Album Reviews - S

Gene Simmons – Asshole (2004 Simmons/Sanctuary Records)
GeneSimmons.com

1. Sweet & Dirty Love
2. Firestarter
3. Weapons Of Mass Destruction
4. Waiting For The Morning Light
5. Beautiful
6. Asshole
7. Now That You're Gone
8. Whatever Turns You On
9. Dog
10. Black Tongue
11. Carnival Of Souls
12. If I Had A Gun
13. 1,000 Dreams

14. Everybody Knows (bonus track on Japanese version)
15. You're My Reason For Living (bonus track on Japanese version)

Derek's Review
Mike's cousin once reviewed this album perfectly. He used only one symbol "?" and somehow I cannot do anything but agree with it. This is Gene Simmons' first solo album since his KISS solo album in 1978. His 1978 album was the most diverse of the four solo albums, and this solo album really isn't any different.

"Sweet & Dirty Love" is a great way to start off this album, and sounds like a KISS leftover from the Revenge album. "Firestarter" is a cover of Prodigy. I know some of you are thinking, isn't that the group that did the song "Smack My Bitch Up?" All I can do is just nod my head in affirmation. This song doesn't sound any different really than Prodigy's version, and I don't know where Dave Navarro (Jane's Addiction) plays guitar on it, but I definitely don't really hear him. While this song does have a funny video for it, I really can't say I support Gene in this move into this club music genre and only sigh in relief that it didn't wind up on a KISS release. "Weapons Of Mass Destruction" sounds like another Revenge leftover and there's nothing wrong with that. Bruce Kulick and Eric Singer both join Simmons on "Weapons Of Mass Destruction" and "Sweet & Dirty Love," which probably explains the Revenge sound on the album. Perhaps kind of similar in vein to "Unholy." From here the tempo of the album shifts entirely. Next up is a song co-written by Bob Dylan (yes, the same Dylan who is a legend in modern music). "Waiting For The Morning Light" is a soothing, slower number that is actually appealing and I can get into this groove. "Beautiful" starts off with a crazy keyboard intro and then Simmons starts singing with Magical Mystery Tour Beatles-esque melodies. "Asshole" is definitely an upbeat number, almost punkish, however, it is definitely one of my favorites, just a humorous song and I really enjoy it. "Whatever Turns You On" is kind of a one of kind song that really isn't comparable. A few of the Simmons family join him in the chorus on this song. "Black Tongue" is a highlight for me. I love hearing Frank Zappa talking throughout the piece, and the solo in the song (done by Zappa's son Dweezil) is definitely entertaining. I love the chorus of "Black Tongue." It's nice to see "Carnival Of Souls" finally appear on an album, since it has been sitting in the KISS bucket of songs for ten years. "If I Had A Gun" probably has my favorite lyrics from the album, "If I had a gun/I'd have me some fun/I'd shoot everyone who pisses me off today/So don't piss me off today." I know everyone has felt like that at some point. "Everybody Knows" adds another rocking song to the album but is only decent. "You're My Reason For Living" closes off the album on a somber note.

All in all, this is a very mixed up, diverse album. Though I would have preferred Gene perhaps cut a few songs to shorten this album a tad and maybe just pick more rocking songs for the album, this album is what it is, Gene getting this stuff out of his system. Rumor has it that Paul Stanley is working on a solo album due out in early 2005, hopefully that stays true. This album is a mixed bag, won't get Gene any new fans, and KISS fans should perhaps be aware that they are due in for a surprise upon their first listen. Though this album does grow on you after a few listens, I don't know how many fans will give it those few extra.

Derek's Picks: Sweet & Dirty Love, Asshole, Weapons Of Mass Destruction, Beautiful

Derek's Rating

Mike's Review
There are two possibilities for this album:

Either...

1. Asshole is a concept album. Here's the premise: one of the most creative, talented, and successful rock stars of all time decides to be an "asshole" by teasing his loyal fans with the prospect of a new solo album and leaking samples of the album's best songs. He then pulls a complete switch by releasing the album's single, which is the worst song of his entire career (even if it is a cover). The following album, aside from the songs that were leaked, is the last thing anyone expected to hear from him, and is overall his weakest effort to date. All of this would make Asshole the most brilliant and sneaky concept album ever recorded.

OR...

2. Asshole really just is the jumbled, haphazard collection of songs from every genre that it appears to be.

Well, it's probably the second possibility.

So that leads us to the next question, why would Gene do something like this? My honest opinion: because he can.

Let's take a look at the absolute WORST possible scenario after releasing Asshole:

Everyone who bought the album vows never to purchase anything from Gene Simmons again, and they all tell everyone else and all of those people make the same vow. This includes anything by Gene Simmons or KISS, and not just albums, but concert tickets, merchandise, and anything Gene Simmons ever has a part of in the future. Essentially, Gene is forced into complete retirement. But for him, what does it matter? He's already co-founded and been a lifetime member of the greatest band of all time, with whom he has received countless awards and recognitions. And let's not forget his worth of half a billion dollars. So, with all of this said, I think Gene was just pushing the limits, since there's really no risk involved.

Now here's the review of the album that merited ALL THAT for an introduction:

"Sweet & Dirty Love" is a sweet and dirty rocker. It's very much a Revenge-style song, even featuring Bruce Kulick and Eric Singer, and I swear that sounds like Paul Stanley on "much too good!" but he's not credited in the liner notes. "Firestarter" would be more appropriately titled "Fireshitter," because hearing it is as bad as shitting fire. Fortunately, our beloved Gene didn't actually write this monstrosity; it's a Prodigy cover. But the employee at Sanctuary Records who suggested that Gene use the song has earned his eternal damnation in rock and roll hell. This version is barely different from the techno original, and is only better by default. Gene contacted Jane's Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro to add a little guitar to the track, but why bother? The whole point of guest musicians is to pick ones with valuable contributions, and Navarro doesn't meet that criteria. "Weapons Of Mass Destruction" and the later-appearing "Carnival Of Souls" are intense rock songs that would fit on KISS' album Carnival Of Souls (the latter song is actually an outtake from that album). The soft, soulful "Waiting For The Morning Light" (co-written with Bob Dylan years ago) is an unlikely gem. In fact, it's one of Gene's best songs in years. "Beautiful" and "Asshole" are two songs in a row written by outsiders, and are two of the album's better tracks. "Beautiful" combines synth pop with a Paul McCartney-esque sound. "Asshole" is a pop punk rocker with stupidly funny lyrics. Gene taps the backing vocal abilities of his daughter Sophie on "Now That You're Gone" and of Shannon Tweed and friends on "Whatever Turns You On." "Dog" was written by Gene's sidekick for this album, the mysterious "Bag." Aside from some clever lyrics, it doesn't leave me interested in Bag's upcoming solo album (yes, there's actually supposed to be one). "Black Tongue" is an unfinished Frank Zappa song that Gene resurrected. It is another standout on the album, and even features clips of Frank talking and guitar from his son Dweezil. Musically, "If I Had A Gun" isn't very entertaining, but it does contain some humorous lyrics. The intro to "1,000 Dreams" recalls Gene's 1978 cover of "When You Wish Upon A Star," as well as the high note he hits at the very end.

"Everybody Knows" and "You're My Reason For Living" appear on the Japanese version of Asshole, but are both better than a number of songs on the regular version. And they DEFINITELY should've replaced "Firestarter." "Everybody Knows" is a rock song that rotates between slow and mid-tempo. "You're My Reason For Living" is an enjoyable ballad that remains lite for the first half and then begins to pick up.

Even though the first possibility I mentioned didn't turn out to be the reality, what I said in it was true; this is overall Gene's weakest release to date. But he did throw us a bone by including some really cool songs, and hopefully he enjoyed himself. I think the legendary Paul Stanley summed up this album the best in a recent interview: "Let's just say, I hope it's what he wanted to do. He reaps the benefits or takes the...criticism. If this is the album he chose to make, then he deserves what he gets, either way."

Gene, Gene, Gene, you crazy bastard. We love ya anyway.

Mike's Picks: Sweet & Dirty Love, Waiting For The Morning Light, Asshole, Black Tongue

Mike's Rating

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND AND STRONGLY ENCOURAGE THAT EVERYONE WHO OWNS THIS ALBUM MAKE THEIR OWN COPY WITH "FIRESTARTER" REMOVED! THE ALBUM IS MUCH BETTER THAT WAY!

Status Quo - Heavy Traffic (2002 Universal Music TV)
StatusQuo.co.uk

1. Blues & Rhythm
2. All Stand Up (Never Say Never)
3. The Oriental
4. Creepin' Up On You
5. Heavy Traffic
6. Solid Gold
7. Green
8. Jam Side Down
9. Diggin' Burt Bacharach
10. Do It Again
11. Another Day
12. I Don't Remember Anymore
13. Money Don't Matter (bonus track on U.K. version)
14. Rhythm Of Life

Mike's Review
I had heard of Status Quo, but never heard any of their music when I saw Heavy Traffic at Tower Records. For some reason, the album looked really cool, and struck me as one of those excellent releases that certain bands put out years after their commercial peak. I didn't buy Heavy Traffic then, but I went home and read about it online. All of the reviews I came across raved about it, and I decided to go buy it, still without hearing any of the album or anything by Status Quo. Well, right when I heard the first second of "Blues & Rhythm," I knew I had found a new album and band to love. The rest of the album lived up to the stellar first track, and it left me with a giant smile on my face. Heavy Traffic is a barroom boogie rock masterpiece, topped with classic rhyming.

Blues & Rhythm - The title may be "Blues & Rhythm," but the message is "Rock & Roll." This upbeat rocker is one of rock music's all-time greatest, which is especially impressive considering it was released in the early 21st Century. Music this good, for the most part, hasn't been witnessed in decades.

All Stand Up (Never Say Never) - This one keeps the pace going, even speeding it up a little. The big sound and rallying chorus would make this song an awesome live staple. "All Stand Up (Never Say Never)" was the second single released from Heavy Traffic and is very worth tracking down for the excellent B-side "You Let Me Down."

The Oriental - Although the tempo slows down to mid-paced, the energy of this album is still going full force on this tune. "The Oriental" features some delightfully humorous lyrics about the love of Oriental women, including Mia from North Korea and Mae Wong from Hong Kong (hey, I told you these guys love to rhyme).

Creepin' Up On You - This steady, shuffling number is this album's second longest and features some really tasty guitar work during the intro, during the solo, and during the outro.

Heavy Traffic - Ironically, this song speeds things up again, contrary to its title. This is a simple, straightforward rocker about driving all over town.

Solid Gold - A little drum roll and some blaring harmonica get this one started. The best part of this song is the driving chorus. Solid gold, baby!

Green - "Green" is a really unique-sounding song. It's centered around acoustic guitar, yet it still finds a way to be an up-tempo rocker. This one has some original lyrics, and it's pretty impossible not to find yourself singing "do do do do do."

Jam Side Down - This was the first single released from Heavy Traffic, and is naturally the most commercial song on this album. It's a catchy, upbeat pop rock love song, and is another one that sounds like it comes from rock music's heyday years ago. I remember being confused about the title when I first saw it, but it made sense once I heard it. The line (about a guy's misfortune) goes, "My bread keeps landing jam side down." That's some classic British lyricism. The "Jam Side Down" single was released in two parts. Both discs feature the title track. The first disc includes the AWESOME B-side "The Madness," which is just as good (possibly even better) as the songs on Heavy Traffic. The second disc includes two live recordings of the band performing two of their older songs, "Down Down" and their cover of John Fogerty's "Rockin' All Over The World," at Top Of The Pops 2. Both parts make an excellent addition to this amazing album, especially the killer B-side "The Madness."

Diggin' Burt Bacharach - Who would've thought a song about Burt Bacharach could fit so well on a hard rock album? Well, Status Quo pull it off with class. This song has to be best example of speed-rhyming ever. Try saying "Black jack clap trap/Any kind of flap trap/Big Mac, lookin' back/Diggin' Burt Bacharach, oh" five times fast.

Do It Again - Here's a song about all the crazy things we do and can't seem to get enough of. This is one of the hardest and fastest songs on this album. Play it once and do it again!

Another Day - After rocking their balls off with the previous song, Status Quo lighten things up just slightly and bring back the boogie. "Another Day" stands out for having one of this album's best choruses.

I Don't Remember Anymore - Well they got the boogie out, and now our boys wanna rock again. This is another contestant for this album's most intense rocker, and features some crazy rock star lyrics, like wanting to "sail the TV 'round the swimming pool."

Money Don't Matter - This is a perfect example of why the concept of bonus tracks is evil, but the bonus tracks themselves are awesome. Most of the world outside the U.K. will never here this great rock song. The riff is simple and memorable and the chorus begs to be sung. The song is a heartfelt plea to stop putting emphasis on the wrong things in life because we know better. This song would have made a great third single from Heavy Traffic.

Rhythm Of Life - Status Quo break their own status quo and close things with the only slow song on this release, which is also the longest song found here. A slow handed guitar rhythm and dominant bass lead most of the way, making room for a soulful guitar solo. The song ends with a little piano roll, concluding this album. But the rhythm of life goes on.

Heavy Traffic is probably the best album of 2002, which is a great testament to Status Quo, the genre, and its fans. However, it's pretty pathetic for modern bands and music. These guys are old (and I mean no offense by that, but it's true, they're rock veterans), yet this album absolutely smokes anything and everything by all of today's young guys. I definitely think bands of the current generation should start taking cues from Quo.

Mike's Picks: You'll be happy to get stuck in traffic if you have Heavy Traffic with you, because it's 56 minutes of amazing music.

Mike's Rating

Derek's Review
I have to admit, I have listened to Mike rave about this album for a long time now, and I finally found out why when I moved down to my apartment sophomore year. This is a truly amazing album. I don't really know much Status Quo, but that may be changing soon.

Blues & Rhythm - A damn catchy way to start off this damn catchy album. "Jailhouse rocker/Make you tap your feet/Classic shocker/Listen to the backbeat" are some of the lyrics to this song. I don't know if someone can write something more true, because by the end of the song, whether you know it or not, your foot is going to be moving.

All Stand Up (Never Say Never) - Opening with a catchy riff and pounding drums, Status Quo lets you know you are going to be boogied whether you want to or not. Another really catchy moment on this disc that places you mentally in a bar being rocked by the band on stage. Great job guys!

The Oriental - Perhaps my favorite track on this album just due to the tongue-in-cheek lyrics on this one. This just makes me laugh every time. The rhyming on this is classic and almost brings an old school ZZ Top quality to it. You can't top lines like "I'm gonna cross the water/Take a plane to Tokyo/And find a little Geisha/I love to see them go/And carry on to China, Asia Minor and some more/Then finish with a sling in Singapore." Perhaps this song could be found offensive by obvious parts of the population, but I'm just going to sit back and listen to this one all day long.

Creepin' Up On You - Man, I love the Spinal Tap-ish lyrics on this one. For instance: "I like the way you walk/You got a giggle when you talk/I like the way you talk/You got a wiggle when you walk." This song just keeps the boogie going on from the previous song. It's so hard to follow up "The Oriental," but somehow Status Quo keeps this album moving along.

Heavy Traffic - If anyone is sitting in traffic for any duration of time, boy oh boy can you relate to this song. Next time I'm in a jam, you'll know what is going to be blastin' in my CD player. One of the best on the album.

Solid Gold - With its pounding chorus, Status Quo declares they are solid gold, and by golly, they are right. One of the most upbeat songs with plenty of boogie to spare.

Green - I'm not quite sure what they are singing about here with lyrics like, "Green, green, keep it clean/Stick all your money up your money machine/Green, green, perfect scene/Oh it's very very nice here/But I wouldn't wanna live here," but who am I to argue? Somehow, someway, this song sounds very Neil Young-ish to me in the vocal department.

Jam Side Down - Another song about a guy getting screwed over by a girl. What else is new, right guys? Possibly the most catchy on this album. This guy needs a remedy, because this girl just isn't giving him the time of day. I think all of us guys can feel for him, because we've all been there at one time or another.

Diggin' Burt Bacharach - I have to admit, I don't know a whole lot about Burt (except that he was in Austin Powers), but if he wants to inspire genius, I'll throw him a bone. This song has a slight ZZ Top feel to it, but not so Texan.

Do It Again - Perhaps the best song about guilty pleasures, and let's face it, there are a ton of things we love to do, so why not do it again? I know I will be...

Another Day - More or a less a story about how the faults of one person are affecting the other in the relationship, with rather amusing lyrics.

I Don't Remember Anymore - Perhaps the most catchy song on this album and definitely the most upbeat. This gets points for wanting to "be an all night loon like a Ronnie Wood" in the lyrics, very cool. This is one of the most upbeat drinking songs I've heard in quite some time, and of course they do it Quo style. This band has been partying and it's good to hear a celebratory song come from them.

Money Don't Matter - This is a KICK ASS bonus track! America is getting screwed over on this release. In fact, this very song prompted me to buy the import instead of the American release, it kicks that much ass. This contagious song has gotten stuck in my head so many times. It would be a shame not to hear this song on the album for all of us poor American fans.

Rhythm Of Life - Status Quo slows things down for the finale. While this isn't a bad song (it just doesn't fit), perhaps it's my least favorite on this album, but that's saying a lot because this album is stacked more than the Yankees.

Well, that's all folks. Please do anything you can to hear this album, especially if you are looking to boogie down a bit.

Derek's Picks: Just do yourself a favor and hit that button you probably don't use too often, yeah you know which one I'm talking about, the repeat button.

Derek's Rating:

Jim Steinman - Bad For Good (1981 Epic/Cleveland International Records)
JimSteinman.com

1. Bad For Good mp3 clip
2. Lost Boys And Golden Girls
3. Love And Death And An American Guitar
4. Stark Raving Love mp3 clip
5. Out Of The Frying Pan (And Into The Fire)
6. Surf's Up
7. Dance In My Pants
8. Left In The Dark mp3 clip
9. The Storm
10. Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through mp3 clip

Derek's Review
Though Jim Steinman doesn't have the terrific voice of Meat Loaf, he still churns in a valiant performance. Some of these songs would later be included on the phenomenal Bat Out Of Hell II: Back Into Hell. "Bad For Good" opens the album and does so on a great note. This upbeat song sounds like a classic Steinman composition, which normally includes epic lyrics, terrific piano playing, and over-the-top production, and we are damn proud of it. Probably the highlight of the album is "Out Of The Frying Pan (And Into The Fire)," which would later appear on Bat Out Of Hell II: Back Into Hell. Though I normally prefer original versions, I cannot say the same here. While the track on this album is quite cool, I don't think anything Steinman does can top what he could do with Meat Loaf. "Dance In My Pants" is just a purely fun and enjoyable song. Fans of Meat Loaf's Bat Out Of Hell albums would be advised to track this down and pick it up, since it is the perfect compliment to them. Unfortunately, Steinman does not have a lot of other material for us to review, so we should be thankful for this wonderful album.

Derek's Picks: Bad For Good, Out Of The Frying Pan (And Into The Fire), Dance In My Pants

Derek's Rating

Mike's Review
Jim Steinman is a brilliant songwriter, and his songs on this album are mighty enough to stand on their own, despite not having Meat Loaf's powerful vocals. In fact, I find some of the vocal performances here to be more passionate coming from Steinman himself, rather than interpreted (albeit amazingly) by Meat Loaf, who got a chance to work his wonders on three of these tunes ("Lost Boys And Golden Girls," "Out Of The Frying Pan (And Into The Fire)," and "Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through") twelve years later on his album Bat Out Of Hell II: Back Into Hell. But enough about Meat Loaf, Jim Steinman is the man of the hour here. "Bad For Good" is an epic masterpiece with all of the expected Steinman fixin's, and is possibly the album's best song. It's so good that I wonder why it wasn't later used by Meat Loaf...do I dare say that Steinman already did a perfect job with it? "Love And Death And An American Guitar" is interesting, since it's not a song, but just Jim telling a dramatic story. It's something very different and it works well here, though only someone like Steinman could pull it off. "Stark Raving Love" is another extended rocker and another one of my favorites. "Left In The Dark" is a slow, heartfelt, piano-driven song about a man who suspects his woman of cheating on him. I particularly enjoyed hearing the original "Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through," since I first heard and loved the version that appeared on Meat Loaf's Bat Out Of Hell II: Back Into Hell. Overall, both versions are similar, but check out the alternate endings.

In the end, there's no denying that Meat Loaf is the superior singer. However, Jim Steinman is the superior songwriter, and this was his opportunity to strut his stuff solo style.

Mike's Picks: Bad For Good, Stark Raving Love, Left In The Dark, Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through

Mike's Rating