ࡱ>  Root Entry( Jr9xMatOST!2x9xMMMN0 ND ( JrMicrosoft Works MSWorksWPDoc9qt,T A Brief History of The Egg (And Its Impact on Various Cultures of the World) By Caleb Holloway The Egg was first discovered in 1066, when William the Conqueror invaded England%&'Times New Romanh =/8=/8dCompObjUed. Could this strange white thing be used as food? The dog seemed to like it, and so the magicians decided to go find some more eggs and eat them. Then they all died of food poisoning. A relatively unknown man, named Walker Madison, tried his hand at serving eggs in the year 1703. This was, however, before the discovery that eggs needed to be cooked in order to be edible to humans, and his method consisted only of putting so much salt on top of an egg that the egg itself couldnt be tasted. However, his attempt was a complete failure, and Madison ended up with hundreds of plates of raw, salty eggs, fit only for feeding to his wife. It wasnt until 1872 that a method for cooking the egg was first devised. This great discovery came about mostly thanks to the hard efforts of Sir Isaac Newton, who had an egg drop on his head one day and, from that simple occurrence, formulated the law that egg yoke is sticky. The actual method for cooking eggs was contrived by George Washington, who only pretended to die at the beginning of the century. Washington was sitting in his chair, eating a pizza, when it hit him: pizzas are hot! And why are they hot? He had to do a bit more thinking on that one, but he soon discovered that the reason that pizzas are hot is because they are cooked! In an oven, no less! He immediately set to work. He got all the eggs he could find and made himself a laboratory for cooking them. He got stoves and ovens of all shapes and sizes, deep friers, kilns, bunsen burners, and hot car engines. Nothing seemed to work. Again and again, he woST =/8dt,T A Brief History of The Egg (And Its Impact on Various Cultures of the World) By Caleb Holloway The Egg was first discovered in 1066, when William the Conqueror invaded England. As he stood over the dead body of the defeated King of the British Isles (whose name was Jimmy, by the way), a lowly soldier ran up to him with an ovoid object in his hands. My Lord, I verily found this thing lying in the midst of the tumult, he said, grovelling at Willys feet. I thenceforth sought to bring it to thee unharmed, whereupon my arrival thou couldst verily take it to the royal magicians to see what they could make of its divers mysteries. Forsooth! William the Conqueror said. Truly, oh Great and Noble and Even Esteemed One, I couldstest make nothing of it, though it seemed to be held in highest regard by the inhabitants of this now-pillaged and overrun land. Verily, thou hast done wisely, said William. For thy noble deed, I shalt reward you greatly. Here is my lottery ticket. Oh, you honor me with a high honor, said the soldier. He then handed the egg to Willy, and recieved great wealth and honor from his lord. William handed it over to the chief magicians, who-- Hey! This is last weeks lottery ticket! Quiet, Im narrating. So, as I was saying, William handed it over to the chief magicians, who fiddled and tinkered with the egg, but could make nothing of it. Exasperated, they sat it down on the table, where it rolled into the floor and broke. Saddened by their loss, one of the magicians went to get a broom and dustpan, but before he could clean up the mess, one of the castle dogs came and licked the egg up off the floor. The magicians were amazed. Could this strange white thing be used as food? The dog seemed to like it, and so the magicians decided to go find some more eggs and eat them. Then they all died of food poisoning. A relatively unknown man, named Walker Madison, tried his hand at serving eggs in the year 1703. This was, however, before the discovery that eggs needed to be cooked in order to be edible to humans, and his method consisted only of putting so much salt on top of an egg that the egg itself couldnt be tasted. However, his attempt was a complete failure, and Madison ended up with hundreds of plates of raw, salty eggs, fit only for feeding to his wife. It wasnt until 1872 that a method for cooking the egg was first devised. This great discovery came about mostly thanks to the hard efforts of Sir Isaac Newton, who had an egg drop on his head one day and, from that simple occurrence, formulated the law that egg yoke is sticky. The actual method for cooking eggs was contrived by George Washington, who only pretended to die at the beginning of the century. Washington was sitting in his chair, eating a pizza, when it hit him: pizzas are hot! And why are they hot? He had to do a bit more thinking on that one, but he soon discovered that the reason that pizzas are hot is because they are cooked! In an oven, no less! He immediately set to work. He got all the eggs he could find and made himself a laboratory for cooking them. He got stoves and ovens of all shapes and sizes, deep friers, kilns, bunsen burners, and hot car engines. Nothing seemed to work. Again and again, he would come up with a new way to cook the egg, and each time he ended up only with a disguisting mess. After a while, one of his hard-working and grossly underpaid assistants said to him, George, weve tried five hundred different methods for cooking eggs, and none of them have worked. Arent you about ready to give up? To this, Washington replied, Sir, I may have failed five hundred times, but all that means is that you have five hundred ruined eggs to eat! Finally, Washington met with success. The one thousandth egg was cooked, and put on a plate. Washington took a bite. Delicious! he exclaimed. I have figured out how to cook eggs! Unfortuately, he was killed by jaguars before he made his discovery public, and Colonel Sanders stole the recipe and took all the credit for it. Thus is the history of the egg, a tale of war, a tale of love, a tale of triumph and tragedy. But ultimately, it is the greatest tale of all, the ancient tale of good versus evil, played out by the small white ovoid we know as The Egg. gh honor, said the soldier. He then handed the egg to Willy, and recieved great wealth and honor f{$Y[nprt~qq !~J L e g eg&(