I hate phone solicitors. I was on my way to the DMV the other day to put up with underpaid angry employees to fumble my way through mountains of paperwork to get my permit, and just as I stepped out the door to get there, the phone rang. I picked it up, and I hear a man asking me my name in a sinister accent. So I told him my name, and he said he wanted "feedback" and I told him that I didn't have time, that I have to go, and he said it would only take a minute.
At this point I'm wondering how the hell I am going to give feedback on something I don't have. So I hung up on him, and went to the DMV in my dad's big rig, and I am not making this up.
Later that night I talk to a buddy on the phone, and I ask her to wait, because I had another phone call. I immediately sensed the incoming onslaught of stupid underpaid phone solicitors, but I clicked over anyway. Guess who? The 'Daily Review' newspaper called my house to get my to have a free 5 week subscription. Since I know how utterly anti-american all these newspapers are, and that you can't unsubscribe from them without fighting your way through dozens of dinner-time phone calls and people with funny accents and women with armpit stains, so I just hung up, and had to explain to my (fine) buddy that it was another stupid phone person.
Now address to all the phone people: shut up.I don't want your stupid products that increase my laziness. If I wanted your stupid product I would have bought it already. Your product means nothing to me. Thanks to you guys, now I might become a phone solicitor and only call to BUG PHONE COMPANIES INTO BUYING MY LATEST PRODUCT, my new "Can of Whoop Ass: Outlaw style" It is a product in which the ugly phone solicitor opens it, and all of a sudden I materialize into the cubicle and wreck all their products and throw their phones out the window. Then I tell their manager to never call me again, and give him a 12-pack of "Can of Whoop Ass: Outlaw Style" if he ever gets out of line. I would tell him that if he ever called me again he must, under law, open the can so I could ruin his office.
Bah, phone solicitors.
