“Jess, your hands are still shaking...you have to settle down,” Taylor told Jessica when he noticed the tremble. Even from the other end of the couch he could see it. Her eyes were glued to the television like she was possessed. Obviously, she wasn’t paying attention to the episode of “Friends” in front of her. But it wasn’t like Taylor was either. Even Jennifer Aniston couldn’t keep his mind off of Jessica’s problem.
They had been sitting in the basement den for about two hours. After she had told him her story the day before, they went inside and Jessica just couldn’t seem to snap out of it. Either it was the fact that she had actually told somebody about her past, or the horrifying fact that her best friend was about to be hurt, and she was miles away from home. Taylor hoped that it was the second one. Not that he was angry at himself for even thinking that, but deep down he prayed that she didn’t think it was a mistake to tell him. He wanted her to trust him.
After his retort about her hands shaking, Jessica turned her head and promptly replied, “they are not shaking, it’s just cold in here, that’s all.” Taylor raised his eyes at her. “Are you sure?” he asked her. “No...” she murmured. Taylor pretended to not hear her, and pressed on. “What? I didn’t quite hear you...”
Jessica answered by shooting him an “I hate you” look, getting up, and plopping herself down again...sitting on her hands. Taylor chuckled. “Oh, yeah, that’s attractive,” he said to her, trying to lighten her up a bit. Jessica cracked a smile. “Oh, you think?” she asked him, turning her head from the television. Taylor grinned in response. Jessica shook her head and turned back to the TV. “How can you watch this crap?” she asked him then. Taylor’s eyes grew wide. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Did you just call the most entertaining TV show in the world, crap?” he asked her, incredulously. Jessica rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on...all the people on this are complete flakes. Your killing millions of braincells just watching it. Besides,” she told him, eyes twinkling, “I see the way your face lights up when that Rachel girl comes on. I think I’m actually jealous.” Taylor groaned. “What do you mean that my face lights up? It does not!” Jessica laughed. “Oh, yes it does. And what is your excuse for the enthusiasm over her sending you guys a poster of herself?” she asked him then, taking her hands out from under her and crossing them. “Uh, oh,” Taylor thought, “how did she know about that?” He cleared his throat. “Who told you about that?” he asked her, trying to get an innocent look on his face. But that was easier said than done. He kept on thinking about the rolled up poster in the back of his closet...
Jessica was grinning a bit more than she should have been. “Oh, just from this one girl...I kinda visited your official chatroom last night at around midnight, and this one girl’s screenname just sorta popped out at me...” she said, twirling her hair around her index finger. “Uh, oh...” Taylor muttered outloud. “I believe her name was something like: “I_Wanna_Mmmbop_Taybear” or something like that. So of course, I just had to talk to her, you know? She said some pretty interesting stuff...” Taylor groaned loudly and placed his head in his hands. He muffled the words “what did she say?” to Jessica.
Just then, Jessica took the opportunity to snatch the remote that Taylor had stashed between the cushions so she wouldn’t take it earlier. Taylor noticed this and looked up. “Hey!” Jessica giggled and retreated to the other side of the couch. “Hey, thief, give that back, or else...” he told her, and slided slowly to her. Jessica promptly stuck the remote under her. “Do you want to hear what she told me, or not?” she asked him, or face serious. Taylor narrowed his eyes at her, but stopped moving. “Okay, fine, what did she say?” Satisfied, Jessica set her head back on the back of the couch to watch the new channel she put on. “Well...” she started, “she seemed to have just a bit of obsession inside of her I think. All I did was ask her about her name, and she started “yelling” at me. She kept saying that you were hers, and that if you ever had a girlfriend, well...okay, let’s just say she said that bad things would happen to her. And then she started talking about Jennifer Aniston and how trashy she was that she actually sent a poster to you guys, and I just thought that that was interesting, that’s all...” she finished, pulling the remote out and pointing it at the set. Taylor just stared at her. She wasn’t smiling anymore...and he had an idea of why.
“Sooo...I guess you got the low-down on the whole girlfriend thing, huh?” he asked her quietly, moving closer. Jessica nodded, not looking at him. “Let’s just say after I had that conversation with Ms. Obsessive, I had to do my research. So now I know..” she finally turned to look, “everything. So were you going to tell me you couldn’t have a girlfriend, or were you going to wait until it wouldn’t matter anymore.” Taylor was shocked. Sure, the problem was stuck in the back of his mind the whole time, but he had never let it get to him. But now...he had to tell her the whole truth. She deserved that much.
“You are some actress, Jess...you had me going for a minute. I honestly thought we were only talking about the poster for a minute...” Jessica lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, Tay...it’s just that I didn’t know how to ask you about it. I figured talking about the poster would get me going. I didn’t...” “No, no, it’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry,” Taylor interrupted, taking her chin and lifting it up and looking in her eyes. “But Jess, I don’t think we should talk about this now...you have other things to deal with.” Jessica shook her head. “No, Tay, I know how to deal with that I think...” she told him, her face getting more determined. Taylor grew confused. “What? How?” he asked her. Jessica took a deep breath. “I’ve known what to do ever since this morning...at least I knew the hardest way. I was trying to get around it, but that’s not happening I think.” Jessica looked at Taylor. “I think I have to tell my parents, Tay. It’s what I should have done since the beginning of it, you know? I guess I’ve been too afraid to let anyone know. But now I see that telling people actually helps the situation. Getting it out in the open is what I need to do...and besides, they can help Samantha more than I ever could.” Looking intently at Jessica, Taylor knew she was honest about her decision. That same answer about telling her parents came into his head as soon as he heard about the problem. But he didn’t even think about asking her to do that...he saw how hard it was for her to tell him. And when the time came to tell them, it would be much harder. He reached out and grabbed her hand.
“Your doing the right thing Jess...I know that this is going to be hard.” he told her. Jessica nodded. “I know...I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now. At least until “Friends” came on...then my mind turned to other things.” She seemed to be waiting for an explanation. Taylor sighed. “Are you sure? Right now?” he asked her. “Please. I need to know the truth Taylor. Are we going to work?”
Taylor swallowed hard and looked away. He cursed himself for pushing all of his doubts into the back of his mind. And he hated himself for even hurting her the tiniest bit. How was he supposed to tell her that he had to probably leave her?
“Taylor. Please.” she prodded him. Taylor looked up at her again. Her jaw was clenched in such a way that told him that she was trying to be strong. Again, he cursed himself. “Jessica...I’m not allowed to have a girlfriend. Mercury had it put down in stone on my contract. Since I was only 13 at the time, I didn’t think it would matter. Then, nothing seemed more important than my music. Besides...I never had a girlfriend before...I wasn’t used to the idea of having one. And I never knew that someone like you would come along. I figured it would be years before I would...” he swallowed again, “fall in love...” he ended quietly.
He could hear her breathing beside him. He didn’t want to look at her, he didn’t want to see her face. “So...” she finally said, folding and unfolding her hands in her lap. “This is just a question, I mean, I’m just asking but...what would happen if you did have a girlfriend?” she asked him quietly. Taylor bit his lip. “Um...Mercury would probably do everything in their power to keep me away from you when they find out. Then, if that didn’t work...they would probably forbid me to go anywhere without security. Including my whole family...they would totally run our lives. I guess we could have a say in that if we wanted to...but that would probably mean breach of contract.”
Curiosity rising above everything else, Taylor finally turned to gaze at her. Her eyes were empty. For the first time since they had met, he didn’t know what she was thinking. “Okay,” she murmured, getting up from the couch and dropping his hand. An emptiness settled in the pit of his stomach. “Jessica, wait,” he pleaded, watching her walk across the room. Everyone would be back from the late movie they went to see soon. They wouldn’t have this time to talk about it...and Taylor knew they needed too.
She stopped at the window on the far wall, and looked out. “Taylor, it’s okay. I understand...your leaving after this summer, and I can’t see you again. I just wish you would have told me from the beginning that’s all...” she trailed off. Taylor stayed where he was. Besides, he didn’t even think he could stand up. He felt shameful and disgusting at the same time. “Jess,” he began, “when I first met you in that chat room, I didn’t think I would fall for you. In fact, for about 8 months, I kept telling myself not to fall for you. But now, I realize that probably the first second I talked to you, I fell in love with you. And it was selfish of me to keep it going, I know. But Jess, listen. Not that this is an excuse or anything, but I needed someone. I was stuck in a hotel room half of the time by myself, and the other half I was busy being somebody that I wasn’t. The only time that I felt myself was when I was playing music...or being with my family. When I met you, it was another way out. I held on to it tight, and it was wrong of me, I know. I shouldn’t have hurt your feelings in the process. If I would’ve known that I would have ended up meeting you, I would have stopped it the first minute it started. Jessica, I didn’t mean to hurt you...”
By now Jessica had turned around to listen to him. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she seemed to be thinking of something. “I knew that something was up, but I just didn’t know what,” she was saying softly, “I didn’t ask about it cause I thought it was none of my business...it was like you were trying to get away.” “I’m sorry, Jess,” Taylor told her quietly. She shook her head in response. “I don’t want you to be sorry, Tay. I’m not. I would never change meeting you, ever. You don’t know how much you have changed my life. Without you, I don’t know...” she broke off, and turned away again. At this, Taylor stood up and walked over to her. “I still love you, Jess,” he whispered to her back. “I love you too...and I always will. But we can’t still do this...it’s not fair to either of us, it’ll only make it harder when you have to leave.” Taylor nodded, his stomach dropping as he suddenly realized the truth. He couldn’t have her. He never actually did. “I know Jessica...I just realized that.”
Suddenly, a low roaring noise sounded as the huge garage door opened at the other end of the house. Jessica turned around to look and Taylor saw tears in her eyes. “Taylor, we have one more month...can we do this just being friends?” she asked him carefully. “We can try, can’t we?” he told her, stuffing his hands into his pockets. She nodded, and began to leave the room. “Where are you going?” he asked her. She turned back around. “I have something to do...” she told him, taking a deep breath. He realized she was going to tell her parents now. “I think I’m going to tell my mom first though...I think that would be easier,” she said. Taylor just nodded. Jessica began to leave again, but thought against it. “Hey, friend?...” she asked him. Taylor had to chuckle at this. “Yes, friend?” he answered. “Will you be here when I get back?” she asked him, an ounce of fright in her voice. “Of course I will...you know that,” he answered her. Jessica nodded again. “K,” she said, and with a brisk walk she left Taylor to the empty room. ************************************************************************ 3 Days Later...
“Nicole, babe, I think two packages of Kool-aid will be more than enough,” Jessica was saying to her sister. Nicole had just finished dumping the second package of “Groovy Grape” Kool-aid into the cold pitcher of ice water in front of her. She was in the process of opening a third. At her older sister’s words, the seven year-old’s face instantly scrunched up. “Jess, don’t you know anything? Kool-aid tastes just plain nasty with only two packages in it...I mean, it tastes like flavored water,” she said, continuing to open the purple package. Before she could put in the contents, Jessica scooped it up out of her reach. “That’s what Kool-aid is dearie...besides, the directions only call for one package. If mom knew that I let you do that, she would freak. You know you’re allergic to sugar...” Jessica responded, throwing the package in the garbage under the sink in front of her. She went back to cutting the tomatoes for the salad that night. She heard a groan from her sister as she picked up a wooden spoon to stir the mixture. “I know I’m allergic to it, but I don’t feel anything when I eat it,” Nicole said, a pout on her face. Jessica sighed. “Come on, Niky, it could be worse, you know...” she told her. “Yeah, I guess,” came the response.
Suddenly, her mother’s cheery voice rang out as she stepped into the lit kitchen. “How we doin, guys?” she asked everybody in the room. A chorus of “awfuls” and “bads” came flying back at her. Jessica’s mother just laughed. “Oh, come on, kids...one night cooking dinner all by yourself is not going to kill you,” she said, going to the fridge to pull out a bottle of water. Earlier that morning, all the adults in the house decided that the kids were having too much fun, and not much work around the house. Actually, Jessica secretly thought that they just pooped out, but she knew better than to say that. So the kids were all put to work during the day, doing various jobs. The last “duty” was to cook dinner...spagetti dinner. Jessica knew it was going to end in disaster. She could already see the marinara sauce splattered over everything in sight.
Taylor spoke up from the stove area. “Hey, Kelly, is there any way that you can burn water?” he asked her, quite serious. Her mother started laughing along with Jessica. “How did you burn water, Tay?” she asked him, turning around. Taylor was staring into the huge pot in front of him. “Oh, I didn’t...not yet at least. I just was wondering that’s all...” he said, poking a huge wooden spoon into the bubbling water. Jessica shook her head. “Taylor?” she asked him. “What?” he replied, raising his head. “The water is boiling...” she told him, holding back a laugh. Taylor didn’t seem to get the point. “So?” he asked her. “I swear, boy, you have never cooked a day in your life,” Kelly said, shaking her head and smiling. Taylor just nodded. “Well, duh, no I haven’t...and so what if it’s boiling?” he asked them both, his face turning more confused by the moment, “is that good or bad?” Jessica looked at her mother’s face, and turned around so she wouldn’t crack up. It wasn’t just because he was totally clueless about the subject, it was just that she seemed to think that this was incredibly cute.
“Okay, dear, now you put the spagetti into it, so you don’t burn the water,” her mother said in a teasing tone. “Ohhh...” she could hear Taylor mutter behind her, “well, nobody told me that...” She heard the rustling of the spagetti wrappers behind her. Jessica still smiled as she got back to what she was doing. She was in charge of the salad. And making a salad for 26 people was not easy. Everyone was coming for dinner that night...including all of her uncles, and her cousins friends. How she was related to that many people was beyond her...
“Honey, you okay?” her mother whispered behind her. Jessica’s smile vanished. She really wished her mother would stop doing that. Three days earlier, she had told her mother everything about that night. She knew her mom would be shocked and even more hurt to hear about it...and she was. But suprisingly, she was taking it considerably well after Jessica had told her that she was finally okay. Sure, it wasn’t something that a mother could just forget, but Jessica sensed that her mom believed her when she said that. Although, it was a mother’s job to make sure every once in awhile. This was probably the 7th time in the last three days that her mother had asked her that. It was comforting for awhile...but now it was a little silly. Nothing had changed in those days, and her mom knew it. But still...it was her job.
“I’m fine mom...you don’t have to worry anymore, k?” she told Kelly, turning around to look. Her mother’s gaze was worried, but instantly seized after her daughter’s words. “Okay, okay...” Kelly said, “I know that I’ve been bugging you, but it’s hard not to, you know?” Jessica smiled at this. “Yeah, I know. Thanks mom,” she told her. Kelly gave her a squeeze around the shoulders, and at that, left the kids to finish the dinner.
After her mom left, Jessica couldn’t help but think about Samantha. Two days ago, Kelly had been in contact with her mother about the party on Friday night. Instantly, Samantha was told about Jessica’s incident, and no one needed to tell her not to go. Sam was one of the only people that could tell that something about Jessica just wasn’t right. Now she knew, and it had all made sense to her. She had called Jessica at the ranch the night before, and they had talked for hours. She had never felt closer to her in her life...and there was only one other person who she felt that with also.
As if on cue, Taylor spoke up from the stove area. “Hey, Jess?” he was saying, “what would happen if...oh, I dunno...if someone were to get burned with scalding hot water? What would you do?” Jessica instantly dropped the knife in her hands and turned around. She had expected one of the little kids to be in crying pain, but everyone else seemed to be alright. The only one who wasn’t was Taylor...he was gripping his left hand in his right, with a grimace across his face. “Ugh, Taylor! What did you have to do that for?” she asked him, hurrying across the floor, and pulling his arm towards the sink. “Well, it is a freaking huge pot...some of the water was bound to come out of it,” Taylor said following along. At the sink, Jessica turned the faucet all the way to cold, grabbed Taylor’s hand, and stuck it under the stream of water. She gently rubbed the back of his hand where it had been burned unconsciencly. The skin there was red, but it didn’t seem to be that bad.
Taylor cleared his throat. “So what does the rubbing do?” he asked her quietly. Jessica suddenly realized what she was doing. “Ooops, sorry,” she said, and dropped his hand, “just keep it under there for awhile.” “K,” Taylor answered. Jessica knew that he was trying not to look at her. She hated this. She hated being sorry for touching him...cause it seemed natural most of the time. Everyday she had to remind herself that they were friends...best friends if anything, and if that all that she was going to get, then that was okay with her. She knew how important his music meant to him, and she wasn’t about to make him give that up. He would never forgive her in the future...and she knew that. Now, they had to be friends.
But she had to admit that that was the hardest thing she ever had to do in her life. After all this time, God let her find him, but He didn’t let her have him. Life was so unfair at times, but Jessica was used to that. If God was going to be a part of her life, she had to trust Him with His decisions. So all she had to do was get through this...and try as hard as she can to stay friends with him.
Hearing hissing noises behind her, she realized that water and spagetti were about to spill over the huge metal pot. But before she could get there, Sara grabbed the pot and took it off the heat so it wouldn’t go over. Jessica, glad that she didn’t have to deal with it, started to turn around again to finish the salad, but was stopped by the look on Sara’s face. Her eyes grew wide as Sara tilted her head to Taylor and then mouthed the words, “Go for it” to her. Jessica gritted her teeth and shook her head, telling Sara with her eyes to button it. Finally, Sara muttered some words that Jessica couldn’t exactly hear, but she knew exactly what they were. “No!” she muttered back, and winced when Taylor turned his head to look at her. “What?” he asked her, using his other hand to turn off the water. “Oh, nothing...I was just saying that no, it doesn’t look too bad...” she told him, trying a smile. Taylor just eyed her. And then immediately he turned to look at Sara. Maybe he had heard her muttered plea. At his glance, Sara quickly put on one of her fabulous fake smiles and stood up a little straighter. His eyes went from one girl to the other. “What’s up?” he asked them both. “Nothing,” both responded at once. “Note to self...” Jessica thought, “hurt Sara very badly...” Jessica saw Taylor shake his head and turn away. “Okay, whatever,” he murmured, inspecting his hand.
Jessica turned around and stuck her tongue out at her cousin. Sure, not very mature, but at least Sara got the point. In turn, Sara did the same. “You guys don’t think I can see you in the glass in the microwave?” Taylor asked them. Jessica grimaced and turned to look at the box above the sink. Taylor raised his eyebrows at her in the reflection. “Jess...we need to talk,” he told her quietly, so no one in the room could hear him. Jessica swallowed. “Of course, Tay,” she told him, trying to smile brightly. She wasn’t succeeding. “Crap,” she thought. “Alone...” he told her just as softly. “Um, okay, Taylor...just as soon as I make this humongous sauce recipe that Grandma gave me...” she said, eyeing the white paper in front of her. “How bout we use that huge jar of Prego in the pantry...just to kill time...” he told her. Jessica sighed. “I was thinking the same thing...” she said, “she’ll never know.”
