weede
Everyone's favorite stoner who is always stumbling into trouble and then after a few more steps; the solution. Created by Psyckogod
INFORMATION:
NAME: Weede
FACTION: Maximals
TYPE: Beast Warrior
RANK: Feh, not my decision
SIZE: Small (6 feet)
FUNCTION: Reserve Soldier
GENDER: Male
THEME SONG: "Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground
BEAST MODE: A three-toed tree sloth. Yes, this is rather useless. He has shaggy brown fur, with two long arms and shorter hind legs, both with sharp talons he can climb trees with. Climbing trees takes him the better part of an hour, unless he's been scared into it. Upon reaching a worthy branch, he just sorta hangs there, looking at stuff with his koala-like sloth face.
ROBOT MODE: Weede is a skinny, weird-looking Bot. He used to be colored in olive drab and green colors, but had undergone a paint job, and is now colored tie-dye. No, seriously. His armor is swhoops and shwirls of red, orange, green, yellow, blue, pink, purple, you name it. He has thin legs with human-like toes, under which he wears metallic sandals. He has thin, girl-like arms, and the hands' knuckles have his sloth claws retracted into them. His head is angular, and is constantly wearing a cheesy grin. He has neon green optics, that don't really focus on anything. Rather, they just stare into space most of the time. This can be considered to be deep thought. If one looks closely they can see the Load Node sticking out of his right temple- more on that later. Weede is a huge slacker, and you can tell from his body language- he strolls around with his arms hanging at his sides and his feet occasionally tripping over each other. When he gets excited, he tends to go off into wild bodily motions and incessant giggling.
STATS:
Strength: 7
Speed: 8
Skill: 5
Aim: 8
Discipline: 5
Stamina: 8
Intelligence: 4
Firepower: 8
Luck: 10
TOTAL: 63
SKILLS:
Running Away- Weede is a master of the fine art of physically relocating oneself to avoid damage. This includes running, bobbing, weaving, darting, dodging, zipping, hauling skid- oh hell, he's a wuss, he just runs away. His high speed and intricate knowledge of evasionary tactics gives him a distinct retreating advantage over other Bots.
Hiding- The second half of Weede's manifold evasionary skills. This includes hiding behind large objects, outside-object camouflauge (hiding oneself behind a box or plant in an effort to blend in with the surroundings), digging a hole and hiding in it, producing sounds in order to direct a searcher's attention, and the like.
Philosophy- Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be smart to philosophize. Weede will not grace a listener with a thesis of the more interesting viewpoints of ancient Autobot scholars or the implications of Vok heiroglyphics. Rather, his daring new philosophies include: "Wait, wait...MAYBE, the grass is GREENER...wait...on the OTHER side!!! Huh huh uh huh uh huh!!!", and "So, it's like...that...you know? You know?", and also "Uh...what if...uh...what if the Predacons are actually the Maximals, and the Maximals are actually the Predacons, maaannn!!! Uh huh huh huh uh uh huh!!!". See my point?
Munchies- Perhaps it's the years of compulsive Loading, or he was just born that way, but Weede has the innate skill to eat anything that he can chew and swallow. He maintains a consistent weight, but when he gets hungry he will eat like you never want to see again, anything from simple fruit to chunks of soft-alloy metal. No one is quite sure how this helps him, but the bottom line is he can eat a lot of different stuff with no ill effects.
HISTORY:
Weede- the pride and joy of Cybertronian education. Weede was kind of nondescript in his formative years, until he started attending the Cybertronian equivalent of high school. At first he scored Cs across the board, until a classmate convinced him to take a shot at Loading.
Loading: (loh-ding) Cyb. v. The act, thought, or expression of downloading specialized viruses into one's brain. Loading has a specific degenerative effect on a Bot's central CPU processor, and will gradually wear away that Bot's intelligence. Load induces hallucinations, speeded thought processes, sounds that don't really exist, and a general lack of clear thought, logic, or emotion. Also referred to as Maxidust, Predoblunt, Sparks' Delight, etc.
This can only be seen as a negative, but Weede decided to go with it. He and some of his buddies gathered around the BONG (Bio Organic Node Garrison) and detached the plugs and ran them into the recently installed Load Node in their temples. The others' reactions were little or null- Load rarely acts upon a Bot on their first time- but Weede's reaction was cataclysmic. The Maximal fell backwards off his chair as the viruses wormed through his brain, and he ran off in a giggling stupor.
Over the next few years, Weede lived in alleys and sewers and friendly Bot's homes, growing stupider and stupider as the need to Load overtook his mind. He began fashioning his own BONGs out of whatever he could find. No turning back now. He was Loaded. Weede began taking numerous odd jobs in order to pay for Load. Most of them worked out well, until he was fired for either his habits or his mental processes, fractured as they are. In a meeting with a Predacon Load dealer, Weede was convinced to sell the stuff in return for his own free samples. He took to the streets, a newly christened dealer- for about two hours. He was detained and jailed in a Maximal penal facility.
For the next few years, Weede underwent rehabilitation and lived in general fear that he would become some enterprising Bot's Special Little Guy. But the damage done was too deep. His mind was seriously messed up, and only years of reconstructive programming would help him now. But this didn't bother Weede- not much did anymore. He was too dumb to be bothered. The counselors threw up their hands in exhaustion and let him go at the end of his sentence. With that, Weede was a free Bot, and recommenced the search for Load.
This next portion of Weede's life can be considered the Lost Years. He honestly doesn't remember most of what happened. All he does know, however, is that he ended up stowed away in a Predacon cargo ship bound for the planet Gaiana. This could prove problematic.
PERSONALITY:
A good recreation of Weede would be Jim Breuer in Half-Baked- he just ain't all there. Weede speaks in a dazed, leisurely voice, and occasionally starts a sentence and either never finishes it or will finish it a couple hours later. He giggles a lot. Most of the time, Weede is staring into space thinking deep thoughts, and when directly asked about something will snap awake and give them a hearty "Huh? What...?". It's not that Weede has a short attention span, it's that his is too long. While the other Maximals are discussing strategy, Weede is still thinking about some crazy-looking flowers he saw the other day. Military genius he is not.
Weede is not always so lethargic, however- when angered, he can and will jump up and join the fight. But since he doesn't get angry easily anyway, he views most conflicts as funny or thought-provoking or simply confusing. He does not harbor any great hatred for anyone of either faction- he's actually a forgiving, jocular kind of guy. Sometimes he will take up a cause on the spur of the moment, so fellow Maximals can expect to hear a rant on the plight of the drone insect or Gaiana awareness for the next few hours, until Weede shuts up and forgets what he was talking about.
These are all of Weede's qualities when sober. When Loaded, he becomes dashing, brave, heroic, and strong- no, just kidding, he becomes twice as bad. To tell the truth, Weede has exhibited better qualities under the influence before, but that can be thought to be coincidence. While Loaded, Weede does display an improved vocabulary and better public speaking- but that's about it. Weede's main problem is not his brains, or his habits, it's the others' problem of what exactly to do with him. His technical skills are null and void, his combat skills are mediocre at best, but he means well and doesn't have any major discipline problems. What to do with Weede? That's the commanders' problem.
WEAPONS/EQUIPMENT/SPECIAL ABILITIES:
ARMAMENT:
-Weedarang (Odd name aside, this weapon is actually pretty useful. This is a three-foot long thick steel boomerang with sharpened edge. Upon throwing it, it can scrape and cut through weak to mid-strength armors, and spins around and returns to Weede. Weede can throw it well- he just has a problem with catching it correctly...)
-Weedegun (This is Weede's main weapon. Despite the trademarked name, it's basically a sawed-off shotgun that fires shells in either spray, single or tri-burst. The shells are thick and can pierce weak to strong armor. Weede doesn't go into combat much, but when he does, he can be pretty handy with the Weedegun. It has a range of up to 50 feet and is best used as a close-range weapon. It holds up to 30 shells at a time, and Weede never prepares for when the ammo runs out; he never remembers to carry extra ammunition on him. This will usually result in him asking fellow team members if they can lend him a few shotgun shells.)
Weederope (This is a twenty-meter long coil of steel cable. What to do with it? I dunno. I was hoping you could tell me. Weede figures out numerous improvisational uses for it. You can use it as a lasso, a hangman's noose, tie up people, attach something sharp to the end and you have a grapping hook...the possibilities are endless, boy howdy! Unlike Rita's rope, the Weederope is just rope. You know, long. And ropey. To rope stuff.)
BEAST MODE:
Sharp Claws
Tree Climbing
ROBOT MODE:
Uh, not much
EQUIPMENT:
-BONG, Bio Organic Node Garrison (Besides their obvious usage, Weede makes a hobby out of carving increasingly intricate and elaborate BONGs, and sometimes having other Maximals by if they want to take a Load with him. Most Loaders' BONGs are stylistic or spartan, but Weede's are downright Rube Goldberg-ian. Kudos to anyone who gets that reference.)
Quotes:
-"Wait- maybe the MAXIMALS are GOOD, and the PREDACONS are EVIL! Huh! Huh! Huh huh uh huh huh uh huh! Sweet!"
-"Dude....(never finishes)"
-"So...like...what are the, um, odds, or something...wait...of a girl like you and a guy like...uh...what was I saying again?"
-"(while Loaded) I am the great Cybertronian master of all that I survey! Bow and worship me, so that I may allow you into my holy kingdom of BONGs and peanut butter! Mine is the might of gods, and I will smite you! My word is law, heathen! Muh ha ha ha hah, muh ha haw haw haw, MUH HA HA HA HAHHHH!!!!"
Graphics Provided by Riboflavin
