Angel walked through the quiet cemetery, noting the way the moonlight washed over the head stones.
He was thinking about Buffy...he always thought about Buffy. She had just gone home. They had patrolled for about a hour without finding anything. Normally, he would have just gone back to his appartment. But tonight he felt like walking.
He stopped, a wave of memories coming back to him.
< " So you don't think about the future?"
" No."
" Never?"
" No."
He laughed sadly. " You really don't care what happens a year from now...five years from now?"
" Angel, when I look into the future...a-all I see is you. All I want is you."
He looked down at her, understanding exactly what she was feeling. An intense need to kiss her washed over him. " I know the feeling." >
This was the place they had had that conversation. He looked at the tomb stone. " In Loving Memory."
He had never noticed that before. He smiled sadly at the irony. That was exactly what their relationship would become. A memory. One that he looked upon often, with longing.
He walked out of the cememtery, not feeling the need to depress himself any further.
He walked solemnly through the almost deserted street, not even taking notice of the young man sitting on the bench until he almost tripped over him.
"Xander!" Okay, he was confused.
Xander just looked up at him without saying anything.
" What are you doing out here this late at night?"
He laughed, almost bitterly. " Well I thought I'd come out and find some demon I could beat the living crap out of, and in the process maybe vent a little. " He looked around. " But so far, the only demon I've noticed is you. And the last thing I need is Buffy hating me because I staked her demon lover, so you can see my dilemma."
Angel frowned. He felt bad for the child. Buffy had told him what had happened between Xander and Cordelia. His first reaction was something like 'Go Cordy!'. But now seeing how much pain Xander was in, he was somewhat shocked how much Xander really did care for the girl.
Angel moved to sit down next to Xander. Xander just shifted slightly to make room.
Angel really didn't know how to approach the subject, but he had the strangest feeling that Xander wanted to talk...even if it meant talking to someone he didn't like so much.
" Buffy told me...about what happened. I'm really sorry. How is Cordelia healing?"
He laughed shortly. " She's just peachy! She's got all her stiches out, and now she's making the most of her new found freedom by dating every other guy in the school, and making sure this I find out about her little adventures."
" She's just hurt, Xander."
Xander hung his head. " I know she got hurt. And I apologized until my head turned blue. But it will never be enough."
There was dead silence. Xander looked over at Angel to see if he had heard what he had said. He was just sitting there, hands clasped, elbows on his knees, staring at the ground.
" Sometimes and apology isn't enough."
He looked at Xander, his eyes burning with an intensity that startled Xander. The thought of Angel sucking the life out of him flashed through his mind, but he pushed it away quickly.
Angel continued. " This maybe somewhat of a harsh example, but I think it applies. When I came back...no, even now, this minute, you still find it hard to accept me." Xander blushed at that statement, his last thought flashing through his mind again. " You don't trust me, Xander. You never have. And you don't have any garaunties that I won't revert back to Angelus. The same principle applies with your situation with Cordelia. The possiblity was always there, in the back of her mind, that you would leave her for Willow. She was aware of Willow's feelings for you, and add to that the friendhship that you and Willow have, she saw Willow as having the upper hand. So to find you like that, with Willow, it confirmed her worst fears. And now she doesn't know if she can trust you again."
Xander turned away, looking at the few people still walking the street. He hated it when Angel was right. It made his reasons for hating him less rational...less tangible. But, then again, he was over 240. He had alot of experience behind him.
" Yeah, but what about you and Buffy. I mean...you hurt her too. Alot. And she still loves you and wants to be with you."
Angel chuckled. He had hopes of getting out of this conversation without bringing up his realtionship with Buffy. But, despite what it looked like from the outside, Xander was very observant and curious. Of course Buffy would be brought into this. " Mine and Buffy's relationship is complicated, Xander. You know, you've been there from the beginning. I have a...well I guess you could call it an advantage, that you don't have." Xander gave him a dirty look. " Now wait, hear me out. Because of the situation with my soul, Buffy knows that it wasn't really me who did all those horrible things. And she could forgive that easier. But you don't have that, Xander. You did what you did...knowing that it was wrong. " He shook his head lightly. " That's much harder to forgive."
Xander let out a long breath and ran his hands through his hair. He let his hands rest on the top of his head.
Angel shifted uncomfortably on the bench. He had always found it hard to read Xander, the kid kept up such a tight guard. So this quiet moment of introspection that Xander seemed to be having was making him somewhat...well, fidgety. Xander's hands flopped back down onto his lap. " So how do I show her that she can trust me again?"
Angel slouched down on the bench. " I don't think you can, Xander. I mean, Cordelia is a very independent woman. She knows how to take care of herself and she won't let herself be stepped on."
Xander fought the urge to give Angel another dirty look. He was right, and Xander knew it. But it was the fact that Angel knew his girlfriend so well that made him...well kind of suspicious. But he knew that he was wrong to feel like that because... Buffy had a very similar personality to Cordelia. So Angel knew just what he was dealing with.
He slouched more into the bench, then let out a long sigh. Sensing that the conversation was nearing an end, Angel got up and stood to face Xander. He cleared his throat. " Well..."
Xander stood up, pushing his hands deep into his coat pockets. " Yeah, I...I gotta get home before my parents...well, I really just should go."
Angel nodded, trying to conceal the lopsided grin that had spread across his face at the teen's reply. " Nice talking to ya, man."
Xander cocked his head slightly, surprised at the fact that he actually meant his next words. " Yeah. Thanks alot...for talking." With that, he nodded, turned and started walking down the dark street in the direction of his house.
Angel stood for awhile, watching Xander's silhouette disappear in the distance. Then he turned and started walking the way that he had started walking before he met up with Xander. Fifteen minutes later, he was standing infront of 1630, Revellow Drive, looking wistfully up into the darkened room of the teen-aged girl he had fallen in love with. He shook his head slightly, musing at his own thoughts. Then he brought one hand up to his lips, and then placed the hand in the air, sending a kiss to her in her sleep. He turned and started walking down the silent street, his hair glistening in the moonlight.
