About Mini-Me

I think about ten thousand times a day someone asks me where the name "Spud" came from. Some think it is because I am shaped like a potato. Some think it just sounded real neat to call me the "Baked Potato" when I am stoned, or the "Mashed Potato" when I am drunk. As much as those names are fun and all, there are lots more reasons why I am "The Spud". Some of the other outlandish things behind the name is the fact that I never ate all day in highs school, but for dinner would religiously cook up about 5 eggs and a potato and fry it all up. My own little protein and heart attack treat.

The truth of the matter is that I am called The Spud for one simple reason. One day in high school the truth surfaced about my man hood. Liz ,my girl at the time ,revealed to someone that I had a small penis. Thus began the rumors and low and behold the nickname Spud. There is sign language for my nickname. Simply make a fist and hold out your pinkie. This is the international Brotherhood sign for small pee pee.

I am not ashamed of having a small penis. Actually I am quite fond of it. It has done its fair share of good works in the past. I have in recent years learned to step up the other parts of my sexual routine to make up for my "Mini-Me". Such things like oral sex, and other methods of pleasing a woman. Though with the recent rash of "Fake Orgasms" currently taking over the nation, I am not sure if any of them were pleased or not, But I can at least take an "A" for effort. I never lacked in that.

There have not really been too many times when my poor penis has been laughed at. There was the time Kathy exclaimed "Oh, it is so cute, not too big,..and not to small". (Not exactly what you want to hear while in the throws of passion). She Continued, " It would be the perfect size to lose your virginity to...it would not hurt. Just a perfect little thing"...By then I was about done giving her the best 2.3 seconds of her life. We broke up soon afterward.. Maybe I should have gone for the whole 3 seconds.

So that is the story, I am the Spud...man of little penis. For a while I was under the impression that if I masturbated enough I could somehow get the muscles and blood vessels to expand enough that somehow the skin would follow suit, thus making the penis somehow grow in length. This failed of course and I am still a man of a little penis, and a sore ass wrist. But I have a forearm that should be considered a lethal weapon.