Should I put the emphasis on HOW or FEEL?
Or maybe YOU.
Weird. It was a good day, then a terribly lonely day. But it was beautiful outside...
~Schmajess
I filled it in with pen.
If I have to do this nine more times, I might just shoot myself.
Current Mood: headache!!!!!!!
Current Music: Live, V
3:26 pm
added a poem and a song.
should be doing Calculus.
should be doing a lot of things.
want to be doing so much more...
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: John Mayer
11:07 pm ...but you don't, don't really mean it --tori amos
Maybe RINAP is good for something:
"Everyone's fascinated by their emotions because we think that's who we are. We're afraid that if we let our attachment to them go, we'll be nobody. Which of course we are!" --Joke Beck
But in general, I wouldn't say I'm lonely, but I wouldn't say I am happy. These emotions sort of come with the weather; today was the last beautiful day.
I've been wanting to write a lot lately, as some of my compatriots. Sorta crappy stuff, but stuff that comes pouring out, anyway.
It would just be a nice night for s'mores or tea.
I miss you, my two wheels.
6:54 pm; in between the moon and you angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right. --counting crows
Sometimes everything is just beautiful.
It didn't take much today except a simple conversation.
Thank you.
Current Mood: contemplative
2:35 pm transmit your love to me, silently make me whole again –live
Could never say all the things I want to say.
I am fairly exhausted. Big game tomorrow.
Didn't mean to scare any of you out there. It was just one of those weekends...
"Though the bamboo forest is dense, water flows through it freely." --Zen saying
I say stop trying to love and just live it.
Good luck.
4:05 pm does he run you deep enough, tell me –live
Knowing me, [if I learned I would die in one day], I would probably panic, waste the precious time I had. Then I would snap out of it, quickly, I'd hope.
Interestingly, all that you said...--about just wanting to be with her, not even doing anything in particular, but just holding her--I would do anything I could to get to Andrew, though in reality, it would take me three times as long as I had to get out to California. Maybe he would meet me in the middle. Either way, a lot of the time I am awake, I feel that I just want to hold him once more. (It's only in my dreams that I can.) And besides all this imminent death scenario, I probably won't be able to do that again...
And if for some reason I couldn't get out to him, I would just find everyone I could and talk with them. I wouldn't give a limit to the time, but I would just want to explain... I recognize that I have been treating everyone like sh*t lately. It wasn't until yesterday afternoon...
So, you know, maybe I wouldn't explain myself--because there's no tricky explanation--but I would try to find some glimmer of something between us. I'd tell them what I really thought, but in telling them only then, I'd probably depress myself because I should have told them sooner.
And then I asked myself: why aren't I telling people these things now?
In other words, if I were to die in 24 hours, I would not die happily.
~Jess
6:38 pm
I'm sorry. Glad we talked. I hope things to be different.
I realized today how much I like talking with people. I talked with Ms. Eliot for about an hour, and though the news wasn't delightful, it was good to just converse. And then Vicki and I talked for two hours or so.
When Vicki left, I opened my front door. The air instantly reminded me of the first night Andrew came over. I still remember what he wore. He brought tea, and we just... talked. It was comfortable instantly.
I long for that again: Comfortable. Where you can talk about anything anytime. Even if reduced to two-year-old babble... it's lovely--and I miss it so desperately sometimes that I can close my eyes and put myself back to a particular moment and feel it there before me. But it's no longer accessible inside me. It can only be stored away.
Of all the people I've ever met, I cannot seem to mystify this one. I wouldn't say I'm trying, but--if it matters, he's the most mystifying person I've ever known.
I'm missing Andrew a lot lately. Perhaps it's because he's been gone for a month almost. I don't like wondering what it might be like to see him again--only because there's too much to consider.
So, I finally know where I am applying early. The thing is, there's a good chance I won't get in because, not to put myself down, I am not their classic student--as in, straight-A's, 1500's, a million 5's on APs, and president of 1000 clubs. I wish it wasn't all numbers, and people will say it's not, but... it really is, this time around. The thing is, I like the school so much, so I'm just going to go for it and let them decide what's best. Meanwhile, I'll be working hard on my regular applications as well!
9:58 am when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who i am --goo goo dolls
Off to Z University today. I'm afraid of falling in love with it for reasons I wish I could elaborate. I will just say, though, that I wish I had more self-esteem.
The volleyball game yesterday was friggin' awesome, though we should have won it in three games and not the five we played. (I need to gain some endurance!) The dance, on the other hand, was sort of awkward because we seniors were the oldest. An interesting experience, though.
1:50 am Dammit, Jess. Don't be stupid...
9:38 pm never did we know what the future would hold...that we'd be bought and sold. we were innocent –fuel
He wasn't the first thing that I thought of when I woke up this morning.
Instead, I thought of college and how much sh*t I am in.
This awakening scared me--for more than one reason.
Going to see some classes soon, though. Maybe then I'll have a better idea... or a crazier head. Anything's possible.
Current Mood: pensive
After Indy deadline (I finally learned how to layout!), I met Jarryd at Tenley. We went out to dinner and came back to my house, where my parents bitched me out. But on another note... we just chilled. I packed. We talked. It was nice seeing him again after about a month, though I'm sure it must have been a little weirder for him.
It's hard to part with stuffed animals, but sometimes something moves you to do it anyway. Hard to explain the symbolism, but... maybe it's something deeper than generosity.
Farewell and goodnight.
11:46 am editted Thank Yous on mainpage.
I wonder how many people actually look at my actual page now that I have livejournal. Care to comment?
Maybe some other day.
Dammit, I really need to finish psychology.
10:14 pm one last song, given to an angel's son --strait up
I think my friends worry about me. They say I like the complexity.
I say I'll be me. I like reality.
I have decided that there must be something in the water because everyone around me is going crazy. I don't know where to start, but... it makes me go crazy! ;-) Or maybe it's my own fault. (Sure it is.)
I realize that the combination of time I talk and see Andrew's mom is about the time I talk with Andrew. Haha. He thinks she's lonely. Mmm... Anyway, but he called last night, which was cool. He's still loving it there (okay, I'll stop mentioning that because it's never going to change! :-). I recognize that we still have some of our inside jokes and understanding about each other, which is good. But every time we talk, I envision the distance even further than it already is. (This just adds to the insanity in my life, trust me.)
I'm not trying to be dramatic. I just keep running questions in my head, aha! those existential questions. (Well, not really. But RINAP can bite me.) For instance, I told Mr. Lester my website address, so now I'll have to keep in mind I have an adult audience. However, I'm sure we all go through the same stages...
Yanyway, time to eat.
(Sorry, I thought I'd have something more substantial to say.)
So, last night was the night. I bet you're wondering what that means, but only Jessie has asked. Anyway, it means the day I did not talk with Andrew. It was kinda around 9:30 when I realized I probably wouldn't go online again and therefore wouldn't run into him. It didn't "hurt" too bad; it was just a point I knew I'd reach sometime. Hopefully this all doesn't correlate with the quality of my day!
Gotta study for a RINAP test...
Why is it already October?
No, today wasn't the day.
Current Mood: wired!!!
6:38 pm
I think I am feeling better now. Doesn't mean I like calculus, though! ;-)
Maybe this will be the night... I hope I don't worry him.
Current Mood: hungry
12:27 pm ...i cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins, we were only freshmen --the verve pipe
Last night, Lindsay and I talked until 2 or so, and during the conversation we FINALLY grappled with a topic we have NEVER been able to talk about, though we secretly both knew what I had to tell her. Yep, all the way from freshman year! We weren't mature enough until now--or we weren't dillusional enough until this late hour--to even touch on the topic. Ha! But it was good to put it out on the table. Sort of funny, too.
We were so young then!
9:35 am I hate Sundays.
He's still the first thing I think of when I wake up each morning. Instead of being a nice feeling, though, it's a sad, lonesome feeling.
I had a nightmare last night that Jessie, Andrew, and I were sitting at Jessie's kitchen table. We were just talking. His hand was lying on the table, and I suddenly grabbed it to hold. And he gave me this awful, awful look, like, "What the hell are you thinking?" I sheepishly pulled away, can't do things like that!
This gets better with time, right?
I just can't believe it's only been two weeks--not even! I've talked with him each day he's been gone. I worry my reaction the day I don't talk with him, but I dread even more the day... he tells me he's met a girl. Not to say that I don't want him to tell me! It just might have to be pretty creative! Personally, I just can't imagine anyone else besides Andrew. Jessie says she has some theories about people I might hook up with and/or date, but I am fully willing to accept that I will be dateless for the rest of my high school career. It might be better that way, anyway.
I know Andrew--and many other people--would say, "You have to move on!" I know he wants me to move on. And I try, dammit, I really do. But it's so hard when all these little things around me remind me of him... the fact that he's not here, not missing me as much as I miss him, and, plainly, not mine.
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: "Chop Suey," System of the Down
Then we went to Katty's house to work on Music Day with, wait!--20 of our classmates. I'm not exactly sure what's going on; all I know is that I am a thug.
I read a million pages in psych today. That's about all the work I got done. And I did a clothes change-over, winter clothes that have way too many associations. Maybe they will go away with time.
Maybe not.
I saw Serendipity with some of my classmates tonight. I realize everyone can be nice; you just have to break down clique boundaries for long-term anything. Then I went to Jessie's--where I am now--and we are going to get food. Wo e si.le.
Peace be with you.
7:32 pm it's been a while since i could say that i wasn't addicted –staind
I don't really know what to say about our volleyball game today. It just sucked. We weren't playing together as a team, and everyone was just damn lazy. Our coach was mad at us too. No one can put their finger on the problem, and I think consequently we all feel it's our fault. This is not the attitude we should have half-way through the season.
I also did pretty poorly on my physics test, as in I haven't gotten such a bad grade since middle school, or so. Sure, there were some circumstances that made this the outcome, but I should have been able to come on top of it. There's still some time to make it up, but I'm sure my teacher doesn't believe in me much anymore.
Crazy weekend. I probably won't have time to do anything fun. Hmm... maybe I'm just in a pessimistic mood tonight. Any bids?
I was just watching PBS, and it scares me to see these conservatives promoting racial profiling in airports. If in airports, then what next? And who is "Arab looking"? Why can't they screen everyone as closely? Did Kazinski (or however you spell it) or McVeigh look Arab? And Japanese internment camps--how many of them were guilty? Why can't people learn from the past?
I proclaimed today that senior year definitely has too much responsibility attached with it. It's junior year plus college. It hell from December to December. I suppose that means I am three months away.
I have my first AP Physics test tomorrow. Go me! Not feeling too optimistic today after failing to create a good procedure for the lab today. Damn those ramps, final velocities, and other physical considerations! I actually like the class, but I am not confident in it.
Abby and I often like depressing ourselves in BC Calculus. She tells me about her latest love problems--Tim is at college, and they have an open relationship, which has many obvious implications--and I tell her how I've been progressing. Little things remind me of Andrew, but I am getting better at keeping them to myself. Luckily, I learn things quickly--like not to build my night around a phone call--and I've begun to realize I need to make a new life for myself. That goal involves many aspects of my life, however.
Until next time...
I find myself most happy at school. What's up with that? Well, I'm surrounded with people, and my mind is constantly engaged. Plus, there's no time to get stressed out until I come home. Then there's the added fact that no one is at home, and--I try to get to sleep earlier now a days.
8:29 pm my future is comin' on... –gorillaz
It was one of those contemplative days, where you just think about anything and everything. I realized I am fully into school now; the summer memories are stored away with those only-in-your-head tangible senses, like the smell of the day or the feeling of the air. Maybe this is too deep for you--some people understand--but they are now in boxes, real and figurative.
Dammit, I need to write a RINAP paper.
It feels that "I miss you" has replaced "I love you." I don't know what to feel about that. All I know is what I feel. Paradoxical?
I told Peter today what I've been feeling about him for a while. I don't know why it came out today, or if it was a good idea, but I couldn't live in this lie anymore. I don't feel comfortable, and I only reason it's because of the past, the past-past. So has our past been built on the past-past? Each time I think it will be different, but it's not. Whenever I talk with him, I reevaluate the statement on some sort of scale of, "What are his intentions? How will I not get hurt here?" This isn't normal. I don't want to hurt him, but I am feeling way too unstable right now to know what else to say. But what do I DO?
I've learned a lot. A lot more to learn...
I added two poems.
3:04 pm if they knew you at all, then one by one the angels would fall --melissa ethridge
It was the most intense game ever last night. I can't really explain the exhilaration I feel when I am on the court with my team. Plus, we had so many fans last night! It kinda sucks that we had our hardest game be our second game of the season. However, we'll be ready to cream Sidwell when we see them at ISLs.
Andrew called last night at 11pm. It was good to hear his voice, and he seems quite excited. Well, who wouldn't be? I sort of fear losing contact with him, but I cannot let that fear overwhelm me, I know.
I carpooled with Vicki to go to a three-hour SAT diag this morning, but when I was ready to go home, her car wouldn't start! Vicki was quite proud of her jumpstarting the car without any "big men" to help. We rushed home, not knowing if high speed was what the car needed.
Too much work to do this weekend. Maybe I'll get out tonight--hopefully.
Here's some mind-boggling facts Vicki just sent me:
The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year.
119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. ! 1 + 1 + 9 = 11
Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like the number 11
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11
State of New York - The 11 State added to the Union
New York City - 11 Letters
Afghanistan - 11 Letters
The Pentagon - 11 Letters
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted or orchestrating the attack on the WTC in 1993)
Flight 11 - 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11
Flight 77 - 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11
I forgot to mention that I had a meeting with my college counselor on Thursday. (This wasn't completely important at the time.) We pretty much decided where I am applying early to school, but something inside me is saying something is not right. It might just be nervousness or having to give up on a school that I was equally interested in because my SATs are just not good enough. Or maybe it's because I don't know enough information about the other schools. I try to keep telling myself I'll be happy wherever I go.
Trying not to think about the inevitable.
7:49pm you say love is a hell you cannot bear, and i say give me mine back and then go there... –fiona apple
We don't have school tomorrow due to the big cathedral service at noon, where all these high officials will be. I feel so guilty, and I definitely feel like I should be in school again. This is not the way to go back to being "normal."
I wrote this in a fury.
0911
Attack on America,
they say we’ll get through it.
Our freedom, our democracy
will see us through it.
But could they see through the smoke,
the ash, the concrete…
shattering glass
from the Twins’
Downfall.
Fall down,
the Towers,
sparklers like fireworks
beautiful once,
Terrorism now.
Screams loud.
She screams loud from the streets
watching symbolistic irony.
The strongest power in the world
brought to a standstill.
“Even Disney World was closed, Mom!”
At least she wasn’t missing.
And for those without a mother,
a clue, or an answer…
no words tonight,
only sadness and anger.
Jessie made my birthday really special because she had so many activities planned for me. She is so thoughtful and generous that I wish more people would realize it... Our class has a lot of spirit--shirts and sweatbands to match!--and a messy senior room already. Our retreat from Friday to Saturday was pretty interesting, more beneficial to some, but it still opened up some possibilities for our year. My first volleyball game is on Tuesday against Foxcroft, the damn team we have been trying to beat for two years and have no reason to be losing to. We'll just try our hardest. Last night I saw Andrew. I think a lot about his leaving now; I get this tingling in my wrists, something that's always been kinda weird to me. The sensation is just pain, a loss as if it has already happened. I don't want to have to take the pictures down, you know? Enough of that. I wish I had more time to ramble--I'm sure you'd appreciate it. I started talking with Peter again, after I inevitably ran into him in the halls. It's hard to explain to him what has been on my mind lately. The college process continues, and the essays are still stored in my head. I got a lot of pictures for my yearbook page at the retreat, but there are still some last considerations I need to think about. My classes are pretty interesting, and I already know which ones will whip my @$$: AP Physics and Calculus. I have this strange penchant for physics, though... RINAP hasn't been too difficult, but it might begin to be if I start doing stupid introspection, which I am bound to do. I love my CAP class--well, not really the guys--but the subject matter is cool. And I should probably be working on my psychology homework right now; the work will have a tendency to go undone, I bet.
10:54am
The Pre-Preparation
and two poems.
8:08pm just look into your heart, my friends, that will be the return to yourself, the return to innocence –enya
I really don't want to go back to school. There's just too much about the summer I want to keep the same, and there are so many things I would have done. For example, as always, I wish I had read more. I wish I saw more of my friends, and even the friends I have seen, I wish I had spent more time with them. I wish I had worked out more and could say I followed through with a regimen. I wish I had taken more pictures, traveled to more places, dared to try something new... In a closer context, I wish I had visited more colleges and started my essays sooner. I wish I felt more meaningful, as if someone would want to read about the "activities or experiences that have been most significant." Is there anything interesting to say? What do I have to offer?
I can't really put into words how I feel about turning 18 tomorrow. I am an adult. As Anjali put it, "Now you can do all those 'adult' things that we know you've been doing for a while anyway. ;-) " Haha... I can be a smoking and gambling nymphomaniac! What a concept!
Well, here's to the beginning of an exciting, challenging, and mysterious year. I'll keep you updated, but I don't really know when I'll be able to write again.
Don't forget to post messages sometime!
Current Mood: numb
11:04pm
How many trillion times have I updated today? Lyric of the Day.
I am anxious now! School is in 10 hours?!
Staying at Jessie's turned out to be a lot of fun. Granted, I didn't spend much, much time there, but it was like a 7-day sleepover.
This week I officially finished up my Sibley community service. Yay! Time to move onto bigger and better things.
Tryouts went well, I suppose. I'm not quite sure what my coach thinks of me, but that's because she probably wasn't looking too closely at me during this tryout week. This year's varsity team has two freshmen, five sophomores, one junior, and five seniors. When the tryouts first begun, I was depressed about losing all the wonderful players from the previous season. However, though this year's team is unusually young, there is a lot of talent. I am starting to get more excited.
Something I am not getting excited about, however, is the upcoming school year. One would think that I should be, seeing as that I am a big senior. But there's just something about this summer that I don't want to let go. Change is inevitable, but there is so much I have learned and want to maintain and want to accomplish, finish... But time is running out.
I will be 18 years old on Tuesday. That's scaring me too. I mean, wow... I can buy porn, cigarettes, and lottery tickets. Okay, honestly though, it's just the fact that I will be a legal adult. Watch out, world.
On Saturday, Jessie and I made dinner for 5 dinner guests for her mom's birthday. We made eggplant, zuccini, angel food cake, icecream, and pasta. We luckily did not poison anyone! We got praises, but we both decided our husbands and children will definitely go hungry. Cooking is such a struggle!
I've talked with Abby, Jarryd, and Brad since they've reached their colleges. It's so weird thinking they are somewhere other than here, but they are all loving it. Sometimes I even feel like I should be going college this year. Haha, I wish!
Well, I need to head off to Sibley soon, so I had better get something to eat. Yipee!
Current Mood: blah
I don't really remember the last time I updated, but it can't be a long time ago. Volleyball tryouts officially started today, for we met our new coach. Her name is Suzanne. She seems likable but perhaps the type of girl who will get on my nerves--perhaps because she is a coach. But I was playing well today, and she quickly learned my name though she says she's "bad with names." (Isn't that just an excuse not to have to learn everyone's name the same day?) It'll take a while to get used to her and her drills (five suicides?!), but she'll definitely whip us into shape.
I've been working at the Link to Life station at Sibley this week. I'm basically the tool, but by the end of the week, I'll have exactly 70 hours. If I could have done my whole community service experience over, I would have picked a job that was more enjoyable and rewarding, like something with kids. It's too bad this had to be a "get it over with" experience. Maybe I'll do more in college.
Speaking of college, I've been looking at the brochures, applications, and essays finally. I really need to get cracking on those. There was so article in the Post a couple of days ago about the latest competitiveness and over-population in colleges. Great... There really is no perfect strategy, is there?
I'm looking forward to tomorrow night because I can see a lot of my friends that I have not seen all summer. I just cannot believe school is coming so fast!
Not much to report today. I officially moved into Jessie's house; we are already wondering how we will survive each other for the next week. ;-) I went to Sibley for half an hour to get oriented with the Link to Life program, where I will work this week to finish my 70 hours. I also spent two hours writing in my diary, something I have been meaning to do for a while. I ate too much cookie dough and got sick. Hmm... I live an interesting life, don't I?
The volleyball team is looking good this year, though I worry that some of the sophomores who will probably make varsity won't know what's coming... I, personally, am a little rusty, but my hits are better than they have ever been. I need to wait for my other skills to reboot. :-)
We had the last Wednesday at the Wilkersons yesterday. Again, my headache sort of got in the way, but it'll be weird when everyone's back at college. It'll be, like, only me and Nabel. Haha. I still have yet to be slapped...
Not much else here. My parents are off to Hawaii tomorrow. My mom just put tiger balm on my head. Ahh...
This afternoon I saw Desmond for the last time. I thought I'd be more emotional than I was, but maybe the goodbyes get easier--though I cannot see how that could work. He told me to remember what he looked like, for who knows what will be on his body next time I see him.
No, this really doesn't get any easier.
I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to do this again.
I'd write more if I wasn't so emotional. :-) It's going to be okay, for there's no other way.
Hey, don't mind me...
Lots has been happening, but my memory is failing me. Volleyball starts tomorrow; I am not super-psyched because I already feel the pressure. Last night, Jessie, Andrew, and I met Ed, Christina's boyfriend. I swear Andrew and Ed are brothers because they act the same--so juvenile (in a good way)! We visited Emma, who seems to be doing better, and went to a park in near Westmoreland. (I couldn't tell you where because I am not exactly sure where we were.) Andrew, Jessie, and I went back to her house and started Josie and the Pussycats, which was not what I expected it to be, but I still wouldn't necessarily call it a quality movie.
A lot of my friends are leaving this week, and it's making me very sad. That's such a poor way of explaining it, but I do not know how I am going to see everyone I want to see before they leave. Well, it's going to happen. It must!
Livejournal did not update my past two entries: -10
Spending time with Jessie and Andrew-Monkey: +50
Went canoeing with Andrew on Thursday (scary!): +20
Back and shoulders are sore: -7 (ouch!)
Yesterday night: +20
Went to Legg Mason with Michael, Jeff, and Daniel today: +10
Got sunburned: -5
Relatively successful Indy meeting: +5
Andy is gone; Emma is sad: -20
Haven't had much sleep lately: -5
Decided not to work on term paper (I'll describe more later): undecided
Got response from Sidwell about Chinese letter: +5
Should be doing more volleyball prep: -8
TOTAL: +60
Analysis: I've been having fun, but time is moving too quickly...
Current Mood: tired
Things are getting better around here, but worse at the same time. I mean, I've decided to not try to revise my term paper, so that's a load off my head. I just think I put so much into it last spring, and I received the rewards I wanted from that experience. What's done is done, you know? (Plus I wouldn't know where to begin editing...) In addition, I am getting those letters done, but two of the hardest ones have yet to be done.
But I must admit that that's not the worst. Andy is off to college tomorrow, and Emma is falling apart. I mean, her summer, itself, hasn't been the happiest, but she feels that this is the end. Well, the quote above is for you, Emma. It seems crazy and impossible now, but it will all work out.
Jessie came back on Tuesday, finally! It's amazing how literally nothing has changed. I still have yet to see her pictures... Andrew came home today, and he's all sunburned. Ouch!
4:56pm go now, you are forgiven –dispatch
Why are there suddenly five million things I should be doing? AHH!!!
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: Dispatch, duh!
10:55am i'm a little bit rusty, and i think my head is caving in... --matchbox20
Goodness, I am getting pretty bad at this journal thing, and even worse with my actual diary! Trust me, there is no excuse!
So what's been happening? I've been working on more of those collages that keep me happy. I'm getting some of the dirty work out of the way, too, such as getting recycled books (only could get physics) and arranging my last volunteer hours. (They are missing about 10 of my hours, dammit.)
Yesterday my dad took me to see Apoclypose Now—Redux. Let's just say for most of the movie I was asking myself why I wasn't walking out; I quickly realized it was because I hadn't driven to the theater. I was in such a bad mood afterwards, but luckily I got in contact with Michael, Daniel, and Jeff. We ended up seeing American Pie 2, a quality movie I am sure I'll see again because I promised others I'd see it with them. I left Michael's house around 1am. I might see him later this afternoon.
I also talked with Jessie yesterday. She's not sure when she's getting back. :-( (She also cannot decide whether she likes this new journal set-up. Oh well.)
I amazingly woke up at 10:30am, when a telemarketer called {grr...} I really haven't done anything productive since I woke up. I finished The Importance of Being Earnest and got back into another book. I've also been decorating my assignment book and Katty's assignment book. I am now contemplating how to paint the covers. I can't believe these are the last books I'll make. Ahh, I am too sentimental.
Last night I waited for Jessie's call, but not receiving one, I assume she made it to Charleston okay. Andrew and I watched Snatch, and I must say how difficult it is to understand all the accents; I probably got 60% of the dialogue. I found out this morning that Vicki and I have three classes together, four if you include lunch. I don't think I am going to add Intermediate Photography to my workload this semester, but there's always second semester. That is, if I want to do any work by then!
It's thundering outside, but I still don't see any rain. I think I will run inside now...
11:30pm if you don't know, honey, then you just don't know. 'cause i need this more, more than i ever did... if you don't know, honey, honey then you don't. --jimmy eat world
I'm sorry. I just cannot explain why I felt the way I did tonight.
Current Mood: frustrated
I just finished putting up my poetry that I wrote in Oxford. This is a big deal for two reasons. The less important reason is that one might notice that there are only three somber love poems out of the 19 or so poems that I wrote there. So what does that mean? But the big deal is just the fact that I wrote 19 poems, for I hadn't written a decent poem in months. Maybe I have rescued myself from the drought. Anyway, check them out!
Today I was hoping I could play some volleyball with Vicki, for we both feel we are out of practice. (Damn, it's hot outside!) In addition, I think it's time to look over some of those applications...
Jessie gets back into the States today. In fact, she's probably on a plane right now. There's a chance I might see her tonight, but she is actually headed straight for Charleston. Grr...
Current Mood: groggy
5:35pm now you're dressed in black, when i left you were dressed in white --craig david
So, Vicki and I fried outside with the volleyball practice, but I am still we went out. I really need to do that every day...
I've been looking through college stuff and realize there are three other places I want to look {grr...} Then I went to the mailbox and found my schedule--finally! It looks like it'll be an intense year: AP Physics (1), RINAP (2), Contemporary American Poetry (3), and BC Calculus (7). Yeah, do you notice a big gap during the day? I have 4th-6th period free each day, except on Thursday when I work on my Psych AP. At first I was thinking, "Damn, I should take another class!" but then I realized, "HELLO! You're a first semester senior! You're going to die, anyway!" Plus, the time will be good for observing the schools on campus during 2nd quarter. So, it'll be good... right?
Too much to do...
Yesterday, Morgan and I ended up seeing Rush Hour 2. I must say I did not appreciate all the Chinese jokes and stereotypes, but overall the movie was quite entertaining. Then we came back here and talked with Lindsay over the phone for a while. I actually going to try to head out there this afternoon if I can.
After dinner, Andrew and I went to Ledo's Pizza to find Emma. She was sweeping the floor! She seems to be a little on edge lately, but I don't blame her. Changes will be occurring soon for her--and most of our friends, at that. I really cannot believe everyone will be leaving soon...
Well, I really should be getting outside and doing some volleyballs tuff before it gets REALLY hot outside. Hmm, wish me luck.
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: "Days of the Week," Stone Temple Pilots
3:26pm cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort --papa roach
Yeah, so it was hot. I was only outside for a half hour. I really need to do volleyball every day...
Okay, can we talk about how friggin' lost I got going to Lindsay's house? Ahh... Let's just say the mileage I clocked could have gotten me there an additional time! We had fun, chilled out, watched home videos, and the food network.
Not much else to say. Amar will probably stop by and see some Oxford pictures. If he can GET HERE! :-)
The rest of yesterday turned out to be quite eventful. I did some volleyball stuff down at the Miller parking lot and realized how out of practice I am. I decided to develop a regimen for the rest of the summer; plus, I should probably call Nick and play with some fellow teammates. Ugh, I am sore.
After lunch, I called Michael and caught him in the car from tennis. He ended up stopping by, which was nice 'cause I hadn't seen him in a while, even before I left. We caught up a bit, though I still think there is no justice. Emma also stopped by before her waitressing shift. Similarly, I hadn't seen her in a while. I do want to stop by the restaurant some night and see her... hehe.
Lessee... I worked on that damn Chinese letter, but I think it's getting closer to being finished. (I really hope someone ends up reading it...) I also ended up calling Jessie's mom. She was nice enough to write me while I was in Oxford, and now that Jessie comes back in only a few days... wow. Time flies. I also started The Glass Menagerie and could easily finish it sometime today.
At around 7:30 I headed to Mrs. Wilkerson's, and Andrew and I made chicken Florentine with her, though our molestation skills were too good for this cooking process. We also had sweet, sweet chocolate sundaes. An aphrodisiac? ;-) Meh.
Well, I can tell you what has happened since I last wrote... as you might have noticed from the previous entry, I was terribly bored. Consequently, I nagged Blair, and he eventually asked if I wanted to do something. (He got a hint! ;-) I ended up driving over there, and we caught up on each other's summers. Then Andrew called after being MIA for the day (just kidding...), and the three of us went to Oodles Noodles (spicy!). Then we went back to Blair's house and watched Event Horizon, which was scary as hell! (Thanks Jarryd!) I took Andrew home around 11:30 and went to sleep around 1am after being online. Technology can be evil!
This morning, a few minutes before 8am, I received a phone call, and the only person I knew it could be was Jessie in China! We ended up talking for {gulp!} an hour and a half. After reaching Beijing finally, she got pretty sick; now she's recouping in the hotel room by herself. She's coming home in a few days, and I will be very happy to see her.
But since she called, I have not been able to go to sleep, so here I am, playing with my dorky webpage... :-)
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Bleed American," Jimmy Eat World
Anyway, not much else happening. I'll keep you posted. Lyric of the Day.
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: "The Lillywhite Sessions," Dave Matthews Band
I like getting e-mails from my friends in Oxford and talking to them online. I can totally understand what they are describing and feel the same exact way. Seeing my pictures made me wish to be back. I miss some of them so much.
I wouldn't know how to start talking about my experience. I dunno how I want to put it up on the Internet, but I'm sure something will form. But it's good to be home
As I grow to understand life less and less, I
learn to live it more and more. --Jules Renard
