Night Fire
They said we'd never last,
And look where we are:
In separate rooms,
Separate prisons,
In separated worlds.
So they were right,
But maybe I just wanted you for the night.
So they were right,
But maybe I just needed you for the night.
I needed to feed something
No one else could see:
Night fire.
Night desire.
11.26.98, #293
Past Belief
and I walked passed the parlor shaded in black.
I thought I could make the past turn back.
But there was no hope, and there was no fight,
'cause there was no need; there was no light.
And I found a former,
Godlike figure
In the parlor;
I saw him stare
And then look away.
There was no reason to stay
'cause there was no need; there was no light
over this holy sight
anymore.
Angels huddled to stay warm,
But I don't care for the cult;
I don't care for the false sense of security.
'Cause in reality,
in this sea of waking dreams,
nobody's perfect,
Not even God.
Embracing the little children,
Making Himself seem forgiving, loving,
And all that's pure.
But I wasn't fooled,
'Cause I can see right through faith.
I can see right through God.
And I was wearing black
A somber vision compared to the blinded illusion,
But I was making a statement.
I was making the movement.
I was making a past.
and I walked passed the parlor shaded in black
and smiled.
There was finally light. 12.18.98, #313
Frozen Man
I see your eyes wandering,
Searching for something beyond this
Glass heart;
But as soon as it's broken,
You'll be able to see yourself
In colorful prisms,
Light bouncing off each shard
The most radiant factor in a time like this.
But really,
I should be wondering
Why such a frozen man,
Like yourself,
Shouldnt have melted before my eyes
As I saw the tear drops
Repel off your iced bones.
Seems that there's more
Than sticks and stones
That could do such damage. 12.26.98, #320
The Cloudburst of Diamonds
Outside the window,
Pure crystals coat
The innocent trees,
A blanket of diamonds.
The sun has its way
Of making everything beautiful,
Letting everything shine
The way it was meant to.
The sun has its way
Of melting even the most serene.
And I take the plunge
I got to catch it before it
fades away
as the night kills the day
I need to catch it before everything falls.
I swim in the brilliant rainfall
Pouring from the branches of the highest limb.
They come pouring down on my face
There has never been such a perfect place.
The cold doesn't bother my fragile hands,
And the glaze of liquid soothes the soul.
Trying to capture
..The cloudburst
Of diamonds,
The beauty,
..This radiance
It can only be achieved in your eyes.
1.15.99, #341
Vaseline (Surely You Can Fix Me)
"Vaseline can do wonders," you tell me constantly,
but can you fix me?
Surely we can make everything
Slick and smooth,
Slippery as you like it
As you like me to be:
Easy?
Surely you can fix me.
Let's pass this test,
Try out everything before the rest
Can catch up to this experience.
'Cause that's your goal:
to be the best
at everything you do.
Surely we could fix you, too.
A sex slave for thirty-three minutes?
I think we can arrange that.
We will be able to move on,
Forget the past
Just for one night.
Right?
Oh, forget last night's fight.
It's no my duty to ask,
But only to help you complete your task
Easily.
This Vaseline bath will
Cleanse me,
Surely,
Of all my wonders,
All my questions;
But you're just christening me
For future rejections.
"Can you fix me?" I ask blankly.
"Vaseline can do wonders," you tell me constantly.
1.17.99, #348
Forever Searching
"Seen this face? The one on the milk carton?" I ask in a frenzy,
pointing to the speckled face of a teenage believer.
I've searched all the unholy mountains,
As far as the stares glare,
All the youthful fountains,
But I haven't found you anywhere.
For now,
I drink the milky sweetness,
But that doesn't change who you are.
I thought I knew exactly where to start,
But the rocket has taken you too far.
Among other things
I just don't seem to be able to escape this memory:
The speeding car
Down the alley
That seems to have taken you,
Made you
Into all that you are.
All that you will ever be:
A fleeing, shooting star.
However,
I will forever
Wait for the day to see you,
And when I do,
When I can feel you,
All the sparks will come back.
I'll get high in your eyes,
Sugar on my lips,
And I'll live off your words
Once more.
I'll drink it up,
.One last cup
.Of your poison. 1.20.99, #357
Try (and Die) Again
Pushed into the filed of living,
A little boy works hard, trying
To regain consciousness.
He wanders down
A winding, gravel path
That someone else chose for him,
That no one can take back.
He wanders blindly
With the hand of the unknown,
And all he notices
Is that he's grown.
He's learned of mistakes,
Of love, of pride,
Of God, of sadness,
Of patience, of the deepest regards,
Of the deepest regret.
And to think there's still more
That he hasn't learned yet.
But all he's really learned so far:
He's been born into dying.
1.26.99, #371
Meeting for the First Time
Up the stairs
To the hallowed palace.
Down the walk
To observe the past.
Two people meet in between,
Lose sight of their prudence.
Eyes lock.
Something's seen
Between the two worlds.
He wastes a word;
She risks a breath,
But nothing will be different
after they met.
And nothing will be the same,
For there is a new observation,
A clearer reflection
In the mirror.
1.26.99, #372
As Good As It Gets
I don't want to know
That you wrestled with me
Only to look for my key.
I don't want to know
That you came in close for a kiss
Just to do away with my dreams
the dreams of what was meant to be.
But you never reached that key.
You didn't reach for me.
You didn't believe me, for
My words should just stay
.A dream.
.That's the way it was meant to be.
.That's the way we shall forever be.
.And into you
I bury this key
.With the mystery,
.With the regrets.
.This is as good as it ever gets. 2.16.99, #382
Free February
I open my heart to you,
And you can only complain about the black and blue
Staining the walls.
"It's better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved at all."
But there are things you'll never know,
Other things I don't want you to see:
I shed these tears
To hide the pain with in me.
I paint these walls
So you can't see me bleed
In the night
We talk 'til dawn.
I say I love.
I stay this way
.'cause I have fallen.
Your touch: affection.
Your words: I won't mention.
This time: I'll get a grip.
This rhyme: you too will slip
..Someday.
I stay this way
'cause I still believe.
..I say I love
..'cause it's harder to grieve. 2.21.99, #387
I Forget Where It All Began
Nine times improved.
Nine times removed
From this high pedestal.
So cruel to hate me.
Such a fool to tame me.
deeter in me.
Something you should have seen.
Everything tested.
The only thing that rested
Ten times removed. 2.21.99, #388
The Right Way to Dance
We were holding hands
To dance,
But we weren't dancing;
We were holding hands
And moving to the sound
That moves us deeper than any words could do
Well, at least that's what I thought
Until I met you.
Everything was moving fast
As we were turning in circles.
I didn't know how long it was going to last
Until I got hypnotic in your trance.
"This dance,"
you said,
"is more than a dance. It's a way of showing
something deeper through this embrace."
I could feel your heartbeat through your shirt.
It was racing fast
How long was this going to last?
And you were hitting me deep,
With your sighs, with your trance.
"This is more than a dance,"
I said,
"this is a chance
to make it the way it should be."
And how should I be
When we walk out the door hand-in-hand,
But you can't
Give me a kiss goodnight?
My fingers remained laced in yours
As we reached the door.
"No, this isn't right,"
we said. 3.7.99, #405
This Power
I see you staring at me.
I turn away; the feeling is too strong.
You think I'm scared.
(Maybe I am),
but you charasmatically serenade me
into another embrace.
I feel totally content
In your arms.
I feel perfectly happy
Safe from all other harms.
The power is inside you.
No one can imagine this connection
('cause I barely can understand),
but we eventually find ourselves hand-in-hand,
tied together
Inside this relevance.
This is only our dance
Under the moonlight,
The glitter on the snow.
Through this power
The truth shows.
I guess it's time to show something new
Since there are things you never knew.
I think it's time to share this power
As something we should both conceive,
Because I know I hold you now,
But tomorrow,
Sweet sorrow,
You won't be there.
But now the power still burns fire inside me
Like a shooting star.
While I look up to the heavens,
I still don't know exactly
What you are
But the power is inside you,
And only you. 3.11.99, #410
What
goes
must
be.
3.14.99, #415
I'll send you a postcard from
heaven's oceans. ~Texas