of comforting her. “He’s moved on, though Quistis – perhaps you should do the same…”

Her eyes shot up and locked with his. “Move on?! Me – move on?!! For Hyne’s sake, Zell – it wasn’t as if he never meant anything to me! It was six months ago. We finished it, and within the same week he was with someone else… her – and he has been ever since. He broadcasts it via that stupid profile which I just end up looking at every day, checking it for updates…”

Her words drifted off, but Zell knew what she was about to say so finished the sentence for her. “… Checking it to see if it’s over between them…”

Quistis felt so stupid at that moment for what she was saying and for what she was about to do. She cried, letting the tears flow freely now, as Zell took her in his arms and hushed her with a soothing whisper to her ear. “This is terribly clichéd, but everything will turn out fine in the end. If you and he were honestly meant to be together, then everything will clear up along the way, I promise.”

“But the profile…”

“All I can say about that is ignore it. There is no way it can be removed now – Squall’s in love with the idea now that he sees it’s bringing in more attention. Hell, he’s even filling in one of his own, more or less. I wish they could be taken down, for your sake, but they can’t… so try not to look at it anymore,” he told her gently, still hugging her close to him.

“But it’s hard not to…”

“I know. You’ve got to try, though, before it eats away at you. Assure me that you’ll try, Quisty – please? I worry about you…”

She drew away from him at that moment, her attention suddenly drawn to the fact that everyone else in the cafeteria was watching them now. Their eyes were full of pity and sympathy for her, she could tell, but this just angered her. She wiped away at the tears furiously, turning back to Zell who was still watching her with an expression full of concern. “I’ll try,” she said. “I promise.”

PART TWO

Quistis had returned to her dorm room directly after breakfast, agreeing to meet up with Zell at 11 to do a spot of practice in the training centre before lunch. She smiled with the knowledge that he was trying to keep her preoccupied but at the same time was voicing his concern for her. It was a side to Zell that was rarely seen by anyone, and she had to admit… she liked it.

Walking into the empty room, Quistis immediately sat on the edge of the bed. She took a look around, her eyes setting on each separate section of junk that had been piled up on her desk and bedside table. She sighed – she couldn’t understand what had driven her to become so untidy recently. It was at that moment her eyes fell onto the desktop computer. The screen was emanating a steady interchanging glow of colours – from red, to blue, to green…

‘Screensaver…’

Standing, she walked steadily toward the desk, her eyes remaining fixed on the monitor with the 100% sure knowledge that she had switched the system off before she’d left the room…

‘So why’s it glowing at me now?!’ Her thoughts were silent screams in her head, but common sense told her to calm down. As Zell had pointed out to her earlier: ‘You’re just overreacting a little…’ Why didn’t her heart believe it though?

Pulling the leather chair out from under the desk, Quistis took a seat in front of the computer, her heart pounding fiercely although her mind told her better.

“I know I turned it off…” she muttered aloud. ‘…So who exactly turned it on? And how – the door was locked… And why…?’ She had allowed her thoughts to continue reeling through her worst premonitions, but at the same time also wondering why she was acting so panicky.

Her hand touched lightly against the mouse. Immediately, the screensaver disappeared to reveal the secret hidden beneath. Her mouth opened in a scream, although no sound came out…

Zell glanced at his watch.

‘One more minute. If she doesn’t turn up by then, I’m off to find her…’

He was standing outside the corridor that led up to the training centre. It was almost quarter past eleven already – Quistis was a full fifteen minutes late. Zell had passed the time by with some practise moves, as always. It was also a way of warming up for the final showdown…

‘If she ever arrives!’ he thought.

Quistis was never late for anything, no matter how trivial a matter it might be. And considering what she had been telling him that morning, it just gave him further reason to be worried.

‘One minute gone… I’m off.’

At a jog, Zell left the training centre and headed in the direction of the dorms. He knew she had to be there – there was nowhere else she would go considering her state of mind.

‘Unless her state of mind drove her to…’

Zell cut off from his thoughts, shaking his head as he ran. ‘No way! Quistis would never do that! That’s the cowards way out, and Quistis is not a coward!’

The corridor leading to the rooms was empty for once. He knew that her room was near the far end on the left, so without so much as a pause he headed straight there. That too was empty – not even a Trepie in a sight…

‘Now that is odd – there’s always a Trepie of some sort when she’s in her room…’

“Squall!” Zell had spotted the boy up ahead of him even before he’d stepped fully out of the room.

“Zell? Something up?” Squall asked, double-checking the lock to his door before joining Zell outside Quistis’s room.

“Have you seen her?” Zell asked.

Squall appeared confused. “Quistis? Not at all. Why?”

Zell visibly gulped. He reached out to her door, giving it a gentle push. “It’s ajar…” he murmured, glancing at Squall.

“So? Zell, what is this about?! Has something happened to her…?”

The door was open now, but neither boy could bring himself to look inside. Squall was more freaked out by Zell’s behaviour than anything else.

“I arranged to meet with her twenty minutes ago, but she never showed!” Zell said, panic filling his voice.

“What? Quistis is never late for anything, no matter how trivial it may be…” Squall mused, bowing his head to face the ground thoughtfully.

‘Exactly the mirror of my thoughts earlier…’ Zell thought. “Precisely! And she was… worried about something this morning. She told me about it over breakfast… I’m scared for her, Squall!”

Squall was frowning, but he made no reply. Instead, he stepped forward and entered Quistis’s room…

“Empty,” he said in barely a whisper. “She’s not here, Zell.”

Zell pushed past Squall at that moment, wandering directly into the room. Apart from scatterings of old papers, it was empty.

“Yo, her computer’s on,” he shouted back to Squall, who immediately joined him in front of the desk.

Leaning forward, Squall tapped a key on the keyboard and the screensaver lifted away. Underneath was the online menu for the personal profiles. Zell gasped.

“What, Zell?! Has this all got something to do with these profiles?!” Squall demanded.

Zell refused to answer him, simply leaning forward and clicking on the already highlighted student ID. “Why’d we let them back in…?” he muttered, shaking his head in disappointment.

“That’s Seifer’s… Wait a minute – all this charade is to do with Seifer?!”

Zell was angered by Squall’s tone of voice. He turned to the boy, taking hold of him by the arms and giving him a shake. “It’s not a charade! And yes, it’s all to do with Seifer – so why the hell aren’t you bothered about where she’s gone to?! You haven’t even dared to ask me why!”

“Because there’s probably some perfectly simple explanation to it all, that’s why! She hasn’t run away at all, I bet, so what’s the point in fussing over it until we’re sure?!”

Zell was fuming. “And the only way to make sure is to search for her – but I don’t see you making any effort to suggest that… Squall, are you even listening?!”

Zell watched in anger and disbelief as the other boy took a seat in front of Quistis’s computer.

“’Hobbies: getting one up on people and making them suffer – I’m loving it.’” Squall read aloud. “’My girlfriend – she’s 18, blonde and absolutely gorgeous – I think I love her.’”

He was shaking his head, but Zell merely collapsed on the bed. “She promised me she wouldn’t keep doing this to herself…” he muttered, his eyes full of sorrow.

Squall turned to the boy, staring him full in the face. “You knew about all this, yet you didn’t tell me about it?” he asked, his voice full of disappointment. He turned to face the floor instead. “In fact, it hurts more that she obviously felt she couldn’t come to me about it herself… Tell me what went on, Zell – tell me all you know…”

Zell sighed, his head remaining bowed. “She dated him for a while after he was let back into Garden. Only six months ago, he dumped her… Now if she were to tell you this story herself, she would by no means admit that he finished it – she prefers to tell everyone they mutually agreed to call it quits, but I know that’s not true. He ended it with her when he met his new girlfriend…”

Squall frowned. “How do you know that? Who told you if it wasn’t her?”

“Logic,” Zell replied simply. “His profile says he’s been seeing his new girl for six months – well, six months ago he broke it off with Quistis. She’s in love with him, Squall - I know it! She would never have accepted him dumping her for someone else – she’d have fought for him.”

Squall nodded, understanding him perfectly. “So all this nonsense he’s posted on this thing is technically a dig at her… You think she read this and went because of what it says?”

Zell nodded. “It wouldn’t surprise me… Although she promised me she wouldn’t look at it again! She broke a promise…”

Squall rested a hand on Zell’s shoulder as a mean of comfort, but Zell made no response.

“All I wanna do right now is kill the bastard!” he said through gritted teeth.

“No – that’d only be making matters worse,” Squall reasoned. He stood to his feet and made his way to the door. “Come on – let’s get that search on the road.”

Zell nodded. He waited for Squall to leave before finally getting up to take one last look at the computer screen. “’Getting one up one people and making them suffer – I love it…’ – Yeah, I’m sure you do, Seifer… I’m sure you do…”

“Quisty?! Gone? But I don’t understand it! If anyone ever kept their cool, it was her – what went wrong?”

Squall gave Selphie a faint smile as she stood before him; her disbelief at his story was plain to see.

He had taken Zell to the bridge and put a call out for the gang to meet them there. The saddened tone to his voice caused them all to panic as he called out their student numbers over the intercom, and they wasted no time in getting to him. Rinoa was last to show up, which confused Squall – usually she was first there: immediately after he put out a call for the party she would be the first to show. But he brushed this thought to the back of his mind so as to concentrate on the mission at hand.

“I want us all to spilt and take on different areas – we will search for her thoroughly in those designated areas until we are positive she is not there, is that clear?!” Squall directed after having explained the situation to them.

They nodded.

“We don’t give up until we are sure she’s not here at all…”

He drifted off with a sigh. Once again, he seemed to be the only one who was confused. “Selphie – take the infirmary and the quad – they shouldn’t take you long to get through. Irvine – I want you to take the cafeteria and the car lot, Zell – the training centre including the secret area, but I don’t want you taking that alone so I will join you there. Rinoa – do you think you could manage the library and the dorms?”

Rinoa nodded, a little dumbfounded that he had to question her capability like that, but she refused to voice her feelings.

“We will all meet up back here after we have finished our search, okay? Then we will decide what to do about the second floor…”

The party gave Squall the salute, then adjourned. Taking Zell by the arm moments later, Squall dragged the boy toward the elevator.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rinoa sighed. She’d completed her search around the dorms. Now one glance around the library would be her job done. She took a seat at the back of the room, which was empty for once. She couldn’t understand why they were making such a big fuss about Quistis – she was an adult, for Hyne’s sake and could take care of herself. But Rinoa was guessing that she must have been in a bad state before she disappeared…

‘I bet she’s doing some thinking time somewhere. Hell, everyone needs to be alone at some point in their lives.’

Her thought was almost anger filled. A deep voice from behind her prevented her from thinking anymore.

“My dear little angel – what are you doing here all by your lonesome?”

There was a sarcastic twinge to the tone.

“Seifer…” she muttered, going against her better judgement by turning to face him.

He pulled a chair up beside her, an evil grin on his face. “You out lookin’ for her too, then?” he asked.

Rinoa smiled. “If you’re referring to Quistis, then yes,” she replied.

Seifer laughed. “I knew you would be soon enough,” he stated coldly.

With that, Rinoa turned. She fixed her icy glare onto his blue eyes. “You set this up, didn’t you?! I thought I told you to leave her alone!” she hissed.

Seifer feigned offence. “My dear Rinoa – how you judge me!” he moaned dramatically.

His eyes followed her as she rose from beside him and walked to the bookshelf opposite him. That way, she could do nothing else but keep her back to him.

“What makes you think I didn’t do as you wished? What makes you believe I did anything to her?” he continued.

Rinoa snorted. “Because I know what you’re like. She hurt you and you wanted to pay her back for all she put you through. You were in love with her, but you began to drive her away, and it’s what you continue to do even as we speak. Your mind is forever calculating your next move… And I know this is true – half of it you admitted to me exactly six months ago.”

She paused, eventually turning to face him. “You’re a fool!”

Seifer’s head dropped as her final words hit him.

“You came to me because she confused you with her actions and you wanted to know what to do. I told you to talk to her about it: to express to her how you felt – you told me you would in due time, so don’t you think that time is now?!”

Seifer was shaking his head at her as she spoke. “No,” he replied simply. “Because I already did that – just as you told me to do – I told her exactly how I felt about her.”

Rinoa stepped back against the bookcase in horror, her mouth agape as the true meaning of his words sunk in for her. “On the profile…” she whispered. “You told her on the profile.”

Seifer stood, clapping sarcastically as she made the discovery. “Bravo, my dear! Bravo! Little did I realise you’d virtually set me up to look like a fool! Remember when I told you I wouldn’t have the guts to tell her to her face? You suggested I write it, which is exactly what I did do: I expressed my feelings through that profile – I tried to make it clear how much she’d hurt me, thinking it would make her apologise, or at least come to see me about it. Your advice came to nothing - it was all a lie! You set me up!”

Rinoa realised the truth behind his accusations. She was shaking her head violently as he approached her. “I meant for you to tell her you loved her, not for you to try and work her into a jealousy! Oh no – don’t you go blaming your stupidity on me for this one, Seifer! They were your pages to use – you could have written anything on them: it was your choice what you put – I didn’t dictate it to you!” she screamed in her defence.

Seifer backed down a little, giving her just one nod.

“She’s missing now – would you care to tell me why?” Rinoa pushed.

“What…? How the hell do you expect me to know?!” he hissed, falling back into the chair behind him.

“Because it’s doubtlessly got something to do with that wretched profile of yours,” Rinoa accused.

Seifer sighed. Rinoa sat beside him, her eyes forever fixed on his saddened face, questioning him; waiting for an answer. She could tell he was finding it hard to put his feelings into words. Finally, his mouth opened to say something. Rinoa held her breath, expecting to hear the worst.

“I made it look like I had found someone else,” he muttered, his words barely audible.

He didn’t look up, but he heard her gasp. He took this as his cue to continue.

“I expressed deep feelings for my new ‘girlfriend’, in the hope it would make Quistis jealous. In the hope it would make her realise how much her attitude had managed to push me away. In the hope it would make her come back to me and admit her true feelings for me… I knew what she was really feeling that day we separated, but she never told me – I put her off saying it, I think. But I wanted to hear her say it to me, so I decided the best approach would be to make her jealous – to make her come and scream at me, or something… anything! Little did I know that it would work the opposite for me… I lost her, I lost it all…”

Rinoa almost felt sympathy for him at that moment, but her better judgement dissuaded her from showing him this emotion. Instead, she once again rose to her feet so that she was standing over him. “There’s still a chance! Get out there and find her! Tell her what you just told me, and I mean tell her – no writing it down anymore, okay?!”

Seifer sighed, defeated, standing to leave. “What good’ll it do? I’ve obviously made her hate me now…”

“No, no, no! Think about this logically!” Rinoa screamed, diving in between Seifer and the bookcase to prevent him from leaving. “She’s run away ‘cause she’s upset by what she read – she is jealous! She’s the one who has given up, now – there is no way you are ever going to get her to come to you and admit her true feelings – you’re gonna have to go to her…”

Seifer was staring long and hard at Rinoa now. His features were soft – no longer angry or accusing. He realised she was right…

“To think I’m accepting advice off you after all we went through…” he murmured.

Rinoa ducked her head. “Go – I bet she’s outside Garden somewhere. Wherever, though, you keep searching ‘till you find her and tell her the truth, okay?! You have nothing to lose!”

He smiled briefly. Bowing his head, he turned to leave. Rinoa had her back to him now, scouring the shelves for books. “Thanks,” he half whispered. She stopped momentarily, her face automatically down turning as she heard his words. She swivelled to respond to him in some way, but he’d already left…

*
PART THREE

Rinoa sighed inwardly. She had just gone through the worst moment of her short seventeen years so far – telling Seifer the truth. She knew it was what had to be said and she knew that it was also what he had secretly been wanting to hear, but that didn’t make her feel any better about it. Quistis and she had never properly seen eye to eye before now, and Rinoa was a little angry with herself for not being selfish about the incident – it was the perfect moment to stir things up for Quistis – take out some revenge…

‘Revenge for what?’ Rinoa scolded herself. She was not like that – she liked Quistis, no matter what the former instructor thought of her. And besides, if she had supposedly taken Squall from her, then she didn’t need to take Seifer too…

So why didn’t her heart agree with her head at this moment…?

Rinoa sighed outwardly this time, replacing the book to the shelf. She realised that only seconds ago, Seifer had left. She had to return to the meeting point…

Squall glanced at his wristwatch. Zell was pacing about in front of him nervously, causing Squall to become agitated.

“Would you stop that?!” he screamed.

Zell looked up to the Commander, his hands still in the back pockets to his shorts, a foot poised inches away from the ground dramatically, giving off the impression he had been stopped mid step.

“Please?” Squall added as an afterthought, seeing the look on Zell’s face.

At that moment, the tension was broken by the entrance of Selphie and Irvine who both broke away from the elevator in a sprint toward Squall and Zell who were standing beside the lifter that headed up to the bridge.

“No?” Squall stated.

It was more of an implication than a question, because he knew full well that they couldn’t have found Quistis, or she’d have been with them.

Selphie bowed her head, slowly shaking it at the same time. “No,” she added.

All other heads in the room bowed as they heard her speak, even though they had already anticipated that would be the answer. Now all they had to do was await Rinoa’s return…

Zell took up his pacing again, whilst Irvine leant up against the nearby desk lazily and Selphie knelt down on the tiled floor. The tension in the room was biteable. All were concerned for Quistis, but at the same time wanted to find her and strangle her for being so unnecessarily cut up over a moron…

“An enemy…” Squall voiced the latter part of the thought that had been on everyone’s minds, and once again they stopped their actions to look at him. He was leaning against the left hand pole of the elevator with his head still bowed, unaware that he’d spoken aloud and similarly unaware of the gazes that were currently locked upon him. But no one answered him, not even with a suggestion or an outburst of any kind.

The ping of the elevator seconds later broke the silence that had once again set itself amongst the anxious friends of Quistis Trepe. If it were not her as they so wished it to be, it would be Rinoa, and even then there might come good news… All heads turned to the elevator, it’s doors still closed…

And out she stepped. Her face had a slight smile to it, which quickly faded when her eyes set upon the people that awaited her. Quistis wasn’t there…

“Rinoa…” Squall voiced suddenly, taking two steps in her direction before stopping again.

The girl shook her head, and for the second time all other heads in the room bowed with unheard sighs of guilt, frustration and exasperation.

“But Seifer’s gone to find her…” Her voice took on a tone of cheerfulness again, but she was disappointed with the reactions she received.

“You what?!” Zell yelled.

“Why’d you send that prick along for her! Knowing sod’s law he’ll find her and just end up upsetting her again…” Irvine added.

“Yeah, Rinoa. You should’ve known better than to do that – he’s been the cause of all this trouble – it would have been better to keep him away from her…” Selphie said, her eyes eventually meeting with Rinoa’s.

The raven-haired girl seemed guilty for a split second, shuffling her feet nervously. Then a realisation seemed to hit her, and her eyes flared as she stared individually at the people that stood before her.

“That’s a selfish attitude to have!” she cried angrily.

Selphie tilted her head to one side, rising to her feet and taking a step toward Rinoa as she spoke. “What?”

“Don’t you see, that if Seifer’s the cause of her anxiety then he too is the only one who can break her out of it?!”

The others stared at her, astounded.

“I truly believe that despite what she may be feeling towards him, he is the only one she would listen to at a time like this,” Rinoa continued. “And that’s why I sent him to find her, and even doing that wasn’t without persuasion. I think you are all a little to eager to see Seifer lose – you still can’t let go of the past and because of that, you are willing to see him suffer – that is your reason for not wanting him to go to her! It’s selfish! You cannot see that in your race to destroy him, you are also destroying her.”

Rinoa turned on her heel at that moment after having given each of them a steady dead set glare with her angry brown eyes. Squall made to chase after her, but she spun around before he could get to her.

“No, Squall,” she said. “You’re just as bad as they are! Don’t come after me – any of you – until you have learned how to be more understanding and a little less stuck up yourselves. After all – Seifer managed it…”

They watched her descend in the elevator, none of them daring to break the silence that she’d left with them.

“That’s not like Rinoa…” Zell muttered, shaking his head. “Callin’ us stuck up, and all…”

Irvine and Selphie nodded their agreement, but their eyes were fixed on Squall. He had a hand to his hip now, his face down turned to the floor. Before he said it, they knew he was agreeing with them. The faults in their relationship were all to clear, now – even to him.

“A little too defensive of Seifer. Yes, you’re right Zell – that isn’t like her at all… None of it is.”

Garden had been docked at FH for days, now. Seifer was considering himself to be quite lucky. He knew that with the trains down, Quistis couldn’t have gone far – she certainly wouldn’t have walked to Esthar.

He made his way down to the mayor’s house, which was technically at the centre of the town. It was peaceful down there, with a platform that allowed you to sit and overlook the calm seas. He took that as his first bet for where she would be – the best place to do some thinking time without the interruptions. The walk to reach there wasn’t a short one, which gave him a chance to put his own feelings into perspective for when it came to talking with her – he didn’t want to mess it up within the first sentence.

At the end of the bridge directly opposite the little house, Seifer knew he was just a breath’s reach from her – he could feel it in the air… almost smell it: the slight tinge of perfume in the breeze that billowed around him… her perfume. One deep sigh, and he was ready.

Seifer stepped down off the bridge, taking a right to make his way to the platform. It was growing dark now, with the last inches of the suns rays slowly ebbing away behind the mountains in the distance. It was tranquil, almost romantic, and this just caused Seifer to feel considerably more nervous.

But she wasn’t there…

The idea he’d had in his head just seconds before was drained away just as quickly as it had arrived. He didn’t think he could possibly have felt more shocked and let down at the thought of not seeing her. The realisation hit him that he may never get to tell her how he really felt about her – that he might have lost her just as he’d managed to lose Rinoa – and he started to panic. He no longer had the dream of becoming the sorceress’s knight. He no longer was a member of the Disciplinary Committee. He no longer believed himself to be any more superior to those around him - he was just the same as them, now. And the need to remain composed didn’t seem important to him anymore. He chased around the full circle of the platform, not forgetting to search for her as he went. Reaching the place where he’d started from, he admitted defeat. This was the only place she would consider going to, and if she wasn’t here she wasn’t anywhere to him now.

‘The Knight’ had officially retired months ago. Now, Seifer joined that former shadow of himself… and gave up.

Rinoa had escaped the elevator at a run, wishing to abandon Garden and her friends to find him. She knew him better than anyone, and so she knew that if he didn’t find Quistis in the first place he looked, he wouldn’t bother looking again. She didn’t stop to ask herself why she felt so concerned about the former instructor, though - considering their rough friendship together, the last thing she should be doing was helping Quistis Trepe. But for some reason she felt compelled to do this… she had to stop Seifer from giving up.

She found him beside the large tanker that was part of the scaffolding of FH. He had been making his way around from the manually operated lift, a sullen look on his face, and Rinoa was sure he had done just what she’d predicted he’d do…

“You didn’t talk to her, did you?” she said before he saw her. In fact, it was her speech that made him notice her.

She stood before him with her hands to her hips and an angered look on her face. He chose to ignore her, making a feeble attempt to push past her, which failed. She grabbed him by the arms, pushing him back so that he was standing in front of her again.

“Did you?!” she pressed.

His head was bowed. “What do you care?” he muttered. “If you’re honest, you never liked her – you were jealous of the fact that I liked her, just as you were jealous of what she ‘had’ with Squall – and you have to have what she has! You have to make sure you split us up, just like you split her from Squall. Well look – you did it! And that was without trying!” he yelled.

Rinoa’s mouth fell open in shock. With a sudden foreign instinct creeping to her mind, she reached forward and slapped him hard across the cheek.

“You fool! I never hated her! Why do you think I’m doing this otherwise?!” she screamed.

Seifer shrugged, folding his arms defiantly across his chest, his eyes avoiding hers.

“Because no matter what she thinks of me, I still respect her!”

The answer shocked Seifer, and he allowed the silence to fall between them.

“I think it’s because you did it to me too – you left me alone without so much of an explanation, and so I know what it feels like to be abandoned by someone you love – it’s not easy,” she continued.

He looked up at her as she spoke. He hadn’t realised that what had happened between he and Rinoa had all along been his fault. All this time he’d been thinking she’d left him for Squall, when actually; he’d driven her to it…

“I’m sorry, Rinoa,” he whispered. “I never realised…”

“I didn’t think you would have. All along you blamed me for our fallout, but actually it was your arrogance that made it happen – nothing to do with me. And you blame me again for this – because I was the one that advised you on how to go about telling her your true feelings. But if you admit it, you’re in the wrong once more – you took that advice and manipulated it to suit your selfish attitude… and you lost.”

She held his gaze for a long time, watching as the truth sunk in for him.

“I’m too selfish…” he muttered. “But that’s different with me now! All I care about is telling her the truth – even if she refuses to believe me, it’s what I need to do!”

Rinoa nodded. “So find her,” she said gently. “Don’t give up looking until you’re certain she’s not here.”

“Why are you doing this for me?” he asked suddenly.

She shrugged.

“I mean, you should hate me and want to see me lose out…” he continued.

Rinoa almost laughed. “I will never hate you, no matter what you do,” she said with a smile. “Part of me still loves you… but I could never love you as I do Squall. It’s different between you and I now, but I will always love you… as a friend. That’s why I do this. Besides, I see how much you like Quistis, and how she secretly loves you too. Remember that day you told me you and her were getting along great? How you were sharing things between yourselves that you could never share with anyone else? You told her things you’d never told me or anyone else, so you said, and that’s when I realised that you and I were never in love, and never will be. Obviously you and Quistis are better suited. You have similar conversations to Squall and I – conversations that only lovers have. When you came to me only a week later saying that she had told you it had all been a mistake between you both, I actually felt really happy – pleased that she could never have with you what I couldn’t have. When you left me alone to sort yourself out, I realised how wrong I was – and I cried. That’s when I found you and told you what I am about to repeat to you now: find her and tell her what you just told me – that you are going to tell her the truth about how you feel whether she cares or not… or you will regret it.”

Seifer bowed his head in a nod, a slight smile playing on his face.

“You know Rinoa, you are the only one who could ever give me advice like that,” he said, taking a step towards her and pulling her hands into his. “And I trust what you say, although I’m gonna have to start listening properly from now on to prevent such shit from happening again!”

He laughed and she smiled.

“Thank you again, Miss Heartilly.”

They were his last words before he walked away, back from where he’d come. She watched him go in silence; pleased at having saved at least one relationship from going the same way hers and Seifer’s had gone. Now, all she had to do was apply the same theory to her current one… She had to talk to Squall.

She turned with that in mind, but carelessly tripped and stumbled into someone. They caught her by the arms, and as she managed to hold herself she stood to face the saviour. It was Squall…

Rinoa gasped at the realisation that he had probably heard every word she had just said to Seifer, then she gasped again at the realisation that the way he’d caught on to her had been just how it had happened during the stumble at the ball when they’d first met.

“What were you doing talking to him?!”

The words were almost angry.

“I…he…How much did you hear?”

Squall was frowning, she noticed in the dim light set by the moon.

“All.”

Rinoa dipped her head in shame as he let her go, his arms immediately folding across his chest.

“Thank you,” he said eventually.

She looked up to him, shocked.

“What you said was what he needed to hear and you told it well. It was also what I needed to hear, so thank you. I didn’t know such a philosopher lived within you, Rinoa!”

He last line ended in a laugh, and she smiled realising he was teasing her.

“I love you,” he said to her, pulling her in to him for a hug.

Rinoa laughed. “If you heard it, then I need not say it again. But I will, because I mean it and you need to know by how much, so… I love you too, Squall Leonhart…”

Seifer took the elevator back down to the main bridge that led to FH. He was determined to find her now, even if it took him all night and all of the next day to do it, he would. It was at that moment he saw her, standing directly opposite him staring at him with no expression on her face of any kind. No anger, no hurt, nothing.

A silence fell between them, each holding the others gaze. It was Seifer who spoke first…

“Quistis, I… I need to tell you this now, whether you will listen to me or not, because I know if I don’t then I’ll come to regret it later.”

He started to walk towards her, his expression serious. He reached out to her, taking her hands in his. He was shocked that she didn’t try to pull away, but kicked this to the back of his mind so he could concentrate on what he had to say.

“Quistis, I…”

“I know.”

“I… You what?”

She was smiling at him, and as he lifted his gaze to look at her she turned away.

“I know,” she repeated.

Seifer’s mouth dropped open with shock, but he quickly closed it again to avoid looking any more foolish.

“I heard it. Everything,” she stated simply, knowing it was what he would ask if he wasn’t so dumbfounded.

“You mean, Rinoa?” he eventually asked.

Quistis nodded. “Yes. And I was touched by it – all of it. What you said and what she said. It made you realise your faults and it should have also made you realise what a good friend you still have in her, no matter what you did to her in the past – she’s still there for you. You will later come to see that she will remain one of the best friends you will ever have, so don’t push her away again.”

Seifer nodded. “Alongside you, of course, because no matter that you may have already heard it, I strongly believe you need to hear it again… hell, I need to say it!”

She laughed at his attempt to joke.

“I love you,” he interrupted.

She turned serious within the instant it took for his words to come out.

She smiled. “Thank you,” she told him as he reached out to her and embraced her. “Thank you for everything. Thank you and Rinoa and… and Squall…”

Her last words were barely audible, but Seifer heard them nonetheless. He also chose to ignore them - a smile was the only answer he gave, and even then she couldn’t see it.

His eyes were set on something high above him, now. Something only he could see and he smiled again. Above him on the rafters stood Rinoa, with a smiling Squall stood beside her with his arm draped around her shoulders. He realised then, that the thank you from Quistis to Squall was because in his own secret little way, he had finally allowed Quistis to love again… and for once, Seifer was grateful to him.

He pulled away from Quistis and looked into her eyes.

“I love you too, Seifer,” she finally said. With that, their lips closed in on each other’s as they locked in a passionate kiss…

…and in the distance, Rinoa and Squall both left arm in arm, satisfied at a good days work…