I can't believe the stuff I see in theaters nowadays. I really don't. It's like, I go to see explosions and guys with sunglasses with big muscles kicking ass, instead I see a little kid saving the world with hi-tech gadgets. What's with this? Since when do heroes need gadgets to save the world? Look at one of the greatest trilogies ever - Indiana Jones. I'm watching Temple of Doom right now, and let me tell you, it kicks ass. A guy ripping out people's heart then melting them, and an archaelogist who is very smart (an asset modern heroes seem to lack) goes in there and beats everyone up and saves the starving indian people by retrieving stones from the Devil worshipping guy. Indiana Jones rules. Moreover, Harrison Ford, and all his movies rule.
But now people don't seem to understand that these new movies are horrible. "Secret Agent Cody Banks"? It's like a kid who saves the world in a helicopter. Who cares? Get this: no one cares because he's a little kid, and get this: no one cares what little kids do because they don't know anything. That kid looks more like he should be coloring a dinosaur instead of saving me. According the movie, the government hired him because "he's the best." If they were looking for the best freckled curly haired punk, then yeah. But if you want the best underage ass-kicker, then the government would have paid me to be in this movie. I would stand there with sunglasses and my massive arms looking big. And when people wanted to take over the world, I would suddenly get an Escalade in front of me (they are only good for rolling over and crushing things underneath. It took me a while to find a positive thing about it) and run the fools over, or make a turn (slow or fast, it doesn't matter, it'll tip over) and mow the fools down like just like killing squirrels by rolling a trash can down a hill. On that note, let me say Escalades look like big heavy steel boxes on wheels. I swear, it's an oversized George Foreman grill on wheels. If you think Escalades are good, you are wrong. Moving on....
And then you have this movie called "Cruel Intentions." It's about a wussie guy who keeps trying to lay this one girl who isn't buying his crap. It's a pointless movie that gets played too much on USA. The only reason I mentioned it was because the seductionist guy's name was Sebastian. It's a great name. Too bad the guy was a wimpy troll.
Hmm. I don't have much left to say, except that what would a movie rant be without the busting of Titanic. The movie would have been great if they made the whole thing about an evil iceberg that throws giant stacks of lettuce at people. Although I don't know why that's cool, it is. And the old lady on that deep-sea vessel would say: " I was the only one who shurvived the attack of the evil iceberg's lettuce barrage." Now that's something to be proud of, not surviving a boat that crashed into a piece of ice. It's always funny how they spot an iceberg with a telescope from far away, yet that distance isn't great enough to stop a slow ass ship. I always found that amusing.
People agree, Harrison Ford rules and he kicked ass in Indy Jones.