06/03/00
Suddenly I feel that I've figured it all out--or what I haven't I'm not afraid of anymore. Two people from my past have recently stepped back into my life. I'm not necessarily sure what will happen next, but I have learned that true love does not die. And I'm happy to have figured out what love is. Yes, I'm certain that I know now. And it's not a matter of loving someone differently. It's that you will always care about them, even to the point where it hurts to be without them. But they will always be in your heart and somehow influence your every move. Now that these people have come back, I don't know whether to tell them about all the power they have, but certainly I hope what drew them back to me was for a similar, soul-binding cause. Again, I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm glad I crossed paths with them.
And I've figured out who are my soulmates. I've figured out that some things will go the way you want them to, and others won't, but what you can rely on is that you will find a way to deal with it. It might not always seem like that, but it will happen.
Though the issue of trust is always in the air, I've been thinking about what people know about me, and I think I'm fine with it. That's one issue I'm still wondering about, but the fact that I can talk to my friends about what I want to (most of the time) is so relieving. I feel free, and relatively secure.
I don't know how this all came about. Perhaps it was after tonight; I snuck away to a concert, the Degenerate Art concert. Five of my guy friends are in the band, and I hadn't heard them in a while. But as I stood there next to the pounding speakers, I smiled brighter than I had in a long, long time. Like, I could feel myself smiling; those are the big smiles. Each time the guys would look over, I know they were happy to see my mouthing the words to their classic songs and drumming my hands to their new, incredible songs. I was so excited. I hadn't smilde like that in a long time. It was a new environment than what I have been dealing with lately, which, honestly, has made me slightly depressed. So maybe it was after this concert that made me realize I should be grateful for what I've discovered about myself, though some of the experiences have been painful. I feel more secure than ever before, which might be a mistake to state to those reading this now, but sometimes one has to live a little... ;)
Bite your tongue. Maybe it's
good for you. ~Duncan Sheik