“…And this is Taylor. Taylor, Alex.”
I figured it didn’t really matter anymore. Why obsess over something as minuscule as a teenage crush? It didn’t matter that the shirtless boy in front of me was a helpless liar, and it didn’t even matter that his parents had power genes to turn their offspring into gorgeous blonde lifeforms. All that mattered was the fact that I was intent to be mature and calm for the first time in my life, as God purposely threw out barriers against my sanity. And this is why I stuck out my hand.
“Nice to meet you,” I said simply, watching his eyes grow slightly wide. I silently hoped that he would understand what I was doing. For one thing, I hadn’t talked to Shannon about what had happened, and second, I didn’t want to continue where he and I left off…with him walking out of my house to never speak to me again.
“Uh…you too,” he responded, quickly letting go of my hand.
I looked at Zac out of the corner of my eye. Thankfully he seemed okay with the exchange…and Shannon hadn’t kicked me in the leg to silently ask me about the weird look on my face, which I was sure that I had. But when I proceeded on to Mackenzie, their little brother with a face similar to Zac’s, I had to catch my breath. He looked from Taylor to me, and back to Taylor again…
“What’s wrong with you guys? You look like-“
“Uh, Mack, why don’t you go upstairs and change?” Taylor told him, an almost comical expression planted on his features. I noticed he made sure not to look me in the eye.
So he’s uncomfortable… I thought, watching as Mackenzie clamored into the front door.
Good.
But why? It was his idea never to talk to me again. If I had the chance, I would have told him I knew about the bet all along, and we could just be mad at each other instead of uncomfortable. I would be angry because of…well, obvious reasons, and he would be angry because of his pride. You know what? He would probably deny the whole thing anyway…I know he would…
“…Alex? Is that cool with you?”
“What?” I asked innocently, noticing everyone was staring at me, including Taylor.
“We’re going inside to watch a movie on HBO…didn’t you hear any of our conversation?” Shannon said, peering at me curiously.
I swallowed. Hard. “Um, yeah, of course, I just meant…what movie?”
“I don’t know yet,” Zac answered, heading towards the house, “I’ll have to see what’s on. You wanna come too Tay?”
Say no…say no…
“Uh, sure.”
Damn.
“But you know what?” he continued, looking down at me and clearing his throat, “we don’t have popcorn. What’s a movie without popcorn? So…”
He grabbed my arm and pulled me slowly towards my car.
“Alex and I will just have to go get some, right?” he asked, squeezing my arm so I would answer correctly.
What?!
“Uhh…I don’t like popcorn,” I told him, trying to look serious. He released my arm and stared at me pointedly.
“But I like popcorn, and I would really appreciate it if you would drive me to go get some…” he uttered through clenched teeth.
“Hey, can you pick up some pop too? We’re out!” Zac called out from the front doorway. Apparently he and Shannon hadn’t heard our popcorn exchange. The door slammed, and for the second time in my life I realized how important a door slam could be.
But this time Taylor wasn’t leaving.
*******************************************************
When I was younger, I always dreamed of going to the grocery store with my boyfriend. You know, walking hand in hand down aisle 6, pointing out various grocery items, but knowing you would never buy them because it was never about spending money. Or picking up some milk for your family, hence the actual reason for going to the store. It was just about walking…with him.
But no matter how delightfully corny, yet beautiful that scenario actually sounds, I knew that going to the grocery store with Taylor was going to be anything but.
We were walking down the popcorn aisle quite quickly. Well, actually I was going fast, and it was apparent Taylor was getting irritated. But who could blame me? I wasn’t the one who wanted popcorn at 7 o’clock at night.
I stopped at the instant popcorn, and waved my hand at all the options.
“Well, here ya go…knock yourself out,” I told him.
“What? You don’t know how to pick out popcorn?” he asked, glaring at me.
I picked up the nearest box, and shoved it at his chest.
“There. Are we done?”
“No. This is the no-butter kind. Try again…” he told me, smiling smugly, and holding out the box for me to grasp.
It took all the power in my being to grab the box and return it to the shelf. My eyes scanned the other options. I snatched up a “buttery” kind, shoved it under my arm, and began to stalk off down the aisle.
“You sure you want that kind?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked him loudly and turning around, “this isn’t for me. I already told you I don’t like it.”
“Well, don’t buy it on my account. We have tons at home.”
“What?! Then why are we here?”
Taylor shrugged. “I wanted to talk to you…in private. You didn’t actually think a family of 9 would run out of popcorn did you?”
I threw the box back in his general direction and ran a hand over my face. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe it. I was standing in a grocery store seething mad over a guy I’d only known for a total of three weeks. How did he do it?
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?” he asked me, taking a step closer.
“Get under my skin. What is it about you that does it to me? I mean, this is popcorn…and, frankly, I want to kill you over it. How do you do it?”
He shrugged again. “Luck, I guess.”
I turned around and retreated down the aisle. I was suddenly very tired. Too tired to argue. Too tired for everything. I just wanted to go home and soak in a warm lavender scented bath…then go to bed, and let images of a nice and caring Taylor surround my senses, while drifting off to sleep…
“I’m sorry!” he yelled down to me.
Darn it, he said the “S” word…
I stopped and turned around…yet again.
“For what?” I yelled back. I really didn’t care that the whole store could probably hear me. The only people that were there were the ones that forgot the Cheerios for their kids breakfast in the morning. Why should I care?
“For everything! For calling your dad a moron…for-“
“You didn’t call him a moron…” I retorted.
“- For dragging you here to buy popcorn…” he went on, ignoring me completely.
“Yeah, you could have mentioned the truth in the car…” I pointed out, crossing my arms over my chest.
“And…” he emphasized, “for walking out of your house the way I did. I’m sorry.”
He was standing in front of me now, holding the box of butter popcorn, staring intently at my face. I wasn’t sure what to say. It’s not in my nature to not except someone’s apology…because it would have really felt good to walk away just then. But I didn’t. Instead, I grabbed the box, and in doing so, brushed my fingers against his. I felt a tingly sensation in my hand and pulled away awkwardly.
“Yeah, well…if we don’t come back with popcorn, then what will they think?” I asked him, backing away and heading towards the soda aisle, “and didn’t Zac want some pop or something?”
I felt him trailing behind me as I rounded the corner. I knew he was waiting for some words of forgiveness, but unfortunately I couldn’t give it to him at the moment. Once in the aisle I wanted, and scanning the rows of bubbly drinks, I asked him the pointed question.
“So why did you leave my house like you did?”
He was immediately uncomfortable, his hands forced back into his pockets. He didn’t look me in the eye as he gave me his answer.
“Well…” he started, “I don’t know for sure. All I know is that I had some sort of plan to-“
He stopped, as in catching himself.
“-I mean, well you know, a plan in my head to like…”
“Kiss me?” I asked him.
His head snapped up, and he looked me curiously in the eye.
“What?”
I shrugged. “Didn’t you say that you wanted to do that the first day I met you in my car? I mean, I’m just guessing. I knew that you had no intention of cleaning up my attic.”
He licked his lips slowly, and I caught myself staring. I quickly turned away and returned to my selection of sodas.
“You don’t have to answer, Taylor, it’s ok…” I said after a brief silence. I could feel my face burning red hot. I suddenly realized that with my shy personality, I had no business being direct. My face always worked against me.
“I don’t know who wouldn’t want to kiss you, Alex…”
My breath hitched. He wasn’t supposed to answer that.
“Just about every guy in the senior class, Taylor. Or didn’t you know that?” I asked, moving further on down the aisle.
“That’s not true.”
I laughed softly. “It’s very true. I’ve only been kissed once in my life, and it was with a neighbor across the street when I was 12.”
“Maybe you just haven’t given anybody a chance. Maybe you’re so interested in how much people are going to hurt you to realize how much they can give you.”
I shook my head. He was insane. He didn’t even know me.
“You know, I watch you in Biology class…” he went on, taking steps toward me while I took them away, “whenever you sit or stand, you wrap your arms around yourself, you know that?”
I quickly let my arms fall to my sides. He was wrong. It was just comfortable, that’s all.
“What’s your point?”
“My point is you’re building a wall around yourself. You sit with a group of three girls at lunch, and then leave to go to the library…by yourself. You sit in class, with your arms folded, and you don’t even notice other people around you. Do you know that I even drew your picture the other day? Not one glance in my direction…one…”
“You’re not my judge Taylor…so stop acting like it. I didn’t ask for what you thought of me, I asked why you left my house the way you did.”
“I was getting to that.”
“Well, try harder…” I muttered, obviously miffed.
“You painted the mural for your mom.”
I closed my eyes. God, please not my mom…
“It threw me off guard. I didn’t realize…”
“I know, I know…” I started, trying to hold back the tears, “it’s hard for you to believe that such a hard, and insecure person like me could do something so loving for a dead family member, isn’t it?”
“Alex, that isn’t what I meant.”
“Why are we having this conversation Taylor? I’m sorry I even started it…you’re forgiven,” I told him, grabbing a six pack of cola off the shelf and walking down the aisle.
“We’re having this conversation because I care about you,” he told me, following, “that’s all…that’s why I brought you here, to talk, to say that I-“
Again, I had to turn around and face him.
“Because you care?! Damn it, Taylor, you and me both know that you’re only here because of a bet. A stupid bet.”
If it weren’t for the grocery items in my hands, I would have clamped one over my mouth. For all the good it would have done.
