Cavemen Always Win

Cavemen Always Win


Chapter 8:

"So what's this?" Liam asks. He's pointing to a blender.

"It's a blender." I say.

"What does it do?" He asks.

"It... um... it makes things liquid." I say in a fidgety manner.

"You mean it melts things?"

"Not exactly. It... um... it sorta... chops it up and... liquefies it." I say.

"Well why would you need to make some thing into a liquid?" I sigh.

It's been nonstop questions. He's very interested in lots of things. When I say lots of things I mean everything. He finds everything extremely interesting. I find it extremely annoying.

I mean I know he's from a far away time, but he has no concept of anything I've been showing him. He likes the tv though. He sits in front of it for hours mindlessly staring at the screen. Gives me some time to think about what the hell it going on.

"Well some times there's things you can do with liquids that you can't do with solids."

I say and I know it's not the truth, but if I tell him it's used to make shakes and I explain what ice cream is he's going to want a shake and I'm going to have to go out and buy one for him. Then he'll sit in rapt awe watching as they blend it up and demand I make him one when we get back to the apartment. He's like a child.

"Like what?" I've never been asked this many questions in my life.

"Like... throw it." I say and I'm about to make up a lot of shit so he'll shut up.

"You can't throw solid things?"

"No, you can't."

"Is it against the rules?"

"Yes it's against the rules to throw solid stuff at people or walls."

"Why are the walls sacred?"

"Yes the walls are sacred."

"I can throw liquids at people though?" He asks after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes, you can."

"And they won't get offended?"

"Depends on who you throw it at. In fact you should throw some liquids at Wesley. He would love it."

"Really? Is it... expected... I'm not offending him by not throwing liquids at him every time he walks in the room."

"Yes, yes you are offending him by not throwing liquids at him every times he walks into the room."

"Oh, I guess I should throw water at him."

"Yes next time I won't you to throw water at him. He'll love it. Then I want you to stand there and smile at him and say 'Salutations'."


"Yeah it's like hello only I think it's French."


Okay now the questions are getting ridiculous. Like he doesn't know what or I should say who the French are.

"Yeah, you know from France."

"I know what the French are. Do people often speak in French words? It sounded like your... friends speak English." Liam says.

"They do, but nowadays people use all sorts of different words from different languages." I say.

"Oh, so do some people use Gaelic phrases?" Liam asks.

"Not many people know what Gaelic is."

"Oh, why?"

"I don't know why. Ireland is pretty... small. I think most countries either speak English or French. There are some Middle Eastern countries that speak different languages, but usually people speak those two." I say.

"Oh." He says.

He's quiet for a little while. I think that's going to be it for the questions. He stares back at the television as if it's the best thing ever made.

It's been like this for about a week. I rarely get sleep some times. I don't know where he gets the energy to stay up like he does. All I know is that when I go to sleep he's still up and when I wake up it's as though he's been awake the whole time. He swears that he sleeps. He found the bed extremely entertain.

He asked questions about the sheets and the blankets and how they made a bed so huge and what it was made of. I swear he spent a good hours asking questions about his bed. I answered all the questions, to the best of my knowledge anyway. It's not as if I know everything.

He got into the whiskey at one point. He drank all of it. There was like five bottles of whiskey and he drank all of them. My first instinct was to yell at him, which I did, but he was drunk off his ass and didn't even realize what I was saying. I then stopped and thought about it.

Why does Angel have so many bottles of whiskey? I mean I found it very strange that Mister Broodmeister would have so much alcohol on hand. And not just any alcohol it was the good stuff. I started thinking about it, but Liam didn't give me any time to really explore it. He started throwing up on Angel's rug.

I spent a half an hour cleaning it up. I swear it was the most disgusting thing I've ever had to do and I've disemboweled people before.

I knew Angel would throw a fit though if he were to come back from wherever the hell those bloody Powers have him and see throw up on his carpet... even if he had technically done it. It's weird to think of the poof and Liam as separate people considering they are the same person, but they aren't.

I mean Liam's totally... carefree. It's almost fun to be around him when the questions aren't being hurdled left and right. Angel broods. That's about all Angel does. And he does it loudly. I didn't think a person could brood out loud, but he does.

"I'm not so sure I get this... television show." Liam says after a few minutes of watching.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't understand what they're talking about." Liam says. I start to watch the show for a bit. NYPD Blue. Go figure.

"What is it you don't get?"

"Everything. Why are the running around chasing after that man?" He asks.

"Well I'm not sure why. I just started watching it." I say.

"Oh... when did it start?"

"I'm guessing at around two considering it's an hour show and it's only two thirty."

"So I've missed some of it?"

"Yeah I guess. That's probably why you don't get what's going on."

"Can I turn it back so I can watch the whole thing."

"I don't think Angel has TiVO."

"TiVO?" Liam asks.

It's funny how I walked right into that one. I mean how did I just bring up something else that he would have no idea about. Of course it wasn't hard. He doesn't have any idea about most of the stuff in this time.

"It something that lets your rewind tv." I say.

"Oh... I think I need to lie down." He gets like that some times.

Overload of information hurts his little potato boy head. They didn't have much back than. I mean I didn't have much and I was born at least a hundred years after him.

"I know it's overwhelming..."

"Overwhelming? It's more than overwhelming. I mean you say that there's at least two hundred years of knowledge that I know nothing about. Everything is just so... new and terrifying." Liam says.

"It's not that bad. I mean there are things that you don't really need to know."

"Everything's different. The clothes and the hair and the customs. I mean... it's overwhelming."

I almost feel bad for him. I mean I feel bad for myself for being designated the one that takes care of him, but I feel bad for him as well. It has to be tough to be torn away from everything you know.

"You'll get used to it. And you'll go home soon. I mean Angelus was alone here for a few weeks."

"Weeks. But it could be months. You don't know for sure."

He's pretty smart as well. A pretty good eavesdropper that is. He heard me and Percy talking about him and how long he might stay. Wesley kept asking me if I knew what made Liam suddenly appear. I guess they didn't see the tapes of me and Angelus, which is a very good thing because I'm not about to tell them about all that.

"Well, yeah it could be months."

"And I'd be stuck here in this odd place for God knows how long. Stuck with all manner of odd things like that... friend of yours. The one that looks like a devil. And you, you yourself are a mystery. I don't understand why you never leave my sight. Surely you have to be annoyed with all my questions."

Seems he's a really smart bloke. Smarter than I gave him credit for. I guess he can sense that I'm getting annoyed with him, but he's right. I haven't once left his sight. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for exactly. The Mick and the Princess said that Liam would leave in time. Whatever that could mean.

"I am annoyed with all your questions, but like I told you before. You're supposed to... be someone. Someone fairly important. If you get hurt that could be bad for all involved. Including myself."

I didn't tell him about the vampire thing although I think he'd believe it. I just didn't want to give him too much information about himself. I mean it's not everyday that you find out you're going to be an all powerful vampire that kills hundreds of thousands of people.

"You've said that, but how could I have such a profound effect on the now when I was born in the year 1727 and you said it's 2004?" Liam asks.

He's gone down this route before and I've been able to avoid it for a while, but it looks like I have to face the music.

Or maybe not, I think as I hear a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." I say jumping up as fast as I can before Liam can object. I go to the door and open it and guess who it is.

"Hey Percy." I say.

"Spike, I was just wondering if I could come in and talk with you." He says in his cordial voice.

He's looking better now. I think he's adjusting to the fact that Fred is gone, but not fully over it. I mean how could he ever be fully over it. I think he was really in love with her. Who wouldn't be? Fred was a great girl. I still miss her.

"Sure come in." I say as step aside so he can walk in.

As he does I go to close the door. When I turn around I get splashed with the off spray of Liam throwing water in Wesley's face. He's got a huge grin on his face and I think he said Salutations, but I was too busy trying not to laugh that I didn't hear it.

"I suppose this is your doing." Wesley says as he turns around to face me water droplets dripping down his face.

"Well, sort of." I say with a smirk on my face.

"Was that not right. Spike said that I was supposed to throw water on your face." Liam says his face twisted in confusion.

"Not it's perfectly okay. I just... don't like water being thrown at me on Thursdays." Wesley says. Liam bites his lip a bit at that.

"Oh sorry. Spike didn't tell me I had to only do it on certain days." Liam says.

"Yes, well Spike fails to mention a lot of things." Wesley says. I hand him a towel because it's the least I can do.

"So what can I do you for, Wes." I ask.

"Well, I was hoping that I could... steal you away from Liam for a bit. There's some business that we have to attend to." Wesley says in a nervous manner.

"Does he have to sign anymore papers?" I ask.

"Um, no, Angelus took care of a lot of the papers that needed to be signed. Harmony had him sign off on things that weren't due for months."

"Smart girl."

"Yes well she does have her moments. Anyway this has to do with a... disturbance that was detect by the police. Seems some people are in need of assistance." Wesley says.

I know he's getting at demons and he's still not entirely comfortable talking about them in front of Liam. I guess it's natural. I haven't exactly discussed all the demons with him myself.

"Oh, right, well I'm not exactly sure I should leave him alone. There's all sorts of things he can get into." I say.

"I'm not an invalid. And I'm in the room. It's rude to talk about people as though they aren't in the room." Liam says.

"Sorry, he's right. There isn't anyway that you can leave him for a few hours or so. I'm sure that Harmony would be willing to watch him for awhile." Wesley says.

Liam brightens at this thought. Now I can't have that. It's a known fact, or at least Darla would shriek that it should be, that Liam got around... a lot. His life was just one drunken stupor after another.

It's not like I'm jealous of anything that he might do with Harmony. Certainly not jealous of because it's him and he looks like my Sire and I'm definitely not jealous because of Harmony. That was over a long time ago. It was over before it started really.

No I'm a little more cautious that if he does end up talking Harmony into something because I know he can what with his charm and all, that he'll notice she doesn't have a pulse. Can't have him dying. The Prom Queen said that he wasn't a copy.

He dies I die. Simple as that and though I'm not that selfish that I'm only thinking about myself, I know that his not being turned would make a huge dent in many lives. Not just mine.

"Nope, can't allow that." I say.

"And why not. It's been ages since I've been in the company of a pleasant woman." He says.

"Harm's been up here before." I say. "Yes, but she was here when you were here. How would I be able to satisfy my urges with you here?"

"You wouldn't want to do that with Harmony."

"Why not. She isn't unattractive."

"Yeah, but... she has syphilis." I say. Seems he knows what that is because he blanches and doesn't say a word.

"There's no one you'd trust leaving him with?" Wesley says.

"Well I'm assuming that Charlie boy and you are going. I don't want to leave him with Illyria, but I think she's coming to. The only other person I'd trust would be Lorne and he gets... fidgety around Lorne." I say and the mere mention of Lorne causes Liam to flinch.

He doesn't like Illyria either. They don't fit into his notion of what is right.

"You're right. It's just... I thought I would ask. I know you aren't one to turn down a good fight." Wesley says.

"How good is good?" I ask.

"Very good. This fight... well let's just the say the opponents are fairly... skilled." Wesley says all the while looking over in Liam's direction. Wesley doesn't want to upset him.

"Well, damn... couldn't they have picked a better time. I tell you I'm going stir crazy in here Wes." I say.

"Perhaps you should take Liam out some. I mean it would be a good learning experience." Wesley says.

"I guess you're right." There's a couple seconds of paused silence. Liam looks interested in going out, but where to take him.

"Where should I take him?" I ask.

"I don't know... how about to a bar... no wait he isn't old enough to go to a bar." Wesley says.

"I go to pubs all the time." Liam says.

"You have to be a little older to go one of those here." I say.

"How much older?" He asks.

"Well you're about eighteen right now. You have to be about twenty one." I say.

His eyes go wide.

"At that rate I'd never drink." He mutters.

"I guess I can take him out. Just... call me if you need back up." I say.

"Will do. It's too bad you couldn't come." Wesley says.

"Well just kill something extra for me." I say. Wesley shakes his head and then leaves the pent house. Liam looks perplexed at what I told Wesley.

"Is it okay for him to kill things?"

"Um, what he's killing yes." I say. He nods. "So where are we going." He asks eager at the prospect of getting out of the pent house for a few hours.

"I guess I'll take you somewhere... nice."

Chapter 9

Home ||| Spuffy Fan Fiction ||| Spander Fan Fiction ||| Spangel Fan Fiction ||| Harry Potter Fan Fiction |||Without a Trace Fan Fiction |||CSI Fan Fiction ||| Stargate: Atlantis Fan Fiction ||| Stargate: SG-1 Fan Fiction |||