Chapter ten

Isaac

I wasn't quite aware of all that had gone on, I felt completely in the dark about my brother's love lives during our time in Europe. It was a pretty weird feeling, after all these years of being together constantly. All I know is when Zac came back from Crystal's house that night, he was happy, which in turn meant misery for Taylor, I knew it, we all knew it.

Zac explained that he and Claire had made up, He was telling me how wonderful Crystal was and how she sorted everything out. He fell into the armchair with a heavy satisfied sigh. "You know Ike Claire's even coming to Tulsa next week to meet the family, I can't wait". He sounded more than excited about it; he sat back again a lazy dreamy smile wiped across his lips, I'd never seen Zac like that about anybody before..

He obviously thought Tay was asleep, but he wasn't. When Taylor heard him say Claire was coming to Tulsa, to our home, he jumped off the bed, tears running down his face. He ran straight in front of Zac; Zac nearly jumped out of his skin. Tay stabbed him in the chest with his pointer finger and angrily spat, "you are not thinking of bringing her to our home. I don't believe you would do that Zac, she almost broke your heart less than a few hours ago at a click of her fingers, and has completely wrecked my life in the process". NO…….. NO she is not coming to our house". With that the balcony door slammed shut as he left and Zac stood there trembling, the words vibrating through him like an earthquake, his eyes tightly shut waiting for the shouting to stop.

Zac stood there not knowing what to do, the happiness he felt earlier was replaced with guilt. He felt guilty because he was happy and guilty because in his need to get Claire back he was breaking up his brother's relationship with her mother. He felt guilty and helplessly selfish. He looked at me with a sad expression not really knowing what to say or do next. "This is never gonna stop Ike", he whispered as he went to the bathroom and closed the door gently behind him.

I walked out onto the balcony; he was hunched up in the corner looking out over the railings into the darkness. I sat down waiting for him to talk, but he didn't, he just stared straight ahead. The cold night air didn't seem to be effecting him; I wrapped my arms around my body to try to hold in some heat. "You know Tay, if you want to talk about it, I'm here for you, you know that………..right". He lifted his head effortlessly looking my way and nodded, his eyes were so red, his cheeks were a brighter red than I'd ever seen them, partly from tears

and partly from being chapped in the cold night air. I had never seen as much pain, or sorrow in anyone's eyes as I did in Taylor's that night.

"I don't know a lot about what's been going on, but I think I've figured most of it out". I didn't even want an explanation off either of them, because I knew it was too painful.

"You know Tay these things always have a way of working themselves out". I had no doubt this wouldn't make him feel better, but I needed to say something. He looked over to me again, "not this time man, not this time".

I stood to leave, I walked towards him, gently squeezed his shoulder hopefully he found comfort from my gesture, Then I walked to the door to leave him alone with his thoughts.

I looked Back "Tay"; he looked over not really focusing on me, or what I was saying. "Yeah……",

"Do you love her"? I needed to know.

"God Ike, like you wouldn't believe, she's this amazing person I can't even contemplate my life without her, She's the one I want to be with forever, do you know how that feels"? His voice was laced with pride and disappointment all at the same time as he continued looking straight ahead into the distance, as if waiting for something to appear.

"If you love her Tay, there's always a way remember that, if you really love her, you'll make it all work itself out".

~ ~ Taylor ~ ~

I didn't want to take this out on Zac, but I was looking at it from a different perspective than he was I suppose, all I know is one minute I'm happy with the woman I love in my arms. The next thing I was comforting my brother from a heartache I knew I wouldn't be able to bare myself, and I truly felt for him, I really did. Until the tables turned.

I never seem to understand anything that Claire does, but I couldn't understand why she would emotionally blackmail the boy she was in love with as a means to get her own way. And blackmail is what it was; I can't understand how she can love him, if she could threaten to destroy that love at the click of a finger. If she truly loved him she wouldn't even consider giving him up, not if she loved him like I love Crystal.

That is what I was hoping would win out in the end, I thought she would just give up trying to keep me from her mom, I hoped she would see how determined we were to stay together and just give up. I Guess I was wrong, it seemed to me the more determined I was to keep Crystal the more determined Claire was to stop me seeing her. And if she couldn't stop it she was willing to sacrifice her own relationship, but I guess she knew she would win, because she has a mothers love on her side, and that will always win out in the end, and she knew it.

I tapped in the number I knew without thinking, I'd rung the number so

many times before, she picked up the line. I nearly forgot to speak, I needed to speak to her to hear her voice, for her to tell me she wanted me, and would never give up on us. But when I heard her speak I knew that would never happen. "Taylor is that you,……hello"…pause "Hello Taylor? I know it's you!!…If you don't speak I'll hang up", she was a little agitated. I knew she wanted to speak to me, I guessed to end it, so I replied. "Hey", she sighed when she heard me speak, "I knew it was you Tay I could hear you breathing.

Listen Taylor have you spoken to Zac, is he back yet?". "hmmm… " Was all I could say, I was scared to talk, scared to hear the words I never wanted to hear, the lump in my throat making it pretty hard. I just wanted to hear her say she loved me, and she wouldn't give up and she wouldn't let Claire ruin everything.

"Tay", she whispered, "listen, we both knew it was gonna happen, we can't avoid it, we knew when you left for Europe it wasn't going to work, we knew then what the ultimatum was. It's best we stop now before…….". Her voice was breaking up but she finished, "we can be friends". The lump in my throat temporarily stopped me from speaking. "Tay talk to me", she whispered, I knew she was crying too. "I can't Crystal, I…Love..You". The tears came then in streams, I tried wiping them away to swallow the lump hurting my throat, it was impossible. "I won't ever stop loving you Crystal, I…thought you loved me, we can't stop trying, I can't give up". With that I hit the end button and threw the phone onto the bed.

That's when I felt my fist hit the wall.

How did I let my life get so out of control?. Why is Crystal doing this to me? Will I ever get her back? These are all questions I have no idea the answers to, my life, my happiness is all up to one person, the very person I dislike the most in the world right now………..Claire!!!!!! And because she was deciding the fate of the future of my life and my happiness, I felt so out of control, it wasn't a feeling I cared for, it was so foreign to me and I couldn't stand it. Looking down at the blood on my knuckles and then at the dent in the wall, I knew I had to get out of there. As I walked towards the door Zac appeared from the bathroom, I ran out of the room slamming the door shut behind me.

~ ~ ZAC ~ ~

That night Taylor came back in the early hours barely standing, I'd guessed he'd drowned his sorrows in a bottle of something that would numb his brain enough to stop the pain for a while. He tried to shut the door carefully, I could see him swaying it the darkness. He caught the corner of my bed with his leg as he staggered by, nearly falling onto it.

He fell onto his own bed still fully clothed, a deep sigh of relief fell from him when he'd made it to his bed without falling over. I lay there not daring to move I didn't want him to know I was awake, I faintly heard him roll over onto his front, I knew it wouldn't be long before he was asleep.

As I lay there, drifting off to sleep, I was startled back to consciousness when he spoke with a lazy slur, barely audible words. "You know Zac, she never…. Ever….., told me she loved me………., not once". In an effort to make him feel better, I replied. "She does love you Tay", "how do you know that", he questioned. "Because, She told me tonight". He never said another word, I heard him turn towards the wall there was silence, I knew he was crying again I could see his whole body silently shaking. But it wasn't long before it faded in to nothing and he'd drifted off in a drunken slumber.

I woke the next morning with a huge headache, I'd guessed it was due to the lack of sleep and the drama that had unfolded the night before. Ike had already called to get us up, Taylor was in the bathroom, he hadn't spoken since Ike woke him, he just got up went to his ready packed bags and found something to wear and headed into the bathroom, he'd been there ever since.

I finished packing the rest of my bags and joined Ike for breakfast. We sat chatting, for a while; I kept looking towards the lifts to see if Taylor was coming to eat. "He won't be eating Zac, you know he won't, so why are you even looking out for him". I couldn't gauge if Ike thought any of this was my fault. "I know, I just thought……..". I don't know what I thought, I was hoping he'd come to breakfast as if nothing happened last night, but I know that won't be the case. "Just stay out of his way for a while Zac", Ike finished. "This shit isn't my fault Ike", he held up his hand to stop me. "Don't you think I know that, it's just a bad time for Tay, he won't take this easily, he's really hurt. We'll have to be patient with him this time. It's not like any of the other times, he needs us there for him Zac……, he just needs some time to get over it". I swallowed hard, looked at Ike and nodded. I knew this was going to be hard for Tay to cope with, and the last thing he needs, is for me to flaunt my relationship with Claire in front of him, I decided to speak to Claire and cancel her visit we'd planned for the next week.

The journey to the airport was mostly silent; Tay had sat by the window his headphones over his ears making it plain he didn't want to talk. The flight was pretty much the same, I spoke to Claire before boarding, she seemed so excited about her visit I didn't have the heart to cancel, I thought I'd make something up later. That itself left me in a bit of a panic. I felt trapped between Taylor and Claire. I knew if she came he'd be just awful to her, she'd be miserable because that's what he'll set out to do, make her feel very unwelcome, the same as she has done to him.

I love Claire but I don't really understand her, she has this holier than thou air about her that frightens me. I know she is just trying to protect her mom from the tabloid chaos her relationship with Tay would cause, but I feel her reasons for it a purely selfish.

She would just feel ashamed of the fact her mother is dating someone as young as Taylor, she knows

The media would focus on that fact and drag her through the mud with them.

When we arrived home, Taylor was behaving like nothing had happened, he was so happy to see the family. But after we had eaten dinner, he excused himself and said he needed a little sleep. I let him settle upstairs, then went up to my room to unpack, the last thing I wanted was a fight with Tay, but I knew one was coming by the way he'd reacted about the news that Claire was coming to stay.

That's why when I heard a quiet knock on my door I knew belonged to Taylor I panicked. I decided to ignore the knock, but he persisted and knocked again. "Zac, are you awake, let me in I want to talk". He sounded in a fairly stable mood, so I slowly walked towards the door, flicked the lock, and turned the handle. He stood there with a slight smile on his face, but his eyes were like a lost little boy. "Can I come in", he said quietly looking at the cuts on his hand. "If your not going to scream at me", I walked off, I immediately wished I didn't sound so cold towards him, my defences were up already and there was no reason for it at that point. But I knew it was coming.

That's why I was shocked about what he said next, "Zac, sorry about yesterday at the hotel, I really didn't mean to take it out on you". I was more than shocked by his apology; I was even more suspicious about it. "Why, when every word you said was true, Claire has fucked up everything for you, I don't blame you for being mad at me, and her for that matter". I walked towards my music center to put on some music.

"Well anyway, what I came to say was, don't cancel Claire's visit next week, I'm sure you want her to meet Mom and Dad, I won't stand in your way". He was behind me, and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I Didn't turn around, but I needed to know why the sudden change of heart, "Why Tay",