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The Funniest Quotes of the Class of ‘02 and Their Teachers, 2000!

I honestly can't remember who said this, but I probably wouldn't have put her name with the quote anyway; I wouldn't want to jinx anyone!
Anonymous: I am undatable. I must have some disease!
Lauren T. is always making funny jokes in Chemistry. Finally Ms. Cl_______ has a comment about the daily standup act.
Ms. Cl_______: You should be a comedian.
Jess: Yeah, shouldn't she? She's so funny--
Ms. Cl_______: --in her next life.
Vicki: I feel like my head is going to explode!
Ms. B____: Don't worry. It won't.
Jessie: Were you two decent?
Jess: What do you consider "decent"?
Jessie: Like, would you have been arrested?
The flaming nuts lab: we weren't too thrilled. But there was still one way out...
Ms. Cl_______: Is anyone allergic to nuts?
{no one acknowledges the allergy}
Ms. Cl_______: Because last year we had someone who was allergic to nuts, so she couldn't do the experiment...
everyone {in unison}: I'm allergic!
Jess: Isn't a candle a household appliance?
St. Albans: In Chemistry, Ms. G_____ is about to write the Gay-Lussac's Law on the board. Ms. G_____ had some concerns about the boys' maturity.
Ms. G_____: Now, don't get giddy about the name...
Alex K.: The Penis Law!
When discussing some poetic devices *groan* we talked about the connotation with the East.
Mrs. D______: What happens in the East?
Casey: Sunrise!
Mrs. D______: What else?
Casey: Sunset!
Michael G.: The dog didn't eat my homework; the homework ate me!
Dr. V is teaching math, and Liz is whistling in class. Dr. V finally gets fed up.
Dr. V: Liz, stop whistling! You're not in the forest!
Mandy: My dad looks like Sadaam on his driver's license. Bushy eyebrows, dark hair... Yeah, he's totally Sadaam.
Ms. Cl_______: Less massive particles have higher speed because KE=(1/2)mv squared.
Clare: Yeah, like, fatter people move slower.
Sara: You know when you analyze something to the point where you repent your existence?
Okay, so I DO have a bad memory...
Jess: I'll remember to pay you back.
Linds and Kathryn: No you won't!
Jess: Yes I will! My memory is getting better. I paid someone back just yesterday. Wait--who did I pay back...?
Before spring break, all the teachers were more lenient. Mrs. B____ gave us options of what to do in class.
Mrs. B.: We can either do the Continental Math League [competition] or just relax.
Gabrielle: I want to relax!
Mrs. B.: Gabrielle, you're always relaxing...
St. Albans: Mr. K_____ is talking about exponential functions. He mentions negative exponential functions.
Mr. K_____: They're not used all that much. They just don't get that much...play.
(I don't want to put a caption here 'cause it would be too obvious who we were talking about.)
Laura B.: She looks like a big lei with her ruffled shirt.
Emma: Yeah, she is a big lay.
After asking Michael P. if he did any pleasure reading, I suggested he read Brave New World. I warned him that he'd be thinking differently after it.
Michael: I rarely think during pleasure. {pause} Reading...
Ms. P________: So because of gas properties, you can smell a fire in the air around the block.
Abby: What? You can smell the affair around the block?
Unfortunately, I forget who told me this quote and its context--something about a state bird or something. I dunno, but it is still funny. Ms. S____ had joked that the mosquito was the state bird. Some people chuckled. It clicks for others later...
Katie H.: Wait, Ms. S_____. A mosquito is not a bird!
Luisa was using my walkman, and she was examining all the buttons. She comes along the "preset" button.
Luisa: Jess, what does "present" mean?
Vicki: What's the difference between the SSA and the ASS postulate?
Mrs. B.: Nothing.
Kathryn: Except one is obscene.
In April I began to get sick, and I was not happy.
Lindsay: So, who'd you hook up with?
Jess: Why do I have to hook up with someone to be sick?
Lindsay: C'mon, you're in high school. You can't get sick any other way!
Kimi is color-coding her notes in Chemistry.
Morgan: Kimi, how do you spell anal?
Kimi: A-N-... oh.
Emma: So Africa's two main exports are oil and petroleum?
"It's all about Bib Themes."
Jennah: Look at that! The moment I decide to walk over to STA, it starts pouring! God must hate me, or something.
Lauren T.: It's 'cause you were coloring in Bib Themes.
Before Ken came along, the cafeteria food was gross. Laura M. explained the old food.
Laura : It's so gross that it tastes good!
Kathryn: I bake in a big way.
The last independent learning for the year! And it was fun, too.
Emma: I don't consider it Chemistry; I consider it funistry!
Obviously he doesn't pay attention to what I say.
Jess: Softball is leaving [for spring training] tomorrow.
Michael G.: Have they left yet?
Freudian slip.
Jess: Hey! We did that at the same time!
Linds: Yeah, we're connected in a psychopathic way.
It was a tough lab; we had to get points anywhere possible.
Lauren T.: I can't even get points for a prelab 'cause we didn't do one!
People were discussing Peter H., but I hadn't been listening, so it was the name that caught my attention.
Jess: Damn, there are too many Peters in my life.
Kathryn: I thought there were too many Michaels. Maybe you need to meet some boys with different names.
In homeroom, Clare finds one more reason to whine.
Clare: Morgan, why do you look so thin all day?
Too many course evaluation sheets! Some things are a little too obvious, though.
Sara: She's totally going to know I wrote this.
Malkah: Especially if you put your name on it!
Kathryn: Have fun at your seder.
Morgan: We'll pray for you.
Kathryn: I don't think I really need God on my case right now...
Michael P. drove Jeff, Daniel, and me home one day during spring break. Personally, I was in shock, but all of us suddenly became quiet.
Dr. P. Michael, did you notice all your friends became silent once you began driving...
Michael: Yeah...
Jeff: We're praying!
Trying to grasp the concepts, we use what we know outside Chemistry to understand.
Jess: When do we act like gases?
Lauren T.: At dances, all bumpin' and grindin'.
In psychology, we were watching a film on babies, and there was a shot of a woman, well, breast-feeding her baby, which is nothing new. Some cringe and kind of look away from the screen, but Colleen puts it bluntly.
Colleen: I wouldn't want my boobs on a documentary!
Anonymous: I'm getting so many wedgies today. It's as if my butt is sucking in my clothes!
Jess: What are you reading?
Sara: The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud.
Jennah: Sigfreed and Roy?
Anonymous: Jeff is so Jefforable.
This was funny--not!
Jess: Yeah, I'm transferring out of NCS next year!
Emma: No you're not! But I could have believed it. You're a fucking genius!
Lindsay: A fucking genius.
Blair: Or a genius at fucking.
Emma: Or both.
In EAG, we had to elect presidents for next year.
Jess: What did you do last year to vote?
Michael P.: You [Jeff] won by default.
Jeff: Hey, don't call it a default, man!
Kathryn: What do you wanna call it, "inherited"?
Before you go study for exams, one piece of advice from a teacher.
Ms. Cl_______: You guys had better go fetch your brains...
Chinese is a simple language, but they obviously don’t get much action, either.
Jess: Chinese has no conjugations, no sex...
Michael P.: Ohh, the one-child policy!
Jeff: I guess [Chinese] is not a romantic language...
Julia: ...the mooner eclipse.
After New Year’s, we discuss the parties.
Anonymous: ...and they offered me a Bud Light, and I was, like, "Hello! Champagne! Have some class!"
Clare: I always think you’re going to give a trick question on a test!
Ms. Cl_______: Does that mean you have to give me a trick answer?
We’re all getting a little feisty in the hallway.
Emma: You know you want me!
Lauren T.: To jump out the window!
Anonymous #1: Will you teach me how to give a blow job?
Anonymous #2: Sure. There’s a five-step program--NO!
For the 70’s dance, everyone’s trying to figure out where to get wacky clothes!
Clare: Suddenly everyone is buying clothes where I normally buy clothes...!
Just after New Year’s, I’m still writing 1999 on my school work.
Sharma: Jessica! You’re not Y2K compliant!
A bunch of us are watching American Pie at a party, and we get to that scene--where the exchange student takes off all her clothes and, well... has herself a party. Anyway, some of us have different views about the scene:
Lindsay T.: That’s so unnecessary!
Jeff: Ohh, that’s SO necessary...
During a class discussion, Sara admits why she doesn't exactly know the answer right away.
Sara: The way I study is for right before the quiz, so I cram!
Clare: Sara! You shouldn’t tell the teacher that!
Ms. Cl_______: You think she’s giving anything away?
Jessie: I have so many crushes that if I add them all up, I have a relationship!
Sarah has been waiting for her pizza delivery more than two hours. Besides being hungry, she has other concerns.
Sarah: Are they trying to make us anorexic or something?
Before the Chemistry exam, Ms. Cl_______ requires us to have our lab notebook in order.
Abby: What if I’m missing a lab?
Ms. Cl_______: I’m going to take you, put you in the courtyard, and kill you.
Abby: Can you at least do it before my exams, though?
At Eddie Bauer, we were looking for sheets for a bed. But we can’t find our size bed.
Jessie: Why are all the sheets king size?
Jess: I think they’re telling us we should be sleeping with someone.
Emma is having a big problem: how to cover a hickey before her big game!
Emma: What am I going to do?
Jessie: Suck it up and deal!...actually, you don’t need anymore sucking...

Coach L_____: We’ll call you Big Country!
Emma: Why?
L____: ‘Cause you’re a big hick!

A compliment, I swear!
Sara: You look so pretty upside down...!
Lindsay: His nickname is BJBJ.
Jess: That sucks!
Lindsay: Yes, yes it does.
Mrs. D______: Does anyone know what hoary-headed means?
{silence}
Mrs. D.: Well, no one is hoary-headed here, expect me, perhaps.
everyone: Smart?
Needless to say, we’re struggling with the Chemistry, but Ms. Cl_______ has high hopes.
Ms. Cl_______: If we have time at the end of the year, we’ll learn the battery complex redox reaction.
Lauren: Great! We can’t get sig figs, but we’ll do a complex redox reaction!
Kimi: He was "charming." No, that’s not the right word. More "manipulative."
More warnings before the Geography exam.
Mrs. S_____: If you have a cold or expect to have a crying fit during my exam, bring kleenex...
Jessie: Go f*ck yourself!
Anonymous: Trust me, when I figure out how, I’ll be a happy man.
How did Lauren T. pass her Geography map test?
Lauren: Pampas, Sampas. I remember Pampas ‘cause Sampas is the butt of Argentina.
Morgan: I want one million dollars.
Jess: No you wouldn’t. You’d be unhappy!
Morgan: {later} You’re right. I want three million dollars.
Lauren T. and Emma are studying in Emma’s room, which is filled with eye candy. Lauren can’t take it anymore.
Lauren: I can’t study in this room; my peripheral vision is having a party!
Kathryn: You go to school with psychos. I go to school with you.
Various problems of the student.
Jessie: I’m thinking too much, and it’s kind of hurting!

Kathryn: I just got oreo up my nose... it stings.

Emma: I like him so much! But he’s an ass...

Kristal: An "asinine" person is very buttish.
When talking about the snow storms of 2000, some of us are disappointed.
Kathryn: I think people liked ‘96 better.
Jessie: Don’t you mean 69?
(Julia, this one’s for you.) I type "Loser" into the calculator (yes, another one of those boring days in math), and it equals "0" according to calculations. Julia is not impressed.
Julia: Loser equals YOU!
No one was looking forward to the first psychology test...
Katy: Let’s get psyched for a psych test!
After her chemistry students seem to understand, Ms. Cl_______ goes into pure shock!
Ms. Cl_______: Oh my goodness! We actually know something!
No one really like analyzing poetry, do they? We actually like criticizing it.
someone: That's dorky!
Mrs. D.: That’s not dorky! That’s poetic!
Jessie: I’ve seen you too many times today!
Des B.: You’ve seen me once!
Jessie: I know!
Julia and I are busy signing up for mass mailing lists. She hopes to get some country [music] news. She is quickly disappointed.
Julia: That’s not country news! That’s hill-billy news!
Sara: What is hypothermia?
Clare: It’s when monkeys called hypothermiums come and bite you!
Jessie: When you two danced, it was funny.
Jess: How so?
Jessie: You danced funnily!
Mrs. D____: Do your parents talk to you about sex?
Jessie: No, my parents understand my situation and don’t want to depress me...
From Swiss Semester, here are some Mr. King quotes:
  • Despite what you guys think, sex does not make the world go around--money does!
  • She's either pregnant or hasn't been doing her crunches.
  • Beer is medicinal.
  • Why do ducks have flat feet? -- To stamp out forest fires. - Why do elephants have flat feet? - To stamp out flaming ducks.
  • Don't read the part on French architecture. I don't want you to get polluted at an early age.
  • Someday you'll do real well in law school, Will, but right now you're just a pain in my ass.
  • Look up at that hill. You see those cows, they have two legs shorter than the other two so they can stand horizontal on the hillside.
    Emma: I do not have a sexual charge.
    Emma: He’s ugly!
    Jess: No he’s not!
    Emma: Well, maybe he was having a bad hair day--or a bad face day!
    When discussing Adam and Eve, Mandy asks why Satan chose to be a serpent to disguise himself.
    Mandy: Why didn’t Satan become a bird or a baby bunny? I mean, seriously, that would catch Eve’s attention much better...
    Famous last words from ANY girl’s mouth:
    Jessie: I’m not analyzing; I’m just trying to figure out what he means!
    Family Life class again: discussing the "hiking tampon"... Ms. D___: If babies can fit through the vagina--
    Emily F.: Not mine!
    Dopp: The clitoris is usually left out [when talking about the reproductive system] because it’s not a reproductive part.
    Mandy: It’s an orgasmic part!
    post-Chemistry test reflections:
    Phela: Your tests are too long; I don't have time to read the directions! I look, but I don't read.
    Ms. Cl_______: Well what to you think I put them there for?
    Jess: I’m Eurasian.
    Emma: No you’re not. If you’re Eurasian, then I’m European!
    Jess: You’re a Eurer!
    At our volleyball team dinner, Coach L_____ asks if Helen B. {2000} needs any help in the kitchen.
    Coach L_____ : Do you need any help?
    Helen: Nope! Negative help!
    Coach L_____ : So, we should start breaking things?
    Research projects in the modern world (aka, Chemistry):
    Lindsay: Do you have to use, like, a...book?
    Ms. Cl_______: A book? Heaven forbid!
    Anonymous: I just wear a bra to be nice to people.
    Clare: Is sex a chemical?
    A compromise:
    Mrs. D___: Does anyone know what a G-spot is?
    Mandy: I know what a G-string is!
    Are we sick mentally and physically?
    Kimi: Do you have any throat-sucky things?
    Laura A.L.: I don’t get guys.
    Juanita: They are just stupid girls with dicks.
    Needless to say, I miss talking to Jennah as much as I used to.
    Jennah: I used to want to be Jewish so I could play with a dreidel, but then I realized I didn’t have to be Jewish to play with a dreidel...
    Caitlin: I want to meet someone from New Zealand.
    Vicki: Get Anna [exchange student] to introduce you to someone.
    Caitlin: She lives in Australia, Vicki!
    Vicki: It’s close!
    At Cactus, we a discussing movies.
    Luisa: ...and they blur out all the nudity, though you always know what’s going on.
    Jessie: I love it when they do that!
    Jess: Wait, the sex scenes?
    {Jessie is flustered.}
    Nate O.: No, those blurry spots turn her on!
    Mrs. D___ tells us that no guy should be able to pull off the excuse that he’s too--well, well-endowed to use a condom.
    Mrs. D___: Any guy who tells you they’re too big for a condom--sorry! {She places a condom over her whole forearm.} Never have sex with a guy who’s bigger than this!
    Second free period... ahh yes, we’re discussing how gross sperm must taste. Someone suggests instead of flavored condoms flavored sperm. The best suggestion:
    Julia: Snickers sperm!
    Jess: This is for futural reference...
    No one can forget the Freedom From Chemical Dependency week with Cory second quarter. After discussing seratonin, melatonin, and oxytonin---the neurochemicals that are responsible for depression--I ask about the chemicals that are triggered after sex. Cory notes that the previously mentioned chemicals are definitely involved.
    Jess: Great, so they are the chemicals that make you depressed...
    Cory: Well, if sex was really that bad, then there's reason to worry!
    During an assembly, Mrs. W___ describes our future English teacher's demands.
    Mrs. W___: Your only excuse for a late paper is death--yours.
    Jessie: Bite me!
    Jess: Ahh! No!
    Jessie: Actually, that’s not your job anymore.
    Jess: AHH!!
    Allison S.: Have you ever had Russian dressing? It’s made of metchup and kayo...
    Lindsay: The purpose of formal is to freak in high heels without flashing people.
    A logical explanation?
    Jess: A lot of NCS lower schoolers are short. At my [elementary] school, we were all big.
    Vicki: Maybe your school appealed to tall people...
    Forever cynical.
    Sara: Voting is like choosing which bully to give you a wedgie...
    After a fire drill during a cold day, Sabrina makes a good suggestion.
    Sabrina: I think fire drills should be inside...
    For a Geography project, Mrs. S_____ asks that we bring in virus-free disks to class.
    Mrs. S_____: Disks that have been around have viruses...
    Julia: Slutty disks!
    During Chemistry lessons, Clevenger often tells us what’s in store for AP Chem students. Some of us are not so eager.
    Clevenger: I tell my AP class that they’re the Varsity team, and you’re the JV.
    Lauren: I’m warming the bench...
    Everyone loves Julia’s new fluffy vest, but beware!
    Julia: You’ll deflufenize it!
    Sharma: The number one export of DC is waste paper.
    Emma: Are you sure it’s not politicians?
    Guess what they’re talking about: Emma: I need to cut this off...
    Allison: If you suck it, it gets softer, and it’s easier to bite off.
    (Yes, a finger nail.)
    I don’t know how to introduce this except to say it was a joke.
    Emma: I have sex in basketball practice.
    Jess: During basketball practice?
    Caroline: What kind of basketball do you play?
    Phela: One-on-one!
    Emma: I’m not that sexually active.
    Christina A.: No, but you’re definitely sexually deprived.
    Kimi: That’s the qualitiest thing I’ve seen in a while!
    In Chem we are making models of a trigonal planar molecule.
    Jess: Should it look like a Mercedes sign?
    Clevenger: Only people at NCS would consider it a Mercedes sign...
    Moving into lockers isn’t always easy. We needed to take apart shelves.
    Jess: We need a screw.
    Emma: driver?
    When discussing how all the teachers are getting pregnant, Dunkley finally exclaims:
    Dunkley: Our whole school is pregnant!
    (Not exactly...)
    Lindsay: What are you worried about?
    Jess: Freaking [him].
    Lindsay: Well, we already know you’re not going to, so we’re over that hump...
    Kimi: The more I learn, the more I don’t understand!
    While looking at a spreadsheet during Geography, we learn even more things--some of which we deduce ourselves.
    Emma: There are 52 states!?
    Jess: ...for instance, why aren’t immigrants moving to West Virginia?
    Julia: They’re afraid of incest.
    Katy: What’s the opposite of deficient?
    Christina: Inefficient.
    Clare: My friend has a group to go to the mall with. It’s called, "Go to the mall group."
    Julia: Native USians...
    Jessie proclaims early in the night that she will be staying up ‘til 4am studying for a Geography test the next day.
    Jess: ...but studies show you’re better off getting to sleep than cramming information late at night.
    Jessie: Yes, I understand the studies, but the studies don’t understand Ms. Sharma...
    Swiss Semester: Will Leavitt is being loud in class.
    Mr. King: Will, will you shut-up? Your pain-in-the-ass factor is increasing asymptotically as you speak.
    I know I’m never going to let this down, but during 8th period, we are discussing some of the presents that we were assigned to buy for the kids for the ABLE Christmas party.
    Julia: He asked for a bike, a Playboy...
    Jess: Aren’t those expensive?
    Julia: What?
    Jess: Wait, what are they?
    {everyone hears my stupid comment.}
    everyone: uhh, PLAYboys!
    Jess: Oh, now I know. I have two of those--you mean GAMEboys.
    everyone: NO! PLAYboys.
    The JV volleyball team does what before games?
    Vicki: We were so excited we were jumping on each other!
    Caitlin: That doesn't sound too good...
    Vicki: Jumping--not humping.
    Caitlin: Like we need clarification!
    Sharma: Maps distort. Maps lie. Maps violate the honor code!
    Of course funny quotes are coming from Family Life, but some comments should be kept to yourself.
    Dopp: Sometimes people can get Herpes #2 in their mouth, and it looks like a cold sore.
    Mandy: Oh, I get those all the time... uhh, nevermind.
    Aspirations.
    Morgan: I want to be a guy!
    Emma: Then you’d be an ass!
    Morgan: Well, I’d be a nice ass.
    Emma and Jess: With a nice ass?
    Concluding the summer of 1999, we ask the obvious questions.
    Michael P.: So, did you make out with your girlfriend all summer?
    James: No, that was yesterday.
    The analysis of school:
    Jeff: The sucky thing with my workload is I have just enough time to finish it on a week day if I use all my free periods working and work right after I get home. I have negative life!
    Jeff says I said this, but my vocabulary isn’t this bad:
    Jess: I have such bad vocabulation.
    Good come-back.
    Bailey: He’s a retard!
    Emma: But he’s a cutie-tard!
    Who can forget our getting out of school for Floyd? Everyone started cheering, but Mandy brings up a good question.
    Mandy: Can I stay at home?
    Ms. Sheeler: No, you must come to my house.
    During Alg/Trig, we were comparing answers with everyone in the class, and we realized we were really off in our answer of 5/6. Then we look at everyone else’s answers.
    Julia: At least we didn’t get 83 and a third percent!
    {note, it’s the same as 5/6}
    While going over vocabulary words, Dunkley chooses what she needs to clarify.
    Dunkley: "Chaste"--I’m not even going to go there.
    While doing math homework:
    Emma: How am I supposed to make a scattergram if I only have two scatters?
    So what’s stealing second? There is much confusion among the group.
    Emma: Hey Jessie, have you stolen second?
    Jessie: No, third!
    Curiosity brings out some weird conclusions:
    Emma: How far have you been?
    Vicki: Farther than--I snuggled!
    Jennah: Well, if hugs count...
    Jessie: I've got a home run snuggling then!
    {later}
    Jessie: I'm talking sexual tension hugging...
    Jennah: --When you feel something slowly rising up on his side...
    Alex and Sara tell us about their new obsession. Some of us were disgusted, but Alex defends her position.
    Alex: Yes, I am perfectly aware he’s nastiness on a stick...
    Sarah is reciting a prayer from memory along with Rev. Orens during Cathedral.
    Julia: Aren’t you Jewish?
    Sarah: This is a Jewish prayer!
    I only heard Lindsay say this, but I hear Lauren T. takes credit for the idea:
    Lindsay: Emma’s a Tit! A treasurer in training!
    Emma: Jennah, I don't need to see down your shirt. I have two of my own.
    Jennah: Are they as nice as mine?
    Emma: {looks down own shirt} Yep!
    Lindsay: I pronounciated everything well...
    Ultimate worries arise.
    Jess: He’s going to find his Heidi in Switzerland!
    Jessie: No he won’t!
    Jess: Well, then maybe his Helga--but that’s not the point!
    Emma: I’m brainful.
    I really don’t know what kind of clarification this needs:
    Cassie: Isn’t a cake when you bake a cake?
    It took us a while to get into the swing of things...
    Bailey: I can’t remember what I have 4th period...
    Lindsay: It must be Geography.
    Bailey: Oh, yeah.
    Lindsay: I have it with you.
    Bailey: When do you have it?
    Lindsay: Uhh...4th.
    I know school isn’t supposed to be too hard, but sometimes we make it too easy.
    Dunkley: What do you get at a Haberdasshere?
    Kim N.: Haberdasshers?
    Sara: I’m reeking of creative juices!
    A stereotype? Nah...
    Jessie: Landon guys suck!
    Emma: No, they make you suck!
    Dunkley: That’s a picture of Chaucer.
    Sara: He’s cute. He looks like Jesus.
    Jennah: Do masseuses masseuse?
    Fantasies running wild...
    Emma: ...and the massage soap, that would be so--ten years from now!
    We’re all kind of bitter about the freshmen.
    Sara: ...and then the little Fresh-lings came...
    In memory of Blindy, Emma’s gerbil:
    Emma: It’s pitiful. The only guys I see during the week are my dad, my brother, and my blind pet gerbil, who we don’t even know is a male!
    When admiration might be going too far.
    Jessie: I admire her [for what she did], but she’s going to get heavy shit for it--constipation!
    Michael P.: Girls don’t like fatty cheese on their pizza.
    Jess: "Fatty cheese"?
    James: No, they like taking a napkin and dabbing off the excess grease.
    Jess: Yeah, all girls do that.
    Michael: Oh, well...Jeff does that.
    Dunkley: What did women in Victorian England do once they became old and useless?
    Mandy: They became teachers!
    Ashley P. gives the wrong answer in Geography, but Sharma comforts her and the rest of the class,
    Sharma: Well, that’s wrong, but you got the same answer as everyone else did, so you’re in the same boat--you might be sinking, but you’re all sinking together.

    then Alex gives an answer that seems way off.
    Sharma: You’re sinking like the rest of them, but you don’t even have a life preserver!

    In Chinese, we are learning the words for specific occupations. We thought we had run out of ideas.
    Chou Laoshi: Oh, you didn’t ask me how to say "musicians" or "artists!"
    Daniel P.: Penists!
    {everyone is shocked at his pronunciation}
    Rosie: Pianists!
    We learn so much in Geography. One astonishing discovery:
    Emma: I didn’t know Indonesia had...people in it!
    Dunkley: We’re going to watch the new scene.
    Laura A.L.: The nude scene?
    Lindsay’s telling us how her parents get so excited when her parents can buy one pair of shoes for both her sister and her to wear. Then Vicki speaks up:
    Vicki: Yeah, my parents do the same thing--except with underwear.
    Michael P.: They showed it on the radio...
    We are examining a white powdery substance in Chem, and Clevenger warns us not to come to any conclusions.
    Clevenger: You don’t know whether it’s powder, sugar...
    Lauren T.: ...crack!
    Jeff: That's the strangest form of foreplay I've ever seen!
    Alex looks at her grade for a Geography assignment.
    Alex: I actually did good in Geography!
    Julia: How about in English?
    Anyone who was watching the Potomac/NCS soccer game was energetic and crazed about the game. You would have also noticed the crazy ref.
    Caitlin: Look at Pinkie!
    Kimi: Who?
    Caitlin: The Ref [he’s wearing pink].
    Kimi: Why "Pinkie"? How about "Yellowie?"
    Caitlin: Well, at the rate he’s been giving out yellow cards...
    Sharma: How did the natives live?
    Lauren T.: Natively?
    I was utterly tired while watching a soccer game. I want to know why.
    Jess: I think I have mono... *sigh*
    Lindsay: From who?!
    Jess: Hey!
    After a quadratic equation?
    Lizzie: Cubedratic!
    The dreaded assignment came before us: drawing the male and female reproductive system. We all winced in pain while others chuckled. Needless to say, there were many quotes to record here:
    Mandy: I’m drawing mine to scale!
    Caroline: And how long will you be making it?
    Mandy: Seven inches! {whips out her ruler}

    Jess: Some of us have better artistic skills than others...
    Emma: Or experience!

    Lindsay: So the sperm were just chugging along--the Little Sperm that Could!

    What is testosterone?
    Defne: It’s what makes boys horny.
    Lindsay: In 4th grade, we did [Macbeth] "Double, double, toil and trouble..."
    Bailey: That’s from Macbeth?!
    everyone: Yeah! What’d you think it was from?
    Bailey: Hocus Pocus!
    What do we think of Macbeth so far?
    Julia: It’s really boring so far. "Double, double toil and trouble, now let’s throw some crap in the caldron!"
    At dinner, Emma tries to explain to Mrs. Rechler what our family life class really teaches. After struggling, she asks me what I think about...
    Emma: Jess, how would you describe sex...family life?
    Mrs. Rechler: Umm, I don’t think we need to hear that.
    Lindsay: We have a bond of pervertesy!
    What did we learn about in Geography?
    Mandy: Infant morality!?
    Sabrina needs to interview Mina {2000).
    Sabrina: What’s Mina’s real name?
    Julia: Mina...
    Sabrina: Oh, it’s not short for something, like Cantermina?
    We have to stick up for ourselves...
    Lauren T.: {jokingly} Emma, you have gay tendencies.
    Emma: What?! I'm as straight as my arm {which is bent} ... when it's like this! {straightens arm}
    Listen up...
    Angela: Charlotte's cat has gas problems.
    Lauren T.: Clare's cat has sexual problems! {laughter}
    Kathryn: {later} I wasn't really listening to what you were saying, but all I heard was, "Kat has sexual problems..."
    Michael P. and I were waiting for a roller coaster ride, and we found ourselves by some NCS classmates. However, the conversation we overhear doesn’t say much for NCS.
    Cassie: {observing eight of her friends are near by} Yes! There are eight of us! Perfect for the hexagon ride!
    Tory: Umm, I don't think a hexagon has eight sides.
    Cassie: Oh, well, I don't think they're real hexagons.
    Lauren T. throws ice down Emma’s, well... sports bra.
    Emma: OH MAN THAT'S COLD! You're melting my boobs, now they won't be useful...
    Do you see a common theme?
    Anonymous: So I went up his shirt to see, uh...
    Lauren T: If he had a chest.
    Anonymous: Yeah, sure, and then he went up my shirt to see, uh...
    Lauren T: What? To see if you had twin peaks?
    And a one-track mind...
    Lady in Victoria Secret: Can I give you a sample of our new whipped body wash?
    Sara: {shocked} RIBBED body wash?!
    Kimi: God, this place may be sex oriented, but that would be going too far.
    Jennah: Do you realize that I'm a self-hating Asian?
    She’s way too excited...
    Anonymous: Hey, the hot tub says BLOWING!!! Hehehe
    Caitlin: I hate Six Flags
    Sarah: Why?
    Caitlin: It's filled with white trash and black Ebonics speaking people.
    If someone hands you sappy comments...
    Sara: Sorry if that was cheese overload. Get some crackers.
    The technicalities of the Bases...
    Lauren T.: What does a guy do with three balls and one strike?
    Jess: Well, for one, guys usually have two balls...
    At CPK, Emma was acting kind of strange.
    Jess: Why are you being a retard?!
    Lauren T.: Look at her!
    My Bible?
    Lindsay: The Albanian is not the pinnacle of your existence.
    Jess: It is for now!
    And just to prove a point of stupidity:
    Jess: {on the phone} Don’t look at me like I’m stupid.
    Michael P.: I don’t have a picture of you to look at.
    Jess: {awkward} Well, then look at something. Think that it’s stupid. And then think of me!
    No one said they had to be smart.
    Christina: I cut my hair.
    Ted Lyons: Shorter?
    Christina: No, longer, I cut it longer....YES, SHORTER!
    Testing some perfume.
    Lauren T.: I can’t smell the "Romance" [scent]—but I’m not getting any, so it doesn’t really matter.
    Lauren and I were in the car driving to UNC, and we were planning our afternoon run. However, only one of us had the desired song.
    Lauren T.: Y’know, I could run to "Nookie" [Limp Bizkit] all day!
    Jess: Yeah, let’s do that.
    Lauren: Well, where are you going to get your...Nookie?
    At team volleyball camp at the University of Maryland, we were learning many new things. But sometimes they were difficult.
    coach: Does everybody understand? {towards Jess} You look confused.
    Jess: Oh, sorry. [I’m not confused.] That’s just the way my face looks.
    Yum!
    Sara: This chicken tastes good!
    entire team: It’s fish!
    Sara: Well, it tastes so good that it tastes like chicken!
    Christina was consulting some of the older guys this summer. They have some good points, though.
    Bob Jeffrey: [You got a] new piercing where?
    Christina: My navel.
    Bob: Do you have any rubbing alcohol?
    Christina: Omigod no, I'm not putting rubbing alcohol on it...that's like number one thing you're not supposed to put on it.
    Bob: What about gasoline? That would seem like the number one thing not to put on it.
    Lauren T.: So, the ass is the butt?
    Anonymous: I don’t want tongue...just a kiss!
    When you know it’s really time to go back to school:
    Lauren T.: What does BBC stand for?
    Jess: British Broadcast System?

    When you're through changing,
    you're through. ~Bruce Barton