Rest in pieces, kurt cobain!
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Kurt Nobrain killed himself because?
He was a loser
He had nothing better to do
He had just heard one of Nirvana's songs on radio
He thought the gun was a Q-Tip
Some Cobain followers also killed themselves because?
They were losers
They were playing follow the leader
They also thought the gun was a Q-Tip
Cobain fans dress like Kurt because?
He was a loser
Stealing clothes from the Salvation Army bin is easy
They have no thoughts of their own and need a leader
They are practicing to be homeless bums
Cobain fans like to call themselves Generation X because?
Kurt was a loser
They can spell X
They are losers
Cobain fans say Kurt spoke for them because?
While they watch, love and believe in Barney, they are not sure if he is a real
person
They are losers
Cobain knew that his fans thought he was cool because?
Kurt was a loser
He didn't like to bathe
He was a poet. Even though they thought most poets were fags
If you can understand everything Kurt is singing, you...
Purchased a copy of the lyrics
Are on some kind of drug and are imagining you understand the lyrics
Kurt was a loser (I know it doesn't go with the question but it is still a good
answer)
Kurt and his followers...
Are losers
All of the above
Kurt's last words were?
"What happens if I pull this trigger?"
"I am a loser"
"OUCH!!!"
Ms. Cocaine-Love(r) is? (Courtney Love, for the ill-informed)
A loser
A widow
An unfit mother
Butt ugly
A future lesbian
A lousy singer
All of the above
Twenty years from now in a listing of great groups/singers
Nirvana will be listed between ______ and ______?
ABBA and the Bay City Rollers
Ann Murray and Neil Diamond
All they will remember is that Kurt was a loser
Kurt and Courtney used (in Courtney's case, uses) drugs
because?
They are both losers
They wanted to be a good role model for their child
They were upset that Mork from Ork was not a real person
In 15 years Kurt and Courtney's child will claim?
Kurt was a loser
She was abandoned at birth
She has never heard of Nirvana
Kurt was a loser
Both a and d
A tree falls in the forest, no one is around...
It does not make a noise
It makes a noise
Kurt was a loser
Nirvana fans get upset at everyone who posts to alt.tasteless.jokes
making fun of their god Kurt because?
Kurt was a loser
They are losers
They don't understand the meaning of tasteless. They have no problem with gay,
ethnic or even Susan Smith jokes. But make fun of poor, misunderstood Kurt and
you get flamed.
Well the moral of this quiz is:
Kurt was a loser
Rest In Pieces
"Hi, I was Kurt Cobain.
You know, I found that when you try to kill yourself, drugs are just not a sure-SHOT method. That's why when I killed myself I used the new Remington SURE-KILL SUICIDER SHOTGUN. It has been specially designed for those of us who want to take our own lives. And, it's guaranteed to DO IT in a macho, gutsy manner that will leave your brain splattered all over for that really cool image. The SUICIDER features a short barrel, no stock to get in the way, a reversed trigger that's easy to operate, and a special soft foam rubber mouth grip attached to the barrel end. Not only is it comfortable (no more biting down on cold metal), BUT it also insures that gun will do the most damage possible while leaving your teeth and jaw intact so you will be a good-looking corpse!
So, if you're thinking seriously about suicide or are
just bored:
run out and get the new Remington SUICIDER. IT'LL BLOW YOU AWAY!
And, it makes a great Christmas gift for that suicidal season."
How does Princess Di & Kurt Cobain collect their
thoughts?
With a shovel.
Why did Kurt shoot himself?
Because he could no longer shoot up the charts.
Whats the difference between Kurt Cobain and a mug of
beer?
A beer still looks good when you blow the head off.
Did you hear that Nirvana is planning to do another album?
If they can just find a lead singer who can keep his head together...
What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's red and gray and hanging on the wall behind the
sofa?
Kurt Cobain's brain!
What's red and has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain say to Courtney Love?
Hole's gonna be real big!
Why were there only two pallbearers at his funeral?
There's only two handles on a garbage can.
What's got six legs, six arms, and two heads?
Nirvana.
What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?
A bullet!
What did Kurt have to drink before he died?
A couple of shots.
What was the best thing that Kurt Cobain ever released?
The safety catch on that gun.
What color were Kurt's eyes?
Blue. One blew this way and one blew that way!
What does Kurt Cobain and hockey have in common?
Face-off in the corner.
What sound did Kurt's shotgun make?
Kurt-Kurt Cobain.
What was the best cure for Kurt Cobain's depression?
10-gauge buckshot.
You know... Kurt Cobain would have had a great career...
If he didn't go shooting off his mouth!
Why did Kurt Cobain use a shot gun?
Because anacin was too weak.
Kurt Cobain should have changed his name before he committed
suicide…
Kurt Gobang!
Why won't they let Kurt Cobain drive convertibles?
His head whistles.
What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and John Bonham?
It took 42 shots to kill Bonham.
Why can't you tell any secrets to Kurt Cobain?
He'll go shooting off his mouth.
What does Cobain have in common with his record sales?
They've both gone through the roof.
Q: Why is it so easy to read Kurt Cobain's mind?
A: You can see right through his head!
What was Kirt Cobain's last hit?
The Floor.
Q) Whats the new singer of Nirvana called ?/
A) Kurt No-Brain
Q: How many members of Nirvana does it take to change
a lightbulb?
A: Hopefully, not more than two.
What's the newest Nirvana releases?
"Kurt Shaped Box"
Why did Courtney Love drive?
Because Kurt preferred riding shotgun.
What has 2 heads, 4 legs and works at McDonald's?
The rest of Nirvana.
How does Cobain feel about the NBA?
He think the Bullets have nowhere to go but up.
Why can't you tell any secrets to Kurt Cobain?
He'll go shooting off his mouth.
Does Kurt like other kinds of music?
Yes, he's a Dead Head.
What does Cobain have in common with his record sales?
They've both gone through the roof.
How will the record do?
It'll be number one with a bullet.
What will Nirvana's next record be?
1) My Aim is True
2) Up on the Roof
3) Going out of my Head
What did Kurt do when he got to the top?
He self-destructed.
What will Nirvana's next video be?
Dancing on the ceiling.
Did you hear that Nirvana is planning to do another album?
If they can just find a lead singer who can keep his head together...
What's the best thing about Kurt Cobain?
His aim !
What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What does NIRVANA stand for?
Needed
Immediately
Reliablev
Vocalist
Applications
Now
Accepted
Q: Do you know the title of Kurt Cobain's first solo album?
A: Plugged
Q: What did Mrs. Cobain say when they couldn't identify
Kurt's body?
A: Smells like Kurt's body (to me).
Q. Why did Nirvana never let Kurt talk to the press? A. He kept shooting his mouth off.
Q: Why was Kurt Cobain so embarrassed?
A: He shot his mouth off once too often.
Q: Why did Kurt stop doing drugs?
A: He needed them like a hole in his head!
Q: Why is it so easy to read Kurt Cobain's mind?
A: You can see right through his head!
Q: What did Kurt Cobain say to the electrician when he arrived?
A: Not much.
Q: What did Kurt say whenever Nirvana went for a ride
in a car?
A: "I ride shotgun!"
Q: What do Kurt Cobain and W. Bobbit have in common?
A: They both got drunk and lost their heads!
Q: What do you get when you cross Kurt Cobain with Richard
Nixon?
A: John Kennedy
Q) How many times does it take Cobain to kill himself?
A) Two, if you want it done right.
Q) What is the ultimate guage of Cobain's success?
A) a 12 guage
Q) How many Cobains does it take to change a lightbulb?
A) Four.
One to be depressed about it
One to take herion over it
One to sing a bad song about it
And one to shoot it
Q:What does Kurt Cobain and the group Nine Inch Nails
have in common?
A : Answer: A Head Like A Hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q:What does Kurt Cobain smell like now?
A: I don't know but its sure not Teen spirit
Q) What do JFK, Curt Cobain, and Bill Clinton all have
in common?
A) They each have (or have had - in JFK's case) half a brain, and Gore on
their backs.
Q) What do Cobain and Wesley Alan Dodd have in common?
A) Hey man. Just shut up and be glad they're dead.
(Q) What do Kurt Cobain and Freddie Mercury have in common?
(A) They both sucked a tube and died.
What was the last thing Kurt said before his face got
blown away?
"S***, I thought this was a microphone!"
OR
"Is this mike on?"
Or you could follow what a Quebec public school teacher
did with the
demented and apparently gramatically flawed suicide note of Marc Lepine,
the famous Ecole Polytechnique gunman and make it a grammar exercise for
your students.
Q. Who makes less money than Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic?
A. Kurt Cobain
Q) what's the first thing that went through his mind
when he pulled the trigger?
A) His nose!
what's the tribute album gonna have on it?
1) "Alive" by Pearl Jam
2) "Bullet in your head" by Rage Against the Machine
"I hate myself and want to die" - who else, Nirvana
"Suicide Solution" (i forgot, Ozzy?)
"Kill yourself" -S.O.D.
"I shot the devil" Suicidal Tendencies
or "War inside my head" or "Suicidal
failure" or ssuicide's an alternative" by the same.
Aenother one bites the dust"-Queen
Hey Kurt say hi to Freddie for us.
"Head Like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails
Q: What is Kurt Cobain's favorite album?
A: nomoremind...
And don't forget the hit off the album, Smells Like Gunsmoke
Q) Whats the new singer of Nirvana called ?/
A) Kurt No-Brain
Q) What will Nirvana's next single be ?
A) Bullet in the head ( Rage against the Machine cover)
Q) Follow up sinlge to the above hit ??
A) Smells like Kurts dead .
NIRVANA's last album: IN UTERO
NIRVANA's next album: POST MORTEM
What's the newest Nirvana releases?
"Kurt Shaped Box"
"Smells like A Rotting Corpse"
"In Bloom: A tribute to Kurt's head"
The new album will be called "Splattermind"
"And I swear that I don't have a gun, no I don't
have a gun."
--- Come As You Are
Guess he did.
More songs for the Cobain tribute album...
G n' R's "Shotgun Blues"
Mudhoney's "Overblown"
The Beatles: "Happiness is a Warm Gun"
Q: How many members of Nirvana does it take to change
a lightbulb?
A: Hopefully, not more than two.
Did you hear Kurt Cobain was on the TV?
...and on the carpet, the walls, the furniture...
What was on Kurt Cobain's suicide note?
Mostly blood and powder residue
Have you seen the new MTV show? Kurt Cobain: Plugged.
10. Wanted to repaint wall a nice shade of "Hint of Brain"
9. Ran out of possible 3 chord combinations for songs.
8. Too many listeners beginning to understand lyrics.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try try again...
6. "Which is dangerous, the wooden end or the metal end?"
5. Tried to scratch pesky spot behind ear with shotgun.
4. Damn Fly!
3. "If I don't get this tuned right I'm gonna shoot myself"
2. Playing Solitaire Russian Roulette
And the number one reason :
1. Couldn't figure out "Cinnamon Girl" Solo.
"Hey look at me! BANG" -Kurt Cobain
Oh God, I just can't help myself.
All these Cobain references keep lending themselves to commentary.
I'll try to stop.
Yeah, right. :)
(Teen Spirit...)
Tried the pill route
Didn't do it
But the shotgun
Went right through it
I'm so stupid
It's contagious
Hope my bandmates
Get 12 guages.
Oh I kill me.
(But not as well as Cobain)
Acting Stupid
Masochistic
Solve my problems
With ballistics
Re-releases
Due to lead now
I'm more famous
Cause I'm dead now......YEA
What else can I be,
worm food is the key.
What else can I say,
all is not OK.
What else can I do,
my fans I did screw.
What else can I say,
Kiss the barrel, damn the philosophy.
In the sun, in the sun...I will be,
rotting...rotting away, away.
What else can they say,
I have got my way.
My child never knew,
dead before she grew.
Wife can go to hell,
Suicide is swell.
Nirvana is no more,
Matters not cause Geffen's makin millions now.
In the sun, in the sun, I won't be,
buried....forever in the darkness, falling.
What else can I be?
A splatter mark or three...
What else can I say?
Shotgun shell went through my brain...
What else can I write?
I'm nothing but a blight...
My brain is on the floor...
My widow, Courtney, is such a f*$&ing whore...
Under ground... under ground I can be found...
Under ground... under ground...
WORM FEED....
WORM FEED....
All I am is maggot chow...
Come one come all ... now
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Casey's Lock n Load Casino
Where your ass is mine!
Proposition Odds
----------------------------------------------------------------
Courtney really did overdose accidentally +1000
Courtney took too many pills because she can't read +800
Courtney took too many pills because she is stoopid +200
Courtney tried to commit suicide and will join her
brain-dead husband before the end of the year. -1300
Frances Bean has absolutely no chance for a normal life
because of the utter losers she has as parents. -2000
All wagers are final and winners will be paid when all
four Beatles hold a reunion concert at the Hollywood Bowl.
Your songs all sound the same,
'cause you're really lame, Cobain.
[chorus]
We don't like,
we don't like,
we don't like, Cobain.
Hey, your life was fine,
why for do you whine, Cobain?
All big bucks and fun,
so you bought a gun, Cobain.
[chorus]
You're an ass,
and a dork,
'cause you whine, (pause)Cobain.
Yes, you love that spoon,
you're a fucking loon, Cobain.
Bought a box of shells,
for a quick trip to hell, Cobain.
[chorus]
Lock and load
press down hard
and Ka-bang,(pause) No Brain!
Little Frances Bean,
your dad's a mouldy green, Cobain
And his fans all whine,
while invertebrates dine, on Cobain.
[final chorus]
He's a dick
Now he's dead,
jump for joy, (pause)No Pain.
: ]Kurt is in the studio, decomposing his newest album. The title isn't
: ]finalized yet, but these are seriously under consideration:
: ]
: ]1) I'm A Loser
: ]2) The Return Of The Evil Dead
: ]3) Suicide For Fun And Profit
: ]4) Shotgun Special
: ]5) Death Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry
: ]6) Who's Crying Now
: ]7) A Bullet To The Brain
: ]8) Decomposing In Seattle
: ]9) Someday You'll Be Dead Too
: ]10) Postcards From Hell
:]11) Lifeless in Seattle
:]12) If you married you know who, you would of done what I did.
:]13) Duets: Kurt sings with Dahmer, Hitler, Bundy and others
:]14) I don't need to bathe
:]15) I'm dead, what's your excuse
:]16) Those idiots will buy anything with my name on it.
:]17) That hurts
:]18) Trigger finger
:]19) I got a tummy ache, pass the heroin
:]20) I dig the Devil
21) Friend Of The Devil
22) The Devil Made Me Do It
23) Sympathy For The Devil
23) A Hole In The Head
24) White Punks On Dope
25) Heroin, Cocaine And Courtney
26) Still Crazy After All These Years
27) Bring On The Clowns
28) Love And Death
29) Dancin' With Mr D
30) It's All Over Now, Baby Bean
Here's some more possible titles for Kurt's new album...
Holiday In Hell
Roman Holiday
My Aim Is True
The Joys Of Parenthood
I Hit Her And It Felt Like A Kiss
Meth Monster
I Fought The Establishment And The Establishment Won
Scuzz Ball
Manic Depression
Money Can't Buy Me Love
Grunge Rhymes With Munge
Goin To Hell In A Bucket
Johnny Ace Was Right
My Baby Lost Her Old Man And I Don't Care
Drug Withdrawl For Fun And Profit
The Joke Was On Me
Turn My Life Down
Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out, Kill Yourself
On A Slow Boat To Hell
Cocaine Is For Heroes
Cold As Ice
Baby Oh Baby
Nothing On My Mind
Buckshot Bliss
Suicidal Tendencies
The Dead Boys
Me And Elvis Get High Every Day in Hell
The Flannel Channel
Hepatitis Happiness
Still Crazy After All These Years
Only The Bad Die Young
Well, then, try these on for size:
Lil Orphan Frances
Widow Maker
I Feel Like I'm Fixin To Die Rag
Courtney Got a Nose Job
Highway To Hell
Saturday Night's All Right For Dying
I Hate Myself And Wish I Were Dead
Ashes To Ashes
Hole In One
Shotgun
RL>> Cobain needed a fretless Mustang.
JV> Oh I don't know..... he's sounding much better these days.
TE> True, his tone has definitely gone down into the dirt.
And here I thought he was just getting buried by the rythum section.
SK> Is there a" Cobain bereavement support group"
in L.A.?.....For those
SK> that are suffering with seperation anxiety?
Haven't heard of any. Maybe up in Seattle. I did hear that there is a
group out there trying to get the shotgun he used placed into the
rock and roll hall of fame. Seems that that was the best tone he ever
got out of an instrument of any kind!!
LATE BREAKING NIRVANA NEWS
Scientific studies have concluded that Nirvana records
contain suicidal
messages when played backwards. Researchers have found that "Smells Like
Teen Spirit" contains numerous backwards messages that urge listeners to
kill themselves. One backwards message includes the unlisted phone number
of Dr Kervorkian's Ethical Suicide Center, while another contains a plea
from Kunt Kobain urging listeners to "do the shotgun."
A spokeswoman for the international Women Against Curt
Kobain Organization
(WACKO) urged the record buying public to boycott all those "grunge
groups" from Seattle. That spokesperson said that the word grunge is
actually a derivation of the ancient Mesopotamian word 'grungie' which roughly
translated into modern English means "do the shotgun."
You have been warned. Listening to Nirvana may be very
hazardous to your
mental and psychological well being, and should be avoided at all costs.
F I D O N E W S -- Vol.12 No. 1 (02-Jan-1994)
Since this is being written on the last day of 1994 I feel
obliged to sum up the year in some fashion and to make
predictions about the coming year. (First off, there is no
doubt that in 1995, a Grammy will be awarded for "Best
Contribution to Rock & Roll"... to Kurt Coblain's shotgun.)
I heard that Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) is going to re-release "Head Like A Hole" in memorial of Kurt Cobain.
Anyone been for a curry lately? Try the new Chicken Nirvana.... It'll blow your head off !!!!
The Kurt Cobain Smiley Collection :-)
O:) @:)
Cobain was so concerned about keeping custody of his infant that he shot himself.
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Send me your comments, hate-mails, or jokes here .