I’ve been having these really wild dreams lately. Mostly about popcorn. Unpopped, hard kernel popcorn that is. I’m standing in an open field. Not one of those pretty, flowery ones you see in movies, but a hot one with dead grass where you step one foot, and dust flies in your face and burns your eyes. You know? So anyway, I’m walking along, tears running down my face from the dust, and all of a sudden, hard, popcorn kernels start pelting me from all directions. And for some reason I can’t even lift my arms to protect myself. So during all of this, I’m seriously wondering if I’m going to get kernel size bruises all over my body…
And then I wake up…my arms over my head and my legs tucked under in a protective manner, and immediately I think of Taylor. Why? I’m not really sure.
Maybe it’s because I left him standing with a box of popcorn in aisle 6 while I drove like a madwoman towards my house.
But I’m not feeling guilty. Nope. I’m not.
I sat on my bed and continued to underline the word “not” as many times as I could. After about the 12th time, I realized it wasn’t working. I was feeling guilty. Mainly, because I was guilty. I actually left Taylor at the supermarket at 8 o’clock at night, just because I’m too much of a loser to face the fact that he knows that I know about the stupid bet.
I looked at the clock near the bed where I was sitting. 7:00. I knew I was probably going to be late for school, but one time in four years would hardly be a crime.
I closed my journal, placed it in my bedside table, and stood up. The house was incredibly silent, my dad having already taken my brothers to school. I loved this time in the morning where it was quiet, and I could think clearly. But today was different. The weekend was over, and I had to face school. With him. Suddenly peace and quiet wasn’t as nice…because when you’re feeling guilty, your conscience becomes even louder.
The look on his face was priceless. I should have been proud of myself. I should have been happy that for the first time, I was in control, and not him. I should have loved the fact that he looked like a scared kitten backed into a corner.
But the problem was…I liked him. I had already admitted it to myself, but there was still the fact that I had no idea why I liked a guy who lies to girls just to become a little more popular. I was sure that I was turning into one of those females that let men emotionally beat them down…just because they’re too stupid and innocent to do anything about it.
But I knew I wasn’t like that. I was the girl who decided not to get in the dating pool in high school because of all the risks…I was the girl who respected myself…and I was the girl who was waiting for the “right” one, because she knew it would all be worth it in the end.
And “that girl” also saw something different in this one. Maybe it’s the way he plays hackey sack or the way his hair falls over into his eyes and he doesn’t brush it back. Or maybe it’s the way he redeems himself by acting at least a little bit uncomfortable when a cheerleader is hanging on his arm. There was something about him…I just couldn’t grasp it.
I glanced at the Italy moral on my wall. I imagined him standing there, his fingertips trailing over the dry paint…his eyebrows drawing together, him wondering why a shy, mousy brunette would put so much of herself in a painting, instead of showing it to others.
Yeah, there was something about him. He cared…well, in his own way. And in that one instant, I knew I owed him an apology. I also owned myself one too. If I had told him from the beginning that I knew about the bet, both of us would have been better off. But I didn’t, I drew the drama out, and hurt myself in the process. I didn’t respect myself…
And I left Taylor at the supermarket. I wonder if he had to walk home…
The thought didn’t seem as appealing as it once had.
****************************************************
Okay…this is weird…
As I stepped out of my car at my high school, I could immediately sense that something was up. I was about 3 seconds away from homeroom bell, and as I scrambled from my car to the front entrance, I had to stop in my tracks as I realized that a huge crowd was gathered in the lobby. The door made a creaking noise as it closed behind me, and most of my classmates turned to stare. Which was normal…I mean, I guess I did interrupt whatever was going on…but they didn’t stop staring.
“That’s Alexandria…” I heard someone whisper, and my body clenched. People were talking and staring at me. That could never be good. Especially since I had never even conversed with half of them.
I dropped my head, and pulled my backpack close to my body as I tried to move away from the group. I figured I would just ignore the whispering and go on to my class as normal. What was going on anyway?
“Excuse me…excuse me…” I muttered impatiently, pushing myself through.
“Alexandria!”
Ooo…that would be an angry dad voice if I’ve ever heard one.
Off to my right, my dad was also pushing through the students, but for the purpose of reaching me. And I figured it was to strangle me, judging by the look on his face.
“What is this all about, Alex?” he asked me, taking my arm and pulling me to face him.
“Uh, dad, your blood pressure?”
“Alexandria…” he hissed warningly.
“Dad, I don’t know what’s going on…”I insisted, glancing at the students marveling in awe at the spectacle my father was making.
“You don’t, do you? Well, come with me then…” he muttered, releasing my arm and stomping towards the direction of the gym.
I followed my dad through the maze, noticing the angle in his suit covered shoulders, and I immediately felt guilty. Something I did turned my adorable, loving father into a complete basket case before my very eyes. I had never seen him this…well, authoritative.
My pulse sped up as I noticed Taylor standing by the open gym doors. Looking at me, his eyes grew wide, and he shoved his hands into his khaki pockets. I turned my head questionably at him, and he immediately looked away. I swallowed hard, and realized my throat was extremely dry. What in the world was going on?
As my dad led me into the gym, the look on my face probably would have been at the very least, comical. A year earlier, the purple colored walls of the room were painted white, and a new floor was put in, making the gym the newest room in the school. It was my dad’s pride and joy, him being the one who stood in front of the school board to get funding for the project.
But now the immaculate white walls were no more…the words “Forgive me, Alex” were painted in red across the entire left side of the gym. In huge, block letters.
“Okay. Please tell me there are other “Alex’s” in this school?” I asked my dad, still staring at the lettering.
“I’m afraid not,” he muttered, his arms folded over his chest. I looked over at him, and my heart sunk. I had never seen such disappointment in my father’s eyes. I mean, last year I almost totaled his car by backing into a tree, but at least his look had a little amusing tint to it.
“Dad…you know I didn’t do this…”
“Alex, I know that. I can vouch that you were home last night, and early this morning. Plus, it wouldn’t make sense that you would do it. But I think you know who did it…and I need you to tell me,” he said sternly, staring at me harshly.
“I…”I began, trailing off and looking at the blood red letters.
Taylor. He couldn’t have done this…he might be a little bit of a rebel, but I don’t think he would break the law. Would he? I hoped not…if only I could go talk to him…
I saw Mr. Price, the head principal, heading towards the middle of the gym where we were standing. His face was grim, and he held a cellular phone in his right hand, a stack of referral slips in his left.
“Good morning, Alex…you like our display here?” he asked me.
“No, Mr. Price, I don’t…”I told him, a little peeved that I was being blamed because they couldn’t find the real culprit.
“Alex, just tell us who you think it was…” my father said clearly, taking the referral slips from the principal.
“I don’t know,” I told him honestly. I might have a clue to who might have done it, but I didn’t know for sure.
“I’m not sure I believe that, Alex,” Mr. Price said, looking at my dad, who sighed heavily.
“Alex…” he said warningly.
“Ok, look,” I said angrily, “I don’t appreciate this drilling from the two of you…I’ve never done anything wrong in my life, and dad, you know I don’t lie. I don’t know who did it!”
“I did it.”
I twirled around and saw Taylor walking towards us. My eyes grew wide, but I couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t have done it…why was he doing this?
“You did it, son?” Mr. Price asked him, looking him up and down. His eyes were almost stone like.
“Yeah…at around 3 this morning. Nice, eh?” his mouth turning into a smirk. His eyes found mine, and my jaw dropped.
“Taylor! You did not!” I told him sternly, “dad…he didn’t. I swear.”
“I thought you didn’t know who did it, Alex,” my dad retorted, looking extremely disappointed in me.
“I lied,” I mumbled, wringing my hands nervously.
“Alexandria, don’t try to protect me…” I heard Taylor say. He turned to the two principals.
“I did it. Alex was mad at me about a personal matter, and I knew she wouldn’t listen to me personally…so I took this route.”
I rolled my eyes heavenward. Nice Taylor.
“Dad, don’t listen to him.”
“Alex, stay out of this…” Taylor hissed.
“So why are you coming forward?” Mr. Price asked him.
“Well, it’s obvious if no one else did, not that they would because I did it, that Alex would be blamed…that’s the way it works, right?” he asked, noting the nodding of Mr. Price’s head, and his guilty expression towards my father.
“Alex wouldn’t have been blamed…” my dad started.
“Actually, she would have if she didn’t tell us all she knew. Obviously she wasn’t doing that.”
“What a crock, Price, that’s insane,” my father said, turning towards the principal, “my daughter has nothing to do with this.”
“Um, yes I did…” I lied again. Why did I do that?
“Alex, shut up,” Taylor said, looking in my eyes. Hmmm…he almost looked irritated. What a great feeling.
I noticed students peering into the gym, probably hearing the whole terrible conversation. I glanced at my dad who seriously looked like he was about to beat Mr. Price with his fists, and cleared my throat.
“Maybe we should go into your office, Mr. Price, and talk about this…” I told them.
They looked at me blankly. I shook my head in wonder, and started towards the door, pulling Taylor beside me.
“You say one more word, and you’re dead…”I muttered softly, squeezing his hand a little too tight.
