Cavemen Always Win

Cavemen Always Win


Chapter 2:

They bumped his head when they were trying to get him into one of his many fancy cars. They tried to hide the fact that they bumped his head, but when I asked in full game-face and that intimidating voice that always frightened people in the past they looked down at their feet guiltily. Even Charlie who was driving at the time.

Miss Demon God went all speechy and from what I gathered they bumped his head into the door. It's a good thing all that hair gel's probably killed the few remaining brain cells he had or we could be dealing with brain damage if the size of the lump on his head is anything to guess by.

So what happened? Damned if I know... oh wait I'm already... never mind I seriously don't know though. I mean one minute I'm trying to rally the troops which is not something William the Bloody does often and the next he's off somewhere playing hide-and-go-seek. So after the last demon's dead we go search for him only to find him staggering around like he'd drank too much and he collapses.

Literally collapses in my arms no less. He didn't say a word. He just... collapsed. Then we were stuck trying to figure out what the hell happened. So here I am looking around for clues trusting them not to damage the Poof anymore then he already is and they bump his head into a door. And they wondered why I'm bloody upset.

"He's out like a light bulb for mysterious reasons and you go throwing him into doors." I yell at the ex-watcher.

He looks really irritated with me ranting which has kind of thrown me of course. Shouldn't he be just as worried about his Magnificent Leader as I am? And why am I worried about the git in the first place is beyond me, but I shouldn't be the only one who's overreacting to his head being almost caved in by a car door.

"We hardly bumped into the door. It's not like we said let's play a game of Angel toss while he's under some sort of catatonia." Wesley says running his fingers through his hair. Boy does he look deader then I am. I mean he looks really worn out and a little sympathy runs through me before I crush the feeling and go back to my yelling.

"Yeah that's why he's got a lump the size of the British Isles on his head. Cause you only tapped him into the door." I say.

"This is not the time to be arguing over bumps. Angel is obviously under something we should be investigating that." Charlie says trying to be the voice of reason and he's right.

It takes something pretty powerful to knock a vampire out like that. He's been under for about five hours now and I've been yelling about that stupid bump for about that long. What it gave me something to argue about. Better then just sitting around wondering if he'll be okay and wondering when it was exactly I started caring about his well-being.

"Well we can't rule out magic. It appears that the dust on Angel is part of some sort of spell. Problem is it's used for a lot of spells. It's the incantation that matters with these things." Wesley says.

"So we've got nothing." I say.

"Well not nothing. We do have the dust. I'm having it analyzed for further inspection." Wesley says.

"Yeah by these useless fuckers. Seriously how do we know they aren't in on it?" I say.

"Spike now is hardly the time to get paranoid." Wesley says, but he might be thinking the same thing if the look on his face is anything to judge by. They've all been thinking the same thing.

"But, it's a possibility. Not a good one considering that would mean we're probably next on the whammy meter, but it's possible." Charlie says in an uncertain voice. He wants to be wrong and anyone could spot it a mile away.

"Yes, it is possible. It could be the Senior Partners or it could be someone staging a clever coup. Either way it could be someone on the inside." Wesley says.

"On the inside. Technically I think we're the space invaders here, but that's just me." Charlie says and Watcher boy gives him a look.

One that says don't encourage him. Him being me of course. I don't say anything though as they continue to argue over their decision to move to this bloody law firm. It doesn't much matter to me if we're in the belly of the beast as long as I get to rip open its stomach and crawl out from inside.

"If you're so worried it's an inside job have Big Green here read the employees again." I say and they look as though the idea never crossed their minds and they feel stupid for not thinking about it.

"We could, but if it's the Senior Partners then we could never know for sure." Wesley says and I think he said it just to keep his dignity intact.

"But it's worth a shot." Charlie says and he obviously doesn't give a flying fuck about dignity as long as it helps. Lorne's been quiet for a while just sipping on what looks like whiskey. I myself would like a nice cup of good whiskey, but now isn't the time for that.

"You think you could do it, Lorne?" Charlie asks him. "It isn't a matter of can it's a matter of will it solve anything. No one wants unneeded noise in their head." Lorne says putting his glass on one of the many coasters Angel has in his office. Why he has coasters... he's just anal like that.

"But if it helps... you know you can count me in." Lorne says standing up and sucking it up at the same time.

"Well what do we do with Sleeping Beauty in the mean time?" I ask.

"Angel's in the hospital wing here. They're taking care of him." Wesley says.

"Again if this is an inside job is that such a good idea." I say. Wesley looks at me like I'm an alien or something. I think his brain is working a little slower then usual nowadays considering I've become Idea Man. I also think he's a little jealous.

"You're right, but where are we going to put him?" Wesley asks. "In here, I mean it seems like the only safe haven." I say.

"All right, but how are we going to get him down here?" and he's just full of questions tonight. It's really annoying because all three of them are looking at me for... guidance? I'm not sure, but it looks like they want guidance.

"I'll get him. Don't want you throwing him into walls." I say and before they can protest I'm on my way out the door.


The hospital smelled bad and the people gave me dirty looks, but what do I care. Once upon a time they were just food anyway. I argued with them for a good twenty minutes straight over them giving me a gurney.

They actually refused saying Angel should stay up in that hellhole. So I just threw him over my shoulder and bloody hell was he heavy. Must be all that pig's blood and not enough chase catching up with him. They all stared as I carried him in a fireman's hold down the hall and into the elevator. Bloody funny to see them all staring at me with stunned expressions.

So I carry him down to the office with everyone looking at me like I'd grown two heads and I see the three of them looking through books. I walk over to the couch and put Angel down nicely on it. They're looking at me, but their expressions aren't stunned.

Like they see me carrying Angel like that everyday. They simply look at me, look over at Angel and then shake their heads. I go to sit down in Angel's chair and they say nothing. They're all to busy looking for a cure. I'd make myself useful, but carrying Angel is hard work.

"We're getting nowhere just incase you wanted to know." Charlie says and Wesley glares at him. I've never seen Wesley look so... murderous and I know it isn't just because of Angel. It's a mixture of things, but I always thought Wesley and Charlie were good friends. Angel always regarded Wesley with... well not as a friend.

"Thanks for the update. Those tossers down at the where ever the hell you sent that pixie dust done with their analyzing yet?" I ask Wesley. He turns the evil glare to me, but for some reason it softens and he says a quiet no.

"Well then what are we supposed to do. Wait and see if he magically wakes up." I say and they don't answer me right away. Either they didn't hear me or they're really looking.

"Lorne's supposed to read all the employees first thing in the morning." Wesley says. I look at the clock. It says it's close to five in the morning. I know from my time as a ghostie that everyone files in at six every morning. Just another hour.

What to do with an hour... hmmm I'm tired. I didn't get much sleep lately and I'm tired, but there's nowhere to sleep. Damn... okay so I guess I could go out and look for some trouble to start, but usually when I go out and look for trouble that means annoying Angel and Angel is otherwise incapacitated at the moment.

"Anyone else see that bright swirly thing in the middle of the room or are all those years of looking after Dru finally getting to me." I ask because right now there's a small circular swirl in the middle of the room and I'm not exactly sure it's not related to my sleep deprivation.

"Oh, yeah I see it. It's really there unless I'm going crazy too." Charlie says and Wesley and Lorne shake their heads in agreement.

"Well what is it?" I ask to no one in particular.

"I'd say it was a portal." Wesley says.

"No, no more portals. I'm sick of fucking portals. Think of something else." Charlie says in a panicked voice and it must be something related to their little adventures before I came to them.

"Sorry, Gunn, but I'm almost certain that that's a portal." Wesley says and he doesn't like the idea of a portal anymore then Charlie does.

"But there's always room for error." Lorne says hopefully and okay I need to get the whole story on their portal phobia.

I haven't had many experiences with portals myself, but... well okay the ones I've had experiences with involved me fighting a big demon and finally being me again so I guess I didn't really see the bad stuff. Like Buffy jumping into said portal.

"Should we have like weapons of some sort? You know just incase something big and ugly and weird comes out of it." Charlie says as the portal gets bigger and bigger. Yup something big is definitely coming out of that thing.

"Might help." Wesley says and the jump up to go to Angel's weapon cabinet, but as soon as they move BAM. Something goes off and the portal thing looks like it exploded and with some much force I get thrown back in Angel's chair and into the wall.

When I'm done cursing I look over and see the guys have been thrown into the wall as well.

"Damn I told you portals were no good." Charlie says and he's bleeding from his lip a little.

"Hey! Jeez I'm sorry. They didn't say it was going to make that big of an impact."

"Well, to be fair, Princess, I did say you used way too much magic there."

"Oh please I used just the right amount." I look up and standing in the middle of the room is The Prom Queen herself Cordelia Chase and that guy I remember seeing when I tried to get the Gem of Amara back. I believe I called him a mick, but I never got his name.

"Cordy?" Charlie says in a spooked voice.

"We thought... aren't you... well aren't you deceased?" Wesley asks and looks pretty obvious to me that they were sent from above if the white robes are anything to judge by.

"Um... yeah pretty much, Wes. I'm still dead, just... more alive then dead." Cordelia says.

"Okay what's that supposed to mean?" Charlie asks.

"Well see, I'm assuming you're Gunn, Well see Gunn Cordy and I have been named Powers and we're here to set the record straight." The Mick says.

"Who are you?" Charlie asks.

"Oh Christ you mean he didn't even keep any pictures? I mean I know he was all broody and what not, but you'd think he'd at least keep around something." The Mick says.

"Doyle you didn't have anything there. I looked."

"What about the commercial? I mean he didn't..."

"No he kept that. Anyway guys this is the real Doyle." Cordelia says pointing to Irish.

"Oh right not falling for that one again." I mutter.

"Stupid of you to fall for it in the first place. Yeah Lindsey McDonald me! Ha!" Irish says.

"So this is the guy that gave you the visions. The one that was half demon." Charlie says.

"Yup, don't worry I kicked his ass for it at first but we're pretty okay now." Cordelia says.

"What exactly did you mean by set the record straight?" Wesley asks and he can't even enjoy something for a little bit. I mean Charlie and Lorne are all over Cordelia and that Doyle guy asking them questions about where they were.

"Oh right, stop researching all this stuff on Angel. You aren't going to get anywhere." Cordelia says.

"Really and how would you know that? Did you do this to Angel?" I ask.

"Jeez when did you get this overprotective?" Cordelia asks and that might because I'm growling a bit and generally looking menacing.

"Yeah last time I saw you, you were torturing our boy Angel and now you're suddenly all worried about him. Odd how the world changes when you've been dead for what is it now... four years?" Doyle says.

"Well Spike may have a point. The last time the Powers got interested in Angel's life it led to Cordy here ascending and causing Jasmine hecticness." Charlie says.

"Hey that wasn't my decision there was a coup. A big coup and those guys were pretty menacing. We had no choice but to agree. When we saw what was going on we stepped in." Doyle says.

"Doyle's been doing this ever since he died. First he was like a small Power then he got higher and now he's like one of the head honchos. He's the one that pulled the strings to get me to see you guys one last time. I thought it would get Angel back on track, but sadly his head is pretty thick." Cordelia says.

"How are we to believe that you are telling the truth? I'm sorry, but I just don't have as much faith in the Powers like I used to have." Wesley says and I've never seen him look quite so menacing before.

"Because." Doyle says.

"That's not good enough."

"Well it has to be because if we reveal anything else it could cause some serious trouble. We're just here to tell you to stop looking and let whatever Angel's under run its course." Doyle says. Wesley looks as thought he's going to get extremely angry, but Lorne interjects.

"Wes, they're telling the truth. Whatever they are... it's a genuine thing and it's good. They're working for good here." Lorne says.

"Thank you, Lorne." Cordelia says flashing him her bright smile.

"Okay so that's it. We don't get to know what's going to happen. I mean I don't want to sound... no I do want to sound angry. What the bloody hell is going on here. Why is Angel out like a light bulb? Why should we listen to you? They may trust you, but I'm a little skeptical about Powers that take out their champions." I say.

"Spike believe me this whole idea has bad written ALL over it, but then again what do I know I'm just a lower Power." Cordelia says.

"Cordy, Princess, remember the orders. We aren't allowed to tell you guys anything. I know... it sucks, but that's the way it is. Talk to my bosses about it." Doyle says.

"I thought the Prom Queen here said you were the boss." I say.

"Oh I'm up there, but there's like another level above me. I may get to vote on the decisions and stuff like that, but they get the last say. The say this plan is going to work and that it's all part of some destiny crap, then I have to go along with it." Doyle says.

"Can we get a summary, a hint, something that will tell us how to deal with whatever's coming without Angel?" Charlie says.

"Oh you won't have to deal with this without Angel. He'll definitely be part of it." Cordelia says.

"Oh great cryptic." I say.

"Gunn is right though. Can you tell us nothing?" Wesley says.

"No, we can tell you that Angel will be waking up soon and you might want to put some chains on him before he does." Cordelia says.

"And that's about all we can tell you. We'll be checking in from time to time. Just to makes sure things are going according to plan." Doyle says.

"Sorry we can't say more." Cordelia says and just like that they're gone.

"Where did they go?" I ask.

"Back to where the came from would be my guess." Lorne says.

"So should we really believe them? I mean she looked and acted like Cordy, but what if it was all just a clever disguise." Charlie asks.

"Yeah I've met a lot of demons that could be dead people." I say.

"I think perhaps we should take their word on it for now." Wesley says.

"And that would mean we'd have to..."

"Tie up Angel. I wonder why though." Wesley says.

Something happens when they're talking. A light shift in the air or something and it sends a bug crawling feeling down my spine.

"Um... fellas." I say and they look at me and stop discussing the possible reasons why Angel would need to be tied up.

"What is it Spike?" Wesley says in an annoyed tone.

"Take a look at Peaches over there." I say and they do.

Gone is the expensive suit with silk shirt and matching tie and in its place is something like what Angelus used to wear when I was first made. The hair's the same as when I was first made to and the smell... well that's the same too.

"What happened?" Wesley says leaning in a bit closer. Angel's eyes open and he grabs Wesley by the throat.

"Hey Angel, man stop it."

"Angelcakes stop strangling Wesley." Lorne and Gunn shout. Wesley is gripping at Angel's hands and gasping for air and Angel's shifted into gameface.

"Who the hell are you? Where the hell am I?" Angel snarls at Wesley who is still gasping for air.

"What's wrong with him? Why is he all grr?" Charlie asks.

"Oh my God, they wouldn't." Lorne says and they're still trying to get Angel's hand off of Wesley's throat. He looks over at me and I just nod my head.

"Do you know how you're dealing with here? You think you can just come into my home and take me away from my family. You are all sadly mistaken. I should rip out your throats and..." Angel stops his rant and he let's go of Wesley's throat.

He stands up and looks around the room still in full gameface and snarling at who knows what. He looks at me, sniffs the air again, and then looks at me again. He walks closer to me and suddenly I'm back in 1880 when I was first turned and Angelus was looking me over for flaws.

"No, no, what's going on here. I demand that some tell me what the hell is going on here." Angel says looking over at Wesley, Lorne and Charlie. Wesley and Charlie are too stunned to even say anything, but Lorne opens his mouth as though he is going to speak, but then closes it again.

"Fine, I'll just torture you all until I get some answers." Angel says and he walks closer to them stalking them like a predator.

"Angelus there's no need to do that." I say finding my voice. Angelus walks over to me until he's standing right in front of me and for some reason I still feel like I'm back in 1880 which considering the circumstances I might as well be.

"It's me, William. Your Childe." I say and he looks utterly confused by this. Of course I'd be confused to considering to him I'm just a fledge and now I'm a Master Vampire.

"No, you couldn't be. William is only a few months old. I know a Master Vampire when I see one." He says.

"Yes, I know, but it is me. I am William." I say. He sniffs again and looks up at me with confused eyes.


"Yes, Angelus." and then he collapses on me again.

Chapter 3

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