20 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of you workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month..
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter.
What is a Kiss?
Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
Some things to do at your local swimming pool
*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
*Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
*Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
*Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
*Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
*Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
*Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good...."
*Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
*Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
*Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
*Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
*Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
*When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
*Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around.
*Hit strangers with your wet towel.
*Throw people's things into the pool.
*Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.
*Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
*Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here are some ACTUAL label instructions on consumer goods:
* On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
* Some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box)
* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
* On packaging for a Rowena Iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
* On Nytol (a sleep aid): Warning: may cause drowsiness
* On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
* On Sasinsbury's Peanuts. Warning: contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packed of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
* On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands...
Only in America . . .
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance!
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink!
Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions!
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke!
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters!
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless pieces of crap in the garage!
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place!
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight!
Only in America...do we use the word "Politics" to describe the process so well. "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood~sucking creatures!"
Only in America do we have drive~up ATM machines with Braille lettering!
Restroom Graffiti:
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington
Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Arizona.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.
Make love, not war. - Hell, do both, get married
God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. - God
The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, D.C.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books, New York, New York
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas.
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Express Lane: Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ.
You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.
No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, Kentucky.
Final Exam
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student shakes her head, and sweetly says:
"Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
Payment for the New Accountant
Fresh out of business school, young Goldstein answered an ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" Goldstein said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," Goldstein said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" Goldstein exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Dying Man
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"
Things to Ponder
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Parking
A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The bank officers says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5000. and the interest which is $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us, is why would you bother to borrow $5000.00?
The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?
Health Plan
Queen Elizabeth was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my God", said the queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"
The Doctor leading the tour explained, "I am sorry your majesty, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that at least 5 times a day, he'll become swollen.
"Oh, I am so sorry", said the Queen, "I was unaware that such a medical problem existed." On the same floor, they soon passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex. "Oh my God", said the queen, "what's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "same problem, better health plan"
Bizarre Laws
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." (umm ok, I'm sure the lamb appreciates that one)
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (OK, like THAT makes sense... )
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the decease must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (a brick?????)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (wonder how they enforce that one??)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (now let's just think for a minute...is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (the husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (of course!!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (I shudder at the thought)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (...we have to presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law...?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what?)
Good News/Bad News
A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news."
The man asks for the good news first:
"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live," says the doctor.
The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"
"I couldn't call you yesterday."
The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form
Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
Ladies: Need help Gift Shopping for the man in your life?
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips,
and flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)
Rule #8:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.
Rule #9:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.) It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")
Rule #10:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11:
Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #12:
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.
Quotes by Women
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton-
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy -Erica Jong-
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman-
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck-
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. - Sue Grafton-
I'm not going to vacuum ‘til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-
I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. -Elayne Boosler-
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner-
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem-
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck. -Linda Ellerbee
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-
Age is Funny
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I’m four and a half "....You’re never 36 and a half....you’re four and a half going on five!
That’s the key.
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I’m gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens.... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.... you BECOME 21...YES!!! But then you turn 30....ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk.... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now. What’s wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40..... stay over there, it’s all slipping away........
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50.....and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60.....you didn’t think you’d make it!!!! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60...... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday.... You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won’t even buy green bananas... it’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn’t end there.... into the 90’s you start going backwards.... I was JUST 92... Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.... "I’m 100 and a half!!!!"
Professor’s Joke
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, "Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?"
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
"Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"
Periodic Elements
Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table of elements:
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Preacher’s Donkey
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00 This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day.
There's hole in my soul. Yeah, I should
have known better. ~Aerosmith