November 11, 2000
It’s been two months. Two whole months since Taylor stood in my kitchen and told me he couldn’t see me anymore. And I still think about it everyday…goodness, every time I look at my bedroom wall, I think about him touching it, and I have to turn away. And I don’t turn away because I think about the possibility of my being with him and it hurts, I turn away because he saw through my art and I hate it. I hate the fact that a person who is as unfeeling as Taylor Hanson can see through my need to give something of myself to my dead mother. Yes…I said unfeeling. I’ve finally come to terms with it. It took me awhile, but it’s finally happened. Sure, every person on this earth has some ounce of good in them, but I don’t need to spend my time dreaming about some fake Romeo who cares not to share that side of himself with me. So I’ve given up on the boy. He is never going to apologize, and he will never change, so why should I bother? “He” is out there somewhere…I just have to find him. And believe me…he will be nothing like Mr. Hanson.
“Al…what are you doing? Homework?”
I looked up from my piece of paper I was writing on, and smiled brightly at my friend’s reflection in the bathroom mirror. Shannon was busy curling her hair with an iron.
“Of course not…it’s Saturday. Do I look nuts to you?”
Shannon shrugged, her eyes fixed tightly on her hair. “Well, you are the Vice-Principal’s daughter…”
“It’s a journal,” I responded, ignoring her last comment. I jumped up from my place on my unmade bed, and stashed the newly deemed “journal” into a drawer in my dresser. I was actually quite pleased with myself for actually completing the first part of a project I had waited years to start. I wonder why I waited…I mean, it actually felt quite good to write down my innermost thoughts on paper. Hmm.
“Aren’t you a little old for a diary, dear?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s a journal, not a diary. A little piece of paper with writing on it if you will. What’s the big deal?”
Shannon finally came out of my tiny bathroom, and looked me straight in the eye.
“Absolutely nothing, Al. But only if every single bit of information you post in that thing has gone through my ears first, understand?” she uttered, batting her eyelashes.
“Okay, fine, now are you done yet?” I asked her.
“Almost. Just gotta get some mascara.”
I watched as she retreated back to the mirror, and blew out a breath. I couldn’t understand why she was getting so dressed up for this. I didn’t think she knew what she was getting herself into.
But she immediately recognized the look on my face as soon as she stepped out once again, and retrieved her purse from my desk chair.
“Okay, okay, I’m over-dressed, not to mention over-done. But you never know what might come up…I mean, a med-student, a single, not to mention overly handsome med-student, could be there, studying off of the Veterinarian, and then where would I be?” she asked me innocently.
You know what? I tend to ignore Shannon a lot. But who wouldn’t? Talking about men 24 hours a day tends to leave me weary, no matter how much I love the poor folk. And because she’s my best friend and knows me more than anyone, she knows how I feel about her…well, her obsession. This is why she didn’t care when I simply picked up my keys and headed out the front door to my car.
As soon as Shannon joined me, I started the car and grew settled for the hour car ride into town. Usually I wouldn’t have even thought about going there…I usually spend my weekends down by the lake or doing the mountains of homework that was almost always piled high on my desk. But this week, and the weeks to come until I graduated, I decided to end that calm little ritual. Every Saturday morning for the next month would be dedicated to a veterinary clinic, working as a volunteer. My father had been breathing down my neck to get involved in something for use on my college applications, and working with animals was top on my list. It wasn’t long after I made my decision that Shannon decided she wanted to join up too. For the doctors no less, but hey. It was something.
After the long car ride, we finally caught sight of the small but adequate veterinary clinic. I was happy to park and get out of the car, Shannon’s loud punk music still ringing in my ears. Looking at the building before me, I sighed deeply. I noticed a “Boarding” sign, and I know my ideas of what we were to be doing were right on. Washing, grooming, and picking up after dirty animals who were locked in cages days on end until their owners finally came back to take them home. I wanted to jump in my car and head back home. I never was a huge fan of animals kept in cages…but maybe since the clinic was receiving extra help, the animals could be let out more. I kept that thought in my head as Shannon and I walked towards the door.
“Quaint, isn’t it?” Shannon retorted, referring to the drawings of dogs and cats that littered the glass windows.
I smiled, remembering how my friend was dressed, and then picturing her running after dogs in her platform sandals. The clinic idea was becoming better and better…
Stepping inside, we went to the main desk, and signed in with an overly obnoxious woman named Glenda. She looked Shannon up and down, her glasses perched on her nose, and sighed heavily, returning to her paperwork and muttering something about teenagers and values. Two minutes later, a huge white door opened up a few feet away from the waiting area, and a man in his late fifties walked out to great us. I could just hear Shannon’s hopes deflating.
“Hello,” he said, smiling warmly and extending each of us a hand, “I’m Dr. Martin…you must be Shannon and Alex. Glad you could make it.”
While the doctor was talking and explaining to us what we were to do for that day, I noticed some customers and their pets waiting patiently to be seen…which probably meant that the doctor was the one who needed to see them, while we were going to be left on our own. I could just imagine some huge disaster the two of us could come up with left to our own demise…well, at least Shannon.
“If you have any questions,” the doctor was saying, “and I’m free, please ask. I’m probably going to be busy today, because it’s Saturday, but I’m leaving you in good hands. He can probably answer any question you have better than I can…”
Shannon looked at me, her eyes gleaming. While we were being led to the back, I knocked her in the ribs with my elbow, silently hoping that she would stop her shenanigans.
“Ouch!” she hissed at me, rubbing her side.
“Well, just stop it,” I whispered back, “we’re here to help…not pick up guys, understand?”
“Maybe you are…”
I glared at her one more time before the doctor finally opened up a door marked “Boarding Room” and led us inside. Sharp barks and tails smacking against the sides of metal greeted us as we walked into the room. There were about 20 cages in the considerably large room, and all but two were taken up by dogs of various sizes. I felt a huge urge to let every dog run free, but kept my cool as he showed us around the room, stopping every once in awhile to pet a dogs head through the metal bars.
“This would be the dog area, the main area where you guys are going to be because it needs the most work, as you can see…” he told us, glancing around, seeming as though he was looking for someone.
“Zac?” he called out.
Looking around myself, I noticed a tall figure in the farthest corner of the room, looking down at the counter in front of him. I also saw headphones, fixed securely over his ears. I smiled faintly, and pointed him out to Dr. Martin.
He called again, louder this time, and the boy turned around curiously. Seeing the doctor, he quickly removed the headphones and cleared his throat, coming out behind the row of cages that were concealing him, and making his way towards us.
Something pulled in my chest as he walked the length of the room, and as I clearly began to see his face, I felt an odd sense of déjà vu. He had longish dark blonde hair, pulled back into a ponytail, and a presence that seemed to put everything in its place. The feeling was familiar…but it wasn’t a bad one. The boy was extremely attractive, though younger than I was, and I immediately wanted to know where I had seen him before. Coming up closer still, I saw his cheeks glow pink, and knew he was embarrassed to be seen not working by the doctor.
Dr. Martin didn’t seem to care though, smiling lightly as he introduced us to each other. Zac shifted his uncomfortable gaze to each of us, and grinning, held out his hand. As we touched, the first thing I felt was warmth from his skin, and was forced to release him a little too quickly because of shock. Not a huge shock mind you…heat from skin was to be expected, but for some reason…it was more than expected. My own skin was tingly from the brief exchange.
“Well, Zac, I expect you to show these ladies what to do. I’ve got patients, so I’ve got to go. Be good…” he said pointedly, mainly at Zac, whose face immediately cringed.
As the doctor left the room, we were left in silence…except for the occasional clawing of paws, or growls coming from the dog cages. Zac was busy looking Shannon over, shaking his head in amusement.
“Sorry to tell you this, but you’re going to have to change…unless you want those clothes to be ruined,” he said, pointing to a room in the back.
“There’s some old clothes in there if you want to use them…locker number two.”
Shannon simply stared at him.
“Change? Into clothes that aren’t mine? That’s disgusting! Besides, your clothes aren’t ruined…” she pointed out, referring to his old looking jeans and Led Zeppelin T-shirt.
“Well, yeah, but I haven’t exactly started work yet…” he said, grinning slightly. “But hey, do whatever you want…I was just warning you.”
While the two were arguing over clothes, I had walked over to one of the cages to look at a cocker spaniel. The nametag above her cage named her “Missy.” Holding my hand out to her hesitantly, I watched as she started to lick my fingers. Smiling to myself, I petted her head softly…silently wondering how she liked being locked up like that.
“She likes you…I haven’t seen her be nice to anyone yet,” a voice behind me stated. I looked around and found Zac staring at me quietly. My hands immediately felt clammy, and I stopped petting the dog, looking at him in question…the dog seemed pretty friendly to me.
“Her file says she doesn’t like males…” he explained, standing beside me. I sensed the change in the dog immediately…her eyes grew wide, almost frightened. Zac shrugged.
“Can’t win em all…” he said, stepping back a bit. And although he did step back, I could still sense him beside me.
“Where did Shannon go?” I asked him, a strange feeling in my stomach. I couldn’t make up my mind to whether I liked it or not. It was probably just because I was alone in a room with a guy that I just met…nothing more.
“I told her that Glenda might have some office work she could do…she left kinda fast…,” he said, laughing a little. I laughed right a long with him, knowing that Shannon would be better off behind a desk than washing dogs in her short skirt.
“Well, if you must know, I don’t think she came here to help with animals…” I told him, continuing to pet Missy.
Zac just shrugged. “Well, at least she’s helping somehow…”
“Yeah, but she knew she was here to care for animals, not do office work. I don’t know what gets into her sometimes,” I said, shaking my head, “hopefully we can handle everything by ourselves.”
“Oh, that’s no problem…usually I’m the only one on the weekends. You’ll be helping, that’s for sure…” he told me, moving away from the cages, and going to the big sinks across the room. As he began filling water in the big washing areas, I walked along Missy’s row of cages, and peered into each one.
“So what’s your story?” I asked him curiously, loud enough so he could hear me over the running water.
“My story?”
“Yeah. Why are you in here washing dogs while you could be outside…well, living?” I asked, joining him. I watched as he slid his hands under the faucet, checking the temperature of the water. There is something about guys’ hands that tell so much about their personality. Zac had strong hands, I could tell. And as soon as I realized this, and realized I was actually thinking about it, I cleared my throat nervously.
He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, and smiled.
“Well, Dr. Martin is my uncle. I don’t know him very well yet, but he said he needed some help in the clinic. No one else in my family wanted to do it, so I was the last bet. I don’t mind though…I like animals,” he told me, finally getting the water temperature right.
“Oh,” I said, testing the water for myself, “well, that’s nice of you. But isn’t there something else you would rather be doing?”
He stopped, and looked at me questionably.
“Well…isn’t there something you would rather be doing?” he finally asked me, raising an eyebrow. The way he said it made me blush.
“Yes…” I admitted, leaning back against the counter, “but I have to do this. College applications and whatnot…”
He smiled again, his look giving me another jolt in my chest. If I didn’t stop acting like some little hormonal teenager, it would be the end of me. I didn’t think I could take all this “excitement.” First the infamous Taylor, and now a guy that I would be working with. I decided right then and there I wasn’t going to go through it again. Besides…he looked younger than me.
“Well, there ya go,” he was saying to me, going back to his work, “we’re both here to live in misery…so we might as well enjoy it…”
I nodded my head slowly. Maybe that wouldn't be so hard...
