Just a forewarning: this review is going to have spoilers AND will probably be the most intensive review I've ever done.

Let's begin with, where else?, the beginning. In the first 20 minutes, you wonder if you missed an hour of the movie because things just keep happening without explanation. While the action scenes are wicked awesome, there are some HUGE plot holes. For instance, Indy is in a warehouse (the same one where the Ark was hidden) and the package he's forced to search for by Russians (hey, at least it isn't Jews, SPIELBERG!) is heavily magnetized. Indy uses gunpowder to find this package. And indeed he does, but why the hell don't GUNS stick to it? Gunpowder, bullets, and other metals do, but not guns! This also occurs later in the movie.

This leads me to Cate Blanchett. Have you ever seen the Rocky and Bullwinkle movie? OK, she's Natasha. A severely overdone Russian accent. And she's clairvoyant! That's right, SHE HAS TELEPATHY! Not that you get to see any of it, it's just talked about in passing. Sorta like the deaths of Indy's dad and Marcus later in the movie. It's like, "oh yeah, by the way, they're dead." Fucking ridiculous. Speaking of which, do you remember Indy being a decorated war veteran? Yup. Apparently he served for 20 years. Did I miss something? I mean, here he is, an archaeologist, professor, and adventurer. When the fuck did he have time to serve TWENTY YEARS in the military?

So, Shia Lebeouf tracks down Dr. Jones with info. Just sorta out of nowhere. Guess what? It turns out Marion Ravenwood (Indy's love interest from Raiders of the Lost Ark) had a baby, and his name's Henry Jones III. Yup, Indy has a fucking KID! And of course, she comes back and they marry in the end. Just like the end of Attack of the Clones. Did I mention George Lucas is an executive producer with Steven Spielberg? And it's obvious, because this movie is all about ALIENS! Mr. Spielberg can't get his dick out of an alien, can he? Seriously, is that all this guy knows?

So, Indy and his son find the Crystal Skull, which, of course, is shaped like an alien head. *SHAKES HEAD* It has the ability to make people like Ox lose their minds (and yes, he's back too). Natasha, er, I mean Cate Blanchett, is after them the whole way. Back and forth, back and forth, the skull is traded between the 2 warring factions. I do have to mention one positive: there's an assload of monkeys and man-eating fire ants during one sequence. Pretty wicked.

So, the skull is returned to its resting place, where there are 13 crystal aliens (and of course one missing a head). The head is returned, and Cate Blanchett wants to gain the knowledge of the world. She does, but inexplicably bursts into flames. The 13 crystal aliens merge together into 1 living alien, and the spaceship rises from the ground and flies away. The wedding follows. Someone needs to get Spielberg and Lucas out of the house once in a while and introduce them to REALITY.

In summation, awesome action sequences, retarded plot, aliens, and a series of stupid plot holes and little tidbits make up this movie. It gets 2 crystal alien heads out of 5, and only because the action sequences give it a point. Very disappointed.