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Formula Hockey Night in America

May 28, 2000

Boring!  Boring! Boring!

You may hear me chanting this from the nosebleed seats if you listen close enough.  The hockey season is as good as over once again, and the Paperless One can't seem to get worked up about any of it, not even the final round of the playoffs.  The Boy, as shown here, was much more interested last year when the Leafs gave it a better run.  Oh well, history repeats itself again...it looks as though it's the Dallas Stars vs. "the team that beat Toronto" again this year.

No more Leafs...even my second choice in the pools died a sad death.  The Colorado Nordiques gave the cup a hell of a run, and you just have to feel sympathy for Ray Borque for being a cup-less Boston Bruin for so many years, get shunted to Colorado to make a final run at the Cup before retirement, only to have his last NHL shot careen off of the post with just seconds left in the final game.  Those guys gave it their all - the last PERIOD of the last game of the Western Final was possibly the best, most passionate hockey I'd seen all year long.

What's the deal with those Dallas Stars, anyway?  Can't Ken Hitchcock afford a decent haircut?  With a 'do' like that, he looks as though he'd be more at home selling used cars than coaching a Stanley Cup winning hockey club.  

We can now expect a probable seven games of boring formula hockey - the Stars, with their melted ice that no one else can play on, and the New Jersey Devils, with their famed clutch and grab style and heavy use of "the trap".  This will make for good TV - I hear ABC will be showing the series starting at Game 3.  This is funny in its own right - I watched one of ABC's two mandatory hockey broadcasts this season, where Detroit were blowing the hell out of their opposition, so ABC decided to desert the game with almost a full period left to play...

Just when I thought that they were certain to ditch the game in favour of picking up an LPGA event joined in progress, they showed a Dallas-Colorado game.  The CBC would never pull such shenanigans - not even to give Don Cherry more mouth-off time.

See you next year, Stanley.  Until then, I might just park the Zamboni in the driveway for the summer, after I sneak a peak at the final series ON CBC, just to see if I start to care about one of these teams.  I'm sure that a few more shots of Leisure Suit Larry on the Stars' bench will prompt me to jump on the Devils' bandwagon.  After all, they DID beat the Leafs...

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