Funniest Quotes of the Class of '02 and their Teachers, 2002
Amar and Laura are on the phone discussing softball
Amar: I can’t really picture you out there, wearing your mitten.…
In mysticism, discussing the Puranas, sacred Hindu mythology. Yes, it can get sketchy.
David Shapiro: The last story we read was straight out of American Pie.
Blair and Vicki compare each other’s reactions if they were to go to a strip club.
Vicki: Yeah, I’ll sit there and think, “Wow, that pole is screwed into the floor really nicely…”
Blair: Whereas I’m thinking, “Oh yeah. Screw that pole.”
Lindsay keeps getting interrupted while Vicki tries to tell her something. After the fourth interruption…
someone: Hey, Lindsay!
Lindsay (w/ a look of distress): Okay, Vics, I’m so sorry—
Vicki: It’s okay. I just know that when I need to tell Lindsay something in 30 seconds, I need to leave five minutes…
Vicki is habitually never ready to go when Kathryn comes to pick her up. When Kathryn rings the doorbell, Vicki has no shoes, no bag, no coat, and needs to sign off the Internet.
Vicki: Yeah, I know, I can un-ready myself in 10 seconds, but I cannot get ready in 10 minutes.
Animosity between Zim-Zeema and Allen?
Vicki: Are you still in 6th [period] Zimand?
Laura M.: I couldn't move--or only to Allen--and I'd switch outta that like it was my job.
Kathryn references to Kung when discussing cloning and our Global Ethics project...
Kathryn: I'm on page 31
Jess: I don't have a photogenic memory!
For the cloning project, a visual is in order:
Kathryn: Draw the fucking sheep!
Vicki: I thought the sheep was supposed to be pregnant already...
Classic Vicki: malopropisms!
Vicki: I really like the cobalt one [L.L. Bean backpack]. Can I get my initials on it? It only costs five dollars to mammogram!
Ellen: My fortune says 'your winsome smile will be your sure protection.
Kathryn: Kinda like a condom for your face.
Jess: Sure, of course you can [read my story]. But right now, it honestly sucks.
Vicki: 'Tis okay. Nothing wrong with sucking...
Movie: "...he rode all the way from Illinois to Texas barback at the age of 9."
Class: ouch...
Ellen: He musta been really bow-legged.
Vicki: he musta been really sterile.
Competition?
someone: Hey, Becky, are you going to get the flag?
Becky: Yeah; If Pooja goes on crack and [Kate] Vlach gets pregnant!
What should be the basis for deciding the God parents?
Kathryn: I'm diverse! It's politically correct!
Mmm...
Mandy: You know how I said this candy[cane] didn't taste like anything? That's because the plastic was still on it.
Downfalls of the AP
Vicki: Oh right, they're no longer trying to teach. They're trying to f*ck you.
Higley doesn't want us to use the same introduction that he wrote for our labs. But how else can we write it?
Katy: Do you want us to footnote it?
About the Reimann Sum
Bynoe: When I see integrals, I know confusion reigneth.
Maybe sometimes we think too much?
Kathryn: ...I'd shoot myself and have to spread my brains around so they couldn't get back together and think about it anymore.
Sometimes people who know how to do Calculus can be too popular.
Lizzie: Everyone stop poking me! I feel like Britney Spears!
Vicki: What's the retraction of ass?
Jess discusses *The Chosen* with Vicki, who hasn't read the book yet.
Jess: You'll like it. It's all Jewish-y.
Zimand talks during RINAP class with students who also have him for history.
Zimand: You have me double [today]....someone's notion of hell.
(Does he actually know his reputation?)
This one is for Lindsay:
Jess: Get it up yourself.
Elizabeth R.: God, colleges are so sadistic.
Julia S.: Wait, did someone just say colleges are sadomasochistic?
About the food in the cafeteria...
Defne: I always suck things to clean them.
Why Higs won't give us partial credit... it's for our safety.
Higley: The person who built that bridge could have graduated with partial credit.
Sometimes the college process goes to our brains.
Jess: They all have supplementary essays, like, "Tell us about your butt and how big it is."
The Penguin!
Kathryn: Does this not evoke the image of a dumpling?
Kathryn: Can I whine instead of taking the test?
Higley: Can I give you a zero instead of grading you?
For the Physics B class:
Kathryn: ...furlong for a fortnight...
About the Maclaurin Series:
Bynoe: It's usually nice when you know what you are doing.
How bashful some teachers can be!
Anders: So, we're, like, talking about the shape?
Mr. Lester: Anders, you can draw your own pictures. If you have any questions, go over to Anders, and he'll probably draw you some pictures.
Jess and Andrew went out for nine months, so Jessie declares,
Jessie: It's like I was pregnant with the Third Wheel Syndrome!
Could you get the population to stop having sex for five years to promote humanity? Probably not.
Kathryn: People are still having sex like there's no tomorrow.
Electrostatics is hard... but it can be fun!
Shakti: Why do people hit someone who is being electrocuted with a stick, or something.
Higley: They're just taking advantage of the situation.
About BC Calculus...
Vicki: This class is so much less fun when I work.
Maybe I do have an obsession with butts...
Vicki: Yeah, Global Butt. Make that Butt Ethics.
Jess: I'd TEACH that class!
Episcopal's varsity basketball team is looking nice and dressed up when they walk into the gym...
Lindsay: Coach Doc, they look really nice!
Doc: Yeah, my team had to do that too. I went to a Catholic school, and we had to wear our uniforms to school, then change out of them in to nice clothes to go to our basketball games...We were stylin mo fo's
Anonymous NCS Faculty: Well, I'm gonna go home and smoke some crack now.
Word travels fast?
Vicki: Wait, how'd you already hear?
Kathryn: He's in my English class...that, and I'm spectacularly well-connected for my social status.
Talking about piercing and Kate's Navy boyfriend and body piercings.
Kate: He doesn't like them; but it's just a hole in your body.
Jennah: Yeah, he's gonna get holes in his body!
Vicki: Yeah, the only different is those'll kill ya!
The HIE meetings:
Trooboff: There as Pepsi throwing.
Julia S.: Pepsi throwing? How horrid. She needs to be suspended.
"Entent que" means to come dressed as something, in French.
Gaybrick: So, what does that mean?
Mme Beuchard: It means come.
Michael: Wait, what does it mean?
Mme Beuchard: It means come, come.
Michael: Is that a noun or a verb?
Mme Beuchard on Michael's report card comments:
"...Michael's oral skills are very good..."
Now, why would we memorize something AND have to know how to derive it? (Maclaurin Series, for instance.)
Kathryn: That sounds kind of selfish on the memory cell.
Dr. Morse Quotes:
"Suppose someone...say, Warrik...gets hungry and takes a slice of the sausage and goes back and nibbles on it."
"How does gravity touch it? Its exchanging virtual gravitrons"
"If that’s your nose and this is my fist, that’s a normal force."
"And since 4 is pretty close to 10..."
Dr. Morse: I'll just use the "examine" tool.
George: I'll examine your tool!
Senior seminar
Mrs. Marks: There's a lot of places you can use the words, 'just say no', and I'm not just talking about sex.
{class laughs}
Marks: We'll do sex next week... I said *do* sex, not *have* sex!
Cl______r: Cynthia, why are you holding your head? Are you afraid it's going to fall off?
Cynthia: I don't want it to roll on the floor and get dirty.
Buddhism?
Cassie: I think it would be annoying to convert to bootyism.
--Christina discusses Matt after the dance.
Christina: Oh, he was so cute! He looked exactly like Kramer!
Laura just got back a history quiz.
Laura M.: I rocked Mr. Zimand's ass!
Emma: No wonder you did so well...
Yeah, didn't you? (umm...)
Christina and Emma: Didn't everyone used to mate their Barbies?
Mardi Gras is the next day:
Emma: Do you know what tomorrow is?
Anonymous: Yeah, but we don't live in Boston.
Jess: An orgy is anything with more than three people.
Michael P.: No! Four people is menage et quois!
Mr. Higley: You can't see a black hole...
Katy: because it pulls your eyes out.
At the senior retreat, Alison describes Emma's summer.
Allison W.: She worked at Ledo's Pizza and made a lot of dough…
Making s'mores at the senior retreat
Lindsay: Will this stick do?
Mrs. Sharma: No, it's too big… that stick is used to beat people.
Kristen: I used to play golf.
Morgan: Really? What position?
Talking about Kevin, Jessie tries to defend him.
Jessie: It's not that he's that horrible of a guy. It's just that he can be like Satan sometimes…
Emma and Christina won't stop talking at an HIE meeting.
Julia S.: Can't you two learn sign language or something?
Eliot: Go to the eighth grade. Who are they trying to emulate?
Marissa: Britney?
Eliot: Now go to the 12th grade... How about them?
Kate Z.: Still Britney.
Friction?
Higley: I don't know the [friction] coefficient of naked!
Whisper more sweet nothings into my ear!
Cassie: My love for you is like diarrhea; I can't hold it in.
Mr. Wood: Have you ever flown to Iceland? Those flight attendants are gorgeous!
How to write a Foundations paper:
Scott: Since both [John Winthrop and John Smith wrote] to get attention for their colonies, I could intro by saying... "The art of bullshit is very complex. Just as I am bullshitting this paper, John Smith and John Winthrop used bullshit to its maximum potential when recruiting people for the new world."
A girl is running down the street.
Michael P.: ...Her boobs were giving her a black eye.
After finding Lizzie's naked man pen, Higley returns it.
Higley: I thought it was a magic pair, so I spent the whole day looking for the other.
The Crush soda idea is cute (you'll hear about it soon if you haven't yet), but there are some concerns. There is no love.
Sabrina: ...One person will get all the sodas... Last year, I only got one flower, and it was from Laura.
Laura: Yeah, and I got none.
Ed's tattoo:
Ed: I know they are Japanese characters; I found them in a Chinese book.
Vicki: I'm not horny. I'm just driven.
In order to relieve the pain of letting their children go to college, parents often adopt new pets.
Cassie: Yeah, [my mom] wants a dog.
Vicki: A whole zoo might work.
Blair: I have a voluptuous brain.
Vicki is wearing a sombrero
Eliot: Vicki, it's Houston day. Why the hat?
Vicki: I am a mestizo!
Vicki: We were at C++, but it was so good today it had three pluses!
What’s the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?
Kathryn: One's like driving a stick shift, and one's automatic.
Bynoe: What would you do if you were given this problem?
Abby: I would close my book and cry.
Bynoe: And I would say, "What a loser!"
Who comes up with these obvious math theorems, anyway?
Julia S.: They get the credit for caring enough to write it down.
Abby's Theorem: Tuesday comes after Monday.
How do you explain Hinduism?
Shakti: Everyone's trying to get to California, but some might break down in Kentucky.
about Mr. Higley
Ashley P.: You ride your bike to school--
Sara: and you're a Republican. I don't understand this.
about the former school security:
Higley: I don't like chasing those goobers down the dark hallways...
Lindsay: You scared, Higs?
Higley: Shit yeah!
Oxford Quotes
Elise: I've been eating a lot of chocolate in Oxford…
Jess: Well, chocolate is good a good aphrodisiac!
Laura M.: Everything's an aphrodisiac to you, Jess.
At Broughton Castle, as soon as the Oxford Tradition students entered the lawn, the sheep ran away. However, as we were preparing to leave, the sheep flocked back to the area we had occupied, which had been completely filled with shit.
Jess: Hey, all the sheep are moving back onto the fields.
Laura M.: They're like, "Who was using our bathroom?"
In designing a project for her Human Development class, Laura needed to design after school activities for children with disabilities.
Laura: Oh, but blind people probably cannot play soccer.
Nisa: Can't someone just tell them where the ball is?
Perhaps Britney was good for something in Oxford: on the first dance of the summer
Britney: Oh my God, it's like Revenge of the Nerds on Ice!
While describing the sexual activity of teenagers in Psychology, Alex points out
Alex: Date rape is essentially sex.
Julie: Did my sneezes wake you up?
Julia: Rufus Wainwright is dead-wait, that's Jeff Buckley!
Elise: I'm about to jump over the table and eat you! I am so hungry!
Laura: We have French fries every day. They're so good! I ate, like, three.
Liz: Does anyone remember that show, "Mr. …."? It was a long name…
Emma Ham: "Mr. Bean"?
Manny attends a PDG conference and learns the truth about demographers.
Laura: They were kissing each other on the cheek [when they saw each other], no joke!
Vicki: Well, they want to populate the world and affect those population pyramids!
Sabrina: Do you know how to do star-six-seven?
Laura: I’m taking the National Greek Exam.
Jessie: The National Freak Exam?
When we know sometimes we are a little too self-conscious.
Jessie: Do you think my ears are ugly?
Innocence
Lindsay: It’s really funny to see all the frat boys come in here—
Vicki: What? Are they buying soda?
Jess: Do you like tongue-ing your holes?
Jessie becomes very enthusiastic about Chicken Run during the last chaotic weeks of high school.
Jessie: Clay-chicken death is on the top of my agenda right now!
Vicki’s parents are away for the weekend. Big party?
Kathryn: I think if Vicki had a kegger, the world would self-implode upon itself.
McClain tells us about the quote on his yearbook page:
Pooh: Good morning, Eeyore.
Eeyore: Good morning, Pooh Bear… if it is a good morning… which I doubt.
Vicki: It’s cute but sad.
McClain: No, it’s cute!
Vicki: --in a, “If it kills itself, it’s just a donkey” sort of way!
Jess: We should just walk around naked.
Peter Scott: Yeah, but you’d have a lot more nasty injuries.
Jessie: What size feet do you wear?
Watching Chicken Run
Vicki: Do you think chicken clucks have accents?
James: *gasp* I think we had a breakthrough.
McClain: Wow. I used the word “love” without “I’m not in.”
Vicki: Photoshop is the indecisive person's worst nightmare.
Someone’s getting tickled
Anonymous: If you’re gonna touch me, do it hard!
The pool can be dangerous, especially the algae-cleaner.
Jessie: That thing tried to suck me.
Anonymous: I want a man with real sperm.
Jess, Lindsay, and Vicki intently watch the donut-making machine at Costco when Vicki witnesses a tragic sight
Vicki: Oh no! That one’s not going to have a hole!
we live only to discover beauty. all
else is a form of waiting --kahlil gibran
