Our intent was obvious. We were two desperate men that had decided to resort to desperate measures in the ultimate pursuit of "poontang". The meat market known as the West End here in Santa Monica provided the most suitable breeding ground according to Spud's investigations and it didn't let us down in the slightest.

 The women were everywhere, surrounded by an overwhelming abundance of chucks, but that is only to be expected. Show me a place packed with hot ass bitches, and I will show you a place loaded with bottom feeding douche bag chucks. And our goal for the night was to score, even if we had to resort to emulating our slimy nemeses. It took us a while to warm up. The Guinness was going down quite well, and after pre-partying like mad people, booze was a focus that was hard to place on the sideline. Liquid courage flowed down into our livers like foul stank water pouring through a sewer to the ocean. I was high, Spud was sloppy, it was on.

THE RANTING OF THE SPUD

I have a friend named Herman. It  took me many years and much money to get my Herman. Lots of beer, pizza, and late night Jack in the Box. But after years of effort...Herman was born. And he surfaced with a vengeance. None of my pants fit, suddenly no girls wanted to go out with me (living in southern California you can forget dating if you have a Herman). But, that was ok with me. Me and Herman still continued to drink and eat like a pair of a-holes. My friends worshipped him, they would rub him and sing songs to him. I would lie on him at night and sleep. The girls I dated had their own Herman's and our Herman's would rub up against one another in a celebration of over indulgence. Yes, Herman, that loyal belly who never let me down. Rallsy said it best when he said " I am not fat, this is a sign of prosperity, it means that I can AFFORD to eat and drink this much". Kevin always had a way with words. Snaps got himself a Herman, and quite a nice one at that. I think my Herman is jealous of his. Mike and Rob are not capable of getting a Herman. Mine is full of girth and strength. He can digest anything and everything, and some nights I have made him do just that. Davidson had the strongest Herman to date though. I could never subject my Herman to the curdled Egg Nog in the middle of August like he did once at my house. I think Herman would have refused that offer. So, here I am, fat, and proud of it. I think the world would be a better place if Herman's were accepted in society. Can you imagine a free society where Herman lovers were free to walk around without a shirt letting their Herman happily bounce over the belt line. Now that would be my paradise. F' losing weight, F' looking like a supermodel. Eat, Drink and be Merry and most of all keep Herman happy !!