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Survivor

June 25, 2000

Oh my goodness!  I hear that this week on CBS's "Survivor", the tradesperson and the student girl will be doing some serious shagging!  No one who adds titillating sex to the CBS Wednesday night lineup could possibly be kicked off the island, right?  What's that?  The Navy Seal wants some too?  He's devised a sex toy out of a coconut?  Wait a minute - there's no Viagra on the island, so he's out of luck.  Besides, he's the one that gets up bright and early and starts doing push-ups.  Sexual enough for you?

CBS have "pushed the envelope" with their new series, or so they would have you believe.  In actuality, you are not going to see any SURVIVORS, or any SEX either.  The show, if you haven't been fortunate enough to catch yet, features two teams of "castaways" on an island.  They should start dropping like flies any day now, right?  There should be pig dances and cannibalism happening soon, too, right?

Fat chance - each week, an unlucky island member gets "voted off the island" by the "democratic council".  Only on American TV, you say.  No fat guys named Piggy, no rock crushing, and no sex either.

If there's a high point to any of this CBS bullshit, it's the sardonic "fan" site that has sprung up at www.survivorsucks.com - check it out for accurate plot summaries, as well as secret insider tidbits.  For instance, everyone's money seems to be on the "housewife" for being the final survivor.  Wouldn't that be brilliant fodder for stay-at-home women everywhere?  

"Why are you telling me to get a job?  I'm a housewife...I could win on SURVIVOR!"

Add this series to your list of crappy-ass "reality bases shows" - ABC's "Making the Band".

Here's what the Paperless One had to say about ABC's "Making the Band" on epinions:

After "Boy Meets World", we have the brilliant concept show, "Making the Band", where several teenage tools are grouped together to form a modern day Maurice Star-esque puppet show known these days as a "boy band". This sounds to me like a suitable rival for CBS's "Survivor" series, yet why not take it a step further? Take all of these wannabee musicians, throw them on a deserted island with Gilligan, the skipper, the Navy Seal, the bitchy lawyer (and the rest!), and let them go "Lord of the Flies" on each other. When Piggy gets crushed by a rock, the other teen vocalists can sing a touching eulogy. If ABC had the cajones of FOX, we'd see THAT KIND OF SHOW.

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